How You Know It’s Time To Call Me A Cab February 26, 2009
Posted by brandy in i like scotch & table dancing, introspection sometimes causes me to drink, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., it's okay- you can skim this one, lists, oh dear, tequila consequences, the title says it all, this makes me sound dumber than i am, tomorrow will be better, top 10.trackback
1. I hug you. Often. And without warning. In fact, the ‘sneak attack’ hug becomes the #1 weapon in my arsenal.
2. I suddenly start liking hot dogs. Especially, hot dogs from 7-11. Or, if I’m going to be frank, I will eat any “meat” product under the heat lamp at 7-11. And I will be the GREATEST THING EVER.
3. Cute guys no longer matter but I will be instantly attracted to anyone who is riding the mechanical bull.
4. I ride the mechanical bull. Twice.
5. I decide that taking those STD posters that you find in the bathroom and putting them in my friends bag is the height of hilarity. Ditto salt and pepper shakers.
6. Shoes become optional. Especially when dancing.
7. I get the hiccups. Loudly. And then need to TELL PEOPLE I have the hiccups. (Because, after three martinis, I forget that hiccups MAKE A SOUND that other people can hear).
8. I only want to talk about sex. Or politics. Or the politics of sex.
9. No one is more interesting than my cab driver and it’s important that I a) find out this entire life story b) assure him that I sympathize him having to deal with all the OTHER people he has to give rides to since they will be drunk and clearly I am not and c) tip him at least $20. And when I get out? We hug.
10. I would stab a dolphin with a ballpoint pen for a slice of pizza.
Yeah. I know. This post has the distinct odor of being a ‘filler post’. I’m trying to end the week on a high note (and high note apparently means discussing stabbing friendly water animals with an almost human-like intelligence). Oy. Have a good weekend internet.
I touch my nose. A lot. And sneer at my friends who are asking cab drivers their life stories because my staring out the window, trying to remember where I live and figuring out where to puke if I absolutely had to is oh-so-much classier.
Mechanical bull? Really? Hmm. I’m not as interesting. I just giggle. And giggle. And then giggle some more. Somehow though I manage to make others giggle too.
You and I are officially bff. Well…drunk bffs at least! We’d spend all night putting each other in hugs/chokeholds and then not recall each other’s names in the morning.
Trying to get rid of drunk hiccups in the middle of a bar is the WORST. And I once had a debate with my Somalian cab driver about female genital mutilation. You heard me.
I’m all about stabbing dolphins. I mean pizza. I mean drunk pizza. I mean… shit.
This just makes me love you more. Because I’d be laughing at you hugging all of the ugly mechanical bull riders and then we’d go for hot dogs. And I’d of course, encourage ALL of your shenanigans!! That’s what drunk friends are for!!
I’ve only had one pizza that would drive me to dolphin homicide. The rest? Not so much.
Oh, come on, who HASN’T stolen an STD poster in their day??
No? Just us.
Whoops.
At least you’re a happy drunk…minus the whole dolphin homicide thing. Luckily for the dolphins, they don’t like pizza.
Quit it.
girls don’t talk about sex, I know better than that.
stab a dolphin, haha.
LOL awesome! You know I’m drunk when I feel the need to cheek kiss everyone on the way out. It’s my MO.
Oh yikes, yea ditto the cab driver item for me lol
LOL, you’ve inspired me to write one too! It’s hilarious!
Drunk Brandy and Drunk Shaba would get along excellently.
Everything sounds like a great idea when I’m drunk.
There’s also a good possibility that I will get involved in a “very impooortant comverSATION” with someone and refuse to leave until I finish it. And if I’ve met you, you’re getting a hug. I love the world when I’m drunk.
Maybe drunkenness should be our new foreign policy. Everyone must come to the meetings smashed off their faces and everyone leaves with a new bff and a lot of untagging to do on facebook.
This made me laugh! My telltale sign is when I start saying, “I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu” to anyone I know.
I LOVE talking to cab drivers while intoxicated.
Maybe I should have a drunken night this weekend…
Wait, have you posted this before? Or is it just an excellent recap of last night for me? Honestly I do not know. I do know that “my” cab driver actually gets invited to my parties. He also brings a bag of apples, as he’s in The Program.
Alas I have never ridden a mechanical bull but damned if it doesn’t look like fun! I just don’t think I’ve ever been any place where there was one, sadly.
Years ago I had a standing “Girls Night” with a couple good friends, and every time, WITHOUT FAIL, I would get a crippling case of the hiccups the minute we climbed into the taxi to head from starter bar to closing bar (which was, like, a block from our respective homes and stayed open WAY past actual closing time). It was like frikkin’ clockwork.
And I would kill to find a bar in NYC that has a mechanical bull. Those things are awesome
i’m very impressed with the drunk mechanical bull-riding. ‘Fraid that would have resulted in some nasty after effects for me…i recall a few nights when i had to go to bed but leave one foot on the floor so i wouldn’t fall out of the spinning
bedroom…A few things…
1. You said “Let me be Frank” in a topic about hot dogs. ha. *I am fully aware that I should not find this funny.
2. You need to come visit because we have a Karoke Cab Driver who has a computer set up to do Karoke and a disco ball all in his cab!
3. The politics of sex? You kill me.
4. I don’t mind filler posts. I think that this is great.
I heart you. x
This sounds very familiar.
My friend would ALWAYS want hot dogs when she was drunk. Then she’d spill mustard and ketchup down the front of her fake fur jacket. Which I think was kind of a godsend if you’d seen that ugly ass jacket.
Do you get out to hug the cabbie? Does he get out too.
Details, woman.
i start dancing with my hands in the air, pinky, index and thumb extended. i only rock out when drunk.
and i want to do shots.
and i stop caring what drink i’m drinking, or who’s drink i’m drinking.
and i start doing that peace sign to the mouth licky thing (the universal sign for cunnilingus- I’m assuming it’s universal. do you do that in canada too?)
pure class
Oh, I have been there. My “tell” is when I start spelling things. As in, “I like tequila! T-E-Q-U-I-L-A!”
Yeah.
This post is so very awesome. Also, the person who commented about the karoke cab? That sounds awesome.
I love your list–I am a happy drunk as well. I give random hugs to strangers and talk really loud too.
Sigh…I remember those good old days when stabbing marine mammals with a ballpoint pen was a way of life. Good times.
I’ve been around mechanical bulls for years…and still haven’t ridden one. Maybe I need to try a few more drinks
All my friends have ridden them for years.
Dude, I’d hang out with you in a heartbeat.
not a filler post at all! More like a ‘let’s get this weekend STARTED already!’
Poor cab drivers. I don’t know why, but at the end of the night, I always think the cab driver is *the* most interesting person I’ve ever met, and I must know everything about him. Where he’s from, how long he’s lived here, does he like driving a cab, what did he do before he drove a cab….
Hahahaha! Hotdog… be frank. Ha. Sorry.
Drunk is probably the best way to talk about politics anymore. And it’s always been the best way to talk about sex.
lol, i love the “you suddenly like hot dogs.” i hardly EVER eat red meat and one time after a party my friend was making burgers on the grill and i ate 1 1/2 like i’d never seen food before. it was quite the hot topic at breakfast the following day.
And the best part is you think you’re talking like your sober the entire time and you think other people won’t even notice you’re drunk.
I do all kinds of crazy things I would never do sober. However eating a hot dog from 7-11 is not one of them. You are an incredibly brave woman!
hahahahh.
drunken sarah = nonstop chatter with cab drivers. seriously, i SHOTTY the front seat. ridiculous(ly fun).
First time commentor – but I couldn’t resist the temptation as we have a lot in common when we get intoxicated, especially those 7-11 HOT DOGS!!!
Unless any of these activities includes an “ex” (well, except for maybe the stabbing part) which CLEARLY means you have crossed, I’m thinking, “the night is young”! where is my camcord?
How did I turn my shirt inside out? what’s the name of the club? I like this record baby but I can’t see straight any more…
sounds like you’ll be having a great weekend, haha. and umm i could always go for pizza when i’ve been drinking or more so french fries, i am a sucker for french fries!
So with you on the hiccups and the befriending the cabbie. Why do we DO these things?
Oh yeah, because we’re DRUNK.
So what are you saying? That’s your warning to us? For this weekend when you get all crazy for a slice of pizza and you’re not wearing your dancing shoes and you’re walking bow-legged?
So, where shall we meet up?
This list you be printed off and put in girls wallets everywhere. I can relate to almost everyone. LOL
I like this filler post! and P.S. you and I would have sooooo much fun together! We should go to a Colts game next season! At which time number 1-10 will be executed, no doubt!!
You are so amazing! This is a terrific, relatable filler post. And I know, because I am a master of the sneak-attack hug after I’ve been drinking. Oddly enough, I’m not a touchy person at all while sober, but put a drinks in me and I’m friendly with the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
Hahaha I encourage every cabbie I meet (inebriated or otherwise
) to start a blog. Wouldn’t they have the most interesting stories to tell?!
I would stab a dolphin with a ball point [en for pizza too… and then eat a whole pie by myself. These are hysterical though… probably bc its me and my friends every weekend!
I also feel the need to talk about sex or politics while drunk. Usually I like to badmouth people too, which can really bite me in the ass.
The thing about stabbing a dolphin with a ballpoint pen was freaking brilliant.
Dude, can we go on a bender sometime?
I know I’m super late on commenting on this one, but I think we would make great drunken friends. Because a lot of these could be me. Especially the talking about sex thing, which is totally mortifying.