“I cry more thinking about Robert Kennedy’s death than the deaths of three of my grandparents.” December 5, 2010

Bonjour lovelies! It’s The Secret Project time!

1.  Sometimes I wonder if our relationship would have turned out differently if only I were skinny white girl. I know there was a lot more wrong with us but when I think back to how great everything was, a part of me really thinks he would have tried harder had I fit that standard of beauty.

2. I think I may have actually, actually fallen for “the other guy,” if you can even call him that. But it’s just so much easier to stay with who I’ve been with for most of my adulthood. I used to think love would always be enough, but is it? And… can you love more than one person at a time? (You have no idea how horrible I feel for even considering that question.)

3.  I was more excited for the new HP than I was for my best friends wedding. (In my defense, her wedding was memorable but the new HP? Goddamn spectacular!)

4. I miss 20sb. Not the mammoth club it’s become, but the small, intimate group it used to be when there was 300 members and everyone knew everyone. I know that a big club has it’s benefits but I miss the small cozy feeling it used to evoke.

5. My parents are meeting my husband for the first time. I am not sure who is more nervous- me, him or them.

6. I’ve never been raped. But knowing that if I ever was (God forbid), that  I have a good support system and could tell people here if I was too scared to tell my family, that brings me comfort.

7. I was done my Christmas shopping in October. Everyone is applauding me for being organized. The thing is, I think I might be addicted to shopping (in the non funny way). And I don’t know how to quit.

8.  It hurts my feelings when people don’t follow me back on Twitter.  (I know other people have submitted a secret similar to this one but this is my biggest secret and needed to share it!)

9. My husband is overseas in the military and won’t be home for Christmas. I don’t go out of my way to mention this to people but going on facebook or twitter or reading blogs where people are complaining about having to spend the holidays (or Thanksgiving) with annoying family members and I just… I wish they realized how many of us aren’t going to be spending the holidays with the people we love and would choose their words a bit more carefully.

10. Sometimes I feel guilty for how much I love my job when so many people hate theirs. How did I get so lucky?