Things I Said Today May 27, 2009
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The title says it all. Here are ten things I said today (and I only started writing them down at lunch- that’s how crazy this class was). I spent a better part of my drive home daydreaming of a workplace where no one put things down their pants while talking to me. I’m sure there is a GREAT dirty joke in there but I’m too tired to find it.
1. “If you keep talking inappropriately about Michael Jackson, you will spend your recess with me”.
2. “Show me that you are ready for gym. That means you need to get your hands out of your pants”.
3. “No, I don’t want to feel how loose your tooth is. I can see the blood. Let’s get you a kleenex”.
4. ” Yes, I know the lights just went off, I’m right beside you. It’s dark for me too.”
5. ” Okay Tyler, come stand by me. You don’t talk like that at school, I don’t care if your brother told you those stories about Michael Jackson.”
6. “Karen, you need to stop farting on your reading partner or else you will read alone.”
7. ” You know, I already ate my lunch but thanks for offering to give me your jam sandwich. You need to eat it though.”
8. ” Hmm, no.. I don’t think Bill Nye actually knows David Hasselhoff. I think he was just making a joke.”
9. ” Matthew, get that sandwich out of your pocket. You need to at least eat some of it.”
10. ” Okay Karen, you need to apologize to your reading partner, then you need- Matthew, GET THE SANDWICH OUT OF YOUR PANTS”.
Also? If you are not reading the STOG (Short Term blOG)- what is wrong with you? It’s over this Friday, go read it. Peter is funny. Oh! And I’ve been getting emails- yes, The Secret Project will be back on Monday and yes, I’m still taking submissions!
Tell me that you said something ridiculous today too.
Ew, I don’t want to know if Matthew ate that sandwich afterwards!
He didn’t. THAT I made sure of.
Am hoping the sandwich was not in the pants during gym.
IT WAS. (And if there was a way I could show my “ewww” feelings even more than capitals- I WOULD. But seriously. IT WAS).
“I don’t care if your brother told you stories about Michael Jackson.”
HA HA HA
this is my life every day…especially the day we had a discussion about how martin luther king jr. was dead and he couldn’t come back and kill you with a gun…it was a straaaaange day.
So funny. I love your posts. They make me want to share them with my husband.
Today, I said “Stop licking the handrails. People have to touch those later.” (I have a two year old. Enough said.)
HILarious! and we must be in sync today because i started writing down the things i said out loud today too. to myself. which makes it all the creepier. here’s a snippet:
“i wonder if 4 minutes is enough time to poop?”
“oh god, please just get out of my ass. now.”
if i had a nickel for every time i heard number 7…
Hahaha…what is up with the kids’ obsession with MJ?
You have no idea how badly I needed something truly funny. Thank you — and we can trade jobs for a day. My “kids” are adults but the mentality is the same.
Ok so now I’m curious as to what stories are these kids being told about ol’ MJ? And why?!
I think I need to start doing this when camp starts, haha.
I like number 10 the most LOL
When my cousin George was a toddler and learning how to talk (meaning he’d repeat anything you told him to), we taught him this gem: “Daddy? Can I go to Michael Jackson’s house?”
Hahahahahahahaha it never got old! He’d repeat that on-command for about two years!
‘I don’t think Jesus lives in America’. (Following a comment by one of my Preps ‘I hope Bronwyn has a nice time in America with Jesus…’)
‘Don’t pat people on the head all the time, they don’t like it’.
‘You can’t eat yoghurt after it’s been on the carpet’.
‘Did you bring the magnifying glass for ‘Show and Tell’ just so we could see your (fallen out) teeth more clearly?’
Me: ‘What do we use this table for?’
Prep: ‘That’s the table they killed Jesus on’.
(We visited the Church today…)
And yep, like you, just from this afternoon. At least this job is entertaining.
If people just took a camera and followed us teachers around for a couple of days…….
Oh Karen sounds hilarious!! #6 will have me laughing all day.
Thanks for writing them down!
Oh…..I so needed to read this!!
Thanks for sharing!
Me: I think I’ve done my best throughout all of this to address all of your concerns and I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to me.
Crazy Old Lady: Get over yourself. If it wasn’t you it would just be someone else.
Then she hung up on me.
I love my job.
Yes, I say ridiculous things all the time. Every day. There’s even a blog about it.
http://www.bestofsarah.blogspot.com
Ive never met him but that Matthew kid sounds pretty awesome.
Hm?
“That means you need to get your hands out of your pants”
Hearing that always ruins a good time,
What is it with sandwiches in the pockets & pants?? You’re a hero, miss.
Um. Not today.
But when I had my old job, it was probably every day.
“No, it’s ok. I believe you. I don’t need to see the worms in your butt.”
Number five is easily my favorite. And you know what? I don’t even blame Tyler for saying those things about Michael Jackson at school. Sometimes you just have to get that stuff off your chest.
Oh, I so wish I was subbing right now.
Haha, kids are awesome.
That’s great – I work in a playgroup and I can completely identify. And I’m planning to train to be a primary school teacher so I imagine I’ll be hearing a lot more of that kind of thing.
At the moment, I’m also working for a charity that gives out furniture to people and find myself regularly saying things like, “What a beautiful fridge freezer.” and “That is a really lovely toaster.”
I think Michael Jackson has forced children to spend recess with him for NOT saying inappropriate things about him.
Roommate #1: I see you threw away your penis.
Me: That wasn’t my penis. I don’t have a penis.
Roommate #2 had been keeping a very phallic mystery vegetable in the fridge.
All the ridiculous things I’ve said so far today involve baby talk. I’ve been doing that a lot lately!
You crack me up. I have some teacher friends who really need to read your blog! Thanks for giving me a laugh today.
This might sound crazy but I’ve told said #3, word for word, on a first date with a nut of a guy. True story.
I SO want to make a joke about having my hands down my pants while I read your blog, but I know how many people on the internetz take everything seriously!
Yesterday I said I wanted to be a brontosaurus. Does that count???
Nothing as interesting as you my dear. My day has consisted of whining about being sick and fighting with my landlord about squirrels in my attic. If only I had some cute little kids to brighten things up!
4. ” Yes, I know the lights just went off, I’m right beside you. It’s dark for me too.”
that was my fave.
I love this!! I am a school social worker and at the end of everyday we laugh so hard at some of the things said that day.
Today my favorite was ” No I am not a stripper….yes I know that stripping is not allowed in school….”
this was hilarious. thank you for posting- i definitely needed a study break smile
haha your school stories are the best. love it.
This is hysterical! I teach 7th grade… I am going to log my conversations tomorrow hehe!
that is hilarious! and is a reason why i love working with kids.
though my roomie and i yesterday had our own share of quotes as well, two of my favs were.
fungi the dingle dolphin is a mighty special dinosaur…
you could be the bunny of the IRL (indy racing league)…
I’ll never look at a jam sandwich the same way again. I LOVED this post!
Those are things I hope to never have to say at work! But I do like to read about them. More Brandy-quotes!
I did recently have a mid-fifties ex-crack addict grandmother whom I had known for almost a full year ask me if I was the same age as her.
(I said yes)
Hahaha – oh the joys of working with kids