Anger is always the last guest to arrive to my pity party June 23, 2008
Posted by brandy in Josh Lyman needs his own tag, anger and I have sat down for tea, because I can't do report cards 24/7, blogs, disappointment, find the dorkiest sentence in this, friends, i may write about the west wing forever, i'm the sum of my failures and my achivements, it happened this week, oh look! i have opinions., sometimes i get violent, teaching, the J.O.B., today i am not funny, what the hell, who needs a self help book?.trackback
I suppose tomorrow would be a better day to write this. Or the day after that. But my tomorrows are always busy with the things I’m meant to do, so if I intend to do this, to say this- I need to say it today.
I don’t deal well with judgment. Not even the thoughtfully worded sort, often laced together with constructive criticism and punctuated with sweet smiles. I don’t deal well with people telling me “you should” or “you could“, or “why don’t you just…“.
I’ve long ago accepted that my inability to accept the opinions of others with grace and understanding would be an issue I would face over and over again. That my first instinct when judged would be tears, and then later anger- one of my biggest pet peeves is that my anger is slow to percolate, whereas my tears are not. I’ve sought out people who- while still able to tell me what they think, realize that I’m someone who needs to fall. Who needs to make many mistakes, who will try all the hardest ways before finding the easiest solution. Who realize that my overly sensitive self would rather be wrong than be pointed out how close I am to being right if only I change a few things. It’s how I’m wired. It’s how I work.
Which is why today was a difficult day.
Today I was told that I’ve been ‘slipping‘ as a teacher. That I’m “not as energetic and exciting” as I once was. That I seem like I’m ‘struggling‘, how I’m ‘burnt out’. And then, I was forced to ponder ‘maybe teaching isn’t for you. Surely if you are burnt out after 4 months you won’t last forty years‘. This person (a teacher) continued share her views while I cried in front of her. I cried the ugly cry you never want to share, the one that scrunches up your face in strange ways and leaves your cheeks sore. I cried in front of this teacher and my computer screen, where I was trying to fix report cards I didn’t know needed fixing until the principal informed me 10 minutes before. Report cards that are due tomorrow, report cards that I had shown before and were before deemed ‘good’, were now deemed ‘needs work’.
When your entire academic career has centered around one goal- that of being a teacher, to have someone knock softly on your door and share their hard truths regarding your life, your goal- takes the wind out of your sails. Especially if, you feel everything to the contrary. Today was a long field trip day, I was worried about report cards, but I didn’t feel like I was slipping, that I was failing. I felt like I was still doing a great job- and to have someone else, tell me different (valid or otherwise) left me in tears.
And then, I realized my blog had been reviewed. A 20SB member had decided to open a forum allowing blogs to be reviewed by him. He (being a blogger I enjoy) used my blog as an example (without asking). Though I was flattered by the fact I was given an “Exceptional” for my “voice and personality”, I was stuck on the fact that he failed me in the area of “grammar and style” citing that “Internetese somewhat or highly prevalent”. I asked about it and he replied that “internetese” meant “emoticons, excessive elipses and LOL”. Instinctively I hit the ‘reply’ button, quickly wanting to clarify that out of the three he mentioned, I am only an abuser of ellipses (because really, who doesn’t love them?). And then before I could go any further, I stopped.
Because it shouldn’t doesn’t matter. Because without realizing it, I began to care too much about something I had never cared about before. Because once again, someone’s judgment was ruining something I enjoyed. Judgment I never asked for, a view I never signed up to hear. To be fair, I first replied to his discussion saying that I felt “happy” with given an exceptional- but then, that feeling passed and all I could focus on was my mistakes.
I write without editing, without review. I often have spelling errors and use most forms of punctuation like they are being rationed. Unlike many blogs (who I enjoy reading), I do not write to become a ‘big blog’. I write because I have things to say, things I want to share- and blogging is just a way to do that which doesn’t fill up the email inboxes of my friends. I do not write to be judged, to be lectured or told how to improve.
So, as much as I appreciate the idea behind the words, I better off not being judged. As the blogger I am, or the teacher I’m trying to be. The only judgment that matters is mine. And Josh Lyman’s because I value his views above all others. I MISS YOU. (Was that last bit too creepy?)
But while I’m on the rant, can I just say that if I come to you, voice heavy with tears and eyes red from crying, that a good friend- the kind that I call a good friend, is the one who listens to you- who does not act like you are a problem to be solved, or a burden on an already heavy load. Who just listens. And offers to slash tires in your defense.
End rant.
I’m sorry to hear that you had such a rough day. I’ve often heard that teaching is the only profession that eats its young and it’s very true. It’s June, it was the end of a long day, who the heck expects you to be Joanie Freakin’ Sunshine all the time, much less right then. If I were you, I would ignore it. Peoples’ opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one and they all stink. I would tell you to just keep on truckin’, mama said there’d be days like these.
As far as the blog goes, inform him that if you chose to create an academic or professional blog, you would write in a formal register. But, since this is a personal blog, you choose to write in an informal register. Had he any education or experience, he would know the difference.
My first year of teaching was filled with moments like you had today. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. For me, the tears always come before the anger…those sick, hysterical sobs that leave me feeling drained and fairly embarrassed when they depart.
That blog reviewer pissed me off. In what way does his personal opinion constitute a formal evaluation??? If people want to volunteer to have their blogs reviewed by him, well, then that’s their choice. It was incredibly rude of him to post a review of your blog without your knowledge or consent!
OMG. Talk about Judgement Day. Being judged and work and critiqued is hard. I find it amazing I can sit through my reviews without punching someone in the face or saying, “you’re wrong!!!” That is never easy and doesn’t get better, all you can do is try to be as detached as possible.
I hate this blogger. What right does he have to get on his high horse and critique you on this stuff? I would never volunteer to have my blog reviewed by anyone. If they don’t like it, stop reading it. And tell him to go f*ck off and get a life.
designonpost- Thanks for your nice words! I think “ignoring it” is the best idea, I know the teacher who said this didn’t mean it how it sounded, but the words sure didn’t come at a great time. (For the record, the only words I want to hear after field trip days are 1) “Can I buy you dinner?” or 2) “you look beautiful!”
Erin- Yep.. the embarrassment part- I’m sure I’m going to live that part tomorrow morning. Not looking forward to it at all.
Jessica- The irony is that I always say that teachers SHOULD get reviewed (we are one of the only professions I can think of off the top of my head that doesn’t get regular reviews/or check ins with higher ups), but a review about my teaching coming from someone who isn’t in my class, who doesn’t watch me teach? Not very helpful. As for the blogger, I think his idea is well articulated. I think there are a lot of bloggers who like the idea of getting an unbiased opinion about their blog, to get another view. I’m just not one of them.
I’m so glad you wrote about this because I was just about to email you to find out the scoop on this guy. I was quite annoyed when I logged on to 20sb and saw all the threads going today. I think it CRAP that he chose to rate your blog without asking you if it was something you wanted to participate in.
Maybe I’m partial, but it kind of annoys me that this guy popped up out of nowhere on the forum and proceeded to kind of “dominate” the feed with his judgments. If he wants to judge and people want to be judged that’s his deal. I just feel it would be more appropriate if he held this whole thing on HIS blog. He could have posted a topic asking if anyone wanted an evaluation and then they could go to his blog and write their name/information in a comment. He could do their reviews as a post.
Just let me tell you I LOVE your blog. Don’t let him (or anyone else) get you down. And even though I don’t know what kind of teacher you are, I can tell you some horror stories of my elementary school teachers (ONE THREW A SHELF AT ME!!!) and it would make your realize what a great teacher you.
Don’t let anyone tell you you’ve failed at teaching. From reading previous blogs I know your students love you and they wouldn’t if you didn’t teach them things and care about them.
That sucks, I’m sorry. I was really surprised to read that because I always thought you sounded like a really fun teacher.
And for the guy on 20SB… (OMG there I go with ellipses and Internetese!) Those are the kind of people that kill my blogging spirit. Who wants to read blogs that sound like a formal research paper all of the time? I’m dying to see the thread, but I don’t have a 20SB profile anymore, and they probably think I’m a spammer for signing up again.
Two things.
First – That comment that you got about teaching? About whether you were cut out for it? I was told this when I was in teacher’s college, in my practicum. My host teacher said this to me and of course I was stunned because I’m thinking, “I moved away from home to learn how to be a teacher and you’re telling me that perhaps it isn’t for me?” Fuck them. You are allowed to have an off day … as far as I’m concerned, our primary role is to be an ‘entertainer’. Yes we teach, but we need to keep their interests peeked and that’s fucking hard when you are stuck with a set curriculum. From what I can tell (and this is me observing you as a teacher through your blog), you are someone who NEEDS to be in this profession. I wish there were more teachers like you who had so much enthusiasm. It’s what kids these days need, plain and simple. And that teacher can take her good intentioned criticism and shove it far up in the crevice that is her ass.
And that guy on 20SB? Douchehole.
That’s funny about the ‘grammar and style’ thing. I am a far cry from a grammar nazi, but there are some popular blogs that are so wacktastic in the grammar department that I can’t even slog through them. Yours is definitely not one them. Poor grammar only bothers me when it makes something difficult to understand.
I definitely get why his comment offended you, but I also don’t think it’s nearly as big of a deal as some of the other commenters seem to think it is. Have y’all seriously never judged someone on the internet before? And if the harshest thing he can say about you is that you occasionally make use of ellipses… well, that’s pretty good, dude. I can’t think of any harsher criticism than that either.
As for me– while I certainly do not love hearing hard truths about myself, I’m always glad in retrospect that the person was honest with me and didn’t just say a bunch of candy-coated bullshit that would have allowed me to continue living in my own alternate reality. When I say ‘hard truths’ I’m talking REAL truths from people who love me and are only saying something because it truly needs to be said.
Those moments stand out for me as some of the hardest moments of my entire life– but also the moments that inspired the most growth.
Re-reading my grammar comment, I feel like it sounds like I think your grammar is bad… but not that bad. What I meant is that I’ve never noticed you having poor grammar at all.
That blog “reviewer” is entirely out of line.
Also, I really don’t take criticism well, either. I thrive on praise and receive it more than I deserve, so when someone tells me I need to improve, I can’t stop thinking about it. It pretty much sucks.
“judge not lest ye be judged” – doesn’t some book somewhere say that??
when someone dared judge Neil Young for singing flat he replied “that’s my style” – I for one love yours (style) and share your affection for the fabulous illipse (sp??)
xxoo Kathryn
Someone reviewing our blogs? If they don’t like my blog or your’s, they can kiss my ass. How ridiculous. We are writing for ourselves. People don’t have to read blogs, they choose to. One of the biggest reasons that I blog is that I enjoy the support from a few people that leave comments and what not. People with negative commets can go somewhere else.
I’m sorry your day teaching was crap too. You sound like a great teacher. Hang in there. Twenty years from now you will be laughing about that witch.
Sooooo sounds like from what you said in the comments that this other teacher has decided to totally judge your life’s goal based on four months of her not actually watching you in the classroom. No offense, but it kinda sounds like she might be pulling the “I’ve been doing this longer than you have and I can spot all the signs of burnout” number on you. Other teachers used to pull this on me too when I was in the classroom, and believe me, they thought they were doing it for the best reasons, but unless I’m mistaken, your commitment to your kids and their well being is your number one priority. So I think your co-worker needs to back up a bit.
Besides, any teacher worth their salt knows that you spend the first year in the classroom learning everything they neglected to teach you in school, and then you spend the second year re-learning it since no two classes are ever alike. Bottom line, she should know better than to hit you with this at the end of your first year.
As for this 20SB review, all I can say is “really?” Grammatical critiques? Is this some new net Puritanism movement?
Hearing how another teacher gave you their unwanted opinion of you and your teaching was enough for me to de-lurk.
I’ve been following you for awhile now, and it is obvious from across the miles that you are a fabulous teacher. And it is all this wonderful that has your tired and burnt out. Ummm, hello, it’s June. Anyone who has done their job even close to properly at this time of year should be about ready to roll over and die (and to hope someone has volunteered to change the martini i.v. line every so often). I’ve found out the hard way there are a lot of teachers out there who are ready to tell you about all the things you can’t do, and really, it’s all about them and has nothing to do with you at all.
Happy end of the year, make sure you celebrate your survival properly – it is something that deserves to be celebrated!
i love your posts. they echo so much of the same emotions i feel, so much more eloquently than you probably realize. constructive criticism is overrated. bottom line is this: are YOU happy with your job? do you still love seeing your kids, knowing you’re making a real difference in their lives? if so, then screw what others think. cry, then wipe your tears and your hands clear of them. dang the naysayers.
I didn’t think you’d mind. This is easily one of my favorite blogs, and the judgment you mention wasn’t supposed to be judgment as much as it was supposed to be sorting blogs into types, summarized by a third-party reviewer, for the service of casual readers.
Really: I’m sorry I didn’t ask. I don’t disparage your ellipses, because I look beyond them — others would disparage your ellipses, and can’t look beyond them.
I specifically chose your blog because it’s excellent, and it openly defies the standard write-edit-rewrite structure. I didn’t choose it because I hate you.
The most important part about blogging depends on why you do it, and there are two reasons to blog.
One: For your readers. This is fairly easy to assess more-or-less objectively, and a third party should be readily welcome.
Two: For yourself. I reasoned that if this is the rationale, a third party shouldn’t matter in the slightest, especially one with clearly good intentions.
I already knew you believed this. I didn’t realize how tenuously, and I didn’t mean to rock your boat, or to take the wind out of your sails.
I should have heeded the words quoted by Baz Luhrmann:
Finesse is the rarest quality in blogging, as is writing that really exposes your personality. This blog is exceptional in each of those regards. I do not give praise lightly.
I thought my highest compliment would outweigh what I thought were two, meaningless frank observations. Clearly, they weren’t.
Let me know when the feeling of being sucker-punched to the heart passes. I didn’t think it would hurt at all; I didn’t think. I tend to sound like a jerk online, and I always seem to forget this at the worst possible times.
I’m sorry. Let me know when I’m welcome back.
I’ve never commented on your blog before, but let me tell you I REALLY enjoy reading what you have to say and relate to it whole heartedly.
Just keep on keeping on and enjoy it. Your stories about your class experiences are very entertaining and you sound (and I’m sure you are) a caring, thoughtful and innovative teacher. (As a retired teacher I feel qualified to make that assessment.)
Sometimes those people who are all too ready to offer criticism whether positive or not, need to consider what effect their words will have.
(I didn’t read the other comments so sorry for the repetition)
Well, this other teacher? Who the hell is she? And what kind of teacher is she? If she is a language teacher, does she tell her students to stop taking her French class because they have a hard time pronouncing words they’ve never heard before?
It is absolutely normal that the first time you do something that it is extremely exhausting. I have a couple of teacher friends, who almost had a breakdown during the first year. That’s how it is the first time you do ANYTHING. The first time I did the tourguide job I didn’t only make tons of mistakes but was so burnt out in the end (= after three weeks!) that I slept for a week straight. And the next year I did six weeks and all was well.
I love your blog.
I email because I care.
Check it and feel better sweetheart.
This is a very tough life lesson. And not necessarily a deserving one. I remember when I got my first hate comment on my blog. I was devastated. I wanted to delete it. Then I wanted to fire back. Then I wanted to call that person out and make fun of them. And then I remembered something that carries me through my day.
People do stuff most of the time, not because it will better the people around them, but because they come from a very selfish standpoint. Was that teacher criticizing you with ways you can improve? Or just stating you’re slipping? Was that blogger calling you out as an example without a better example of where you should strive to me? Without workable solutions, those people are only contributing to the (perceived) problem. They are merely noise. That’s it.
So, if you need me to break some kneecaps for you, I will. Otherwise, I will come back time and time again (because I enjoy your blog just the way it is) to hear all about your enjoyment being a teacher. And if you enjoy it, you’re likely doing something right.
Consider the tires slashed.
I’m so sorry this criticism is coming in a when-it-rains-it-pours fashion. In our jobs, hopefully it’s an area we can work on and grow (though I cannot imagine you’ve lost anything with a unit on pirates that relates to math and science– that is amazing to me) and as far as blogging, meh. That’s the thing about the Internet, we’re all just taking up space here and the same goes for those taking up space criticizing.
Hang in there, girlie, and know you’re doing more good here than anything else (and I’ll bet as a teacher, too).
I tragically miss Josh Lyman and therefore not at all creepy. As for the blog judging, that guy can go ahead and kiss your ass. I can not even believe he wrote those things without your permission, and his whole plan of rating blogs is ludicrous. Never in a million years would I volunteer my blog to be judged like that.
That last paragraph is something I was talking to my friend about last night. When I come to someone with a problem, I don’t want them to say, “well here is what you should do.” That belittles your conviction . . . it’s like saying, “you obviously can’t figure it out on your own so let me make a decision for you.” I want them to say, “LET’S KICK THEIR FUCKIN ASSES! MOTHERFUCKERS!”
What fucktards. You are awesome and no one should ever tell you any different. *HUGS* <— ooh, I might get crucified for using “internetese” — WTF? Ellipses are not “internetese,” anyway.
Hi lady.
#1: No one gets to judge you on being a teacher when they’re not even in the classroom with you, or actively observing your work. A principal or a vice principal, yes. A fellow teacher, no.
#2: I’m picky about the blogs I read. I write to write, and I read to read. Your blog is consistently one of the ones I save for last, so I can savor each bit because I never know if I’m going to get funny, silly, heartbreaking, thoughtful, or momentuous. Judging by the amount of responses, I believe I’m not the only one who enjoys reading your blog; a space for you to write what’s on YOUR mind.
i just want you to know, that i thought what you just wrote was FANTASTIC. that is all.
Well, I use at least twelve times as many emoticons, LOL’s or ‘…’ as you do. Doesn’t jackass reviewer boy know that those are the things that make blogs fun?!?!?
You are always at the top of my list when people ask what blogs I enjoy most. Truth be told, I wish you wrote more, because I always love finding one of your posts in my Reader.
As for the teacher, maybe she oughta keep her mouth shut. Unless she has some sort of supervisory authority over you and has some formal reason to review your performance, she should keep her opinions to herself unless asked.
I’ve just been looking at the 20SB thread, and I’m surprised people are submitting themselves for review. I’d hate that to be done to me, especially without my consent. I’m assuming this person has some sort of experience in the reviewing field that makes their words worthwhile?
I’m also amused that someone criticising other people’s grammar wrote:
‘too boot.’
My mom thinks I look better with my hair down. On more than one occasion, while delivering this opinion, she has reached across the table and removed my ponytail holder. Of course, my sister thinks I look divine with my hair pinned back.
My high school English teachers told me I couldn’t write. I’d edit an essay according to their suggestions and then they’d hand it back picking apart something else. Did I mention that in two weeks I’m starting graduate school for a MFA in creative writing?
People are allowed to have their opinions but it doesn’t mean they are correct.
Consider tires slashed.
I’m not just blowing smoke up your you know what when I say this but you know how I know you are an awesome teacher? Because you have passion about the profession and about your students. Slipping? Not likely. What they may be commenting on is that you are unconventional (see: you have a passion for your students and their learning) and that your students love you. What do your students think? Are they excited about learning? Do they want to go to the back room to cry at the end of the school year because they don’t want other students to see how upset they are about leaving you? Now that’s a good teacher.
As for this
shithead friend of yours, does anyone really write their blog as they would if they were submitting something to a professional journal or for peer review? No. It is a place to relax and be ourselves and write as we see fit. I start sentences with “and” my grammar and syntax are all over the map, but would I accept this of my students? No. But it’s my blog, like this is YOUR blog so do whatever the hell you want.And (see, I just did it?) feel free to use this cliché: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
Oops! I think I need to work on my html coding!
Let’s rewrite, shall we?
As for this
shitheadfriend of yours, does anyone really write their blog as they would if they were submitting something to a professional journal or for peer review? No. It is a place to relax and be ourselves and write as we see fit. I start sentences with “and,” my grammar and syntax are all over the map, but would I accept this of my studnets? No. But it’s my blog, like this is YOUR blog. Do whatever the hell you want.And (see, I just di it again) feel free to use this cliché: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
(getting ready to post, I hope it works this time)
When I read your posts about teaching or your children in class, I think that it’s apparent that you have a passion for what you do. No one is “on” 100 percent of the time! Have faith in yourself…most people don’t become teachers on accident. You bring something fresh to the table that those other washed up teachers don’t. Being so new, I’m sure you just haven’t found your groove yet…I have no doubt that you well.
As far as the 20SB…who cares about what they write! At least they’re talking about you! What’s that Hollywood comment, “No Press is Bad Press?” I adore reading your blog!
They both sound like assholes. Your blog is one of my favorites and by far one of the best I have come across. Tell the one guy to shove it
Oops. Did I just use an emoticon!??! The horror!
I read the threads on 20SB and I came in here prepared to call the reviewer a jacknut. Then he had to go and apologize, sounding all sincere and stuff.
Personally, I think the reviewing is in bad taste.
I enjoy reading. You may not need the judgement of others but know that you have people who don’t even notice the spelling mistakes and just enjoy seeing a person and reading something real. Plus. If your child’s quotes are anything to go by (and as a teacher myself I understand about teaching) then your passion for what you do will overcome the rest.
Remember to have fun. And we don’t mind the tears.
Brandy,
I know I don’t know you in person, but your blog makes me feel like I do. To me, that is a great writer! I love the way you write, the way you describe things. I can easily relate to what you’re talking about (most of the time). I hate politics, but when you write about them, I’m interested. I love that!
From the passion you express about teaching it seems impossible that you could be “failing”. No way. Just let it motivate yourself to prove ‘em wrong. And think about all those innocent, impressionable children in your class that will remember YOU forever.
What a crappy day. It sounds like this other teacher is a jerk, to make assumptions about your job performance. From the posts you’ve written in the past it sounds to me like you are a phenomenal teacher & I think it’s something your kids can attest to. As for the reviewer – well you have hundreds of people that will sing your praises and this blog. That should mean more than a crappy review any day.
good post.
(not that you asked for judgement on it : )
I’m so sorry, Brandy! If it makes you feel better, I think you’re a wonderful teacher. And I”m not even in your class. It sounds like this lady has never observed you teach. And while neither have I, I can tell by the posts you write about your experiences in the classroom that you are one in a million. Was she saying you were slipping because your reports cards got returned to you for more work? So what if your report cards needed work (incidentally, how in the hell does a report card “need work”?)? Is that what teaching is about? That makes you slipping as a teacher? Seriously – my time in public schools would have been so much better if I had teachers like you…even if their report cards “needed work.” What kind of car does this other teacher drive? Just curious?
Anyway, I totally understand how you feel when it comes to being judged. It’s not fun and it’s worse when people continue with their jugement (like your teacher-friend) without any regard to the other person’s feelings. I hate being judged, but what sucks for me is that I’m somewhat of a judgemental person…only I keep it to myself (I judge from afar as I know no one is perfect and just because I think the 30-something chick wearing the bermuda shorts with platform, plastic shoes, a boustier, large bumblebee sunglasses, enough plastic/metal bracelets that would make Madonna circa 1980-something a spec jealous and beehive that beats all beehives is a bit out of touch with reality doesn’t mean that she isn’t in someway really fashionable in someone’s warped mind).
I can’t realistically read through all 38 comments above (though, see 38 other people have said fabulous things about you!) so I don’t know if I am repeating myself – but it bears repeating.
Do. Not. Listen. To. Her. If you love teaching and it seems you do then IGNORE her. I don’t know her motives or her situation – but you know that people put other people down due to their own insecurities. Use this as a positive. Take the anger and make it a strength. Just don’t let her get to you.
Here is an e-hug for you! Some people are too critical for their own good. I love your blog and I am glad you don’t edit. It keeps it real. As for you slipping as a teacher, someone should discipline that other teacher, along with the principle, for being insensitive, and possibly even being a bully.
ok first off (((((HUGS))))). just from reading your blog, i can’t even imagine how you would be considered a bad teacher. I have a bunch of teacher friends who struggle with it from time to time because it’s their first year(s). I really can’t see why anyone is expected to be the eptiome of perfection their first year or two of teaching. Hang in there.
And reviewing blogs? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What gives him the right? And grammar? Uhhh have you read my blog? I’m sure it would look like I’ve never had an english class in my life. I write for me. I write how I think. No one’s perfect in their grammar. But seriously, reviewing blogs? What a douche.
For me, imperfections in writing style are what gives the writer “character” and it makes them entirely recognizable, and therefore able to be identified with.
I like this blog for that very reason. i have no idea how I found it, but I did.
I write about cooking. Blah.
If you have the balls to be out there and say what you think, then do so fearlessly. The only person worthy of judging you, IS you.
Everyone else is just an opinion.
Please, continue.
I miss Josh Lyman also
He would have just the right comeback for those not nice people you had to deal with!
And I’m sorry people are mean. And since when are ellipses poor grammar choice on the Internet? I thought anything goes! And I agree with Kylee that imperfects in writing are what give the writer a voice. Keep doing what you do!
Okay, a few things.
First off, don’t listen to that other teacher. I learned the hard way that fellow teachers aren’t always there to help, inspire, or back you up. Sometimes they’re just mean. Sometimes they envy the fact that your students like you more. Regardless, if you like teaching and you think you’re doing fine…then you are. No one can judge you. At the end of the day if your students learned something, then you already proved that other teacher wrong.
Next, I never review my blogs before posting them either. My blogs are for my readers, yes, but for myself as well. If i made a mistake, who cares? So screw his review. It was nice to be reviewed, sure, but who cares if you use ellipses? That’s what they’re there for! I enjoy your blog and I know several other readers will agree.
ok that sucks. I hate critisism unless I have already agreed with myself that I am what they say I am. Then I’m ok with it. When it’s something I don’t agree with, and I’ve been working so hard to not be that, it makes me so mad. Don’t let them get to you!
Both my mom and dad have taught at different points in their lives, and nothing fails to amaze me more than their stories about what other teachers have to say to them about their teaching, style, and personal lives.
My mom is in her 6th year of teaching and it never fails that around report cards things derail. Last year the whole elementary school was told they had to re-write their reports. I can’t imagine how other businesses would run if those things were done.
It’s a hard profession, lady. While hard days are good for us in the long run, they can be horribly uncomfortable in the present. I’d take what you can from the content of what she said, but disregard the delivery and anything that doesn’t resonate with you. You’re trying hard and in earnest, I bet that’s more than can be said of lots of your fellow staffers.
I hope you treat yourself today and have an amazing summer holiday planned!!
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way today.
::HUGS::
hey…
I know how you’re feeling with the teachers judging teachers. It’s really really hard to take/annoying/frustrating/angry-making when someone who doesn’t watch you teach decides to judge you. I too am a person who cares too much about people’s opinions. Even when I don’t even like or respect them! I guess I’m trying to say that it’s hard to hear and it’s hard to deal with and it’s hard to get over, but you will. You’ll pick yourself back up and remind yourself WHY you’re a wonderful teacher, b/c I’m sure you are, and you’ll continue being awesome. I’m guessing that person is jealous of all the things they tried to put you down for, and is trying to make themselves feel better by being mean. Plus, the last week of school and you’re making lesson plans? You’re an awesome teacher. Most teachers, myself included, bring movies, games, crossword puzzles etc. b/c we don’t want to teach. I think it’s awesome all the things you do for your kids. Don’t give up. Email me if you want to talk teacher
*hugs*
Brandylu- I’m over here quick quick with cat like reflexes. You already know how I feel about all of this- but I couldn’t NOT still stop by to comment on a post such as this. Clearly you have a plethora of fans that like me, think you’re just totally swell. My one remaining suggestion? Go back and re-read that email that you sent me when I was in The Funk of 2008 (or The Funk of June, because I can bet there might be another one of these sweeping into my apartment when I least expect it)- but the point is, your kind, encouraging words to me helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel that week- and I think you will feel better reading what you said so perfectly, so eloquently to me my dear.
Big hugs. Need to go find people jobs before vacay!
Though I sensibly chose a desk job, I come from a long line of teachers and I can tell you that good teachers are always burnt out at the end of the school year. BECAUSE THEY GAVE EVERYTHING THEY HAD ALL FRICKIN YEAR. If this know-it-all teacher who gave you such wonderfully constructive feedback was doing her job with any kind of gusto, she would be burnt out too. That’s why they give you a summer to recover. Well, to recover and to forget the horrors of the prior year so you’ll agree to do it all again. But I digress. Just remember that Taylor loved being in your class SO MUCH that he asked to go to the bathroom to CRY.
Since I’m the 115th person to comment I’m sure everything has already been said way better than I could say it, but just wanted to say that Taylor’s review of your teaching would be the one I’d be inclined to hold onto. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are exceptionally talented. So there! x
I hope all the encouraging voices who have commented on this post drown out the bad voices that were ringing in your ears yesterday. Don’t ever doubt that you ARE a fantastic teacher and blogger – an inspiration to many.
This was a fantastic post. I love that you’re so honest. Sending you good vibes and E-squeezes
I agree with Mel Heth. I can’t say anything more than other people already have. Just have faith in your talent as both a writer and as a teacher. I definitely enjoy reading you- as well as many, many others- so keep that in mind whenever you start questioning any abilities. You’re VERY talented
Ah honey, I can understand exactly where you are coming from, and I know how tough it can be. I think you are fabulous, and I hope that this will go away, and soon. Love ya dearie!
xox
As a sensitive sort, I must say – I hear you, and I understand. (And you rock!)
i definitely feel where you’re coming from. i’ve been told on several occasions that things i love i just don’t do them well, but seriously that’s not going to stop me. and i think your grammar is awesome, the end
I just wanted to say I enjoy reading your blog. Most of the time I end up laughing. Any “new” teacher who isn’t a bit tired the last couple weeks of school probably isn’t human. A lot of veteran teachers at my school said June is worse than Sept. Have a wonderful last week!
Wow, people really suck sometimes, don’t they?
It’s clear from half a world away that you are an inspried, gifted teacher. Didn’t a just read a post about a young boy asking for tears time at the end of the semester???? Forget what that teacher said, she’s not the one you’re in it for, it’s the kids and clearly you’ve won them over!
Oh, and your blog is sensational. I always stop by, even if I don’t always comment. It’s so great because it’s authentic, and you get a real sense of you in it, and you’re not someone just making up stuff to be popular. I get that.
I am so sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of that! You are the only person who can decide what you are or aren’t made for, and if you are loving teaching and your students then you should absolutely be doing it!
And I absolutely love your blog, don’t let any one tell you that its anything less than perfect!!
Funny, for me, gin and regret always seem to show up early and it’s common sense who either no-shows or comes after most everyone is gone and the liquor cabinet emptied- always spiteful!
Oh yeah…fuck them…LOL!
I’ve read your blog for quite a while now and enjoyed every entry completely. I’m sorry that some douchebag (who probably lives in his mother’s basement and has every episode of South Park downloaded on his hard drive) decided to pretend he was superior in some way. I hope he gets scabies.
Second, I realize that it hurts like hell to hear someone criticize the thing in your life that brings you the most joy and I’m sorry that it happened to you. The good news is…other people don’t matter. Only you and your students matter in the grand scheme of things. You’ve already won the heart of Mini-Walter…you have to be an awesome teacher if you can achieve that. May the woman that made you cry also get scabies. And saddlebags.
You rock it, girl. Fuck tha naysayers.
Girl. Fuck the haters. F’realz.
Hope tomorrow is a better day, free from such Hatorade.
i’m so sorry you had a bad day. but happy you had someone you could get it all out too. those are the best kind of friends. i think you have the spunk and personality to make an excellent teacher. and from what you’ve said about your students – i think they would agree. and isn’t that what really matters?
If it’s any consolation, I love your blog, just the way it is. (was that a Bridget Jones moment, or what?)
Oh, and I also LOVE the ellipse. LOL
Aw, Brandy *hugs* I LOVE your blog, and who cares about the grammar stuff anyway? Who even bothers to think about it when you’re typing away filling everyone in on those whirring thoughts? And I’ll bet you’re an awesome teacher, just from the way you talk about your students. Don’t doubt yourself – we all know, and most importantly, YOU know, that you’re FABULOUS!
Hope you’re feeling better. My Mom had a similar thing to happen to her at one point in her career. Of course, she went on to twenty+ years of teaching and being universally praised by her students, parents, and higher-ups. You’re a good teacher who loves her job; you’ll be okay.
That’s awful. I’m sorry you had to be subjected to that kind of scrutiny. You are totally right though- the only opinion of you that matters is YOURS. So keep being you, keep teaching, keep writing, keep on keeping on!
The guy you are referring too is a complete nutjob with too much time on his hands. Dont fret.
If you love your job then you are in the right direction. Keep smiling!!
I didn’t read what was written, and don’t plan to, but he should have asked for your permission before using you as an example. Not. Cool. At. All. Hopefully, he’s since taken it down.
Critiquing someone else’s blog?! This isn’t a writer’s workshop. Crikey.
Apologies for not getting here sooner, as I have previously checked out your blog, and very much liked it!
I take criticism very hard, as well, and dwell over any negative thoughts for hours and hours. I’m sorry to hear about that nosy teacher next door, and I’m sure you’re doing very well!
Keep at it. If you truly love it, then no one can take that away from you. (mental note to come back – I like your writing!)
I understand, and I am thinking of you!
WHAT THE???
I think you’re great! Love your blog. AND the fact that you don’t edit??? You are incredible! LOL…
I can’t believe the NERVE of some people. How heartless and insensitive can they be? Brandy, people like that don’t deserve to be given the light of day, nor the opportunity to degrade another person like that!
Remember Taylor and all your loving students – let them be the judge of how well you teach – because they see you every day, they look up to you every day and they learn from you every day. And they love you (as you so obviously love them and your job) every day!
You are a born teacher… it comes through in your writing and your enthusiasm. As for the criticism of “emoticons, excessive elipses and LOL” ARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
End Rant.
I went and read the forum of that guy, and I just don’t understand why he would choose to rate your blog and display said rating without your permission. I know that it’s not the hugest deal ever, but it’s principle, and that still matters.
When I read your post today, it brought me to tears. You are wonderful at your job. And while I only read about your experiences on an occasional blog, those children are lucky to have a teacher like you.
Don’t feel bad about what that teacher told you. I’ve dealt with my fair share of “oldies,” and they have their own personal way of doing things, and they don’t like new methods and personalities. Just go ahead and show her what a great teacher you really are, and don’t worry about what she has to say.
Aw Brandy. I get this, and I wish I could take you to the beach for the day to drink margaritas and get your mind off of this. I hope you’re feeling better today and that this isn’t constantly on your mind. I’ll remind you as I remind myself (and just wrote a post about the other day)–your value is NOT in your perfection. You’re awesome:)
that sucks. however, i think it is fairly clear that the person who gave you the feedback on your teaching skills doesn’t know you that well.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. If it helps, I’m also all about the ellipses and would let you teach me grammar anyday.
Oh yeah, and that thing about the tires too.
::hugs::
Brandy, sorry to hear your week has been so ghastly! I do completely understand where you’re coming from – being told what you should do is possibly the most frustrating advice in the world. Because if you agreed, surely you would’ve done it already? People are idiots. It’s a fact.
I hope your week improves and that said people dishing on your teaching skills lift their game xo
Boo to the reviewer! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog…ellipses and all.
I’m new to your blog, and already I love the way you write! I feel the same way about unsolicitied advice or anyone’s judgement. Hopefully it all ends up working out for you. And I feel like you are likely a great teacher!
A fellow abuser of ellipses, Jamie
[...] Marveled at how kind you all are. The comments and emails from my this post have blown me away. It was a horrible day and I wrote without honestly expecting the feedback I [...]
I, for one, lurve the ellipsisesesssi thing. And your writing. I’ve had you in my reader for a year now and I’ve always really enjoyed your blog. Screw the reviewer, and the fellow teacher/hater.
I didn’t read all the responses so I’m just going to comment…. Dang you’re popular!
I just want to say that I hate it that she (that other teacher) feels like she is “little Miss Perfect.” Doesn’t everyone have bad days, or days where we feel not as motivated? Doesn’t everyone have those says where they wake up and wish they were still asleep or they do what I do and hit the snooze button, lay back down and dream about getting ready and taking a shower. Yet, when I wake up I realize I never took a shower and it’s late! (Yes that happens) There are days where people don’t feel rested – whether it be because they stayed up watching Letterman or whether it was the tequila? EVERYONE has days like that. Maybe you were a little less energetic than when you were first hired on, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t care. I know I can be more energetic and have an “eager to please” attitude when I first start somewhere new because I’m trying to impress my boss. That doesn’t mean that after a year, I care less about what I do, it just means that I’ve been there for a year and I’m more comfortable with how things are run. Only you know how happy you are with the job and if you’re doing your best. If you are putting your best foot forward and you’re happy with your job, who’s to judge?
I like your writing style, I think it’s great… you’re hilarious! I read it while I’m at work, like right now. You’re very entertaining. I should get off here before I get in trouble. (I work for the school system here – the central office). BTW – I just noticed this was written a while back, I hope you feel better about this now.