Macy. Kim. Me. November 6, 2011

So first of all, if you break out into hives when someone whispers the word “Kardashian”, this post is not for you. But here, look at my cute puppy before you go:

You want to see how adorable Macy is in her harness she wears because her walking speed is Mach 5? Okay! One more:

Now that you feel that you’ve swallowed a rainbow of happiness, you may leave.

Kardashian time.

Let’s just get it out in the open- I like Kim Kardashian. I think she’s a smart business woman and is ridiculously talented at knowing how to market herself. Of course, she has an entire team helping her (like any other celebrity in Hollywood) but anyone who has clothing stores, jewelry lines, cosmetic products, and book deals to manage along with endorsing a slew of products and having every move recorded for her television show, (while accepting movie roles) has to know what’s going on.

So of course I was sad when I heard that her marriage was ending. I assumed that the natural reaction to humans hearing the news would be sadness, because let’s face it- divorce sucks. Divorcing after 72 days probably sucks more. Which made the comments I heard and read about the news pretty disheartening.

Co-workers laughed, rolled their eyes. Tweeters blamed Kim Kardashian from everything to ruining the dreams of little girls everywhere to ruining the sanctity of marriage. Facebook became a place where people stopped playing Gem Share or Diamond Minefield or whatever those games are called and spent an entire day suddenly caring about the marriage of someone they continually deemed too ridiculous to care about in the first place.

Dudes. Get a grip. First of all? Yes. I am aware that her wedding cost roughly a gazillion dollars. And yes, I’m aware that she got a metric shit ton of stuff for free. But here’s where we get real- if you were getting married and someone offered to provide you with the flowers/dress/invitations OF YOUR DREAMS, would you say no? Of course you wouldn’t. Or maybe you are one of those really selfless awesome people I will never be and you really would say no, but ask the person beside you. They will say yes. I will step forward and say, I WOULD ACCEPT FREE THINGS TOO. Word on the street is weddings are expensive.

And what’s wrong with saying yes? Anyone who is obsessed with E! network programming knows that the girl works her ass off. Even her haters have to give her credit, they complain about her ‘over exposure’, which is only really possible when YOU ARE WORKING TO PAY THE BILLS.  So if she’s able to get free stuff? I say awesome. Just throw some free stuff my way next time.

(This is when you say “If I had the opportunity to get so much free stuff, I’d make sure to give back to the community or help others”. And this is where I say, “how do you know she doesn’t?”)

The idea that Kim Kardashian is in any way responsible for ruining the sanctity of marriage is silly to me. Did anyone hear about a woman named Elizabeth Taylor? That minx was married more often than I changed my socks, yet she’s not considered a poster child for ruining marriage like Kim. Elizabeth Taylor has just been deemed ‘a romantic’. No one blamed Dennis Rodman for destroying the meaning of marriage when he was married to Carmen Electra for NINE days. I didn’t hear people protesting Renee Zellweger/Kenny Chesney’s 4 month marriage. I suspect this relates to the fact that unlike the screen goddess Elizabeth Taylor or that talented Renee, many people just simply dislike Kim Kardashian. Which? Is completely fair. But to act like she’s the poison that has ruined the sanctity of marriage is as smart as marrying anyone in Hollywood without a prenup.

Another common comment that I’ve heard so frequently that if I hear it again my eyes might get stuck as they roll into the back of my head is the idea that she married for publicity/money/fame. Again, I’ll try to be respectful here- but that opinion is stupid.  In case you missed the first rant paragraph, the chick already runs her own game. She has Birkin bags full of money. She’s already on a television show (more than one actually), has been cast in a new Tyler Perry movie and has various body parts plastered over a million different cosmetic products. Besides- is there anyone who really believes that someone would be willing to have their ENTIRE wedding broadcast to the world with over 4.3 million people watching it just to divorce a few months later and look like a fool?

Just think about that.

Remember when you first started dating that dude and you loved him and you swooned to all your friends about how great he was and then after you broke up you were mortified that you ever told anyone anything great about him because, HELLO? YOU WERE BROKEN UP NOW, OBVIOUSLY HE WASN’T THAT GREAT. Now take that mortification and multiply it by 4.3 million. Does that sound like something you (OR ANYONE?!) would sign up for?

I didn’t think so.

In the end, I suppose Kim  Kardashian doesn’t need me in her corner. I mean, the chick has a pretty fierce family, a great brain and a strong work ethic but when I adore a person- I’m going to bat for them. Even if they have no idea who I am. And I guess my frustration doesn’t come from one of my favourite E! stars getting trashed on social media- it’s the idea that ANYONE getting a divorce should be trashed on social media.

Lesson learned: If all your tweets are nasty, bitter and full of illogical sentiments regarding one of the hardest working reality stars in Hollywood, I will be unfollowing. Ditto Macy.