Responses I have given when a man has told me he loves me July 23, 2008
Posted by brandy in Plath has nothing on me, are you there God? It's me- ripping off Judy Blume, confession of the day, it happened this week, love or something like it, men, oh dear, this makes me sound dumber than i am, this might be why I'm single, who needs a self help book?.trackback
- ” I don’t think you do. I think you want to, but I don’t think you do.” (Apparently I’m fine with completely dismissing the feelings of others)
- “Well.” (long, awkward, pause that’s heavy with regret and ripe with tension) “That’s a bit unexpected.”
- “Are you sure?”
- “Your sneakers look really white right now.”
- “You’re James, right?”
- “Why?” (Not said in a cute or coy way, but in utter bewilderment. I may or may not have been wearing a tank top stained with orange juice at the time)
- “I really love parts of you too”
- ” Um… thank you.” (Aka.= the worst answer ever. Instead of saying this, next time I will just curb stomp the guy- I’m sure it will be less painful.)
- “Shut up! It’s your turn to do a keg stand! Make me proud!”
- “Perhaps you should think on this. Take a few days and we’ll talk then”
- “Have you tried the chicken?”
And only twice have I replied with…
- ” I love you too”
I bring this up because once again the L word has been sent my way and I’ve responded with one of the above comments. And I regret it. I don’t know why, but I do.
Sometimes the idea of love and all it’s trappings makes me want to sing like Julie Andrews on a hilltop. More often than not however, it makes me want to put my head in the oven. Or at least medicate myself heavily with popsicles, a partial lobotomy and liters of tequila. Who’s with me?
Funny, my girlfriends and I had this conversation just the other day, about the lamest ways we’ve responded to the L-word. My favorite was “Oh, that’s so… sweet” offered not in an actual earnest way, but more of a condescending sarcastic way.
In our early love days, I was just like you. I couldn’t say I love you forever, while Martin would tell after about three weeks or so. Eventually I would say it in different languages before I finally got a grip and admitted to myself that for God’s sake I was in love with this boy and that there was nothing I could do about it. It was so damn hard to let my guard down!!!
Definitely. My most common answer is also your first reply!
I wish tequila would freeze. Then we’d wallow in our sorrow and eat tequila popsicles.
“I can’t love you anymore. I’m sorry.”
That one hurt to say:-(
I’m with you. I’ve also done the shocked, “Why?!?” and then watched the guy wince a little.
So, where’s the tequila?
one response I received often with one flame after i said “i love you” was either “i know” or “everybody does”. i wanted to kick him in the teeth.
my response to hearing “i love you” from my current loved one was silence for about 20 minutes in disbelief and sheer happiness. i was able to respond after that initial shock passed.
So I’m watching Gossip Girl (I’m new to it, and way out of the loop) and Dan tells Serena he loves her, and she’s all “uhhhhhhh” but then later she goes to him and asks him “I need you to tell me why, so I can trust it.” And you know what? I think that’s a completely honest and okay thing to say.
I think sometimes it’s so cliche to say it back. It’s like the expected response. I’ve only had two people say it to me and they weren’t the first to spit it out!
I know you say you regretted your responses, but I laughed super hard this morning!
Ooooooooh. I’ve done the “No you don’t” response a few times. Once before a Valentine’s Day dumping because I am the devil.
Just found your site today, and this was completely entertaining so I know I’ll be back often… Always better to be honest in my opinion! My current bf didn’t say it to me until almost a YEAR after I said it to him… but it makes me know that I can trust that he really meant it, you know?
I teasingly call him the Emotional Cripple.
i think i’d have been saved alot of past heartached if i’d responded like you more often. i’m all for self-preservation.
My brother was kind of a man-whore in his younger years, but when he met his now-wife, he was smitten with her in a way that none of us had ever seen before. He was completely ga-ga, and it made me wonder where my brother had gone.
He was the first to drop the L-bomb, and when he did, she yelped “uh…I have to pee!” and ran into the bathroom.
Perfection.
Oh my. Good luck.
I would run away speechless, so you have something on me.
Great post! I, however, have not had a man (aside from my father) tell me he loved me in probably close to 10 years, so I don’t have any awkward responses in my past.
Now I’m in a relationship that’s way past the point of saying it, but neither of us have been able to form the words out loud. It’s too real or serious or something for us. It’s a hard thing to say and mean.
Ah see I’m the opposite. I’ve always been a little too free with the L word
Mine’s the “I don’t really think you do” response. And it usually works. If by working, I mean the break-up of said relationship and/or friendship. . . because yes, my guy friends are weird, too.
And once, I kept saying, “Love ya!” like it was some sort of adequate response. Blech on my high school self.
Singing on hillsides are overrated: there are probably fireants everywhere, if not nazi’s. and that mountain air isn’t good for the vocal chords unless you want to yodel- and yodeling (my dear friend Jewel) is not singing.
I’ll join you and Hansel and Gretel in the oven.
I’ve said “Thank you” before to it. I have also pretended that I didn’t hear him say it, thinking maybe I was imagining things. Eh.
I love your responses. They’re great!
I’ve had to say a few of these before. No fun.
my ex said it to me after like 2wks of “dating” (using that term loosely) and I just looked at him like- wtf. said “I hope you’re kidding” and continued to sip my drink.
or once my guy bff said it to me and we’re not normally like that, saying i love you’s and everything, so i freaked out, thought he was getting ‘too attached’ to me and then stopped talking to him for 2months. yeahhhh… maybe i’m the crazy one. but now- we both say and i totally mean it.
throwing up ranks right up there in the all time proud moments of my life (though in retrospect I should have listened to my “gut” reaction …)
alternatively, snorting wine out of my nose
is it any wonder, really, why I am currently single??
I once laughed, sure he was kidding, the stared at him in horror when I realized he wasn’t and said “wait, really???”
In defense, it was two weeks in. And never reciprocated cause he was a clingy weirdo.
There was this quy I was seeing around the same time I started seeing my (now)husband, one night after far too many games of beer pong he said he loved me and in turn I said “awwwww…..
that’s so sweet, thanks”
Definitely awkward. Obviously we didn’t last long after that.
I can’t say I’m with you on this one. I would love nothing more to hear it from someone who’s sincere, whom I can say it back to and mean it. Perhaps, because I’ve usually been the first to say it?
Once I replied with “Okay” and then changed the subject.
totally. I’ve done the “thank you” and the “no you don’t” a couple times. The worst was when I was breaking up with a guy and he said it (finally) and I was like, “too late.”
In the words of Samantha Jones, “love’s a mother fucker.”
Hmmm…weird. As I read through this list, I realize that I have used a couple of these – on the same guy. “I don’t think you do” and “that’s a bit unexpected” for sure…Possibly the “why” as well. In my defense, this was a guy that I looked at like a brother (I’d known him since 2nd grade) and his declaration took me completely by surprise. Not to mention, I was with someone else at the time.
And…when I broke up with my first boyfriend and he said “I love you” to me in hopes of making me change my mind, I used the “I don’t think you do” one again as well as the “perhaps you should think on this”. For reals…
I am enjoying this discussion immensely, but I have nothing to share! Lordy, have I been lucky. It’s only been uttered to me by the two men I married (and divorced) and then by my current boyfriend of 8 years who definitely wins the prize for Best First Utterance: We had snuck away for a weekend at a hotel and somewhere in the middle of the night he rolled over and kissed the back of my head and whispered it. He thought I was asleep so I didn’t have to respond – I just smiled in the darkness. I think my heart did go off for some hilltop singing
im totally with you.
and being privy to which response you gave to the most recent drop of the L bomb, im interested to see what happens next even more.
hope you got my email on the matter.
classic. just classic.
Ouch! And you wonder why we boys are so nervous about sharing our feelings
Oh god I love this post so much. Only once has a boy told me he loved me. And it was over msn so I had time to compose myself. I’m absolutely terrified of somebody saying it again. I’d probably pull a “really?” or a “…okay.”
totally perfect post.
i’ve only told two people i love them as well. and one was more of “…i love.. you? too?” instead of a real i love you.
and you’re right, though i’ve used it frequently, “thank you” is not an appropriate response. Even the kegstand response is less painful/awkward.
Dang woman! How many freaking people do you have lusting after you?! I’ve only ever heard the L-bomb from guys I actually thought I loved back, so I have always replied with a “you too.” It would freak me out if someone else said it to me. I’d probably run away.
Nic’s comment made me laugh out loud – good old Samantha Jones always knows what to say!
This seems to happen a lot on television shows as well. I can count three separate instances where a character has been told “I love you” only to respond with a “Thank-you.” (Gilmore Girls, The OC, and there’s one more…I’m sure I’ll think of it later.) So, it would seem this not an uncommon problem. Not that that helps too much…except in helping me realize I watch far too much television!
I heart this post! I wish I could have responded like that once or twice. I probably just make some bad joke to change the subject.
Word, Sister Brandy, Word.
What’s with the boys who throw the L word around like glitter at a fairy themed princess party?
I thought they were supposed to be the “I”m afraid of commitment and anything that sounds like it” ones. Or at least the, “i want to take things slow and not rush into serious-word concepts like ‘love,’ ‘marriage,’ or ‘anal play’” ones.
I’ve definitely replied with “Thank you” and “Why?” and i think, at one point, “That’s so sweet.”
I suck.
How about “ditto”? You’re not actually saying it….
Oh man.. I’m so with you on the head in the oven thing. I want it till I get it. Then I don’t. I know. I’m whack.
try this one out for fun…”uh, that’s not my name. want another drink?”
I think “I love you” is so overused that I’m not sure I’d feel bad responding less than perfectly. I don’t think I’m going to say it again until it means “I love you and plan on choosing to love you forever.”
I knew a girl who for over a year responded to her boyfriend’s “I love you” with “thanks.” I couldn’t have been him.
I would have many of the same reactions. I do really love the keg stand comment though. That’s funny and totally something I would say.
LOL – You have more responses here than I’ve had dates! I don’t know why, but I find that hilarious…
I can count on one hand the boyfriends who have dropped the L word in my 12 year dating career. Maybe that’s a good thing that it’s not “overused,” but it is kind of a lonely thing.
“You’re James, right?” I about fell out of my chair and blew my “I’m working, not reading the blogroll” pose here. Damn you! And you didn’t tell us which of those lines you used this time.
I am late and stumbles across your blog across many others but my response to my now husband’s “I love you” was “I think I love you too.” We’ll celebrate 5 yrs together and 3 years of wedded bliss this December.
Thankfully I haven’t heard “I love you” too many times outside of relationships that I actually wanted to be in, but one particular time I did it was really bad.
I was hanging out with a bunch of friends at a bonfire. I had just come back outside after having an emotional breakdown inside my friend’s house, and a mousy fellow decided to confess his love to me.
I responded:
“Can we talk about this later?”
That was a mistake.
This post made me laugh.
I once responded to “I love you” with “I’m not quite there yet.”
We’d been dating only a couple of months and I was still months away from my divorce being finalized. I did eventually say it – and now wish I’d responded with “I don’t think you do…”
Awesome post. I’ll be back to read more!
“Have you tried the chicken?”
FUNNIEST RESPONSE POSSIBLE.
I think I’ve said why? and are you sure? more than once.
Right now I’m happily in love, so I have no problem saying it back