“I’m a married woman with kids and I kissed a girl at Blogher- and I liked it. ;)” July 26, 2009
Posted by brandy in the secret project.54 comments
So. It’s The Secret Project time. I’ve been enjoying doing this project since I started it seven months ago (holy hell, is it just me or is this year flying by faster than a snitch in a game of quidditch? Ohhh nerdy Harry Potter reference for the win!), but lately I’ve noticed a trend to use The Secret Project to talk negatively about other bloggers. And honestly? I’m not really comfortable with that. I know when I started the project I said the only secret I wouldn’t accept would be one that spoke negatively about Josh Lyman (a statement I stand by) but from now on, if I feel like your secret targets one group of bloggers, I probably won’t publish it. Cue pitchforks. I mentioned this to a few bloggers already and some people aren’t happy, but this project was started more to admit that you can’t poop at your boyfriends house and less to vent about other bloggers- bloggers you know who read these secrets too. I’m sorry if that upsets anyone.
Submissions are ALWAYS welcome still, so if you have something to share, email brandyismagic@gmail.com. Thanks everyone!
1. I failed an important Regents test in high school and thought I wouldnt graduate/get the Regents diploma. I was terrified to tell my parents, but when I got my diploma, it had the Regents stamp on it, so I never told them I failed.
2. I kind of think you’re a nutjob. (This person clarified they weren’t talking about me, but someone else!)
3. I REALLY like a guy that I don’t think I’m supposed to like, but I can’t help it. He’s hilarious and smart and charming (and hot!), and we have enough in common to connect, but are different enough to be interesting. And we spend so much time almost/just barely flirting that it drives me crazy. It’s like we both know we’re not supposed to like each other. But yeah, it’s safe to say that I have a major crush.
4. I’m glad that the bloggers who went to Vegas had a good time but some of the girls have turned that group into such a clique. I wish they would save all of the constant fawning for their own personal emails, gchats, or texts.
5. Last weekend I got drunk and accidentally peed in my boyfriends bed. I freaked out and in the morning told him that he did it. He believes me.
6. My best friend has been dating this guy Eric (not his real name) for two years. I kept telling her she could do better, so she finally dumped him. The only reason I told her that was because I was jealous of their relationship. I never thought she would actually listen to me!!
7. I’m scared I will never get married. Not because I don’t have someone I’d like to marry (I do!) but because weddings are so fucking expensive. It’s so depressing.
8. I tell my parents I’m visiting them often because I miss them. The truth is, I come for the free food.
9. I’m so frustrated with the blogging community. It seems like in the last year it’s just turned into ‘who can hawk the most stuff on their site” or ‘who can disgust the most people’, there just doesn’t seem to be the community feeling anymore. I’m a newbie blogger (less than 2 years) and I just wish blogging was more like how it was when I started.
10. When my fiance dumped me, I peed on his toothbrush.
(Since I posted this, I’ve got a slew of nice emails/tweets/text messages- all of which made me want to kiss you each squarely on the mouth and reminded me of a post I’d like to share again!)
Watch a single, 20something wise, married people give marriage advice
July 24, 2009
Posted by brandy in hey it's Friday! let's say something nice, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, it makes sense to me, Josh Lyman needs his own tag, lists, man I'm such a girl, quote of the day, the one for Renee about her big day, the title says it all, the world according to me.
38 comments
You know, I get it. Me giving marriage advice is like, Tara Reid giving tips on sobriety. Or Kanye West give lessons on modesty. Or Jenna Jameson talking about the virtues of virginity.
I think I just compared myself to a porn star.
Let’s just move along.
As many of you know, the always lovely Renee is getting married. What you may not know is that she’s been my secret idol since she she met Chelsea Clinton and I may or may not have volunteered my life (more than once) to getting her into public office (Renee, not Chelsea). She’s the kind of girl I’m insanely jealous of- she’s funny and thoughtful and honest. She goes to see Billy Joel in concert and she fully understands any of my tweets that reference the movie “Rudy”. Plus? She watches “The West Wing” and knows how damn hot Josh Lyman is.
So when I was asked if I wanted to participate in a ‘virtual shower’, of course I said yes. I decided that although I may not be married, I know plenty of very lovely people who are and decided to ask them to open their knowledge basket and share what they thought made marriages last. Here are some of my favourite (direct quotes) from people I know (and people I wish I did) giving marriage advice.
1. “Always be the first person to say sorry. Not only will you look like the bigger person, but it’s great to bring up the next time you fight. It’s automatic leverage!” (I think this person was kidding).
2. “Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty”- Kevin Bacon
3. “Make it easy for him to remember why he married you” -G-pop (which? Was sort of a rip-off of another piece of advice he once gave me)
4. “Have sex in your friends bathroom”- Jada Pinkett Smith (okay, she said it differently, but I like my version better).
5. ” Be kind.”
I am so, so happy for Miss Renee and can’t wait to hear all about her married life. I wish her nothing but the very best and plenty of #4. Congratulations on getting married lovely!
Oh look internet! See me eat an ice cream cone! July 21, 2009
Posted by brandy in a possible regret, and now you might know everything, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, earning my dork badge, family, happiness, holidays, I don't know what day it is, i wrote this just for the picture, it happened this week, it's okay- you can skim this one, italics make it appear more thoughtful/interesting, Oh Canada!, people i like, something I won't forget, the less i worry the happier i am.42 comments
So last week I went on a little ‘vacation‘. I use that word loosely because to me, vacations conjure up images of slushy drinks, tropical locales and steamy, late night samba sessions with dark haired men. I went with my mom to visit my grandfather. See? The word ‘vacation’ seems wrong. Especially when I compare it to past summer vacations. With all of that said however, it was still a ridiculously fun time and minus getting carsick on the way home (because I’m apparently 8 years old) and an unfortunate half a mile walk in the mud without shoes- it was amazing.
1. Me and the worlds largest perogy. Look closely and you can see the top of my head. My head is wearing a hat because I was not feeling well and I knew the perogy had a dress code of ‘where whatever the hell you want, we are in the middle of nowhere’.
2. Me and a girl whose mom is friends with my mom. Oh yes, it was one of those vacations. The kind where parents get together and are friends so then all the kids must be friends. Thankfully this girl was really nice. I’ve included this photo because a) who doesn’t want a ‘oh watch me lick the cone, ohhh baby‘ photo taken by their mom and b) this photo shows off my Hobbit status. Notice I am STANDING ON A FREAKING BOULDER just so I am in the same photo.
3. My brother and I. We talked for the first time since May. And then we did shots of tequila. Or five. And then we took this photo. I swear we are both cooler than this photo makes us look.
4. The worlds most perfect strawberry. I would have taken more photos of it but it needed to find a home in my belly.
1. A tower in the middle of nowhere. I liked it and told my mom it would be perfect for when I act out the Taylor Swift “Love Story” video. Then she asked me if I had been drinking. (Seriously, she asked. Which she sometimes does when I say things she doesn’t understand but really? At this point I had been in a vehicle with her for 5 hours, did she think I packed a mickey and was taking swigs when she wasn’t looking? Oh, I just had a glorious idea for next year….)
2. Clearly I make awesome shoe choices.
3. Roughly 1.3 seconds before this photo was taken I dropped the F bomb, which is why my g-pop is looking at me shocked and I have the ‘Fuck! Now I have lost my favourite grandchild status because I swear like a fucking sailor‘ look. Also please note my g-pop wears suspenders. The only way he could be cuter would be if he was a baby panda bear wearing suspenders.
4. What happens when I get bored in Wal-mart. I take pictures of my myself. And my gum. Not enough people take photos of their gum.
Tell me readers, what did you do on your summer vacation?
5:49 am July 16, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, a possible regret, AHHHHHHHHHHH!, confession of the day, fingers crossed this works, here is my heart, i can't believe i said that, i may write about the west wing forever, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., Josh Lyman needs his own tag, man I'm such a girl, men, no i haven't gotten laid, so sappy it hurts, the title says it all, things I don't say outloud, vague is vogue, when i say it anyway.43 comments
Sometimes I wonder what the point of an ‘undo send’ option in gmail is if it only lasts like, 2.4 seconds. I mean, people don’t tend to regret emails they send that quickly. They usually wait longer- minutes go by before they realize that they sent something that although is 100% true, is also 100% cringe worthy and they would gladly gnaw off their limbs to be able to crawl through the internet and get back their email from the clutches of the receivers inbox. Not so they could never send an email- but just so they could re-word it so it was less ‘hello, here are the contents of my heart, and while we are examining them, let’s marvel at how much I sound like I’m a B-rate version of the Bachelorette right now‘ dorky and more ‘ yo, so here’s some stuff I’ve been thinking, you know, check it out if you have time‘ nonchalant cool, you know?
Gmail, you make my emailing experience so wonderful and my beach background is lovely, let’s please work on extending the time for this ‘undo email’ option, okay? It takes me a good 15 minutes before I realize spilling my guts will give me an ulcer (in my remaining guts) and I need to get that email back.
(I will forever get a kick out of the fact that wordpress spell check doesn’t recognize the word “blog”. Or “internet”. That would be like Josh Lyman failing to recognize hotness- it just wouldn’t make sense. BECAUSE HE IS HOT. LIKE A FIRE. ON THE SUN.).
Accio popcorn July 14, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, 98% of me thinks this is funny, AHHHHHHHHHHH!, Andrea should move back to Canada, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, confession of the day, harry potter, i know- we all LOVE him, i wrote this just for the picture, it makes sense to me, it's a long one (twss), let's still be friends?, overwhelmed doesn't even begin..., the one that nobody reads because of the title, this might be why I'm single.57 comments
Want to know what I’m doing at midnight tonight? Here’s a clue: 
Yes. I own a wand. And a robe. And now internet, you know all my secrets.
(I feel like I have to confess: working at a childrens theatre for many years gave me access to a lot of cool props. I didn’t buy the robe for myself. The wand, well that’s a different story.)
(Also? I’m FULLY AWARE of how many wand jokes you are all making right now.)
Please tell me I’m not the only person over the age of 10 who is excited about this.
“I tell people it’s a bottle tan but it’s really the tanning bed. I lie because my aunt died of skin cancer.” July 12, 2009
Posted by brandy in the secret project, Uncategorized.24 comments
New Secrets are up! Remember if you have a secret, you can still submit. For those of you knew to the project, read here for more details.
1. I have a friend that I’ve known for 10 years, and I want to cut off our friendship because everything we plan, revolves around her boyfriend. She’s been hurt by men, so she’s possessive with him and she can’t stand to be away from him for more than a few hours (like while she’s at work). She’s having a hard time just coming to visit me and take a weekend vacation. Her boyfriend is a complete loser and I wish she was dating someone better. I always call her but she never calls me, and the friendship is completely one-sided, it’s so annoying. I’ve been as nice as possible about this but I think I’ve hit my breaking point.
2. I love my husband, but sometimes I feel its more of an addiction.
3. I failed one of my grad classes last semester and I have to re-take the class. I’m too embarrassed to admit it to anyone because I feel like a failure.
4. Two months ago, I didn’t know he existed. If he proposed tomorrow, I’d say yes.
5. The uproar over the secret TMI confession just confirmed to me that blogging is like high school and everyone has a clique. And what troubled me (and some of the bloggers I talked to about it) wasn’t the original idea of someone not liking a particular kind of post- but the bandwagon that followed. It made me sad that those people who were decrying the ‘hate’ of the confession spread it themselves. (I fully expect people to hate this comment even if I mean no disrespect or am confessing this with any malice towards anyone).
6. My fiance thinks he is fantastic in bed but the truth is, I fake it more often than not.
7. My parents would die if they knew my boyfriend and I had sex in their bathroom on the fourth. Let me say this, the best fireworks were definitely not outside. 
8. I’m a mom and cannot stand reading mom blogs. I enjoy reading the writing of people living the lives I don’t have, instead of reading the writing of people who are on the same page as me.
9. I cannot poop at work or at my boyfriend’s place. I will not sleepover at his house because I will need to go home to the bathroom. I feel like such a freak.
10. I’ve booked three summer holidays, just lost my job and have no idea how I’m going to pay for it all. I’m thinking about applying for another credit card because the idea of sitting in the city alone while my friends are all traveling is far more depressing to me than having even more credit card debit.
The Facts of My Life July 6, 2009
Posted by brandy in anger and I have sat down for tea, blame country music, confession of the day, don't judge me based on my love for bad music, earning my dork badge, famous people make for good gossip, find the dorkiest sentence in this, games we play, let's still be friends?, lists, music, oh look! i have opinions., the one that nobody reads because of the title, wasting time, when i say it anyway, youtubing it in.69 comments
Fact: I will be unable to tell people I’m going to a Taylor Swift concert this week without squealing like I’m a 14 year old girl. Which is perfect really, because that would make me fit into her actual demographic. (Related fact: This might be the cutest video ever. I’m only glad that I’m watching it at 28 years old instead of 14 years old because it would have just set unrealistic standards of what high school love is like. Not like now… now I watch The Notebook weekly to make sure my expectations are unreasonable.)
Fact: I should be embarrassed about the previous Fact but I embrace my music choices the way that Liz Taylor embraces blue eyeshadow. Seriously, I saw a picture of her the other day, holy hell that cat works the colors in her make up box. (As for music, one of the worst fights I ever had with a boy was when he point blank told me he would NEVER go to a Matchbox 20 concert with me, even if it was my birthday, even if it was my dying wish. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last but my love for music from the 90′s featuring the smooth vocal styling of Rob Thomas is still going strong).
Fact: If I hear anymore about Michael Jackson, I may start drinking tequila straight from the bottle. And let me tell you my pretties, that would be a step backwards in my ongoing quest to be the less annoying, younger, white, Canadian version of Oprah.
Fact: The latest developments on The Bachelorette had me standing on my couch cheering for all women who deserve to date people who aren’t COMPLETE ASSHOLES. Seriously, I don’t want to be a ruiner for those who haven’t seen it but what the hell? How does that even happen? It’s like someone took the worst, most egotistical and diabolical parts of a bunch of people, mashed them all into one person who really needs to branch out in the clothing department and named him WES.
Fact: I’m preeeeeetty sure I won last weeks Gross Out game. I try not to spend too long reflecting on it or else I will most likely start to gag. Of course, my opponent would say he won. He’s difficult like that. (As for the questions that got asked, all I will say is sweet goodness- I will never be the same. Ever. Maxie, my offer to supply you with some WYR’s if ever needed stands. If you can handle it. The stuff that got discussed takes disgusting to a whole new level).
Fact: I like the pouring rain more than I love the sun. I suspect this means I have an underlying emo gene in my DNA.
Let’s see, referenced my love for Matchbox 20, linked to a Taylor Swift clip and admitted my relationship expectations are established by watching movies based on Nicholas Sparks novels. Yup, my work here is done.
Help Needed July 2, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, games we play, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., seriously, these are the things that happen to me, what the hell, when i ask you to do things for me, when i say it anyway.33 comments
I need your help.
So, as some of you may know, I have a pretty weak stomach. I’m grossed out rather easily and this tends to delight some people in my life. In a moment of insanity I agreed to play a game affectionately called GROSS OUT tonight, with a boy who loves nothing more than to ask ‘would you rather’ questions that involve human sweat, period blood and mucous plugs (LiLu, that last one was inspired by you).
Take a minute and collect yourself.
Because he’s a boy, he has already assured me he’s going to win and is acting quite smug about it. So, it’s up to you dear readers, to share your grossest “would you rather” questions with me so I can win. Or, if you feel that you don’t want the internet to know just how twisted your head is- email me!
Maxie, I’m expecting big things from you.
Thank you for your help and please pray for me.
(I will be playing with a bucket beside me in case I vomit).
