Evolution January 30, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, Andrea should move back to Canada, blogs, brookem is awesome!, confession of the day, friends, happiness, hey it's Friday! let's say something nice, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, it happened this week, it makes sense to me, it's a good thing, let's still be friends?, life lesson, man I'm such a girl, note on a non-scandal, oh look! i have opinions., right on my sleeve, so egan will LOVE this, so sappy it hurts, the less i worry the happier i am, the one that nobody reads because of the title, the title says it all, the world according to me, things I don't say outloud, this tag is for you Arm!, when I go all Dr. Phil on you, when i say it anyway, you're skimming this one.57 comments
November 2006- Start my blog. On a whim. Because I’m killing time before going on a date. My first post talks about how bloggers are pretentious (no really, it does) and how I’m scared no one is going to read my blog. And then, because I’m afraid no one WILL read my blog, I attach my blog url to my email so every “real life” friend will have access to it. (I later refer to this “Blogging Mistake #1“).
November 2006- December 2006= No one reads my blog and I do not understand why. Doesn’t the internet know I exist?
January 2007= Someone introduces me to the idea of commenting on other blogs. My world gets bigger. And the “spare time” window shrinks.
March 2007= I get introduced to google reader. The idea of “spare time” is now laughable.
August 2007= I get my first really nasty email related to blogging. I cry.
September 2007= My first experience with plagarism. It’s as romantic and lovely as you imagine.
October 2007= I fall so in love with bloggers, I showcase some of my favourites.
March 2008= I have my second freak out seeing my words attached to someone else’s name. The phrase “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” makes me want to punch a puppy.
October 2008= I say what I still feel. About you, and blogging and dogs who eat their own poop. This becomes one of my favourite posts, one that I will re-read now after getting a nasty emails still suck like a bad hair cut on a first date, they don’t bother me as much now. Because for every nasty email, there’s a gazillion nice ones. Good triumphs evil and all that jazz.
November 2008= After reading a blog that mentioned how the person doesn’t put up a new post until they’ve responded to all the comments they have received, I decide I’m going to do the same.
December 2008= I realize I suck at replying to comments. And commenting. I’m reading as much as ever, but December/January have been hellish in terms of time. I offer my kidney to numerous bloggers as an apology for my lack of commenting.
April 2007- January 2009= I worry less about generating comments. I write when the mood strikes, with abandon and often without any idea of what I’m saying. My posts are long, my grammar is poor and at times I’m so self indulgent that I make Veruca Salt look saintly. I develop friendships with bloggers, people who know about coding and comment moderation and who understand why google reader is life changing. But they also understand me,- maybe not the way my “real life” friends do, but they know about Mallard and my political views and are far more versed in my insecurities and frustrations regarding being a teacher. Because sometimes it’s easier for me to write it than say it out loud, these friends often get the unvarnished version of what is bothering me. I realize that I’m no longer commenting just to ‘put my name out there’, I’m commenting because I want to wish you good luck because I know how much you want the interview to go well, or I’m excited that you are engaged or I’m heartbroken about your loss. I comment because I want you to know I’m reading and less because I want people to read me. I also get lazy when it comes to starting new paragraphs.
January 2009= I publish a post talking about Blogging annoyances and then read multiple people talking about how they felt it was directed at them. Which? Breaks my heart. I decide to write a post about the evolution of me as a blogger, to show that I often do exactly what I said I find annoying (long, self indulgent posts with a lot of links and minimal content? Check!). And that’s how it should be. Because no blog is perfect. Sometimes you can’t tell the best story without it getting long. I know this. I’ve done this. And I know the day will come where I will once again do it again. And sometimes LOLZ talk makes me laugh. (True story, but let’s keep it on the down low).
If I’ve learned anything this week, it’s that you all think God farts and that we all have insecurities about our blogs. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in either of these thoughts, though I have to say, anyone of you who is willing to put your words out there should be confident about them, because they are worth sharing.
Now. It’s Friday. It’s time to plan some adventures that involve making some well thought out, bad choices.
Have a good weekend everyone!
2008: The one every blogger should must read
January 29, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, blogs, blogsecret!, confession of the day, don't hate me for this, find the great TWSS line!, it makes sense to me, it's always easier to say it than do it, let's still be friends?, lists, my passive aggressiveness is devastating, oh look! i have opinions., other people say it better, politics.
64 comments
The last of the best/worst of 2008. The genius of this list is that it’s not really date specific, these Boo Boo’s will still drive me (and I suspect Nilsa, the lovely author of this list) bonkers in 2009. Enjoy and have a good weekend!
TOP 5 WORST BLOGGING BOO BOOS by Nilsa
1) Blogs Without Feeds or Partial Feeds. Seriously, this is still allowed? Because I do all my blog reading from my reader. So, if I can’t follow you there, in all likelihood, I’m not following you at all! Even throwing me a bone of a few lines of your post in my reader likely will not lure me to your blog to finish reading. Get with it, people; offer a full blog post to feed readers! We’ll reward you with applause, gold stars and lots of juicy comments.
2) Consistently Long Posts. Let’s just put it this way … there are very few bloggers who are cohesive and organized enough to properly write long blog posts. You’re likely NOT one of them. If that’s the case, there’s slim to little chance I’ll be reading your diarrhea of the mouth post. There are too many other blogs I read to spend that much time on yours. I might read a couple paragraphs and skip to the end to see if I missed anything really important. And that’s on a good day. On other days, I’ll skip your post altogether. Learn how to share yourself with others … wrap it up in fewer words than a dissertation and I’ll likely stick around to the end!
3) Multiple Posts in One Day. Seriously? This type of blogger just throws up a bunch of words as they come to mind. Whenever they come to mind. There is no organization. To me, that just shows a blogger isn’t putting much thought into what they write and makes me question the quality of each post. With those bloggers, I’ll typically limit my reading to only one post a day and skip the others. Pretty sad if I wind up reading the worst posts each day, wouldn’t you say? So, those of you who have multiple personalities, learn to use bullets to sum your crazy thoughts into one post. You’ll have much better feedback as a result!
4) Moderated Comments. I get that some people have good reason to moderate comments (stalker ex-boyfriends, need to keep real-life names hidden, etc.). But, for the most part, there is no reason to moderate. And as a reader, moderated comments are annoying. I want immediate gratification. That’s why I’m in this whole blogging thing. It’s all about me. So, let’s all be adults here. If you turn off that moderation, in return we promise to leave PG-13 rated comments for you.
5) Word Verification. Again, like moderated comments, word verification seems like just another obstacle. A big royal pain in the butt obstacle for your regular readers. Let’s face it, half the time it’s impossible to read the letters. And if I get it wrong? I’m more likely not to notice (thus, you don’t get my comment) or get so annoyed that I’ll move on to the next blog rather than figure out the puzzle just so I can leave a comment. No thanks. Turn off the word verification and you just might be surprised how many wanted comments you get and how little unwanted spam you actually get.
Top 4 Blogging Annoyances by brandy (who has done a lot of these herself)
1. That side list of characters that holds 15 code names of all the people you blog about? Yeah, that thing DRIVES ME NUTS. I’m pretty good with keeping up with who is dating who and your best friend, but is it necessary for me to know the name of your sisters ex-fiances cousin? I’m going to go with a NO.
2. LOLZ! If ur riting like this 2 save time or B cool? Omg, I won’t be coming bk. 4 sure. Text tlk + total lolz ALL the time? Az in 24/7/365? WTF?! Look! My brain just exploded. 4 realz.
3. If it takes me more than 30 seconds to find where your post is on your website (because it’s hidden beneath layers of sidebar notes, quotes, advertisements)… that’s not cool. Nothing should take that much work unless someone is getting laid for their efforts.
4. See Nilsa’s third point. I CANNOT AGREE MORE. Seriously. My google reader weeps when people post five times a day. Multiple posts a day, everyday is not cool. See this font? I pull it out when I’m serious.
And yes, my list only has four because I couldn’t think of another one. It’s been a long week.
So tell me readers, did Nilsa and I miss any blogging annoyances?
(* The “Secret Project submissions are still being taken until Sunday night. Keep them coming! Also, I’ve been wondering, would you rather read them ALL in one post, or split them up? Yeah, I’m no longer able to make decisions regarding my own blog. I may have used the word ‘shuttlecock’ in front of junior high boys. Never do that. Have I told you lately it’s been a long week?)
For those who say I’m going to hell… (aka: This is the post you get when I talk religion before 8 am) January 28, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, are you there God? It's me- ripping off Judy Blume, confession of the day, friends, heaven, i can't believe i said that, i should be a P.S.A., introspection sometimes causes me to drink, it makes sense to me, it's okay- you can skim this one, karma is going to get you, life lesson, seriously, the george, thinking, today i am not funny, when i say it anyway, youth.88 comments
When I was in grade one, I had a reading partner named Claire. Claire and I would choose our favorite books and share a tired, orange beanbag at the back of the classroom. We would read each other the stories and if we tired of reading, we would make up our own versions, which would always include cotton candy and/or a magical unicorn named Rusty.
One day, while sitting with Claire, I farted. Claire first looked surprised, then she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I was going to hell. God didn’t let people who farted go to heaven. I didn’t know a lot about Hell (my family didn’t go to church), but from what Claire had told me, it sounded bad. Really bad. I remembered a particularly colorful description that involved my blood being set on fire. I cried so hard our teacher came over and when the situation was explained, Claire and I had to read alone. And then she called Claire’s mom.
When I was in grade four, I had a good friend named Sarah. Sarah was known for her hair. It was long,- really long and thick, which meant really heavy. Her parents refused to let her cut it, so at recess Sarah would cry on the playground, her neck was constantly sore from the weight of her hair. I decided to help and so a few of us would take turns “carrying” Sarah’s hair around for her at recess so her neck wouldn’t hurt. Like a princess who has finally gotten people to carry her train, Sarah was incredibly happy.
One day Sarah showed up at school with Guess? jeans. Sarah had never had Guess? jeans. Her clothes were always hand downs from her older sisters. I asked how she finally got the jeans and she told me that she had paid for them herself. I asked how she had paid for them, since she didn’t get an allowance. She gleefully explained to me that she had gotten $50 from her parents for reading the entire Bible. I gave her a high five. Then she told me that her mom didn’t want her being friends with me anymore because I wasn’t reading the Bible and was going to burn in Hell. I considered taking back the high five.
Again? Tears.
One of my best friends Laura- I met through work about five years ago. Again, she’s a religious person who works in a church with youth. One night after a few cocktails, we started talking about religion and I asked her if she thought I was going to Hell. She said yes. Not with malice or with smugness, but with genuine sadness. I feel like it’s a testament to our friendship that she felt she could be honest, as much as I disliked what she said. Because I don’t go to Church and pray the way she believes that you need to in order to earn your way into heaven, I won’t be kicking it with the gold harpists and hot, naked, male minions who will dedicate their lives to making sure my every wish is granted.
There were no tears this time.
I guess after the third time, you just get used to being told you are going to Hell.
Maybe heaven doesn’t exist. Maybe it does. Maybe I will never get to go.Maybe I will. But if farting or never reading the Bible or not praying the way someone else believes is the right way, means I don’t get to go? I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be alone. In fact, I’m fairly confident I will be seeing a lot of familiar faces in whatever “Hell” is and that alone makes me feel better about the whole damn thing.
Besides, George Clooney farts. I just know it.
And if George is in Hell, well- suddenly the place just got a lot more inviting.
(Still accepting submissions for The “Secret” Project!)
Chickspeak January 25, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, confession of the day, i love fragment sentences, it makes sense to me, lists, man I'm such a girl, men, things I don't say outloud, when i say it anyway, youth.59 comments
What I said: “Adam is an interesting child.”
What I meant: “Teaching your child has been the best form of birth control I could have ever asked for.”
What I said: “I’m fine”
What I meant: 99% of the time when I say “I’m fine”, I mean it. That other 1%, “I’m fine”, really means “I’m so irate I can’t speak to you for fear that my wrath will burn you body to a crisp. Back away and avoid eye contact”. And yes, I realize here is when men say, “But how am I supposed to know which one you are feeling?” and I admit, I sympathize. I am a complex creature and only a man able to put on his decoder ring and figure this one out will gain the opportunity to taste *my mac n’ cheese.
What I said: “Well, I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.”
What I meant: “I still think you are wrong, but I’m tired of talking about this.”
What I said: ” I miss university”
What I meant: “I miss sleeping in and scholarships. I miss Wednesday wing night on campus and Friday nights riding a mechanical bull. I miss 1 am dance-offs, the 2 am walk home and the 3 am pizza order. I miss the smell of the university library, the feeling of knowing I aced the paper, and Engineering parties- actually I just miss Engineers. I miss new school supplies and old friends and professors who wore scarves. I miss feeling like I was supposed to make mistakes.”
What I said: “He has a great personality.”
What I meant: “I want to rip his clothes off immediately.”
*Not a euphemism
Originally done here
The “Secret” Project January 24, 2009
Posted by brandy in because "guilt" is a dirty word, games we play, i know- we all LOVE him, it makes sense to me, it's almost like a meme, Josh Lyman needs his own tag, just do what i say, Q & A, secrets, the secret project, when i ask you to do things for me, why I will never be the CEO of Apple.77 comments
Yesterday I got the most fascinating email. It was from a girl, who had a secret and just wanted to tell someone. So, she emailed and told me. She didn’t write a long post in email, nor did she explain her secret- she just said it. And then said that she was a regular reader (but never commented) and felt like she could tell me. So she did.
That’s one of the things that fascinates (yes, ‘fascinates‘ is the word of the day) me about blogging. The ease at which people are willing to share things they normally wouldn’t share. Though it’s been pointed out repeatedly, I’m not a blogger who is always very ‘personal’, but if you were to search my archives you would find (besides a lot of memes, because I ADORE *MEMES) things I’ve said that I’ve never told even some of the people I see everyday.
Which got me thinking.
Other than Obama as President (hooray! cue the confetti! I’m still excited about this!), January has been about as awesome as a cold sore on prom night. I know a lot of people are going through a lot right now, and I’m sure there’s some study somewhere in the history of studies that shows that people feel better when they share their secrets.
Soooo….
I know there is Postsecret (which I consider to be the greatest thing on this Earth other than Josh Lyman on DVD and red licorice) and Nilsa had a wonderful Blogsecret that I adored doing, but I thought a combination of the two might be just what is now in order.
Your mission, if you chose to accept it is to email me a secret/confession that is no longer than three sentences. It can be funny or sad or tragic or reference your deeply held (and darkly hidden) love for the Anne of Green Gables novel series. I won’t share your name or email information but on Monday, February 2nd, I will share your secret on this site, along with everyone else who participates. Your secret will be anonymous, (well, other than me, but I will never share it, I swear on my collection of West Wing DVD’s that I love more than I love most people) but you will feel the chains of your secret lift from you and I suspect you will be happier than that one time you found $20 on the floor and didn’t tell anyone (Don’t worry, I wouldn’t have handed it in either).
Here are some possible Q & A’s that I’m going to answer in advance:
Q: Hey smartass, you say you want me to email you but what’s your email address?
A: Good point, but such language isn’t necessary. It’s brandyismagic@gmail.com
Q: Why aren’t you doing what Nilsa did and handing out anonymous secrets for all participants to show on their blog?
A: Another good question. The short answer? I’m not as organized as Nilsa and the idea of matching up secrets to 50+ (hopefully!) bloggers with another bloggers secret, makes me envision a ridiculous amount of grey brain matter exploding on to my walls. So, that’s why I’m just going to post them all on this site.
Q: Is there any type of secret you won’t accept?
A: If you say something negative about Josh Lyman, there’s a chance your email will get ‘lost’. Other than that, share what you want to.
Q: Is there going to be a badge? Does this project even have a name?
A: Hmm, no badge. Mostly because I have no idea how to make one. My brain juices have been used for other things like, how to make homemade mac n’ cheese and how to properly seduce a man (hint: it involves homemade mac n’ cheese). As for a name, I intitially wanted to call it, the “Unclenching the talons that have kept hold of our secrets Project” but that seemed creepy, like we would all be wearing cloaks and ranting about the Freemasons when typing up our secret. I think we should just call it The” Secret” Project, because it sounds a) elusive and b)has the word “secret” in it, which seems important and c)… yeah I don’t have another one.
I think that’s it. If you have any questions you can email me. I’ve already gotten some submissions from people who I had talked to about this project and look forward to hearing from the rest of you after you’ve finished sending me that care package of delicious gluten free baked goods you promised me.
Okay, so you promised me nothing but maybe you should re-think that position?
*That meme shout out was just for you.
Stretch January 22, 2009
Posted by brandy in and now you might know everything, confession of the day, introspection sometimes causes me to drink, seriously, swimming in a sea of self pity, things I don't say outloud, this is what happens when you listen to a sad song, today i am not funny, vague is vogue, when I go all Dr. Phil on you, who needs a self help book?, you're skimming this one.64 comments
I wake up every day fully aware that I have a good life.
I know this.
I may complain about the cold, but I’ve never been homeless. I may complain about being hungry, but I’ve never starved. I may complain about Paris Hilton but no one has forced me to sit through her sex tape. More than once.
I have a good life.
Last week, I stumbled across this line:
Few people attain great lives, large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life. – Good to Great
And it’s haunted me.
Do you ever have those moments where you realize you are in a rut? And although, it’s a beautiful, comfortable and dazzling rut, it’s still a rut? That’s what I feel lately. As though everything is really good but nothing is, in a word- great. Lately I feel like my life could continue exactly how it is and I would be happy, but would I be the happiest I could be?
I feel like I need to reach for something bigger. I need to stretch for something more. I just don’t know what that is yet. Do I need to move? Change jobs? Cut my hair? Become a vegetarian? Throw out all my Soul Decision CD’s and dedicate my life to curing male baldness?
Or is it more than that? Is there some fundamental life lesson I need to learn? Some cosmic collision of knowledge and realization that will make my life be more than it is?
Or maybe it’s less than that? Is it just because it’s January and January is the month where I tend to go old school Britney Spears crazy question my point in the universe?
I just feel unsettled.
Until I figure it out, I will wake up each day knowing I have a good life.
I know this.
And in completely different news… I watched Lost last night and felt really dumb. I either need to really start paying more attention and taking notes when I watch, or start drinking heavily when I watch. Either way. I felt like a lecture on quantum physics by someone with a thick Russian accent and a harelip would have been easier to understand.
There is something happening in America. And on my blog. January 19, 2009
Posted by brandy in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, AHHHHHHHHHHH!, Andrea should move back to Canada, Bill Schneider wears a lot of funny hats, blogs, cnn makes my heart beat fast, earning my dork badge, friends, here is my heart, i know- we all LOVE him, i'm the sum of my failures and my achivements, is it weird this makes me cry?, it happened this week, it's ironic because I'm Canadian, overwhelmed doesn't even begin..., politics, something I won't forget, your vote matters here.59 comments
There are moments when I know what I want to say but really struggle for the right words. You would laugh if you saw me- mumbling to myself as I drive to work, as I fold laundry, as I lay in bed. I envision it would be easier to rip out my heart and put it on my screen, but besides the fact that it would be insanely messy- I don’t think it would be enough. And so, in these moments I turn to the one device a blogger can use when she feels like she has a lot to say but struggles to find a way to say it, I turn to the lovely bullets.
- I’ve gotten emails asking me if I’m going to blog about Obama’s inauguration. The short answer? No. I’ve tried. And I just turn into, well, a hot mess. One draft included Common lyrics, Abe Lincoln quotes, a Golden Girls mention and a grotesque reference to how much snot I can produce when I cry. I told you. Hot mess.
- With that said, (because OF COURSE I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING) can I tell you that I’m absolutely and insanely drunk with happiness over what is going to take place? I promise you, many years from now- we will look back on January 20th, 2009 and ask each other ‘Where were you?”. For the first time, my generation has a moment that is significant enough- in a positive way, for that question to be asked. High five America.
- I’ve really decided I need to marry an American. Not only will it mean TWO Thanksgiving dinners (as Kyla Bea cleverly pointed out), it means getting to vote in the next election AND getting to go to inaugural parties. I know this might shock you, but I’m having a hard time finding a party to attend tomorrow here in Canada, so if any of you could find me a spouse (who is hosting his own party) in the next oh, 12 hours- that would be STELLAR. Preferably a single, employed, funny male who wants to spend his free time braiding me hair, watching “The Notebook” and fetching me snacks.
- Also? I won “Most Diverse Subject Matter” and “Least Likely to click Mark-As-Read” on the 20sb site, which completely blew me away. Especially “Least Likely to click Mark-As-Read”. I tried explaining this to a friend (who doesn’t blog) and our conversation went something like this:
Me: I won a 20sb award, one that means people voted my blog least likely to be marked as read!
Friend: Mark as read, where?
Me: What?
Friend: Well, how can they mark it as read?
Me: Um, google reader?
Friend: What’s a google reader?
Me: Sigh. Nevermind. Switch to gmail and then we will talk google reader. And then we will talk 20sb. Do you even know what twitter is? You are so far out of the technological loop, you are in a different galaxy.
Friend: You didn’t even have an email account until college.
Me: You win.
However, you all know what the 20sb awards are and why I was (am!) so excited, so let me just say thank you!
Obama is going to be President and I won two awesome awards (and yes, I’m fully aware of how much more significant one of those is compared to the other). Life is good. Tell me, what are you looking forward to?
Extra points if you say finding me an American husband.
I’m kidding.
Welll…. like, 34% of me is kidding.
No seriously. Just kidding.
2008: Music, Cocktails & Hair January 18, 2009
Posted by brandy in a possible regret, brookem is awesome!, don't judge me based on my love for bad music, i like scotch & table dancing, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., lists, martinis make the world make sense, music, other people say it better, pretty hair makes me happier.26 comments
I thought this was an appropriate grouping of best/worst ’08 topics to share considering I spent a lot of my Saturday night drinking martinis and then later refused to get out of a car until I had sung this entire song for my friend. I sang with my eyes closed, with my head bopping and with elaborate hand gestures, all while still wearing my seat belt. My liver and I are back on speaking terms, but I’m fairly certain my friend is scarred for life.
Best Albums of 2008 by Travis
1. No Kids – Come Into My House
2. Times New Viking – Rip It Off
3. No Age – Nouns
4. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
5. Santogold – Santogold
Best Songs of 2008 by Travis
1. Gavin Rossdale – “Love Remains the Same”
2. No Kids – “Great Escape”
3. The Dodos – “Fools”
4. Vampire Weekend – “A-Punk”
5. Santogold – “L.E.S. Artistes”
Top 5 Songs of 2008 I’m Embarrassed to Admit that I Like by Beth
1. Beyonce – Single Ladies
2. Rihanna – Take a Bow
3. Lady Gaga – Just Dance
4. Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl
5. Moldy Peaches – Anyone Else But You (Juno Soundtrack)
(Beth, for the record, I have ALL OF THESE on my ipod and had no idea I was supposed to be ashamed. I also have Britney Spears, A LOT of Soul Decision and MANY songs from a little band called SAVAGE GARDEN. I’m ready to be publicly stoned to death now.)
Top 5 Artists or Bands Without Whom I Would Not Have Survived 2008 by Beth
1. The Virgins
2. The Raconteurs
3. MGMT
4. The Band (I afforded them a personal Renaissance this year)
5. Lil Wayne Yes for serious.
The Top 5 Cocktails That I loved this year by brookem
1. Hendricks gin. With anything.
2. Blueberry vodka. Also, with anything. Especially lemonade, or sprite and cranberry.
3. An “O-Bomb”– I like how dirty it sounds. It’s actually delicious and has nothing to do with the campaign this year, go figure. drop a shot of Bacardi O in a glass of OJ and Red Bull. Chug. Rejoice!
4. Hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. This doesn’t just have to be a winter drink. (If you are leery, try it with chocolate milk and you’ll jump right on the bandwagon.)
5. Any and all pumpkin brews (especially those with cinnamon sugar rim) and always, always, Sam Adams Summer.
HOH Top Five by brookem
1. Gerard Butler
2. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. Ryan Lochte
4. Jason Bateman
5. Christian Bale
“My butt is my property” January 15, 2009
Posted by brandy in conversation of the day, it happened this week, oh dear, proof i attract crazy, school, teaching, the J.O.B., the title says it all, these are the things that happen to me, you're skimming this one, youth.76 comments
Somedays I really hate parent bloggers.
Okay, that’s not true (I just needed a really controversial opening line and anything else my brain thought of involved B-list celebrities and was far too offensive to share), but honestly- I’m often pretty envious of parent bloggers. Having a kid is pretty much like having blogging gold on hand 24/7. Seriously. Every 2.8 seconds kids are saying something ridiculous enough that you could blog it and people would think you were hilarious. This is the same reason I get angry at bloggers who own pets. Or have significant others. Or you know, hobbies.
Because the blogging material comes so much easier.
Thankfully, I work with kids so when my inspiration well runs dry, I can blog about work (Hush now, you don’t have to tell me, I can FEEL your excitement) and the things kids say that cause me to drink warm my heart. Here are this weeks gems:
Scene #1: Setting: Grade 1 class. I notice Anna is sitting at her desk bawling when I’m trying to get everyone lined up to wash hands.
Me: Hey Anna, what’s wrong?
Anna (whose face is covered in snot and tears): I just miss my kitten. It ran away and I miss it.
Me: Oh Anna, I’m sorry. When did this happen?
Anna: Two years ago.
Me: Okay…. well…. how about you miss your kitten while washing your hands?
Scene #2: Grade 2: End of the day, 25 children are buzzing around each drunk on candy and the prospect of a long weekend
Chase: Teacher, Brandon just sniffed my butt.
Me: What? He did what?
Chase: He. Sniffed. My. Butt.
Me: Brandon, did you sniff Chase’s butt?
Brandon: Yep.
Me: Why?
Brandon: Because I was picking up my pencil and his butt was pretty close and I wanted to sniff it so I did.
Me: Okay, you can’t do that anymore. It’s…. rude.
Chase: Yeah, my butt is my property.
Scene #3: Grade 1 math class. Drew (who is so cute and tiny he’s like a little Polly Pocket. A Simon Birch without the Coke bottle glasses and the old timey sweaters) is leaning on my desk refusing to do his math.
Me: Listen Drew, you have to get this done. Now, fill in the blank. What is the number that comes right after 9?
Drew: I can’t do this.
Me: Why not?
Drew: Because… because….. I’m quivering. (Drew then drops his pencil to the ground and does a standing full body impersonation of a grand mal seizure, jerking his body all over while humming as high as possible. He continues until he runs out of breath and then looks at me with his eyebrows raised)
Me: So what comes after 9?
Drew: I hate math.
I’m ready for the weekend. Who is with me?
Like the blind leading the blind… January 14, 2009
Posted by brandy in advice, guest post, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, lists, love or something like it, oh look! i have opinions..comments closed
I am here.
And here.
