2008: The One About Sex January 7, 2009
Posted by brandy in lists, love or something like it, other people say it better, quote of the day, relationships, the sex tag.trackback
I have crawled out from a mountain of kleenex, drunk on cold medication to share with you another great best/worst of ‘08 series. These two lists both hand me nodding along, but also reminded me of one of my absolute favourite quotes of the year which was in response to “Explain to Me: The Benefits of Friends with Benefits“:
Brandy, yes, some sex is better than no sex. Its like pizza – even shitty pizza is good!- E.b
5 Best Things About Not Having Premartial Sex in 2008 by Ally
(1) I didn’t have any pregnancy scares or sex related injuries, and I didn’t contract any STDs. For sure. No testing needed. And with the state of my health insurance (or lack thereof) that is an especially good thing.
(2) Not having sex contributed in a major way to the most healthy, balanced, and loving relationship and the easiest break-up I’ve ever had. I didn’t go through sex withdrawal. I wasn’t tempted to go back to the relationship or stick around just because I wanted to hook up; and I was not overly emotionally connected in a way that resulted in Facebook stalking, drive-bys, or excessive blogging/conversations about how sad I was.
(3) I had lots of extra energy for some exceptional runs, late night conversations, workouts, hikes, and partying. When you channel that sexual energy into other things, it’s amazing how much you can accomplish.
(4) I did not accumulate any more memories, images, or points of comparison that might detract from the sex I hope to enjoy one day in the confines of marriage. Some of my married friends have struggled with the consequences of their (and their spouses’) premarital sexual activity, and while I can’t erase what I’ve already done, I can certainly avoid adding to it.
(5) Not having sex (or doing the other stuff between kissing and sex) eliminates my prospective dating pool to what feels like about 0% of the population, and we know what that means….fewer bad dates (ok fewer dates period), less bad relationship drama, and as more than one person has pointed out, it’ll practically be a miracle if I meet a great guy who fits what I’m looking for and is willing to forgo the physical stuff that usually comes with dating (in an effort to honor God and be obedient to Him)….which puts me squarely in miracle territory–not a bad place to be. Oh, and lest I forget–I starting dating a fantastic guy about a month ago. Maybe a miracle will strike.
5 Best Things About Having Premartial Sex in 2008 by A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Home…
1) It’s sex. Duh! Sex is good, and we all like it. Pre-marital or not…it is just plain FUN! Otherwise, why would we spend so much time thinking about it?
2) Orgasms! OK, so there is no sex required to have an orgasm, but they are obviously more fun if someone else is involved. Plus, a lot of the arguments to abstain before marriage are based on theological reasons that also outlaw…um…”loving yourself”, so I am counting it.
3) A compatibility test. Physical chemistry is a MAJOR part of a healthy relationship. How can you possibly commit to someone for the rest of your life without knowing whether or not a major part of your life will be a total disaster?
4) “Sexual expectations”. There is no right or wrong amount of sex to have. I think that there are healthy relationships that involve no sex, some that involve lots, and some that involve every amount in between. But…whatever it is…both parties have to be on the same page. If he wants sex every day, and she only wants it once a month, then neither of them will be happy. You have to find out whether or not you are on the same page, and there is absolutely no way to do that without some practice.
5) Because the first “morning after” better not be the first morning of the rest of your life. Things change when you have sex. You learn a lot about someone when you see them like that…and you may just not like what you see. What if he or she makes you feel uncomfortable and kinda weird during sex? What if the nature of your relationship changes? It happens…having sex totally changes the dynamic between two people (sometimes better, but sometimes worse.) It says here that you are better off figuring that out before you say “I do” to a whole lifetime commitment.
So readers, where do you stand? And if that question is too loaded, tell me your favourite pizza topping.
* I’m also here- talking about swooning, acronyms and my hate for Lance Armstrong.
Hooray for premarital sex! Not that I’m having any right now. But in theory. A lot of those anti-sex comments aren’t applicable even if you ARE doin’ the deed.
If it makes you feel any better – I am ight there with you underneath my pile of kleenex. Feel better soon! Premarital sex all the way! I’m impatient and don’t like suprises. Is that so wrong??
If $30,000 buys you a wedding and a husband, you had better check the merchandise first. And kicking the tires won’t do it….you should probably ride it at least once around the block.
I have chosen to save sex for marriage. I think sex is special and I only want to have it with my husband. Not that everyone chooses this, but I have.
And thats my input!
Well, if the slice of pizza is sitting in front of me then I have a hard time not taking a bite… even if it’s not my favorite toppings.
Feel better soon.
….even if I know i’ll have remorse the next day.
I’m all for premarital sex, but that probably has a lot to do with my lack of practicing religion. On the other hand, I gotta hand it to the people who actually have the willpower (for lack of a better word) to go without.
Also, I love a good cheese pizza with fresh (not cooked!) pineapple. And some chicken.
I waited until I got married (not because of religious beliefs, but… just because), and I don’t regret it. Then again, I’m only twenty, so if I had to wait another five years… well, I don’t know. But waiting isn’t for everyone.
i have no problem with premarital sex but i haven’t exactly had much of it in the past year. so i suppose a lot of the reasons against having it sort of hold! my life is certainly less complicated that’s for sure. that being said, any day now i may start humping the table leg . . .
I’m totally down with premarital sex.
But I’ve only had it with one person. And he’s going to be my husband. So it’s not quite the same…
Ad my favourite pizza topping is everything! (except olives and anchovies).
pineapples
Sexual energy can be focused into other things?
That could be helpful.
I have no problem with pre-marital sex… But for myself personally, I don’t think that I’d ever really want to do it with someone who I couldn’t see myself marrying at the time. That is to say, only in a serious relationship. I feel this way because I think of sex being less about physical pleasure and more about a spiritual/emotional connection between a couple.
It’s different for all, I guess.
I think I’m somewhere in the middle, or as close to the middle as you can be on this topic.
Favourite topping? I don’t think I can pick one, but I love mediterranean pizza with feta, broccoli, red onions and olives.
I obviously win the award for “Brandy’s Reader Who’s The Biggest Whore”
I heart sex.
Period.
I knew when I was young (like,
that when I finally had sex I was not going to be able to stop. I have fulfilled that prophecy. While I *try* to keep sex for only those men I could A) Be in a relationship with, 2) Imagine having children with, and C) Feel strongly about….well, sometimes sex is just sex.
I’ve had really good sex, really bad sex, and mediocre sex and know enough now to be able to tell them apart. I figure, the chances I’d find someone who was still a virgin (and not uber religious, since I’m not) would have been very slim, especially as I get older, and truthfully, I believe in taking the car for a test drive before buying it. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for the rest of my life wondering if the sex I was having was any good.
So there you go, The Miranda/Samantha in me says “Go Forth and Love Each Other! Multiple Times”
The Charlotte in me says, plain old cheese pizza, thank you very much.
I’m with Ally 100%.
I’m all for premarital sex, definitely. How do you get married to someone with such a huge question mark looming? But take my opinion with a grain of salt, because the only guy I’ve ever slept with is the guy I’m marrying… and I admit, I’m pretty happy about that.
That being said, when I first slept with him, I did not have a clue that he was The One…. and for me waiting was mostly just a case of, I didn’t care enough about the boyfriends before him to sleep with them. With him I connected immediately. So a large part of it for me was just dumb luck I guess.
To each their own…
Do I like sex? Sure, who doesn’t.
Am I all for premarital sex? Sure, why not?
If sex were pizza, I would definitely go with a supreme because who doesn’t want a little bit of ALL your favorite toppings?
And pizza, as we all know, is just as good the morning after as it was the night before.
I’m 26 and have never had sex. And while that decision is mostly based on my religious/spiritual beliefs, it’s also because I realize that I’m an EXTREMELY emotional person. I know that if I had sex with someone and then we broke up, I’d be the biggest mess you’ve ever seen. I’m not someone who can separate the physical from the emotional, so I’m better off waiting for marriage.
Sexytime! Very nice, I like. Same goes for pizza. And we all know the old adage about how sex is like pizza in that even when it’s not the best, it’s never a BAD thing. Although possibly a waste of time.
Having wasted some time and eaten some questionable pies I’ve figured out what I really like, to what I’ll say “no thanks,” and what I might be willing to try later on down the line. And isn’t it all about what I like anyhow?
I would be one of Ally’s friends who’s marriage has included the hurts of pre-marital sex with others. It ain’t worth it. Ally’s intentions are Godly and to be merited! Go, girl!!!
i am on Team Premarital Sex. yup.
I’m for premarital sex, because I’m not religious & I think that understanding the sexual side of who you are, and of your relationship is hugely important. I also don’t think that all relationships should be driving towards A WEDDING or even marriage, so it fundamentally doesn’t make sense for me to say that marriage should be a deciding factor – though I respect people who feel that way.
At the same time, in my graduating class of just 26 girls, five had been either raped or date raped by the time we got out of high school. I don’t know how many more had just barely skirted out of a similar situation because they got involved with random guys to feel more mature.
I’m not against premarital sex, but I’m really against the sensationalized image of sex in teenage relationships in the media. It’s scary stuff. If my friends didn’t think that it would make them cool or mature, I know they wouldn’t have been victimized so easily.
Oh wow…lots of feedback!
Thanks for publishing, this was fun:-) Ally and I have had this discussion at length, so it is good to get some outside opinion added into it!
Crap, I can’t stand Lance Armstrong! And Brett Fvre has well worn my last favorable nerve (bout 1.5 years ago) of him.
I’d almost swap prematrial sex rights for a pizza topped with chicken, pesto, tomatoes and ricotta…almost.
But who am I fooling- my sex will always be premarital!
I just would rather have any sex… I don’t really care…
And combining the two topics…
Sex is a lot like pizza…
When it’s good, it’s great!
When it’s not so good… hey it’s still pizza…
Well, I have had premarital sex (a lot of it) and I personally am glad that I’ve been able to experience different men in that area. I’ve been able to figure out what I like and I think that’s important. I feel like sex is made out to be a really big deal but for some people, like me, it’s not a sacred rite of passage that must be saved for marriage. Not that I condone being a complete whore and sleeping with 100 guys before settling down, either. Because that’s just gross. I think sex should be between two people in a committed relationship, not a crusty guy you met at the bar and are just having sex with because you’re horny.
i really enjoy mushrooms on my pizza… i enjoy mushrooms on pretty much everything.
who said you can’t have premarital sex? the guy who was born to the virgin mary? c’mon…
Sex is lots of fun, but yes, it DOES change a relationship. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to wait at least a little while before bringing sex into a new relationship.
haha thanks fo posting thisssss…im doooown for pre-marital sex..down with any sex in general especially..especially with a hot guy..
a hot guy who’s good at it actually.
I like pizza.
But I do think it’s all about choice. I’m amazed by those who are strong enough to not have sex, I’m also amazed by those who can diet.
I don’t recommend abstaining from both sex and pizza, that would make for one cranky woman.
Pepperoni and cream cheese.
Word.
I’m fine with premarital sex. I had it. I’m glad I had it (in most cases). I can see how it’s not for everyone and I can dig that.
Favourite pizza toppings: feta, spinach, green and red peppers, and sun dried tomato. Yum.
I can go either way on the premarital sex. I mean…sex can be mind blowingly great or mind blowingly bad.
Favorite pizza toppings include but are not limited to: spinach, pepperoni, whatever cheeses and toppings constitute a “white pizza”, chicken, bbq sauce, tomatoes and alfredo sauce. (of course this isn’t all on one pizza.)
I guess I have mixed feelings. When I wasn’t married, I was for pre-marital sex. Not necessarily with lots of different people, but definitely lots of sex. But after I got engaged we found out that I had an STD and that kind of made me regret a little bit what I had done. And then I got married and sometimes I wish that I had saved myself for my husband. But other times, I’m glad that I didn’t b/c at least I know what I’ve got and how lucky I am. My husband was a virgin when we got married. I taught him everything he knows…
Ooooo, good stuff. Definitely glad I got laid in ‘08. And ‘07…and ‘06…
Before I left college, I was saving myself for marriage. Then I met a guy I thought I might marry, got a kidney transplant (unrelated to sex or the guy, natch) and realized life is finite, and well, why wait? Ended up not marrying that guy (or any guy, yet), but hey? No regrets.
But that’s just me.
I wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it…
A Super Girl’s comment?…dead on…life is for living, stop saving the fancy china for other people’s approval…Also, the concept of checking out the merchandise is valid. Can’t imagine waking up on the first morning of the honeymoon realizing you are completely sexually incompatible. Oy…THAT is a very long road to travel.
As others have said and I will too… I test drive my cars before I buy them. Period. Just because you have chemistry with someone does not always guarantee the sex is good. There is nothing like a guy dropping his pants and all you can think is, “Is that all?”
Unfortunately, I have a nagging tendency to get emotional about it afterwards, become attached, etc., so I am careful about who I have sex with. Plus, some guys have cooties.
I am a 23 year old virgin and have been in a two and half year serious relationship. Although my boyfriend has had sex (he even has a daughter from a previous relationship), we have both decided that we want to wait. I’ve discussed this with my boyfriend (obviously) and have asked him how he feels about waiting. Although he is horny as HELL, he always tells me that sex complicates relationships and that he’s happy to be in a relationship without sex. He says he is glad that we are able to work through issues without being distracted by sex.
That’s his take and although I’ve considered having sex with him, he’s adamant in telling me “No. We should wait.” So we’re waiting.
Yeah, I’m batting for the pre-marital sex team.
Just hearing the words ‘morning after’ kind of made my heart race. I had to make sure I didn’t need to be calling PP. Haha.
I was going to say “Italian Sausage”…but then I realized how that could be a very unfortunate unintended pun. So…I’m not going to say that at all…but rather than I am all about living in the moment and when I want something I want it RIGHT NOW so I’m very much in the Funny Thing Happened camp.
Feel better darling!
Pre-marital sex is a must. I am a firm believer in “try before you buy.”
I’m squarely in Ally’s camp. I’ve even written a few posts about it this past year.
My reasons? #1, #4, and #5 – while I feel that abstaining from sex is the best thing for my life right now (because, my GOD, have my last few (sex-based) relationships been total crap!), it worries me slightly that I may not be able to find a guy, like Ally said, that would be o.k. with the limits I have in regard to physical intimacy.
Then I think, well, if he’s the one for me, he WILL be o.k. with it.
And I remember how much I changed myself in the past for a guy and how I will NEVER do it again. This is one of those times.
So yeah, squarely in Ally’s camp.
While I don’t think there’s a chance in hell I could (or would) wait until marriage.. the idea of no pregnancy/std scares is always nice
too bad i can’t take back my virginity, eh?
I think pre-marital sex is important. The healthiest relationships involve people who truly know themselves both emotionally and physically. How can you know yourself, your likes, your dislikes, etc if you haven’t had sex? Your sexuality is one of the very few thing you have that you and you alone truly own. You need to appreciate it, understand it and nurture it and find out what makes you comfotable. That could mean having sex with only one person or having sex with many partners. The important thing is that you make those decisions for yourself and never, ever let anyone else think they have ownership over your sexuality!
Plain cheese pizza with hot red pepper flakes sprinkled on top!
Would you buy a car you’ve never driven?
All sex all the time baby. The Man and I aren’t not married. No plans to either.
Apparently your blog goes over well in Mississippi! Oops, my bad, they could be married there…
ATLANTA (Jan. 7) – Mississippi now has the nation’s highest teen pregnancy rate, displacing Texas and New Mexico for that lamentable title, according to a new federal report released Wednesday.
Sex before marriage. I could wax poetic on the reasons for this, but it’s not necessary. Even if I could go back and change things, I still wouldn’t have waited until marriage.
Also, pepperoni.
I just want to throw out that the concept of “premarital” sex is a bit ridiculous when you come to think of it because it makes it sound as if marriage eventually happens in every single person’s life. Plenty of people don’t care to ever get married or because of their sexual orientation are not legally allowed to marry their loved one….so what about them? It is sex anytime? Or sex will forever be cheapened because their not legally bound to one another?
Additionally, for those people waiting to get married which is of course, their choice, what happens if say they happen to get a divorce (which statistically is totes possible)…..can they never have sex again? Or it’s a free for all now? Or they wait to get married and start the cycle again?
Mmmm, I do like pizza. AND—bonus!—pizza will not stalk you later.
i am all about the pre-marital sex. i truly believe sex is a very important part of a relationship. i like to sample my cheese before i buy a block for a cheese platter.
First may I say I am all for sex before marriage. Okay I am going to make a few references here.
#1 Jessica Simpson. Supposedly she saved herself for marriage. She married Nick Lachey. She then preceded to divorce Nick Lachey. Now she waited her first 20-something years to have sex with only one man… until he couldn’t stand her anymore. Now she will end up having sex with more than one guy and in my mind… that’s just good sex time wasted!!
#2 Chelsea Handler. Of Chelsea Lately, the show. She is hilarious and she loves loves loves sex! If you love sex too, or just want to read about her misadventures, I highly recommend this read!! “My Horizontal Life” -Chelsea Handler (It actually made coffee come out my nose I was laughing so hard!)
And as far as pizza toppings- My favorite pizza is from a local pizza place and its called “Junk” pizza. It is basically everything they have thrown on the pie. It probably weighs 10 pounds. I’m not sure what this says about me… but it doesn’t sound good!!
I’m for premarital. I guess I feel it’s something about life and if you really haven’t seen what your getting yourself into, there’s a good chance you may not like it! I mean it’s kinda like shopping, I’ll buy something that looks super cute and perfect, but I wait to try it on until I got home and it was not so perfect…
I’ve had some not so perfect expierences with the male substance too!
The 2 of them are so funny! I love that they are friends too.
Not giving it away to everyone, but definitely not holding out for a ring!
Extra pineapple and extra cheese is the best way to go.
I’m no virgin, but point #4 for abstinence is really, really good.
Uh. Pepperoni and pineapple.
It’s no big secret that I’m a card carrying member of the V club (within the relative anonymity of posting a comment on somebody else’s blog, I’ll go out on a limb and share that I definitely am experience in the self love department). I’m not waiting for marriage… I’m just waiting for a time when I feel safe and comfortable. I really don’t expect having sex with more than say, 5 guys in my whole life. Just because I sometimes have trouble feeling fully comfortable with people.
Last summer I almost swiped my v card just because I’m tired of being the only person I know not having sex. But I’m glad I talked myself out of it because you know what, I’m meeting all my own physical demands (demands? needs?) and I have a lot of emotional love in my life with family and friends. That said I very much look forward to meeting somebody that I feel comfortable banging ( Quick question. Can girls bone? Or only guys. I guess only guys can bone. Right? Girls can be boned? Too bad because it’s such a funny word. Bone.)
What I’m saying is CAN’T WAIT except actually YES I CAN.
And as an aside, I don’t really believe in marriage? So I guess if you substitute “feeling comfortable and committed” wherever she says marriage, then yeah, I’m abstaining until I feel comfortable and committed. For me, same thing.
I’m on Ally’s side with this one. Mostly, yeah, for religious/spiritual reasons, but also… I know how heartbroken I can be over a guy I’ve done NOTHING with and I don’t want to imagine how bad it would be for me if I had sex with someone I really cared about and it didn’t work out.
Yes for premarital sex if you can count on it– Booty calls suck. Or at least booty calls that you can’t really count on. I’m not into sex if I have to stress over it. I’d rather go without.
And my favorite pizza topping is pepperoni! Duh!
I Completely agree with Ally. The whole waiting until marriage thing…. I’m all about that. She does make it sound a little easier than I feel like it actually is. Some days I just want to jump on my boyfriend/male friend/anything male that moves. However, I’m always proud of myself when I don’t. Always.
Side note… This comment “outs” me as a closet reader of yours. So there you have it.
I have had lots of premarital sex–both good and bad–and there’s been enough bad to let me know that the chances of ending up with a guy who’s lousy in the sack, or whose anatomy simply isn’t compatible with your own, is pretty high.
I mean… you wouldn’t buy a car without taking a test-drive, would you? And that’s only a commitment of a couple of years, versus a lifetime.
I’m just glad I got married this year.
Uhhh, my favorite pizza topping is cheese. So much cheese that’s it’s oozing off the side.