“Some women are scared that they’ll never get married because they’ll never find a husband. I’m scared that I’ll never find a maid of honor.” March 30, 2009
Posted by brandy in the secret project.trackback
It’s Monday, so you know the drill. Read past Monday posts in January, February and March to get caught up! Also if you can, please check out this post, where I discuss the differences between Angelina Jolie and I when it comes to volunteering. It’s a great site, so sign up and become a member!
1. I recently failed out of a professional school (medical related). Under pressure to try again, I applied to another school and will be leaving to start all over again next month. Yet, I have absolutely NO IDEA what I really want to do with myself. And I’m so incredibly terrified to try again because I seriously believe I can’t do it.
2. I am in love with a boy seriously my junior both in number and maturity. He and I are incredibly close friends. At least, on my end. On his, I have no idea. And that makes me seriously broken hearted everytime I think of him.
3. My parents are the only people in the world to me. They are the reason I have never done something completely stupid when I’ve gone through my Basket Full O’ Crazy phases. I have no idea (and am completely terrified of) what will happen when they are gone.
4. I once cheated on my boyfriend with a transgender FTM. It was one of the closet experiences with a person I’ve ever had, and I miss him.
5. I lost a large amount of weight after moving to a foreign country. Since returning to the states I have noticed myself consciously/unconsciously skipping multiple meals to maintain that loss.
6. To this day I can express my emotions much better via my blog than in person. I am very good at listening and giving advice, however I have no idea how to express myself to another person on a deeper than surface level and I’m pretty sure that will prevent me from ever having a complete and happy relationship. It terrifies me every day.
7. I am a massive self-analyzer. I’m also an internalyzer. Therefore I’m pretty sure there will come a time when I will implode.
8. My indepence is simply a facade so I don’t let myself become vulnerable in relationships.
9. I want to move in with my boyfriend not just because I love him, but because we’d share the bills and save money. Then I could quit my high-paying job I hate and go entry-level on something I like and still afford new shoes.
10. He asked me to marry him and I’ve been trying to figure out how to end the relationship. The fact that it wasn’t at all romantic and there was no engagement ring offered just sealed for me how much I do not want to be married to him. I’m no prize, but I will never “settle” for less than I want/deserve again.
Your HandsIn post is so wonderful. Thanks again for sharing your experience. You’re such an awesome inspiration!
#10: Good for you. It takes a whole lotta guts to do it, but please end it.
The title secret should be made into a movie.
#3: I feel the same way about my mother.
4, 6 ans…10
I can so relaaaaaaate.
#10, #10, #10. I think we could both use some courage.
These get better and better! #10 ~ end it now and thank yourself for the rest of your life. No need at all to settle!!!!
I just want to hug all of these people. Thanks so much for putting this little project together–I bet it is cathartic for a lot of people.
I could have written #6 & #8. Thanks for sharing!
#10 – i was in your shoes. And settled for a few years. I finally realized what I wanted and left. It was the best decision EVER. Now I am married to the most incredible man who I know is undoubtedly my soulmate. Doesn’t matter how others perceive you when it comes to your own happiness and what you feel you deserve. You should never settle or sacrifice what you believe.
To #7, I am very much the same way. Except I internalize by focusing on other peoples’ problems and ignoring me. It has led to some implosions and I’m sure there are more down the pipeline.
Wow, some of those are tough to reveal. Very interesinting
To #10 – I’m waiting for you to ask for a ring. If you ask me today, I’ll have it for you by tonight. I’m not settling because you are THE ONE.
#8: you’re not alone. Even the best of couples have to balance issues of co-dependence vs. independence. The two often don’t reconcile, yet both goals — wanting to depend on another person, to be a part of a lifelong team vs. the need to sometimes assert independence or the need of your partner to feel independent — exist in the minds of many of us.
I’m trying to figure out what FTM is….
#10: Good for you. End it now! There’s no easy or right way.
#8: Me too.
Ally – FTM (female to male).
I’m not sure what to say that hasn’t been said to #10. That one sticks out the most in my head. Good luck and follow your heart.
To #1: I was/am in your shoes. While I didn’t fail out of medical school, I did fail a course–the first time I ever failed at anything in my life. I’m currently repeating a year in medical school, and initially when I got the news, I thought it was the end of the world. But it wasn’t. Life went on, and I gave that course (and all the others that I did pass) another go. I’ve learned so much from this year and none of it was academic. Success is more than a numbers game. It’s not about collecting the most A’s out of everyone in your class. It’s about trying even when we’ve failed. Today I had an attending tell me that the students he has the most respect for, the ones that he wants working beside him are the ones that are on the left-hand side of the bell curve but still work their damndest. So the worst thing you can do at this point is not try. It’s certainly not an easy road, but you’ll never know what you’re made of until you try. Good luck.
10… Oh end it please. Been there. And for some reason I almost went through with it. He broke up with me two weeks before the wedding and it was the best decision that was ever made for me. I wish it had happened years earlier. Good luck!
#10 – Yes, end it end it end it! You are a prize and deserve so much better.
Oh #9… I know how you feel re: the golden handcuffs. Someday something better will come along.
I just want to commend #10 also. Don’t ever ever settle.
Just wanted to say (even though I haven’t left a comment for AGES) that I still love your blog, and Secret Mondays is an absolute highlight. Love it.
Cheers Brandy!
#10. Run!
I am 34 and will be 35 in may – I have never been on a date but at the same time don’t want or need to date – too many fake rules and games – thing is I’m never getting married because Im never going to meet the guy – it’s that simple – do I have to launch a search party or someting??? not kidding!!!! I am puzzled how couples meet??? this foolish misnomer that faith will make it happen- no it doesn’t
thing is this is a legit concern – I have no idea how this dilemma will be solved ???? Also
this idea there is someone out there for everyone – bs bs because people who say that
have someone- yeah not their problem
what’s upsetting is divorced people remarrying
are they screwing things up for us???
bottom line I’m never getting married because I will never meet the guy and he will meet someone else – that is really unfair – lifes not fair bs doesn’t apply here