“Jamie Oliver. A man good with his hands who can cook for me? What’s not to crush on?!” November 30, 2009

The Secret Project: Crush Edition is here! Email me at brandyismagic@gmail.com if you have one to share! As always, I’m still taking submissions (for the Crush Editions and the good ol’ regular Secret Project), so if you have something you’d like to share- a crush or otherwise, feel free to email me. Also! At the bottom of this post, you’ll see who won the True and False Quiz from Friday. Go to her site and say congratulations and belated happy birthday!

1. I have a crush on the exterminator who comes to my mom’s house. He baits the traps and sprays for termites, and he’s so goddamn hot. Sometimes I wish he’s actually a stripper and he’ll come inside, rip of his Terminix uniform, and give me a lapdance. Yes I really just said that!

2. Lately I’ve come to realize that I may have a little bit of a problem… I tend to fall in love with fictional characters… Do you think this could be why I am having trouble finding love?? I am in love with Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory… Not Jim Parsons the actor but Sheldon the character… Have you watched a show?? If you do you’ll know why! Or there was the geeky hacker on Numbers… loved him to. I could keep going but I’ve realized this week that I love fictional characters and then wonder why I struggle when real life people don’t measure up…

3.  Miss Doxie. I want to be her when I grow up.

4. Edward. ‘Nuff said.

5. Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Yes, I know, she’s annoying. My boyfriend reminds me of this daily but if we are talking about secret girl crushes, she would be #1 on my list. I disagree with everything she says but she’s pretty hot!

6.  The principal of my school. He’s married, with three kids and every single time we are in the photocopying together, all I think about is him fucking me on the workroom table. It’s too the point now, where I blush when I see him. I keep telling myself this will pass but it’s been a few months now and my feelings haven’t changed. Cross your fingers they do soon.

7.  One of the construction guys I pass on my way to work each day. He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. I’m not kidding you ladies, he looks at me and I get wet.  His co-workers are loud and obnoxious but this guy doesn’t say a peep. I want to rip my clothes off everytime I walk by.

8. Kobe Bryant. Yes, I know he’s an asshole, but assholes are my type!

9. My secret crush is my literature professor. He looks like an older Christan Bale but he wears tweed and recites sonnets. What’s not to love? The only thing stopping me from throwing myself at him is his wedding ring. Damn you morals.

10. I’m from the US, but I’m currently backpacking with my best friend, my best friend since the fifth grade- actually. We left in Sept=, and are coming back in January and somewhere in October, while in Greece- I realized I love him. Love with teh capital L sort of Love. I want to tell him but if he doesn’t feel the same way, it will ruin the rest of the trip. So I’m keeping this secret to myself and hoping that when we get back and I tell him, he feels the same way too. Thank you for giving me a place to share this crush. It’s been eating me up inside.

As for the True and False Winner from Friday: It was Miss Leah. Aka, the very first person who responded. Clearly I need to work on my True and False statements, almost all of you guessed correctly! I hadn’t seen New Moon when I wrote it (I have now! Post on that later). So, here is the promised haiku for Leah:

Hooray birthday girl!
Blondes need to stick together
I’m so glad you won