My mom is a hoot. I get told this a lot. She’s fun, she’s loud, she has the best shoe collection of anyone I know. We get told we look alike all the time, though I’m more likely to wear pearls and she’s more likely to wear leopard print. Many of my shopping expeditions with her involve being forced to try on something fringed, fur lined or gold and in my worst moments- all three at once.

Wait- you are picturing my mom looking like that old woman from “There’s Something About Mary” now aren’t you?

She’s not.

Really.

She’s far cooler than that. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I went for lunch with her when some hip, young 20 something didn’t stop by our table and ask my mom where she got her shoes, shirt, or earrings. She laughs and gives all the details while I sit across from her, readjusting my cardigan and wondering if I will have enough time to finish my knitting project before I meet my friends for dinner at 4pm.

I’ve always known that despite our similar appearances we were different. This discovery was nailed down in cement yesterday when this happened…

(While flipping through People magazine)

Mom: Isn’t Pamela Anderson just gorgeous?

Me: What? Gorgeous? Are you serious?

Mom: Absolutely! She’s stunning. She’s like a modern day Marilyn Monroe.

Me: Um.. no she’s not. At all. Mom, she’s entirely fake. Name three parts of her that are still natural.

Mom: Well, which celebrity do you is beautiful? (I only notice after how deftly my mom avoids answering my question)

Me: Angelina Jolie, cliche but true. She’s stunning. Or Jada Pinkett Smith. Oh, or Natalie Portman. I mean she’s pretty, almost like someone you would know but just a bit more… polished, you know?

Mom: NATALIE PORTMAN? (my mom convulses into laughter) Oh honey, no. Nice try, but no. She looks sick.

Me: She’s just not tanned within an inch of her life!

Mom: Well she’s no Pamela Anderson. (My mom says this like Natalie has somehow failed at life since she has not reached “Pamela levels” of beauty)

Me: No, your right- she’s not. I mean, Natalie is educated. She’s not a mother who does body shots in front of a camera. Natalie makes interesting movie choices, she seems really well adjusted to fame.

Mom: Well, Pamela makes interesting choices too.

Me: Mom, she went on a German talk show wearing a shirt and sequined panties.

Mom: She’s a free spirit. I can’t argue that.

Me: So who else makes your top list of beautiful people?

Mom: Well, Anna Nicole did have a beautiful phase…

Me: We need to stop this conversation right now before I start looking for adoption records.

Mom: Well, I think Pamela is stunning. And you really are going to sit there and tell me you don’t think Pamela Anderson isn’t beautiful?

(I fake my own death and lay on the ground until my mom steps over me and asks me if I’m ready to go for lunch.)

I mention this because tomorrow I’m going on a 5 day trip with my mom to visit my G-Pop. I’m fairly confident that if we continue our Natalie vs. Pamela debate, we will effectively severe all bonds that a mother and daughter share and I will come back an orphan.

Wish me luck and tell me- who do you think is beautiful?

*Also, one of my readers started her own blog! Check her out here.

*Alllllsssssoooo, THIS made me scream like an American girl seeing the Beatles for the first time.  I’m such a sucker for a cute man with flo.