Rules To Live By Part II May 9, 2010
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, advice, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, family, i wrote this just for the picture, it makes sense to me, let's still be friends?, life lesson, lists, relationships, self improvement, the J.O.B., tip of the day, top 10, when I go all Dr. Phil on you, when i say it anyway, who needs a self help book?, who's the boss now?.trackback
Originally done here
1. Life is too short to wait for other people to buy you flowers. Buy your own. (And stop fucking hating on *carnations.)
(photo by me)
2. If a student tells you he just ‘had a wet fart’ but after is walking around like a bow legged cowboy, send him down to the bathroom immediately.
3. Don’t trust people who don’t love “Party in the USA”.
4. If the kissing ain’t right, keep the legs tight.
5. Sometimes, the only thing that will be able to cure your sadness is McDonalds french fries. And on those days, no one will judge you from dumping out the bag after to look for bonus fries that fell to the bottom.
Mmmm… bonus fries.
6. You are more than the numbers on the scale, the dollars in your bank account, the list of contacts in your phone. The numbers in your life are not a definition of who you are. They are, just numbers in your life.
7. Never eat a banana in front of someone you don’t plan on having sex with.
8. When you go for lunch with your mom? Pick up the damn tab. You lived rent free in her womb for nine months. The least you can do is spring for her Cobb salad. Am I right or AM I RIGHT?
9. He’s your ex-boyfriend for a reason.
10. Cheating during drinking jenga is never worth the loss of dignity that you will face when you inevitably get caught. Because seriously? It’s JENGA!
* Yes, I know these are peonies (my favourite). But I have strong feelings about carnations and feel they are the underappreciated bloom of the flower community. Carnation Nation! Booyah!
#6 is so true in my life right now.
this was a lovely post, i went back and read part 1 and i hope you write more….
I’m so greedy with McDonald’s fries, I look for the bonus fries before I attack the ones in the carton.
Number 7 made me snort. Very lady-like.
Number 6? So true and thank you for the reminder.
Oh hurrah for drinking Jenga and McDonalds Fries! Brilliant list of reminders, hey
#3 -words to live by. Frankly, I think that’s the only reason to ever question someone’s patriotism.
Love #6!!
Also, drinking Jenga is awesome – even if you do catch a cheater!
Love nearly all of these, though I eat bananas with fair regularity.
Heck yes. I LOVE buying myself flowers. No one knows what I want in my bouquet better than I do.
I’ve ALWAYS bought myself flowers, and I have a husband. Also? My mother NEVER lets me pay, even though I keep trying. Does the effort to pay still count? Love the list!!
I love everything about this! Especialllllly #4, 8 and 9. Amen, sista.
I buy myself flowers all the time. Number 8 made me want to buy some for my mom, too. And not just because it’s “Mother’s Day.”
#4 truer words have never been spoken.
You aren’t the only one who thinks the fries at the bottom of the bag are awesome:
http://1000awesomethings.com/2009/05/21/761-eating-the-extra-fries-at-the-bottom-of-the-bag/
Also?
What do you call a country where every citizen drives a pink car?
A pink car nation.
Bwahaha. You’re welcome.
Can we drink and have fries and play Jenga all at once? Do it all while floating on a boat in the middle of the ocean and you have a damn near perfect day right there.
I really needed to hear #6,
Awesome, awesome list lady girl – and those peonies are gorgeous!
I almost always buy my own flowers. Frankly, I find it so much more rewarding! AND I always get exactly what I want!!!
So true! I especially love #3.
Bonus Fries are my favourite kind of fries. I could go some fries right now…
I think 4 is good, solid advice. Actually… they’re all good, solid advice. The banana one too. And the Party in the USA one…
I think I might tape these on the inside of my locker at work.
#7 is hilarious!!!!
Haha I love this post! It made me real, real happy.
Don’t hate me- I love peonies but I can’t stand carnations!
#4 is DEFINITELY a rule to live by.
And now you have me craving McDonald’s fries!!
All good rules. I’ll try to remember the banana one…
Oooo…I adore peonies too. Hoping they show up at the farmer’s market this weekend so that I can get a few of my own. I’m all for buying yourself flowers.
Hope they’re bringing a smile to your day.
Oh my gosh, I LOVE this. I’ll be buying flowers for myself tomorrow.
One should always look for the bonus fries first, because it would be a travesty should they grow cold just sitting alone in the bottom of the bag.
love this! we call the bonus fries bob’s fries . . . bob meaning bottom of the bag.
You totes speak the truth
i’m convinced that mcdonald’s french fries are laced with some sort of drug because they are so damn delicious and addictive.
I love carnations. They last forever. And they smell great.
I absolutely love this.
I plan on purchasing myself some flowers pronto from the cute little store by my workplace whenever it reopens. Because life really is too short. And I love having something pretty in my home. (:
I love #6. So much so, it just went straight into the Quotations section on my Facebook page
bonus fries are part of the entire appeal to getting fries from a fast food restaurant. and yes, every girl should buy flowers for themselves; adds a certain something to one’s day
And the banana thing? Hilarious but so true.
LOVE carnations! They last forever. In fact, I had carnations and roses in my wedding bouquet. I know…not very cutting edge, but they looked great!
I always enjoy reading your lists. Food for thought…especially the bonus fries and the bananas.
Brandy, at first I read #2 as “Don’t trust people who love “Party in the USA,” and for one split second I thought to myself: woah. that’s not cool.
Ha!