The Good Fight January 12, 2009
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One of my best friends from high school once told me her parents didn’t fight. Ever. They didn’t raise their voices, they didn’t gesture wildly, no one ever lost their temper. Not once did someone throw a dish or drop the f-bomb. Now, I didn’t grow up in the middle of a war zone but I had grown up with parents who argued occasionally- I thought everybody had. So naturally, I thought her ‘no fighting’ declaration was a lie. And the next time I was over, I asked her mom to tell me the truth.
Because the term ‘mind your own business’ wasn’t a phrase I was familiar with.
And her mom confirmed it. No fighting. No slamming of doors, no exasperated voices, no eye rolling. According to her mom, healthy relationships didn’t allow for fighting. They allowed for compromise and that would never come at the expense of another persons feelings.
I thought of her when I really yelled at my first boyfriend. And when I slammed my first door. When I threw my arms up in the air, when I rolled my eyes, when swore. I thought of her when I felt my voice rise in a parking lot during one of those fights that you can’t believe you are having but can’t imagine losing.
It’s a funny thing, fighting. I’ve never viewed it as a negative. Of course, if you destroy a whole set of china, or your battle scars rival those of a Vietnam vet- it’s a negative, but the occasional heated conversation complete with hands in the air, has never been something I’ve been afraid of. I’m of the view point that a good fight, can make two people healthier, stronger. Learning how to fight fair, knowing what is below the belt, knowing how to say what you want, explain how the other is wrong, without ever crossing the line? That’s a skill to me, and one that’s worth learning.
Although I’m sure that my friends mom had good intentions, to me a good fight can be the best way to let it all out. It shows that you care enough about some issues to not back down, it shows that you are comfortable enough in the relationship to know that a single fight won’t destroy it. If I care about someone, really care- and they know it? Then I’m not afraid to hurt their feelings. It’s not my intent, but it’s not something I’m afraid of either and I expect the same from them.
Plus? The make up sex is usually pretty stellar.
Lately though, I’ve wondered how much fighting is too much? When is it time to throw in the towel, wave the white flag? Or, if you really care about the person, is there ever a time? Enlighten me.
(Sidenote: The flu, (that I’m blaming Ben for giving me through email) sort of kicked my ass last week, so I’m still catching up on emails, comments, phone calls and smoke signals. I’m trying though!)
im with you brandy (no surprise there).
i think a little fighting is okay. it makes for a healthy relationship. talking about heated things in a reasonable way is not a bad thing. going for the jugular?.. bad.
how much is too much, you ask? i think when the fights outweigh the good times. when the bad is outweighing the good. then? time to bail. or throw in the towel or at the very least, reassess what the hell you’re both doing here.
my roommate said her parents never fought. ever. however, they then divorced. so she has her own idea about not fighting. my parents? um, yea, my mom is forever and ever mad at dad. and i always thought that was somewhat normal. as for me? yea, i have noooooo idea. i agree with you very much and used to think that i couldn’t be with someone who didn’t like to argue. (and that’s proof i get something from my lawyer father.) then again, i was seeing a guy that didn’t argue with me, and let me tell you.. i really really really freaking liked that.
In previous relationship, I didn’t understand fighting. The slightest bicker or fight and we would just break up. But now, The Teacher and I bicker a bit and everything is fine once we both kind of walk away, get perspective, admit that it was stupid and come back and like you said, then there is the make up sex. And five minutes later we are laughing at how stupid we are.
I don’t know if there is exactly a point when the fighting becomes too much…I have to agree with Brookem–when the fights outweigh the good, then maybe it’s time to move on. That’s such a hard question. I think you have to look big picture–is this how it is going to be forever, what could change to make it better? Can you change it? Good luck, my dear.
I really think it depends on the couple. For my boyfriend and I fighting means yelling, banging on things, throwing objects, or leaving the room. We’re both passionate people, so if either one of us gets really steamed, we’re not too scared to express it. While someone on the outside might see dysfunction, we’re far from it. My boyfriend and I communicate SO well…we never leave a fight unresolved and we are intentional about communicating with one another. It just takes us fifteen minutes to cool off first.
In my opinion, there are only two clear, obvious, universal, and uncompromisable lines: if either person ever feels violently or emotionally threatened/abused OR if the you keep having the same unresolved fights.
I have one memory of my parents fighting in front of me. One. When I got married, I thought that fighting wasn’t normal and I seriously freaked out at my husband when we fought, wondering if I had made a huge mistake in getting married. I finally asked my Mom about it and she laughed, and said, “Are you kidding? Your Dad and I fight all the time! We just didn’t think it was right to fight in front of you and your sister.”
While I am thankful they didn’t bring ALL their problems in front of me, I wish they had shown me a little more of their human side. I think my marriage would be better off for it, in terms of growing up seeing adults resolve conflict in a good, healthy way.
This is so funny because I just had this EXACT conversation with my friend C two nights ago. My parents never fought in front of us (there may have been the occasional sharp retort, but that was it), but as an adult, my mother had admitted to me that she and my father went through some rough times behind closed doors when the kids were asleep.
I, on the other hand, am a fighter. I’m a yeller, a name-caller, a below-the-belter. An eye-roller. A door-slammer. And honestly? I’ve never had a fight and I didn’t regret. I’ve had fights that I still deeply regret, four, five years later. I think passion is good, I think debate is good, I think speaking your mind is good– but trying to hurt someone I love– REALLY trying to wound them– just because I’m angry and hurt myself? Allowing myself to believe that that person truly wants to hurt me? I think it does more damage than good, and sometimes the damage is irreparable.
ESPECIALLY when it takes place in a parking lot. Oof.
so..obviously i’m having a slow day at work if i am one of the first ones to catch this new post…
those are all effective arguing skills you’ve listed…
did you learn these skills at home… cos i did not, my mother is the queen of passive aggressive and my dad wanders about with the OMMM chant going on in his head (a survival skill) so i seriously don’t know how my parents ever resolved anything EVER..and when i am trying to help clients with boundaries and sticking up for themselves, sometimes i’m still working on my own skill set along side them…
re: throwing in the towel…if it’s a constant fight over everything…or if you find yourself asking ‘would i be friends with this person without the makeup sex’…i’d say maybe you should find someone more suited..
I’m Italian. And Irish. The whole not fighting thing is seriously foreign to me. Basically, I grew learning to love hard…and sometimes that means fighting hard, too. I look at it like this – if someone doesn’t make the effort to fight with me – for me – then they don’t care about me. Is that a whacked theory? Perhaps.
When is it a bad thing? When it becomes too nasty. When all you do is fight. When you don’t learn from previous fights (meaning you fight about the same stuff all. the. time.). When you fight out of hate rather than love.
I am of the opinion that if you don’t argue, EVER, then you’re really not passionately in love with someone. People don’t agree all the time. It’s just not realistic. And if you’ve never had something worth fighting for, well then, you’ve never had a real relationship. And I am in agreement with SM up there re: how much is too much.
I usually will let a fight go on long enough to let the other person (typically the long-suffering girlfriend of the moment) vent a little. And to make sure that it will allow for make-up sex.
But typically I don’t give my all when fighting back. Mostly because I fight dirty and could say things that could never be taken back. Plus I am good at defusing situations.
isn’t the good fight when you win- every time? and then you bring down finacial service businesses and look like Brad Pitt? Or did I mix up The Fight Club?
I think if you’re passionate in your relationship, you’re passionate enough for things to get heated on occasion. It’s all part of finding the balance of power in a relationship before settling on a partnership. Still, fights have their place in terms of clearing tension, frustration and anxiety and then moving on. As long as you both learn HOW to fight with each other, they can be completely healthy!
Thanks for the link love. Sorry for the flu
My parents never fight. Sure, they get exasperated with one another sometimes, but never the yelling and throwing things and door slamming – NEVER. They probably have one of the healthiest relationships I know, in spite of the fact that they have spent nearly every waking minute together (they own a business together) since they were married almost 30 years ago. I am fairly certain that I can remember every time my parents have been upset at each other since I was little.
But, growing up with parents who never fought, now I get really anxious when people do fight. To me (even though I know better) when people fight, something is wrong, broken. So I avoid fighting at all costs, which isn’t really healthy, at all.
Fighting shows that you care, sometimes. It shows that you’re passionate about the subject matter, and about each other. It’s healthy.
When you start fighting for the sake of fighting, it’s too much. When you no longer remember why you’re fighting, it’s too much. When fighting turns from the matter at hand, to personal attacks, it’s way too much.
My parents also do not ever fight. It *still* boggles my mind!! But they have been together for almost 60 years so maybe they are on to something? More likely I missed the fighting years when they were working through those kinks since I was born when they were older and already married 15 years.
) Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 10 years now and we do fight – maybe twice a year? Used to be more when we were first together but as you say, you learn and pretty soon you can avoid the big screaming matches and you DO compromise, but there are still just *moments* when yelling and hand waving and cussing MUST happen. And it’s all OK after. Typically with one or both of us having opened up another layer to the other so that we learn and grow closer. Like I said – things my parents probably just got through before I was around.
I know Erin mentioned being anxious about fighting and I didn’t get that side effect.
I had a no-fighting marriage but let me tell you, that was probably a huge reason WHY that marriage did not last. Neither one of us really cared enough clearly. Way too much bottled up stuff for sure (on his part of course, not mine
I’m not really a fighter. I mean, sure, my last relationship involved a ton of screaming matches, but those were the antithesis of healthy. The Horse Whisperer and I tend to talk about things rationally, and then move on. We’ve had one or two really heated discussions in the past year and a half, and almost immediately realized that we were both being ridiculous. Honestly, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for us to find something that we just CAN’T STAND OMG about the other person’s behavior. It just seems too good to be true sometimes.
I think fighting is healthy. When you’re with someone for awhile you can’t help but get on each other’s nerves. Plus, I think dealing with conflict can make you stronger in the long run.
When you are constantly looking at the other person trying to trap them to start a fight? Then it’s time to re-assess. Guilty? Yes.
And sidenote – my favourite line from a fight EVER –
Him: Stop yelling at me!
Me: (very calmly) I’m not yelling.
Him: (sheepishly) You yell without yelling.
Yeah, I pretty much couldn’t stop laughing after that one.
Dude, you and me? Same post today. Kinda.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, mainly because The Boy and I have been having our share of tiffs lately.
Since I’ve had exactly 1 semi-serious relationship previous to this one, where oddly enough, fights didn’t occur to the extent they should have because of premature apologies, this whole “fight with those you love” thing is new.
As I continue my first “adult” relationship I’m learning that it’s ok to argue every once in a while. It doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. And until the bad outweighs the good, and until the fights are occurring more than the sex and happy times, the relationship is worth working on.
I think everyone’s afraid of two simple things in relationships:
1) Giving up on something good.
2) Staying in something bad.
The confusing part is knowing the difference.
When the fighting happens more often than the make up sex, it’s too much fighting. Because if there isn’t any make up sex? Then you know the fights are covering up something serious.
Noah and I fight. Not a lot. But when we do, it’s spectacular. It’s loud, there are tears, slammed doors, etc. I wish that we had less fights like that, but the truth is, we both take a lot of crap before we are willing to speak up so by the time we ARE willing to speak up, it’s a giant blaze of injustices that have built up. One time I seriously considered throwing in the towel. Competely. Kaput. But part of me is too scared to do it and the bigger part of me loves Noah and knows that he’s worth it. But if he ever hit me? Or our kids in the course of an argument? I’d throw in the towel. That would be it. No matter how much I love him, I couldn’t stay with someone who hit me. Does that make any sense?
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here. I’m not a fighter. Sweets and I are at our best when we talk through disagreements. When we’re sensitive to one another and allow the other to have a voice.
But, I don’t think that’s for everyone. And, in fact, I think that sort of restraint would hold some people back. I have good friends (in what I’ll call healthy relationships) who are much more heated with their significant others.
I think the key is to know who you are. To accept who you are. And to find someone who complements you the way you need it. Thankfully, there are lots of people with lots of personalities out there. Plenty for everyone to find their one.
It depends on the people and the relationship. In mine, we argue, because, well, because I am an ass and have an opinion about everything – but that’s fine. We argue, we get over it, and that’s all. Fighting is good. Oh and yes, make up sex is good too. Slightly better than drunk-but-not-too-drunk-so-you-can-really-throw-each-other-around sex.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the odd fight – I do find it a bit unnnatural if people DON’T fight – but i LOATHE those couples who fight just to cause a scene, just to have drama. It makes me think that these people get off on the drama of the relationship rather than anything else.
Depends how you define fight. The Man and I have our misunderstanding and from time to time it does get loud. But we are much more likely to have a discussion about things. Once is a blue moon we have barn burners.
When do you cross the line? when it stops being about issues and starts being about insulting the other one… and all there is, is the anger and disappointment.
i think at some point, there’s just something that clicks in your head that makes you realize that it’s not worth fighting for anymore. it’s happened to me and that’s when i knew i had to end the relationship.
i think it’s bull when people say they’ve never argued or fought with their significant other. if you don’t EVER fight, that means that one of you is always just conceding because no couple agrees on EVERYTHING.
I agree as I’m sure most people have. A little fighting is bound to happen in most relationships.
I think though that if the fight/arguement turns mean, as in you’re just throwing insults around to actually HURT the other person, then that’s when things have crossed the line.
I can’t believe either that your friends parents have NEVER actually had a fight though! They should get some kind of medal.
Dr. Phil says you should never fight in front of your kids and if you are one of those screaming, swearing, hurting couples that fight then, no you shouldn’t. But if you are a couple (like us) that maybe yells, but doesn’t swear or attacks then I see nothing wrong with it. By fighting and then making a point of resolving it in front of your kids you let them know that a fight isn’t the end of the world and how to deal with conflict properly.
Holla, touching a little too close to home, haha.
My best friend, the one who is living with me, is currently in the middle of throwing up the white flag. Wait, I think I got the two sayings confused. She is not throwing up a white flag. She’s.. I don’t know. Whatever you wrote way up there.. She stayed in the relationship, which lasted just over a year, for what I’d say, was just over a year too long. Dishes were broken. Holes were punched in walls. But her idea of love? Was that she had fallen, and if she kept trying, kept being there through everything, that one day, everything would be alright, and this would have all been worth it. Sigh. Its sad to think about. Fighting like that? Is something I would never, ever stick around for.
Ju and I argue. We just got into our first argument of ‘o9 over grilled cheese, actually. I wanted her to wash a pan so that I could make it, and she stayed on the computer for 0.46 seconds too long before coming to do so. I threw in my grilled cheese making towel and stomped into the bedroom, proclaiming I would never cook again, and slammed the door. We made up about 10 minutes later when she gave me a bear hug and I growled at her. We argued, but did I ever think for a second about breaking up with her? No. And now she knows to HUSTLE when I want a pan washed. See? Fighting is good(ish).
I actually think it would be nice to be in a relationship where there were no fights (I’m talking actual fights- not heated debates about Joe Fox type of thing).
My mother and father used to go at it like champions before they got divorced. It was horrible.
The expectation of agreeing with someone 100% of the time is, to me, more insane than fighting. But I’ve also always argued with people that say you have to have some knock-down-drag-out fights to have a ” real” relationship. That’s just silly.
Like everything else, it’s relative. I know I, for one, will have to argue with my boyfriend/husband, but I like to think that has more to do with passion than anything else.
My neighbors have been yelling and screaming at each other off and on for the last year. The cops have been out three times in that period. I don’t give a rat’s ass how good their make-up sex is, I just want to be able to sleep at midnight without the yelling.
THAT, methinks, is the mark of too much fighting.
Geekhikers comment?
Classic.
I have to agree – if it’s good enough to end up on COPS, then you may have gone too far.
They have to have fought at some time! That’s absolutely crazy. I think a certain amount of arguing is health and necessary.
Well, there are arguments and then there’s fighting. Every couple argues at one time or another and by arguing I mean in the argue his/her point in an adult manner kind. I think that’s not only ok, but it proves that you care enough to expend the energy. Fighting on the other hand as in screaming, crying, hitting, throwing things, well that happens too but now, 43 years and 3 serious relationships later I think that those kinds of fights and the other extreme, silence are both a sign that something is wrong. I believe that rip roaring fights are a substitute for other forms of passion lacking in the relationship and silence is a lack of intimacy. Pretending to agree, giving in is a form of avoidance – a way of staying detached. So, in a nutshell, arguing in a mature manner is fine, and inevitable, but fighting? Not so much. In my opinion of course.
I have never been a big ‘fighter’, but I am a big fan of the ‘arguement/fight’. It allows for all the pent up thoughts and emotions to be released, which I find incredibly healthy. Luckily I haven’t had to face this too often, but I think that the fighting becomes too much when it one starts speaking disrespectfully to their partner. It is fine to state your arguement, but when the name calling and crap starts up, the fair fighting is over. But, that’s just my take on it.
lol, smoke signals.
My parents fought a lot before their divorce. My mom and step dad fight non-stop. I think the balance is that you disagree, argue points…but not fight. Not in front of children at least.
But if you never fight, then do you ever get to make up? Making up is the best.
I think a good fight is healthy (as long as you fight fair). It’s the fighting fair that is the hard part for a lot of people though. I myself have to try hard to not hit below the belt so to speak when I argue w/ the hubs. Being that close to someone makes it all that much easier to hit em where it hurts and if you get too into the heat of the moment of the fight you may say something you regret the second it eeks out of your pie hole. So, yes to fighting, just as long as you think before you yell.
Mister and I tend to get in a huff and stop talking before we get to fighting, we cool off and then we talk about it.
We sometimes raise our voices, but we’ve never like – shouted at each other. It’s just not our style. I’ve been in a really frightening relationship before, where there was lots of shouting and threatening and slamming of doors – nothing was ever solved and no one ever wins, I think it can just make things ugly a hundred times faster than if we calm down and talk about what’s really upsetting us.
I think it’s a personality thing (or a LIBERAL! VEGETARIAN! thing lol) and I also think that it’s about where you come from.
Mister and I have lived in small apartments and in a small house – getting mad and having space isn’t really an option. And I just don’t want to fight with the kid. My whole family is divorced, entirely. Getting married was a huge leap of faith. I have too much at stake in my relationship with him to be rash or heated.
amazing. My parents fought. And I’m a pretty good fighter, I too consier it an art. I’ve even thrown a few breakables at my husband. But we love eachother. I can’t imagine not fighting with him occasionally. And yes the make-up sex is great. Great line from an otherwise pretty stupid movie (The Wedding Date) “I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.”
I think that there is a place for fighting in relationships and that some things are absolutely worth fighting for. I think it becomes too much when the good starts to outweigh the bad, when you find yourself fighting over silly things, and when you fight start caring more about winning a fight and less about what you’re even fighting over.
That being said, I think there is a way to fight. I do my best not to slam doors, storm out of the room, bring up irrelevant things from the past, and say things that I know will hurt the other person. Sometimes it’s really hard, but it’s better than regretting your behavior later on.
Fighting can be passionate, and we all know that passion makes things steamy!
I NEVER fought with my ex boyfriend, and we were together for almost three years. Not once did we have an argument, did we ever yell, did we ever swear. So, I agree with your friend’s mom that fighting doesn’t come along with every relationship.
But that was my first and only boyfriend so far, so I’m sure I have the rest of my life to argue with boyfriends.
fighting is healthy, until it gets out of hand. when all you can think of is the bad stuff and the fighting, that is too much. but little fights and makeup sex? awesome.
My parents never really fought either. I believe I remember two or three fights but never anything major. I never really questioned my parents why the never fought (or at least not openly) but I guess now I’m a little curious. I do know that both of my parents are fully capable of putting in a good fight though. I mean, they did/do raise four teenagers!
It’s funny how fighting is really, really afftected by the sort of household you grow up in. Take my friend for example: she grew up in a household where there was a lot of yelling, throwing of hands, expression of feelings, etc. One of her exes? Grew up in a household of no yelling. No fights. No anything.
They had real problems when they began having issues with their relationship. She would yell, she would rant and rave and throw her hands up and he just hated it. He thought she was crazy, over-emotional and scary. He would leave, rather than deal with her behaviour and the fight. And then she would get doubly angry because he left and nothing was resolved. I think it’s what eventually broke them up.
And now I’m living with her and I’m one of those people that needs to go away for a while, be alone, process things and then calmly talk it out. And she keeps trying to drag me into fights. When I tell her I want to be alone and don’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t respect my way of doing things. It drives her crazy. And I don’t want to stand there yelling. It’s tough. I’m not exactly sure how to fix it!
But I do believe every couple will fight every now and then or there’s no passion. And there’s nothing worth fighting FOR.
I think the answer is 97/3…if you have 3 fights every hundred days, that’s not bad. Not fighting at all can’t be good because it means somebody’s holding something in. I come from a house with a lot of fights (especially between my parents). And sometimes the tone just turned ugly. I think when the tone turns that way more often than not…it’s time to get out.
Just my opinion.
I’ve always been a fighter. Every relationship I’ve had has included colossal fights. I think I prefer it that way. Now that I’m older I’ll try (maybe) to tone it down, but I can’t imagine going without. It’s like a sport for me.
My parents fought regularly, yet my sister and I never did (18 months apart). I’ve been married almost 19 years, now, and we’ve only fought twice (maybe three times?) since we’ve been together (21 years). And we never had sex afterwards.
I think it’s in our personalities. I’m not a fighter; I’m known for being the diplomat at work. My wife has uncanny abilities at reading people and knowing exactly the right thing to say in any situation, so we end up diffusing the situation before it ends up in a fight.
I agree with you. I think some fighting is perfectly normal. That said, the more I think about it, the more I believe you could function with just disagreements, not fights per se.
You can’t agree on everything, but I spose you can talk everything out. If you have insane self control, which I do not!
As many have mentioned, it all depends on your personalities. I’m a fighter. Mr button is not so much, but we’re learning to deal with each other (still, after 5 years…)
I also think that relationships go through phases. We had a year of long distance. During that year, I think the fighting came pretty close to outweighing the good. But we could see the reasons behind it, so although we came close to splitting up, we knew that when we were together again, it would all be worth it. And I’m so glad we didn’t throw in the towel. But in other relationships, I can see that it’s unhealthy, even with fewer fights. So I don’t think there’s one ‘right’ for everybody…
Conclusion: everyone’s different, and I like to ramble!
When I was growing up I never saw my parents fight. I also never saw them kiss. I remember having this conversation with my friends at lunch in high school. One of the nosy janitors overheard and told me that that wasn’t normal, and they should show their emotions more often. He was a strange man.
I’m not really confrontational, but I do like to start little stupid disagreements from time to time. They just make life more interesting.
I fight.
Passionately.
Fiercely.
Never, ever violent.
Usually it’s silly.
I’ve never fought with anyone besides my husband. (And my sisters when were young.)
I’ve NEVER even had an argument where I yelled at my parents.
I’m somewhat of a fighter. I’m passionate. I raise my voice. It doesn’t concern me. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a fear of relationships ending. My parents are happy – ridiculously (and sometimes embarrassingly) happy. My siblings are my best friends even though we’ve screamed at each other so much that our voices have gone hoarse. I am confident in my relationships and I don’t think a few words spoken a few decibals too loudly will change that.
Mostly, I think it’s about what happens AFTER the fight. I have a rebound rate of about .2 seconds. That works well for me. It’s staying mad – making angry choices beacuse of an argument – that really causes problems in a relationship.
I’m an arguer. I just have a hot temper, okay? Joe and I tend to get in little spats once a week or so… mostly starting with “Why didn’t you take out the garbage?” “Are you EVER going to clean the litter box?” “Fine, I guess I’LL just have to unclog the drain MYSELF!” (I swear I do my share of housework… brb while I change the laundry.)
I’m with you – arguing can be healthy as long as it’s done effectively. We’ve only had a few all-out balls-to-the-walls feuds but I can honestly say we’re better for them. And to your friend’s mom who claims she and her husband never argue? Bite me. That’s not a healthy relationship, that’s complacency and devaluing yourself. Lame-o.
right before my aunt figured out she needed to file for divorce she had a conversation with my mom about fighting. she was describing a fight she and my uncle had had and my mom just looked abhorred. my aunt was like “you and denny don’t call names?” to which my mom replied “uh, no.” and they never did. we always knew if mom was mad, because she wouldn’t speak to us. and if dad was mad sometimes he’d just get pissed and storm off. don’t get me wrong, neither one of those are totally healthy options (most of the time they discussed things calmly and rationally after they cooled off), but where my cousins grew up thinking it was totally normal, i have never called a boy a stupid prick or anything else in a fit of rage.
my mom thinks i’m a doormat.
My sentiments exactly, now can you please explain this to my boyfriend?
Oh, dear baby Jeebus in heaven… I cannot IMAGINE what I would do if I couldn’t fight to get it out. I would have internally combusted years and years and YEARS ago. End of story.
Make up sex…. mmm… think I might have go break a dish right now. Oh, B…?
Interesting question. Interesting blog. I always say, ” Save the heart attack for something really bad!” In other words, it is not worth it. I believe that you should talk things out and say what you have to say to clear up whatever you have to clear up, but I do not think you have to be so nasty about it. It is all in your voice. It is all in your facial expressions. Smile. Stay calm. Explain calmly. Take deep breaths. Think positive. These are all things that happen to work for me. If they don’t, I just scream really loud! Ha Ha Ha
When you’re fighting more than you’re not fighting, or you’re fighting repeatedly over the same thing… not an “oh you always leave the lid up” kind of repeat argument, but a large issue that is continually unresolved… I think that’s “too much”
PS – I am super behind on my reading too, as you can see