My mom and I were talking the other day about that game show that involves the lie detector test. I asked my mom if she would ever go on and she cried out “OH NO!” before I had even finished the question. Of course, I followed that up with ” What? Is the milkman my real father? You have some deep, dark secrets that you don’t want to get out?” Silence. So I followed up, ” Seriously, you have big secrets?” And she responded with the two words no child wants to hear:

“Of course”.

So, now I’m curious. But not curious to want to ask more questions. (But if the milkman really is my father, it would explain my love for all things dairy). That whole situation got me thinking about secrets. The ones we keep, the ones we share, the ones we share without telling it all. I’ve decided to share my latest dilemma that’s consuming my life and distracting me from important things like The Hills and my ongoing quest to broker peace in the Middle East make the perfect cupcake.

I’m going to a wedding in July (for which I am the MC) and feel stuck. I’m single, going to an event that will have more couples than Noah’s Ark. My dilemma has nothing to do with what my role as MC is (no really, what IS my role as MC?), or what to wear (no really, what do you wear to a summer wedding?), but about the dreaded situation all single girls must face come wedding season: The Date Dilemma.

Of course I will be going- the TLC idea just isn’t a possibility, but I thought I needed a third choice. And for the record, sadly my life currently only includes male friends who would be inappropriate wedding dates. And I say “inappropriate” because they wouldn’t know anyone and bringing them to a social event (that would require sleeping in the same hotel room) would be a direct route to trouble. And not the good kind that you tell people about the next day, while shaking your head at last nights MADCAP CRAZINESS!, but the kind of trouble you lock away and only tell your diary years after you’ve gotten over the shame.

If any of you have other options regarding the Wedding Date Dilemma of 2008, I’d love to hear them. Especially if they involve heavy drinking and/or me needing to go shoe shopping.

I’m tired of American politics.

If someone says the words “Obama”, “Hillary” or “white, blue collar vote” to me today, I may just kill myself with a stapler.

On the upside, this has brought me a great deal of joy this morning.