I had the term written on my calendar at work and one of my students asked if BiSC stood for “Betcha I’m So Cool”. I almost agreed, because yes- that phrase definitely fits.

If you are out of the loop, BiSC actually stands for “Bloggers in Sin City”. Last year on a whim, I signed up to go to Vegas and spent 4 days with some of the most thoughtful, amazing and hilarious people on the planet.  Who just happened to be bloggers. I wore a balloon hat for 7 hours straight, there was a band created named “Fanning the Slash”- complete with dance moves, I watched sock puppets have oral sex and there were a lot of boobs flashed. I also saw men in thongs, bought my first tiger shirt and saw a vibrator called “The Tongue” that’s still giving me bad dreams.

The bloggers I met (and subsequently fell in love with) are talented, opinionated, thoughtful, kind, hilarious and ridiculously sexy. Between the dance parties, gondola rides and brunches- there were surprise bachelorette parties and deep talks about relationships and love sandwiched in between discussions about Kim Kardashian’s wardrobe.  Because blogging is so personal- the people I met already knew so much about me, and I knew so much about them. There was no small talk needed to introduce ourselves, everyone jumped in and within days we were the kind of friends you share gondola rides with and see you without makeup after a long night of whiskey shots.

When you tell people you blog, it’s hard for some people to understand what that means. People assume it means I spend my days talking code or discussing my favourite Sims character while laughing at binary jokes. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that). Or, there’s sometimes the notion that bloggers are anti-social, preferring online communities rather than in person experiences. Nothing could be further from the truth. Which is why I signed up again.

BiSC and Paper’d (the prettiest wallpaper app I have ever saw) have  decided to make an already incredible experience even better. One lucky attendee of this years event will get their registration PAID FOR.  It’s a ridiculously amazing giveaway that I’m entering by writing this post. And since my airfare will cost me double what my registration will, LET US ALL PRAY THAT I WIN BECAUSE MAMMA, TRAVELING FROM CANADA IS EXPENSIVE.

I’d tell you to go over to the website and sign up, but I can’t. Because it’s sold out. So go over and get on a waiting list because I swear on balloon hats and my West Wing DVD collection, BiSC is the kind of amazing you will always remember.

(If you are waiting for a topless Morgan Freeman picture since I reference him in the title, you are a pervert.)

Secret Project Time!

Also, look at how cute Macy is!

I know. I KNOW. Adorable. Now to the secrets!

1. My friend from work is dating a former coworker of ours whom I can’t stand. I think he’s obnoxious and stupid and full of himself when he has no reason to be. Even though she seems really happy with him, I keep hoping that they’ll break up, and I feel awful about it.

2.  I love my life. Everyone around me is struggling in some area but I just feel like I won the lottery. I have a great marriage, healthy kids, awesome support system and I love my job. When  my friends start complaining I feel like they almost resent me for not joining in, but I really don’t have anything to add. Which? Ends up making me feel guilty for the life I’ve been so blessed to receive. It’s a no win situation.

3. Im pretty sure I’m at least bisexual. I might be all out gay. I don’t know. I’m in a heterosexual relationship and haven’t the first clue how to even explore or consider any of these things. I just know I’m exhausted repressing them.

4. I’m engaged, but I spend most of my time vacillating between having huge doubts or being so sad thinking about leaving him.

5. Any time someone on facebook or twitter says ‘Getting rid of contacts, nothing personal- just need to downsize!’, I just want to yell “JUST DO IT and don’t tell anyone if you don’t want drama or hurt feelings!’. Don’t these people realize that as soon as they announce something like that, all it does is hurt the feelings of everyone who gets deleted? I made the cut (notice sarcasm here) but it just reeks of desperation when people do that! (Sorry for sounding bitchy, this has been on my mind for awhile)

6.  I’m afraid of my dreams and ambitions. I routinely settle for less, do less and don’t try as hard because I feel like if I tried my hardest, I would be judged harshly for my choices. I’m aware of how ludicrous this sounds, but I really want to be one of those “famous” fashion bloggers like Cupcakes & Cashmere. I know I could do it, if i just put in the time and effort, but I’m afraid my family and friends who read my blog would think it’s a waste of time & they are so vocal about their opinions. I feel like an idiot (for no reason I can name) for wanting to do it, so I just don’t try. Consequently, I have almost no readers and its upsetting every time I post that no one reads or comments, even though I know it’s probably my own fault.

7.  If you are a Republican, I assume you don’t know all the facts. I hate that I think this way, but as someone who is educated and fair minded, after doing as much research as possible on candidates for BOTH sides- I sincerely struggle to see how anyone would be able to be a Republican in today’s times. I don’t want to start a political war and I feel bad for being so direct but that’s why I’m contributing this as a secret rather than putting it out on my blog.

8. I’m tired of hearing about babies. All of them. Everywhere.

9.  Everyone talks about how often guys want to have sex. I’m a husband (no kids yet but a great wife) and i’m happy with once a week. We have sex more frequently because my wife wants it that way, but I can’t help but feel less ‘manly’ for being satisfied with less.

10.  I got engaged on Christmas Day but don’t want to tell anyone after reading so many snarky comments on twitter about how people are tired of hearing that people get engaged on Christmas Day. In truth, I wish he would have asked me on some random day but I’m happy that he asked and wished that I could enjoy it rather than worry what everyone else is thinking of the day he picked.

I often get follow up emails from those who submit secrets saying thank you for posting- not just because people like to get things off their chest, but because the sympathy, insight and advice people share in comments often helps them see things in a new way. So if you have something to share, remember- it’s always welcome!

Follow up: One individual who submitted a secret was so touched by the comments they asked if they could follow up with a thank you. Here are their words:

Michael,  I’d never heard of “gay/bi-positve therapists,” and my subsequent Googling of the terms led me to more resources than I knew existed, including the Wikipedia page for “sexual maturation disorder.” It seems silly to think this now, but I felt like absolutely zero people would understand how this feels. Thank you so much for your response to this. For the first time in months, I feel a little bit of relief/hope that this is something I’ll be able to get through, because you and others have done so already. Thank you. 

Renee, thank you, also, for the echoing of Michael’s words. 

Meeks, thank you also for the hugs

You want to see how adorable Macy is in her harness she wears because her walking speed is Mach 5? Okay! One more:

Now that you feel that you’ve swallowed a rainbow of happiness, you may leave.

Kardashian time.

Let’s just get it out in the open- I like Kim Kardashian. I think she’s a smart business woman and is ridiculously talented at knowing how to market herself. Of course, she has an entire team helping her (like any other celebrity in Hollywood) but anyone who has clothing stores, jewelry lines, cosmetic products, and book deals to manage along with endorsing a slew of products and having every move recorded for her television show, (while accepting movie roles) has to know what’s going on.

So of course I was sad when I heard that her marriage was ending. I assumed that the natural reaction to humans hearing the news would be sadness, because let’s face it- divorce sucks. Divorcing after 72 days probably sucks more. Which made the comments I heard and read about the news pretty disheartening.

Co-workers laughed, rolled their eyes. Tweeters blamed Kim Kardashian from everything to ruining the dreams of little girls everywhere to ruining the sanctity of marriage. Facebook became a place where people stopped playing Gem Share or Diamond Minefield or whatever those games are called and spent an entire day suddenly caring about the marriage of someone they continually deemed too ridiculous to care about in the first place.

Dudes. Get a grip. First of all? Yes. I am aware that her wedding cost roughly a gazillion dollars. And yes, I’m aware that she got a metric shit ton of stuff for free. But here’s where we get real- if you were getting married and someone offered to provide you with the flowers/dress/invitations OF YOUR DREAMS, would you say no? Of course you wouldn’t. Or maybe you are one of those really selfless awesome people I will never be and you really would say no, but ask the person beside you. They will say yes. I will step forward and say, I WOULD ACCEPT FREE THINGS TOO. Word on the street is weddings are expensive.

And what’s wrong with saying yes? Anyone who is obsessed with E! network programming knows that the girl works her ass off. Even her haters have to give her credit, they complain about her ‘over exposure’, which is only really possible when YOU ARE WORKING TO PAY THE BILLS.  So if she’s able to get free stuff? I say awesome. Just throw some free stuff my way next time.

(This is when you say “If I had the opportunity to get so much free stuff, I’d make sure to give back to the community or help others”. And this is where I say, “how do you know she doesn’t?”)

The idea that Kim Kardashian is in any way responsible for ruining the sanctity of marriage is silly to me. Did anyone hear about a woman named Elizabeth Taylor? That minx was married more often than I changed my socks, yet she’s not considered a poster child for ruining marriage like Kim. Elizabeth Taylor has just been deemed ‘a romantic’. No one blamed Dennis Rodman for destroying the meaning of marriage when he was married to Carmen Electra for NINE days. I didn’t hear people protesting Renee Zellweger/Kenny Chesney’s 4 month marriage. I suspect this relates to the fact that unlike the screen goddess Elizabeth Taylor or that talented Renee, many people just simply dislike Kim Kardashian. Which? Is completely fair. But to act like she’s the poison that has ruined the sanctity of marriage is as smart as marrying anyone in Hollywood without a prenup.

Another common comment that I’ve heard so frequently that if I hear it again my eyes might get stuck as they roll into the back of my head is the idea that she married for publicity/money/fame. Again, I’ll try to be respectful here- but that opinion is stupid.  In case you missed the first rant paragraph, the chick already runs her own game. She has Birkin bags full of money. She’s already on a television show (more than one actually), has been cast in a new Tyler Perry movie and has various body parts plastered over a million different cosmetic products. Besides- is there anyone who really believes that someone would be willing to have their ENTIRE wedding broadcast to the world with over 4.3 million people watching it just to divorce a few months later and look like a fool?

Just think about that.

Remember when you first started dating that dude and you loved him and you swooned to all your friends about how great he was and then after you broke up you were mortified that you ever told anyone anything great about him because, HELLO? YOU WERE BROKEN UP NOW, OBVIOUSLY HE WASN’T THAT GREAT. Now take that mortification and multiply it by 4.3 million. Does that sound like something you (OR ANYONE?!) would sign up for?

I didn’t think so.

In the end, I suppose Kim  Kardashian doesn’t need me in her corner. I mean, the chick has a pretty fierce family, a great brain and a strong work ethic but when I adore a person- I’m going to bat for them. Even if they have no idea who I am. And I guess my frustration doesn’t come from one of my favourite E! stars getting trashed on social media- it’s the idea that ANYONE getting a divorce should be trashed on social media.

Lesson learned: If all your tweets are nasty, bitter and full of illogical sentiments regarding one of the hardest working reality stars in Hollywood, I will be unfollowing. Ditto Macy.

For everyone who didn’t win… here is a prize for your eyes.

And yes, it’s from pinterest. And yes, I have shared this picture before. But can you EVER GET ENOUGH OF PUGS IN HATS?!

I’m thinking of blaming Nike (because after my last globalization class, I like to blame them for everything that’s wrong with the world) or all the pastel colored chick lit books that line my shelves. Or maybe I should just blame Sarah Palin because really, I enjoy blaming her for everything.

More seriously (because really, anything is more serious than Sarah Palin), I think it might be a generational thing. The idea that being afraid of anything, admitting regrets or fears is a weakness. We worked so hard to become leaders and college grads and social media mavens that we forgot it’s okay to say ‘Hey! Life is scary! Look at me, talk to me, I’m so scared I want to crawl into bed with a bottle of vodka”. Somewhere along the line, admitting to being scared turned into a weakness. Any sign of worry was a red flag that part of your life was less than stellar and maybe you should talk to someone about that. Tough stopped being about being brave enough to recognize your fears and tough became never having fears.

As I get older, I find the idea of “SHEEE-RAH! LOOK AT HOW BRAVE I AM AS I TACKLE EVERY OBSTACLE IN MY WAY! I CAN DO IT ALL AND REGRET NOTHING! WATCH AS I CONQUER THE WORLD WITH PINTEREST ENVIABLE CLOTHES, SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL HAIR, MY GORGEOUS HUSBAND/FIANCE/BOYFRIEND/RIDICULOUSLY CUTE DOG AND STRUT EVERYDAY TO MY SOUL FULFILLING JOB!”,  really fucking exhausting. And because I’m exhausted and this week has had many of my fears plow me down, curb stomp me and threaten to give me a mullet- I’ve decided to share with you a few things I’m currently afraid of. I hope it prompts you to do the same. And more importantly- I hope it prompts you to share what you are scared of without feeling scared about sharing. I’m starting to sound weird. Let’s get started.

1. People judging my grammar. Isn’t that ridiculous? I know I write this blog solely for me and I write without stopping, editing or reviewing, which means each post is RIPE with errors. I know this. I try to roll my eyes at such a trivial insecurity but so many of you are grammar all-stars that I cringe thinking about you mentally noting each misused oxford comma. (And because I admitted this fear, you will now all search for grammatical errors. I KNOW HOW THIS GAME WORKS.)

2. Well, obviously the Big C.  My mom was rushed to the hospital last night. They discovered she has ulcers but she also has a ‘growth’. Growth. A common word that has sent me into a maniacal cleaning frenzy only Emma Pillsbury would approve of. Because there is nothing I can do but wait for results. And if there is anything more scary than having to “wait for results” come sit by me and tell me what it is so I can beat you silly for even thinking that there is anything more scary than having to WAIT FOR RESULTS. Sadly, cancer has changed my relationship with HAD to the point where we do not speak. And when we do, it’s painful. Because we want different things, we want to achieve these goals in different ways and the only thing we can agree on is that we are both miserable. Obviously those two relationships are completely different but I’m scared that I’m not capable of dealing with another person I love going through something so devastating.

3.  Being boring. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cruising Brazil snorting cocaine off wild pumas with Justin Timberlake- but the idea of being dull is one of my greatest fears. Sure, I usually spend my weeknights playing words with friends (hi! we should play together, I’m addicted) while watching MSNBC and eating corn pops- but I DO IT WITH STYLE. And when commericals come on, I sometimes switch to Fox. Or break dance in the kitchen.

4.  Ferris wheels. I can’t explain it. I’d rather go on rides that involved a chance of being consumed by blood thirsty sharks than take a chance on a creaky ferris wheel. She understands.

5. Saying no. Or doing less. Or both of those things together. This week I volunteered to enter a Christmas tree in a regional tree festival on behalf of my school. I have a $2000 budget. TO DECORATE A CHRISTMAS TREE THAT PEOPLE WILL BID ON. Do I have time to do this? Nope.  I also told my drama class that I am writing a musical we will start performing next week. For 25 characters. Have I started writing this musical? Nope! Did I have ANY IDEA I WAS GOING TO VOLUNTEER TO DO THIS 2.9 SECONDS BEFORE THE THOUGHT ENTERED MY BRAIN? No. I have also signed up for two committees, gave a shaky yes to joining a 10 pin bowling team (WTF?) and agreed to GET A COLONOSCOPY (that’s a whole other story and no- it wasn’t my doctor asking).  LET ME SAY IT AGAIN: MY FEAR HAS PROMPTED ME TO AGREE TO GET AN UNNECESSARY COLONOSCOPY. I need to seriously get over my fears of saying no. Like… right now.

So there you have it. I admitted to ferris wheels, cancer and not being able to say no. What are you afraid of?

*You know who Eleni is right? If you don’t, go check out her blog and do it quickly! Right now! I’m embarrassed for you if you haven’t been introduced to one of the best writers on the entire face of the planet.

1. I am currently living overseas and my best friend back home is battling depression. If I could do one thing for my friend it would be to take all the strength in my body and belief I have in her, out of myself and put it into her. I wish that, even for an instant she could feel what it’s like to know such a phenomenal person and how she makes us all better people, just for having her in our lives; I’m also afraid that telling her this will only make her feel worse.

2. I think I am in love with one of my friends. We dont meet that often. Infact we dont meet at all. But we chat. A lot. Have been for a few years. He is shorter than me. I have always fancied taller guys, which he knows. I think this is holding us back from being together.

3. One of my friends has an overweight child. The girl is only 4 and she’s definitely unhealthy. I’m not someone who judges people on appearance but I am concerned that this girl is going to have health issues. Her mom is a fitness fanatic but they continue to call the daughter ‘cute’ and ‘pudgy’, as though her extreme weight issues are adorable. I don’t know if I should say something or not but I am concerned.

4. One of my family members died of cancer and I can’t help but feel bitter every October when breast cancer gets treated like it’s the only cancer out there. ALL cancers matter.

5.  My boss is a bitch. (That felt good to share! LOL)

6. Sometimes I wonder if I will always be the “better friend” in every friendship I am in.

7. My bf is stationed overseas and every night before I go to bed I find myself talking to him about my day. Not just thinking about talking to him, I actually find myself talking out loud, like he’s right there with me. It sounds loony, but it’s the way I feel closest to him. No one knows that I do this, I think my roommate thinks I am crazy for always muttering to myself but I am too embarrassed to share with her what I am actually doing.

8. Sometimes when I see how my kids are behaving, I feel so disappointed in myself as a mother.

9.  Just once I wish someone would look at me the way my best friends husbands look at them. I don’t want to BE with any of them, I just want that look. Just once. And I am scared it’s never going to happen for me.

10.  My girlfriend and I are considering a threeway (i think you guys call it a ‘threesome’). The truth is, she seems more in to it than I expected and it has me wondering if she really loves me. And because I’m her boyfriend, I know the rule is i’m supposed to be all for this but I’m not really sure how to handle this and I don’t want to tell her because i don’t want her to think i’m a loser.

ALSO, MAKE SURE TO ENTER THE BEST CONTEST EVER.

Let’s start with all the advertising and hype. It was repeatedly billed as the female reply to “The Hangover” (the first one, not the second one- let’s not even pretend that was good). Both films deal with a group of friends celebrating the nupitals of one of their own. Both even involve Vegas, though one film actually manages to get the crew there. Both films have likeable characters and funny moments but that’s where it ended for me. Bridesmaids sank into the depths of movies you wouldn’t watch again unless you stumbled upon it on tv, and The Hangover will be a movie that I annoyingly quote for the rest of my life.

The Hangover created a sense of community- you watched that movie and you felt those dudes had each others back. They were friends. They were in a FUCKING WOLFPACK. When shit went down (like, finding a tiger in the bathroom or you know, realizing that your buddy married a stripper and gave her his grandmother’s Holocaust ring), the men tackled the issue together. They problem solved. When they realized they had lost their friend, they didn’t pull out the bitch card and start attacking each other. They pulled out their receipts in came up with a plan. They pushed a car that broke down together, all the way to Mike Tyson’s house.

In Bridesmaids, the girls were constantly at each other. Within minutes of meeting each other, two of the girls are already vying to be the ‘number one’ friend of the bride. The movie is a continuing reel of women hurting other women in order to get ahead and plays on every insecurity a woman may have while dealing with adult friendships. Even after the main character gets kicked off a plane (due to mixing medication and alcohol because of her fear of  flying) her best friend since forever, hands over her bridesmaid duties to another girl. Later on, they have a spastic fight at a bridal shower that left me cringing. Instead of being part of a wolfpack, I watched Bridesmaids wondering when the women were going to stop attacking each other.

The Hangover has romantic moments that are the punctuation to an already great story. You don’t watch the movie wondering ‘Oh geez, how is Stu feeling about his drunken escapades with the dancer? Does she still like him? Will they raise the baby together?”. The movie is about the men and the adventure they go on and the fun they have along the way.

Conversely, Bridesmaids is clogged with an unnecessary romantic story that does little to improve the movie. Of course the man is charming and ruggedly handsome but I watched the movie wondering, “why is he in this movie?“. I am a woman who is capable of watching a movie about the relationships women have with each other and  the personal struggles they face (including Brazillian food poisoning) without needing a romantic interest. It’s not required. Women movie goers are capable of seeing single leading women and not feel a nagging ‘but where is the love interest?’. I wish someone would have given the writers of Bridesmaids this memo.

With all of that said, I adore “chick flicks” and understand the role romance can play in those movies but Bridesmaids wasn’t promoted in that way. It was promoted as the female’s version of The Hangover and it left me disappointed.

So I give Bridesmaids an F. (The same grade I give the conclusion of this post because I got tired of ranting)

THE WEST WING.

Friends have even called my addiction to the show unhealthy.

Besides being the greatest show on television in terms of *casting, The West Wing has the ability to make you laugh, cry, swoon, swear and most importantly (and most cheesy)- it will make you hope.

I told you it was cheesy.

But it will make you hope. And you will watch it and believe again in big things and good people. You will learn more about politics in one episode than you ever did in high school but by people who look like this:

 (via)

And this:

Your heart just swooned a little, didn’t? That’s okay- take a  minute.

The people who have experience this show, they are addicted- almost to the point of embarrassed with their infatuation. It’s like being an intellectual Justin Bieber fan but instead of collecting posters and copying dance moves, you are reciting quotes that make your heart do a keg stand of happiness while staring at a buff, passionate, Josh Lyman.

At #BiSC- Katelin introduced me to her awesome husband Matt who she had said ‘watched the show’. Seven seconds into the conversation, Matt and I both admitted we loved the commentary and I gave **Katelin the thumbs up- she had married a good man. Because anyone who watches The West Wing commentary is someone who is good people.

When Ameena tweeted that Amazon was having an amazing sale on the ENTIRE West Wing series, I really didn’t even think. I just knew, I needed to buy the entire thing. Immediately. So I did. And now, because I already own the series, I’m going to be changing the life of one lucky winner!

To enter:
- Leave a comment telling me your favourite television show/movie of all time.
- For a bonus entry, you can tweet about the contest too. (One tweet entry per day)
- For another bonus entry, write about it on your blog and put a link to this post! (email me if you do this one to let me know)

If you already own it- enter anyway! Give this to someone you care about. It’s better than a kidney and more memorable than flowers.

I will use Random.org to pick a winner Saturday, October 8th. 

Yay! I’m so happy about this contest. I feel like one of you will be winning something even better than a new car, winning lottery ticket or kiss from Ryan Reynolds. Good luck!

* I believe Bradley Whitford was pushed out of the womb with the sole purpose in life to become Josh Lyman.

** Because yes, Katelin needed my approval. We had just met for the first time and her and Matt were already married but Katelin and I have bonded over our patented dance move and I will forever have her back. It’s dancer code.

CONTEST CLOSED. Thank you to everyone who entered!

Love,
Your teacher

Dear Due Date (the movie),
WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME HOW FUNNY YOU WERE?!

RDJ4EVER,
a fan.

Dear Pinterest,
Why can’t I quit you? We are at the point where I feel fully enraged each time I see another “Keep Calm and…” poster. I MEAN, WE GET IT. NO MORE. And I’ve found enough crafts to do with paint chips until I will be as old and wrinkly as E.T. Yet…. yet, before I go to bed I consider the possibility that there’s just one more thing that I need to learn about. Another way to fold blankets, another spinach dip recipe, another quote that will jolt my heart.  I need an intervention.

Addicted,
brandy

Dear Heart,
Remember: he only misses you because he chooses everyday, not to be with you.

Firmly,
Your brain.

Dear person I can’t name without getting ‘dooced’,
The way you are treating people at the place I cannot name without getting dooced, is very, very uncool. And right now you are probably thinking “a) it’s unprofessional to use the word ‘uncool and b) it’s unprofessional to discuss any of these matters on a blog” and although you do raise valid points, I would counter with- it’s also unprofessional to make people feel like they are as worthy as the slimy food debris leftover in the sink after watching a buffet worth of dishes. Be nicer, it makes life so much better.

Sincerely,
A person who deserves everything that Aretha Franklin sings about.

Dear Nicole,
SKYPE. I haven’t forgot. At this point, it’s embarrassing that I’m so far behind on things that it physically hurts. Mostly in my brain area. I have forgotten how going back to school sort of means I AM AT THE SCHOOL 14 HOURS A DAY. IF you shall still have me, I can do it this weekend after I write you an apology email and send you all the best Josh Lyman quotes on the internet.

Apologetically yours,
brandy

Dear Macy the new dog,
I am counting down the days until I actually get to meet you. I’ve only turned 30 once, but getting you as a gift was pretty amazing. Even if I only have the picture of you for now. Apparently you like snacks and belly rubs. We already share two things in common.

One week!
Your adoring owner.

(Sidenote: I’ve never been a regular Wal-Mart shopper, but it opens earlier than anywhere else (8 am) so I have found myself on more than one occasion in the last few weeks, standing outside Wal-Mart at 7:58am avoiding eye contact with everyone else who is standing there too because eye contact means we are recognizing that WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO WAIT AT THE DOOR TO GET INTO WAL-MART.)

A recent 4 am project was all about re-organizing the pantry. I didn’t take a before picture (I had not realized at the time my life was going to take a turn into crazyville where my biggest accomplishments would be occurring in the middle of the night) but here is the after:

Now you might be looking at that thinking ‘wow! She got organized, well done’, but please don’t. Let’s take a closer look at what happens when you are organizing at 4 am…

Oh look! I’ve bought a fancy container with a button push top to hold crackers. That looks reasonable and an excellent way to keep crackers fresh. But wait… this isn’t regular organizing, this is 4 AM ORGANIZING… so reasonable organizing turns into….

This.

Because CLEARLY I wasn’t going to be able to figure out what those things in the clear container were without a label. A label that had to be typed. And then put on scrapbooking paper. And then was laminated. (Which required a joyride to the school at 5 am).

If this was only about crackers I could handle my crazy. But alas, a week ago I attacked the spice cupboard. Which resulted in this: 

Do I even need to explain how useless a list that says “various spices” multiple times is? It’s like naming some of the files in your filing cabinet “FILES”. Relatedly, WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY SPICES?

My neighbour has a new puppy and has been taking it out to pee at all hours of the night. A few times I’ve scared her as I’ve been carrying garbage outside at 5 am after a sweaty night of organizing. I was paranoid she thought my home was a meth lab, or at the very least I was carrying human limbs out in garbage bags in the middle of the night. So a few evenings later when she commented about my strange hours, I told her I was struggling with sleep.

She dropped the dog leash and walked over to me and asked, “Can I pray for you?”.

I don’t find myself praying often,  and the only time I find myself in a church is for a wedding, funeral or when I’m backpacking Europe. But she said it so… intently and with such grace, I of course told her she could. I assumed that she was going to go inside since we were standing on the lawn,  her in a bathrobe that was playing a dangerous game of show and tell with the wind and I was holding a bag full garbage.  But she grabbed my hands, closed her eyes and spoke.

I honestly can’t even recall what she said. At first I felt really uncomfortable, the garbage bag had landed on my foot and mosquitoes were dancing on my bare legs. But something told me it would be wrong to let go of her hands to swat away bugs or kick off the garbage. After I let myself accept that my legs were going to be a buffet for the mosquitoes and that she was just going to have to ignore my sweat hands, I let myself stand there on the front lawn in the dark, holding hands with the neighbour in the bathrobe.

She finished her prayer, hugged me, scooped up her dog and went inside. I’m not a religious person and I’m not sure if I ever will be. But the last few days I’ve been thinking about those moments on the lawn and how much they have meant to me. I think its the whole idea of how brave she was to openly share her faith that has moved me and the fact that she was so sincere in dedicating those moments to me- someone she hardly knows.

She asked me yesterday if I was up organizing all night again. I told her the truth- that I hadn’t organized a single thing since our time on the lawn. She smiled and went inside.

I didn’t tell her that I was up until 4 am thinking of how nice it felt to have someone pray for me.