All the good ones aren’t taken June 2, 2008
Posted by brandy in because I can't do report cards 24/7, confession of the day, happiness, hello universe? I love you, it happened this week, men, single girl stories, the less i worry the happier i am.trackback
If there’s one thing that gets me when checking the single status box it’s the idea that I’m single because no one wants me. That I’ve been passed on, looked over, not given a second chance due to some personal flaw or strange quirk. The truth is- I possess two qualities that are kryptonite to a successful dating life: I’m picky and I’m lazy.
Picky is understandable,- to me at least. I think if you are going to shell out your emotions, strip away clothes, judgments, and the armor that protects your heart, it should be to someone who doesn’t list “Beavis and Butthead” as personal life long role models.
But lazy? Hmm. Lazy I have a harder time justifying. As my mother often points out, “the chances of your dream man getting lost and wandering his way into your bedroom is not likely”. This is often said immediately after I’ve just bragged about how I managed to sleep for 10 straight hours on a Friday night. Dating requires effort and lately I’ve been saving all my energy for napping work.
I bring all this up because last night I spent my evening with a charming fellow. A man who I met at a social event who made me laugh. Who made my family laugh. Who talked weather with my grandfather and produce selection with my mom. Who sat in the dark with a flashlight and helped my grandfather fix my car (no radiator fluid), while his friends drank beer and the mosquitoes attacked his body.
There was the obnoxious flirting that takes you back in time, past after work martini dates, university parties and high school classes and puts you firmly in middle school. The flirting that involves the big “gee your great” smile and hair pulling and wrestling. The kind of wrestling that gets you close enough to smell him and you find a stampede of butterflies taking over your stomach. We laughed and teased and took ridiculous photos with silly sunglasses. And at the end of the night, when the warm summer air lifted and a cold breeze made me shiver, he walked me back to my car. Before I could thank him, my phone rang and suddenly everything felt different. We hugged goodbye and I drove away.
There was a time not so long ago, that such a night would unsettle me. I would lay awake with the words ‘what if’ or ‘almost’ or ‘maybe I should have..’ rolling in my brain. I would play the night over in my head and consider all the things I could have done, should have said, almost went for. That didn’t happen. Instead, I slept soundly- content in knowing that all the good ones aren’t taken.
I still think I need to be picky. I cannot date a man who uses a stack of Hustler magazines as his nightstand, but lazy? Lazy I think I could get over. Especially after last night. After all, I didn’t meet this guy in my bedroom. Perhaps my mom had a point.
FIRST?!?!?!! whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!
ahem.
anyway! i think this story was very uplifting. we are in the same boat, and everyone tells me its about getting out there and putting yourself on a limb for a bit. next time you’re in ontario….we’ve got to have a single girl’s night out FO SHO!
libby- Agreed!! And I’m going to start saying “FO SHO”. It’s just a ridiculously fun thing to say and type.
I feel like I need to state the obvious- CALL HIM!
*ahem*
Mom moment over.
That was a really sweet story, though
So, are you lazy because you didn’t make the first move or because you should call HIM?
I’ve definitely been accused about being lazy in the past but it always seems like if I reallyh want a guy (much like other “goals”) I’ll set my mind to it and get outcome I desire.
I may be slightly incoherent, but does this mean you will call him or you won’t! Though I do understand how sometimes, just having that kind of experience is enough to want to fold it up, put into a back pocket, and take it out on a day when you’re feeling kind of lonely and not good enough.
Then you remember how sometimes, it can be just a blissful encounter, and nothing more, none of the hurt and sorrow that so often accompanies relationships.
Well, this is an exciting development!
i’ve often blamed my single status on those same reasons…the couch wins far too often on friday nights! i do need to get over that. but i’m with you on staying picky. if i am going to actually get up and put myself out there, it’s not just going to be for whoever happens to come along.
Interesting. I’m making the most of being single atm – travelling and loving the unattached life. Although interesting developments could be fun to act on… call him?
OMG! ok,how do I put this nicely. If you don’t call him, then I will. and I am permanently “with husband” so I technically can’t, which means I would go get him for one of my single friends.
GO CALL HIM! he sounds like a keeper.
I loved this! I sincerely hope that you call him or see him again soon! Sounds promising…not the marry me tomorrow promising (I’ve given up on that)…but the maybe there are a few good ones left, kind of promising!
I can’t wait to see how this unfolds.
you give me hope, i too am lazy (and now single). crap.
Hi there, just wandered in from 20smthings – I loved this, really looking forward to reading back some more. Ps call him! x Marianne
Picky is good, stay picky…the lazy though…how can you be lazy when the sun is out and patios are beckoning? And if your dream man did wander into your bedroom you’d be quite freaked out at this stange man in your house so yes, all the more reason to get out there and stop being lazy.
I agree…Picky is good. But I too hate checking the single box, and I hope that someday soon I won’t have to, but you just never know.
I agree to.. Picky is good.
LOL…
Once again, as I say in most of my comments, you are not alone. I’m a lazy one too. I’ve got a man, but I think he over looks my laziness sometimes. Or maybe it’s because he’s equally as lazy…
Nothing wrong with being picky.
And I don’t know if I would call you lazy…there is nothing wrong with focusing on you rather than trying to find a man. A girl needs her sleep, yo. Now…when you happen across a man who gives you those butterflies you write of and you do nothing afterwards…then that could be considered lazy. Please tell me the two of you exchanged numbers?
that sounds like a great time. the only crappy thing about being in a relationship is not getting those first nervous butterfly feelings. trying to get close to someone so that they may take the hint and lean in for the kiss. those feelings, while frustrating at the time, are so nice.
and i can vouch that all the good ones aren’t gone. i’ve got some fantastic guy friends that i still can’t believe are single. i think they’re too picky and lazy too.
He sounds like a def keeper…
and there’s def nothing wrong with being picky, or lazy for that matter! A girl needs her sleep.
Would be amazing (and so much easier) if the man of my dreams did get lost though and walked right into my room. Although I doubt he’d get that far. My dad would probably punch him in the face before he even got close… ahhh the joys of living at home.
“The truth is- I possess two qualities that are kryptonite to a successful dating life: I’m picky and I’m lazy.”
oh, i wasnt aware you were writing my AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
Like balding hair, lazy only gets worth with time. I’ve dated lazy. Think laundry left on the floor because he didn’t like doing it but thought I did. What woman DOESN’T live to fold clothing?!?!? Eventually “laundry” became “making dinner” and “cleaning up the dishes” and a bevy of other activities he was too lazy to partake in.
BTW, I could give to shits about baldies but I needed a good analogy and it’s all I could drum up on a Tuesday morning.
Laziness and passivity probably won’t do you any good.
BUT…I know lots of people who met their future significant others while not really actively looking and pursuing something. I think one has great chances to meet the right person while just going about their merry way.
well you know, i did a little dance at my desk when i got your email about this yesterday. that being said, you know how i feel about a man that can impress both your mom and your grandfather. grandparents and mom’s are KEY.
please send me said picture in sunglasses?
you should be picky because you don’t want to settle for mr. beavis or mr. right now. lazy is one thing, fine.. that can be worked out. picky? never a bad thing.
Lazy is only necessary until it isn’t, right?
Go you!
It’s sort of funny, while lazy seems like it can hold you back, I (and some of the other posters) know people who didn’t find someone until they stopped looking.
“There was the obnoxious flirting that takes you back in time, past after work martini dates, university parties and high school classes and puts you firmly in middle school.” Your writing seriously transcends.
I am also both picky and lazy. Lazy is easy… maybe I’ll just become less picky.
This is the pivotal moment in Lisa’s life where she starts making horrible decisions. AND ITS YOUR FAULT, BRANDY.
All the good ones aren’t taken….yet. Go get ‘em, Cookie.
Before boyfriend I was single for 4 years. Picky and Lazy? Yep.
But in that case I was lucky to be lazy. Our relationship evolved through several facebook messages, because I’m phone-phobic. What’s easier than sending witty messages full of sexual innuendo to coerce someone into seeing a movie with you? Two years later, lazy: 1, actively participating in the dating scene:0.
i win.
Darn it, don’t ya hate when Mom turns out to be right, after all? Heh.
Well, maybe all the good men aren’t taken, but all the good women sure as hell are…
Oooooh, somebody has a crush. GOOD FOR HIM!
Can’t wait to hear more about where this goes; it certainly doesn’t sound like the end of this tale, that’s for sure. *sigh*
[...] I should qualify this: while single, like Brandy I am both picky and lazy. Also, I’m having a mighty fine time as a girl about town, so I don’t really stop to [...]
This was an encouraging post!
yes, Yes, YES!!!
How exciting, love those butterflies!!! Enjoy it to yourself for a while but make sure you let us in on some of the details when you’re ready to share…
Awwww, I really related to this story. I feel the same way. I’m just out of energy anymore to really try to find Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. I’m ready for it to just fall in my lap w/ no work on my part
Here’s the thing: You’re young! So you’ve got plenty of time to be picky and lazy! Definitely stay selective – a gal should never settle. And I think it’s fine to be lazy in your 20s. Just have fun and take care of yourself and you never know – he might end up on your doorstep (says the 32-year-old still-single girl).
yeah I’m picky and lazy too. But i have an active imagination that has my dream man showing up at any second and sweeping me off my feet. Yeah right.
I have zero idea why I’m not willing to put forth the effort. Maybe I need to scale back on the career a bit
I totally get the lazy thing. I’ve often thought that with the effort I’ve put forth, my only chances is that “the one” is the Fed Ex guy who delivers a package to my house b/c I don’t get out and about nearly enough.
I think part of the lazy thing is that I don’t feel an urgency to be in a relationship….but I wonder if in five years when I’m still single, I’ll be irritated that I made NO effort when I was younger. Hopefully I won’t find out….
I definitely understand the whole lazy thing, sometimes it’s too much work – even when you’ve been with someone for so long. As far as the picky thing goes – I think it’s every girls right to be a smidge bit picky.
Sounds like a plan!
This was a really great post! Like you, i’m quite picky and lazy as well. Guys should be brought to us, right? But this post gives me hope. Hope that I’ll be less lazy and more active. Hope that I’ll meet someone similar. And that, really, not everyone is taken.
Being picky about who you date is certainly a good thing. Never settle for what’s not worthy of you.
Sounds like you had a great evening and a totally affirming one at that. Nope, not all the good ones are taken. They’re probably just picky/lazy too.
As everyone else is saying, picky is not bad. You don’t need to settle on anyone or waste your valuable “you” on anyone not worthy.
Sometimes I miss falling in love, flirting and so on. Then Martin comes back home.
I adore this post and hope that you’ll share the rest with us. Be picky. You deserve it. Don’t be lazy. That would be a shame.
hey you… it’s been ages… sorry I’ve been lazy
I hate the tick boxes for marital status! I can feel my mom and the rest of society ahem-ing as I tick it. My mom’s line is that the chances of a man falling out of the sky and hitting me on the head are none. But that doesn’t stop me from wearing a helmet and hoping for the best. It’s the least we picky, lazy people can do.
it light of recent events it’s reassuring to know that not ALL the good ones are taken …
Hell, I am so picky and lazy! That’s why I was single for years and years and years before my bf came along – and ironically, that’s exactly why he was single for years and years and years before I came along.
Seriously, sit back and relax and it’ll all come together, even for the laziest and pickiest of people!
[...] Remember when that charming young man worked with my grandfather to fix my car? Yeah. They didn’t really fix it. So, I went to a mechanic. I expected my repairs to cost $1000. I was wrong. Turns out, my repair (a head gasket leak?) will cost TWENTY THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS. For the record, I don’t remember anything else the mechanic said after the words TWENTY THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS- there was some type of ringing in my ears and I grabbed the counter for balance. It was an out of body experience I can only compare to the time I drank an ice cream bucket full of sambuca. (And I realize bullets are used when someone is NOT planning on writing a paragraph but when I’m talking about TWENTY THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS, a paragraph is necessary). [...]
Hmmm…I’ve been accused of being picky and lazy in dating also. *sigh* I hope Wanderlusting is right.
http://www.saneandsingle.blogspot.com