You know how I’ve been stressing about the wedding that IS TODAY? The one that I have to BE FUNNY for? The one where I’m SPEAKING IN FRONT OF A LARGE CROWD? Yeah, that one. Well, I had a hair appointment today.  I went in with a picture. This was the hair I wanted:

because at some point, every girl has gone into a salon with a Jen Aniston photo I think. It’s almost like a rite of passage. I want her body and clothes as well, but I thought I could at least count on getting a version of this hair with pieces pinned back.

I was wrong.

This is the hair that is currently on my head:

Except… bigger. I swear- it’s like someone glued a football to the top of my head and then put my hair over top. I have so much hairspray in my hair, I’m a lethal fire hazard. I make Barbarella look tame, with flat, droopy hair. And for the record- this is Barbarella:

Perhaps if I just wore that same outfit, people wouldn’t notice my hair as much? Oh God. I need to fix this but I don’t know where to start. I need a drink.

My hairdresser is off my Christmas card list.

* Thank you to everyone who voted on the dresses! I still haven’t decided. Right now I’m thinking of going with a paper bag over my head.