From The Hot Awesome Dude December 31, 2009
Posted by brandy in a possible regret, AHHHHHHHHHHH!, and then i laughed out loud, conversation of the day, earning my dork badge, find the dorkiest sentence in this, games we play, i can't believe i said that, i laugh when i say "balls", I sound drunk but I assure you I am not, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, it makes sense to me, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., it's a long one (twss), love or something like it, man I'm such a girl, men, p.s. i love me, people i like, relationships, the last line is my favourite, the title says it all, this makes me sound dumber than i am, when i say it anyway.20 comments
Hello internet! So, it’s the last day of 2009, and I thought I’d lighten the mood.
A few weeks ago, the ‘hot awesome dude’ (aka: H.A.D) decided he wanted to share with the internet things I taught him in 2009. I was overjoyed with this idea. Of cooourse I wanted a list that showcased how life changing and awesome I am. Instead, he decided that he should cull allll the ridiculous things I said in 2009 and make them into a little list for him to re-read and giggle over like a school girl asked to prom. (He’s going to protest that I called him a school girl, life is hard). Anyway, so here is his list. All things in black are his. I’ve had to make some clarifications in blue. We hope you enjoy it and have a wonderful New Year’s Eve!
This originally started out as a list of things brandy taught me in 2009, but in my quest to put this list together, I had found bits of our conversation that really showcased her ridiculous-ness and made me laugh. Of course I thought, these are way more fun and I’m going to share those instead (much to brandy’s dismay) ( no seriously, there is some dismay over this but? I’ll shall let him publish it how he wants- I’m cool that way). So without further ado…here they are!
1) (We were talking about what we would do if we were stranded on an island – that had electronic equipment and it quickly segued into what websites we each would go on to pass the time.)
Brandy: The ones I go to aren’t weirdo sites. A fetish isn’t a weird thing to be interested in learning about.
H.A.D.: I don’t even wanna know
Brandy: I’m kidding
H.A.D.: Uhhh huh. She’s “kidding”
Brandy: Shut up! You know I’m kidding
H.A.D.: Right. I know you’re “kidding”
Brandy: I “hate” air quotes. Wait
(For those of you confused on what H.A.D finds so funny, check out the last line again. I teach children how to read but for the first 27 years of my life, misused air quotes. Fail.)
2) (We were getting ready to watch “Fired up” (which is better than you think a movie about boy’s becoming cheerleaders just to nail chicks is going to be) when this happened…)
H.A.D.: This is how I determine if a movie would be something you’d love. I just ask myself one question. One. It goes like this
Brandy: Would a 13 year old girl like it?
H.A.D.: Self, if you were a 14 year old, adolescent female, would you like this movie?
Brandy: Man I know you so well
H.A.D.: You are such a RUINER
3) (On blackberry messenger…)
Brandy (at 5:12am): Who read yahoo finane in the middle of the night?! *finance
H.A.D. (at 5:12am): Go back to bed sleepyhead
Brandy (at 6:31am): No thank you
(I especially loved how she said that an hour later like she was up the entire time.)
(Do I get points for being so polite before 7 am though?!)
4) (This one is self explanatory…)
Brandy: You should get a tattoo of me (was I joking or serious? Internet, you will never know)
H.A.D.: Oh man
Brandy: lol you should. My face right by your heart. You’d have to shave that part of your chest though
5) (Talking about brandy’s gluten allergy – there’s a good chance this one might get edited out) (In a perfect world, this would be edited out. I would also have Tina Fey’s wit and Salma’s boobs.)
H.A.D.: Do you poop more or less when you have gluten?
Brandy: I don’t know!?
H.A.D.: Reason #462 why you love me: I ask the questions no one asks
6) (My girl has a healthy ego.) (this has been routinely documented on the blog but apparently the H.A.D. needs to give you another example of how awesome I think I am).
Brandy: So, I just re-read the post I wrote after you asked about Joe Biden? Two things. 1) I’m hilarious and 2) I can’t wait to watch the next democratic convention with you
H.A.D.: Did you just say “I’m hilarious”?
Brandy: Yes
H.A.D.: Man! How does your ego even fit inside your room?!
Brandy: Hey!! Stomach hurts! Be kind!
H.A.D.: Okay okay. Cheap shot though
Brandy: Oh and your ego comment was the height of witty banter?
7) (While watching an episode of the Office – the one in which Michael dates Pam’s mom)
Brandy: You should be Dwight in your work
H.A.D.: Very funny
Brandy: Your lady friends would love it
H.A.D.: They are not my lady friends. Her (Pam’s) mom is kinda foxy though
Brandy: I think they are. Foxy?!
H.A.D.: lol I said that just to get a reaction. Your mom’s name is Pamela right?
Brandy: Please don’t make a “Pamela is foxy” comment
8 ) (Talking about spending her summer vacation at my place)
H.A.D.: You’re going to play housewife for two months?!
Brandy: Well, no. But I don’t mind cleaning. I don’t plan on JUST cleaning though
H.A.D.: Oh good. There’s cooking and laundry too
(For the record? H.A.D. would fight me to the death if I spent all my time cleaning and cooking for him. He would also start convulsing if I made him eat anything I cooked. He continually teases me that my cooking is edible- though he did manage to scarf down cookies at Christmas. Maybe because I laced them with crack.)
9) (While we were watching “The Amazing Race”)
(H.A.D. didn’t clarify- we are Amazing Race nerds. So anytime there present a challenge, we give ourselves roughly 3.2 seconds to decide what task we would pick. We usually do the task that seems less likely to result with me having a mental breakdown.)
H.A.D.: Llama or basket?
Brandy: Llama. You?
H.A.D.: Basket, but I wouldn’t mind doing Llama, are you good with animals?
Brandy: Of course. I’d be like a Llama whisperer. (who wouldn’t want to watch THAT reality television show?!)
(After a few minutes of watching the contestants do the challenge)
Brandy: I made a bad choice.
H.A.D.: Llama snot? I think you made a great choice
Brandy: Llama SPIT?! Yuck. You know, even if that one was the slower one, I could totally see you wanting to do that one just for the chance to see animals snot on me
H.A.D.: You know me well
10) (I had a dream in which brandy insisted I call her “Elmo” and if you know brandy, she takes her dreams seriously, but apparently mine don’t count) (This is true. I may have spent a few morning irate with H.A.D over something he has done or said in a dream. Including one vivid dream where he ripped my band-aid off. I’m STILL smoking angry about that one).
H.A.D.: Howdy Elmo!
Brandy: Hot Awesome Duuuuuuuuuude!
H.A.D.: Yes, Elmo?
Brandy: Elmo is not good.
H.A.D. Why isn’t Elmo good? Is Elmo feeling sick?
Brandy: lol wait. Geez. Anytime I say it, it sounds like I’m speaking in third person
H.A.D.: Excellent
11) (This year was the first year brandy participated in a fantasy baseball league with my friends and I, and she kicked our asses. However! It might have all been a fluke because…) (Not a fluke. I’m awesome. Proof? See #6)
Brandy: Can we just take a sec and marvel at the fact that I just a) brought up baseball on my own b) used baseball words and it made sense and c) correctly spelled a baseball players name without looking it up?!
H.A.D.: What baseball words did you use? And Joe Mauer is on your team. You’ve been looking at his name for months now
Brandy: DO NOT RUIN THIS MOMENT
(A few minutes later)
Brandy: I would really like to be in your baseball game next year
H.A.D.: It’s not a game
Brandy: You know what I mean
H.A.D.: It’s a league. A fantasy baseball league.
12) (I can’t quite recall why we were talking about monuments…)
H.A.D.: Your monument is probably gonna consist of a picture of this (it’s a picture of a constipated kid sitting on the toilet – I know, weird sense of humor, just go with it) with the tagline: “I miss you so much, I can’t even make poop.”
Brandy: You have no idea how scared I was to open that link
H.A.D.: lol did you?
Brandy: Yeah! But I sort of covered my eyes and then I was okay (he also finds it to be the height of hilarity to send me pictures of cold sores. I swoon ladies, I swoon).
H.A.D.: You have trust issues. We need counseling.
Brandy: You sent me a picture of projectile vomit. (that’s another story altogether) (it may have been the grossiest thing I’ve ever seen. Ever. Well, no- the cold sore one was worse.)
Clearly, I’m the cooler one out of the two of us.
(He’s not, but we pretend he is.).
(Except he actually is.).
Meet the Internet December 30, 2009
Posted by brandy in and now you might know everything, hello universe? I love you, here is my heart, it happened this week, life lesson, love or something like it, overwhelmed doesn't even begin..., people i like, seriously, something I won't forget, the last line is my favourite, this one is about you.74 comments
I know people who don’t understand blogging. Some of them, happen to be my favourite people in the world. Sure, they get the idea of sharing your thoughts, but many of my dearest and closest friends struggle to understand what a blogging community is and why it’s something I adore. I mention blogging or 20sb in casual conversations and I can see them trying to fully grasp the importance of this world to me but I know the connection hasn’t been made.
To be fair, I’ve never been really good at explaining why I do adore the community and the bloggers that I know. I tend to say things like “I like having a place to share my thoughts” or “I like getting free swag from desperate companies trying to get free publicity” or “I like having a place to routinely post pictures of shirtless celebrities“. I hadn’t figured out how to bridge the gap- how to introduce the internet in a way that makes my non-blogging friends and family clearly understand what it is about the online community that gives my heart a boner.
Until now.
Sunday night I sent two dozen of my favourite bloggers an email, with an attached plea to share. I knew that it was a busy time of year and that such a post may interfere with their schedule but every single person on that list either posted my plea, emailed me support or twittered about it to spread the word. And more than a half of those I emailed? Did all three. They wrote emails talking about what they knew, sent me funny poems, words of encouragement, links to resources that they thought might help. They shared their stories, made me laugh, made me cry and promised to share my words.
And they did.
The last 72 hours have shown me that so many of you, so, so, so many of you believe the internet is more than what my grandmother thinks it is. (She’s convinced it will be solely responsible for the demise of mankind and assumes I’m going to Hell for wickedly having an email address). So many of you have shown me that grace and compassion and empathy are not just words we teach children or recite when talking about people who have passed away. They are words that you live- each of you, each day. I’ve received over 200 emails at this point- from blogger friends and strangers, with words of encouragement and promises of prayer, recommendations, referrals, offers to visit, bake me snacks, listen to me any time I want to call. It’s been overwhelming in the best possible way.
I thought I would be able to link to each blog that posted my plea- as a thank you for taking the time to not only read what I had said, but to scrap original plans and share my words. But friends? It hasn’t stopped. Each blog I stumble upon with my words, leads to me finding commenters who are posting as well. It’s like falling down the rabbit hole and realizing that your wish is coming true, that no matter where you turn, what blog you read, there’s someone there who has read what I hoped and passed it along. At this point, trying to list each blog would be like trying to count the stars in the sky and I am so, so thankful.
The world- my world is still uncertain in some ways, but there is one thing that the last three days have taught me. That when you ask for help, express a need, cry for help- there will be someone who answers. Who stands up for what you are saying, who shares your voice when yours is tired, who lifts you with words and jokes and personal experiences. There will always be someone who reaches out when you feel like you are falling. There will always be one person. Unless you are a blogger. And then? Well, and then I’ve learned the amount of people willing to catch you is limitless.
Non-blogger friends? Meet the internet.
Love Harder December 20, 2009
Posted by brandy in Uncategorized.comments closed
Life happened. I’m on an indefinite blogging break.
Christmas Secrets posted here.
A Secret Project Mash Up December 14, 2009
Posted by brandy in the secret project.17 comments
It’s a Secret Project Mash-Up! This week features both Secret Project Crush Edition secrets and the original tried-and-true regular Secret Project. Sometimes I’m wild like that. Remember, if you have an entry for either- OR for the Secret Christmas wish series (which will be posted next week), email me.
In other news? Hello, Colts? I adore you. Ditto cherry candy canes, reasonable winter weather (THAT MEANS NOT -42F, JUST FOR THE RECORD), scarves, Mandy Moore and the satisfaction in knowing you have found the perfect present for the perfect person.
Crushes…
1. I think I’m falling for you. When you surprise me with a big kiss on the cheek or push my hair out of my face or just smile at me, I melt. All the sweet things you do make me more confident of us. I’m terrified of this feeling. I’ve successfully avoided relationships for the last 7 years (I’m 23), but we’ve been dating for the last 5 months. And I’m not done yet. But we never talk about ‘us’ which creates a little nagging doubt. I know you care about me. I need to hear it. I need to say it. But I’m terrified of rushing things. Terrified.
2. Evan from the RW/RR Challenges. I think he is funny and hot and seems to be a genuine person. I know a lot of that is the magic of “reality” TV, but I can’t help it. If I could I would go on the show just to meet him.
3. The male bloggers who write about real girls, in real relationships- not the ones that don’t exist. It takes more talent to make ordinary events, extraordinary posts.
Regular Secrets
4. I just recently started antidepressants, and I see a counselor twice a week. No one who knows me would think this, because I’m usually so happy and friendly and my blog posts are cheerful and full of pictures, but it’s been a personal problem for most of my life.
5. There are two things I know: 1. Telling you off for the horrible ways you’ve treated me and my family would finally heal this gaping wound in my heart. 2. Logically that is the worst thing I could do; it would backfire. Here’s the thing: You think we’re still “best friends”; I really don’t like you. But you’re family, and I can’t escape you. When we were kids, you treated my siblings like scum and my mom like shite. You only liked me because I was too terrified to stand up to you. Even now, you control the room. Every guy and girl takes your word as ultimate. You give lots of “constructive criticism” but it hurts every time. And I can’t tell you what a horrible friend you are because you went thru 2 horrible life events. So everyone treats you as special and fragile. But you’re mean. You’re the only person who can still make me cry. And to top it all off, the one person I need to tell this all to… he is friends with you. He has no idea what you do to me. And you & your rude boyfriend are now butting in on all my alone time with him. So -thanks- for ALWAYS being there. (please go away)
6. I’m talking to a guy that I met online who I’m incredibly attracted to and have great chemistry with. The problem is that he’s married. With two young children. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to leave his wife, and he’s just looking for something on the side. There are so many reasons I know its wrong and I should walk away. Morally, I’m horrified that I’m even considering sleeping with him because my own father’s affair destroyed me for a long time. I also know it would be a waste of time since nothing could ever come of it. But I still want to have this affair. He gets me. And it’s been a long time since anyone got me.
7. I’m a member of the Paris Hilton fan site. I’m a hardcore feminist, I don’t subscribe to US Weekly- but I find her fascinating!
8. My brother and sister-in-law said they wanted a puppy for Christmas. I found one- a little lab who is absolutely adorable. In fact, I love him so much, I’m keeping him for myself. Happy holidays! (I’m going to give them a coffee machine).
9. I’m so full of blog envy (I’m currently in a writing slump) that I can’t even go comment on my regular fav reads. Just seeing them churn out another (daily!) post when I’m struggling to write once a week, bums me out.
10. I routinely finish the ice cream carton and blame it on the kids when my hubby asks who ate it all. Shameless!
“I’m envious of kids at Christmas. I wish I had something to believe in like they believe in Santa”. December 7, 2009
Posted by brandy in the secret project.26 comments
It’s The Secret Project!
You know the drill- email me at brandyismagic@gmail.com if you have one to share! As always, I’m still taking submissions (for the Crush Editions and the good ol’ regular Secret Project), so if you have something you’d like to share- a crush or otherwise, feel free to email me!
Also? For a special holiday treat- email me your secret wish for Christmas. Does it involve world peace? A threesome? The Glee soundtrack? Whatever it is, let me know. All submissions will go up Monday December 21st.
One last thing- I DID NOT write the second secret today but I really could have. I’m comforted knowing that there’s someone else out there who routinely blurs the line between fantasy and reality when it comes to THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION. PERIOD. EXCLAMATION POINT.
IT’S MONDAY MORNING AND CAPS ATTACK JUST FEELS LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I APOLOGIZE.
1. I’m desperately in love with my high school sweetheart. We dated for 7 years and then he dumped me out of nowhere. We “together” still sometimes even though he’s turned into a total slut. He’s getting ready to take a job with the border patrol and i’m absolutely terrified to have to live without him forever.
2. I know Martin Sheen is an actor. I know Alison Janney is an actor. I can separate the cast of the West Wing from their respective roles. I know the difference between fact and fiction. But I will go to my grave believing Bradley Whitford is Josh Lyman incarnate. I refuse to watch anything else he’s in and if given the chance, I would not want to meet him for fear it might spoil the magic.
3. I want my kids to like me more than they like my husband.
4. I have herpes. And I just started dating a new guy and have no idea how to tell him. Talk about awkward.
5. I think I would have more female friends if I liked Twilight. Sometimes I wish I could at least tolerate it, just so I’d have an opportunity to get together with a group of girlfriends and see midnight movies.
6. I am a re-gifting QUEEN this year. Part of it is the economy, but part of it is that I have a shitload of stuff laying around that I never use and do not want. It’s not bad if other people like what they get, right?
7. I’m thinking of quitting my job. It pays well, I have benefits but it kills me to go to work each day. My friends and family are trying to be supportive but I know they are thinking I’m making a huge mistake. It’s making things awkward and I’m not looking forward to the holidays.
8.I told my family I have to work Christmas day. The truth is, I’m going to be in bed with my boyfriend watching bad tv and eating Chinese food. SQUEEEEE!
9. I cheated on my husband with my co-worker. I love my hubby and he’s completely in the dark- he’d never notice anything was wrong unless I told him. The guilt is eating me up and I don’t know if I should come clean for my sake or stay silent for his.
10. I know it’s a petty thing, but it really irks me when bloggers take an idea I write and run with it without giving any sort of credit to the person who originally thought of it. I’m not the bloggess, I’ll never be famous for my blog, but more than once I’ve done a post I thought of on my own and then see two or three bloggers (who I know read my blog) copy the idea and not give me any credit. I feel so petty being bothered by this but at the same time- it’s frustrating! Anyone know what I’m talking about???!
10 Reasons Why I’m Not A Famous Blogger December 2, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, blogs, confession of the day, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, it's almost like a meme, italics make it appear more thoughtful/interesting, lists, question of the day, right on my sleeve, self improvement, the title says it all, the world according to me, things I don't say outloud, top 10, what i found when i went looking, you're skimming this one.58 comments
You know, you’ve done it too. You find yourself with 10 minutes to spare, click ‘bookmarks’ and scroll down to a famous blogger you have bookmarked. I’m not talking famous in your world blogger, the kind that your particular blogger group, seems to have crowned homecoming king or queen, I’m talking about famous to the ENTIRE world blogger. The kind of blogger who has one name- and everybody knows it. You scroll down to their too hip for more than one syllable name, and click- waiting for that feeling of envy and happiness to rise up inside you, like it does whenever you read something so good you are angry at yourself for not thinking to write it first.
And you find yourself asking, “is that it?”.
Granted, every blogger- famous or not, has posts that they feel ‘meh’ about when they hit publish. Not every post is going to hit your g-spot when you are writing it- or your audiences when they read it. Sometimes you write to say what you have to say- and do so plainly, without transition sentences or similes or even a hint of a humor to win over the crowd. But I can’t help but notice that some of the famous to the whole world bloggers, seem to write just like you or I- (and so many of you write better than people who have book deals, this fuels a rage in me that cannot be quelled) and yet they are getting free flickr accounts appliances and book deals and 1.2 million followers on twitter.
Which sucks.
So, I decided that it has to be more than writing that makes a blogger famous. I’ve delved deep into the murky underworld of blogging and have come up with my top 10 reasons Why I’m not a famous blogger.
1. I do not have a child who is adorable and let’s me dress her/him in etsy finds and take roughly 943054375648329576 pictures of her/him. Or a zany pet that teaches me life lessons on the regular.
2. For the longest time, I thought ‘bloggies‘ were like groupies. So I was confused when people talked about they wanted a ‘ bloggy’, I mean… sure, I get it. Everyone wants a following but it just seemed like a weird word. Later in life, I found out that a ‘bloggy’ is the name of prestigious blogging award.
3. I say things like “Which sucks.” And think that’s a valuable and articulate thought worth sharing with the universe.
4. I take pictures like this (scroll down to see the masterpiece). There will never be an award winning photo on my blog. Ever. Although, let’s face it. Those shoes are so adorable they should win an award.
5. No one has changed my name into a verb (unlike Dooce).
6. I don’t cook. At all. I will never have a website that showcases pictures of the homemade mac n’ cheese I just whipped up with 129 rare ingredients. (This also won’t happen because of #4. Seriously though, The Pioneer Woman needs a new bloggie… bloggy? The woman can take a picture. Seriously, she could take a photo of a piece of celery smeared in dog poop and could make it look appetizing. THAT, my friends, is what we call a gift and deserves an award).
7. The idea of changing my masthead yearly monthly, makes me break out in hives.
8. I do not have the ability to make all my current favourite things look pretty and organized like Whoorl (I’d also cut off all my limbs for her hair. Sure, I’d lack the arms to brush it, but it would be so alluring- people would volunteer for the honors).
9. I don’t get google wave, I’m not hooked up to Brizzly, I haven’t purchased an iphone and I cross my fingers everytime I send a picture to twitter because there’s a 93% chance I didn’t send it correctly.
10. I write lists about why I’m not famous instead of complaining about the 4,593 comments I received for my last post.
Would you want to be a famous blogger?
Awesome pluses to consider: Free stuff, getting paid to blog, a wider audience to ask for advice on topics that stump your brain.
Debbie Downers to consider: No privacy, wider audience = more negative feedback, pressure to write often, random strangers feeling like they have the right to tell you they hate your haircut.
