How To Not Be A Shitty Person
Alternatively Titled: How To Win At Life

Love always, Yoda March 27, 2011

The best part about telling the internet everything about your life is that when you decide to pull a Yoda and drop down some knowledge bombs people can’t be all like ‘what the hell? what does this girl know?” because well, we know that some stuff has gone down.

Not that tragic events or celebratory moments automatically give someone a free stamp in the passport of Life- but I do find that when life kicks you squarely in the ladyparts or the universe gives you an unexpected high-five, a person tends to do a bit more reflection. Sure, it usually starts out with ‘WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?” or “IT’S ABOUT TIME THIS HAPPENED TO ME. I WIN AT LIFE!”, but after a few litres of gin days of introspection, you realize that whatever has happened- whatever event has marked your life, for good or ill- has taught you something.

So.

Here five lessons that Life has taught me.

1. Sharing what you are good at doesn’t qualify as bragging, it qualifies as BRAVE. During job interviews, I never struggled when asked what my strengths were and when complimented, I never shied away from accepting praise. I never threw myself a parade with a marching band a confetti maker either, but knowing that you are talented and being able to accept the recognition of others with a “thank you”, just makes life so much more enjoyable. Think of it. How annoying is it to see your friend deflect praise or ignore her own talents? Don’t you just want to shake them and say ‘YOU ARE TALENTED AND BRILLIANT, ACCEPT IT!’. Now go shake yourself and realize, what’s good for your friends, is good for you too.

2. The less I compare myself to others, the happier I am. This is why I have cut down my magazine buying habit. I’d read that Kate Hudson only washes her face with gold flakes and was spending her summer on the coast of France while wearing $1400 jeans and surrounded by 300 of her closest friends and I’d start crafting a weapon to shank myself with. It doesn’t have to be celebrities- twitter and facebook and dinner with friends can have the same effect. When I start to feel a little green with jealousy, I ask myself “would I give up everything I’ve worked so hard to establish- a career, friends, family, a relationship with someone I love- for this person’s life?” and the answer is always no. Then I pat myself on the back, marvel at my genius and order a ridiculous dessert.

3. If, by any tragic event or chemical upheaval a friend ever finds him/herself depressed, I will not say to them “Let me know if you need anything”. Never. Because here’s the thing. If your friend has reached the point where they are depressed, the chances of them being strong enough to reach out and call you when they are at their lowest to say ‘Hey you know what? I just finished my 8th box of kleenex for the day, please come over to watch the snot train leave the station and listen to how sad I am“, is not going to happen. Depressed people already feel like a burden. They already feel like they are at their lowest and the last thing they want to is to invite an audience over to watch the train wreck. So be proactive. Don’t worry about being intrusive or think about “giving them space”. They need you, regardless of what you think or how uncomfortable it might seem. Write them an email everyday for a week. Call and if they don’t answer, text them. Get in their life. When you are going through Hell, you don’t need space. You need a cheerleader who shows up everyday, sweats their balls off and reminds you to keep going. Be that person.

4. Spend 10 minutes thinking of things that ruin your day and fix it. For me, I hated washing my hair every morning, I hated the way my car key dug into my hand when I turned it, I didn’t like running out of white t-shirts and I despised that I always lost my toothpaste cap. So I fixed this. I invested in dry shampoo (this is the best, trust me- I’ve done more road testing than Consumer Report), I got a key cover, I stocked up on white t-shirts during a ridiculously great Old Navy sale and I discovered toothpaste tubes with flip caps.  People say it’s the little things that matter. I’m pretty sure they were talking about smiling babies or something but for me? Owl key covers and dry shampoo were a key to my happiness.

5. It won’t always make sense to others. These last few months, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to explain my choices to people. Explaining why I felt so sad, why I don’t give up, why it took me so long to reach out, why I did reach out, why I preferred one therapist over another, why I agreed to go on medication, why I’m putting my body through weekly iron injections, why I stopped writing, why I wanted to start again, why, why, why. After awhile, the explaining felt overwhelming and people didn’t always understand. We live in a culture where if you don’t understand something, you ask again. So it would repeat. It wasn’t until I realized that some choices, people will never understand. Ever. People who have never been depressed may not understand how it’s possible to get as sad as I was. People who have never loved hard may not understand why I’m not quitting on a relationship that requires effort. Once I realized that everyone doesn’t  have to understand- as long as I did, and I was clear with myself about my choices and their consequences that was all the permission I needed, life got so much easier. And less questiony.

So now it’s your turn. Drop down some knowledge bombs and tell me, what is the most important thing life has taught you? Or if that’s too deep, share your favourite snack. After this much writing after such a long blog break, I’m starving. Extra points if your answer involves cheese in any form.