What they don’t tell you May 4, 2008
Posted by brandy in charm, happiness, i know too much about magnets, i second that emotion, is it weird this makes me cry?, it happened this week, school, so sappy it hurts, something I won't forget, swimming in a sea of self pity, the J.O.B., thinking, who needs a self help book?, work, youth.trackback
I often like to reflect on all the things I didn’t learn in university that I should have. Someone should have taught a class on how to work all the school office equipment (and more importantly, what to do when the photocopier breaks down for the 734th time and your kicking of the machine is getting you dirty looks). Someone should have taught a class on what to have your teacher assistants do- because finding work for them often is the hardest part of my planning. Someone should have taught a class on time management. On the trick to writing straight on a chalkboard. On what to say when you a child tells you that he loves you more than his mom.
I have turned the front of my desk into a showcase of art work. Students who do original drawings can put their work up there for all to admire. On Friday, one of my students drew me a picture of Darth Vadar and Luke Skywalker fighting. And underneath it he wrote ” I love school. Your the best. I wish you could be our teacher forever”.
Then he told me that he thought I would be a good Jedi.
I was filled with a sense of accomplishment. My kids- who I’ve been working like factory workers for Nike- are enjoying school. They are kind, thoughtful and creative. They know how to spell ‘teacher’ and ‘forever’. They are equally excited for recess as they are for math class. I’ve done what I wanted to do- what I wanted to prove to myself I could do. I’ve become a teacher who really cares about her students.
And I know it’s sappy and cliche, and this post is riddled with lines that will make me roll my eyes when I read it after I hit ‘ publish’- but it’s true. The 16 students I have make me laugh harder than Jon Stewart. They make me think deeper than Nietzsche- or a really profound Simple Plan lyric. I often find myself scribbling down the hysterical (and sometimes insane) things they say because I want to remember everything.
And I only have two months left.
Someone should have taught me how to say goodbye.
Oh no this must be so hard for you. I think it’s ultimately why I never became a teacher though I wanted to. I’m not sure I could handle the attachment and then have to say goodbye.
What better compliment could there be?
I want someone to tell me that I would make a good Jedi!!
That brought tears and made me think back to the 3 teachers I loved and hope that I will always remember their names and what they taught me…out of a book and from their own hearts. I’ve often considered becoming a teacher but I’m not brave enough to try. I’m afraid I would feel a failure if I didn’t feel the way you do each day. Great work and I hope it is always rewarding for you :]
Um, way to make me tear up over my iced caramel latte. On the flipside of this reflection, it makes me giddy to think my teachers DID actually care about me and genuinely missed me in the summer. Thank you.
Awww.
Posts like this make me reconsider my life plans (once again).
Just when I figured out that Teach for America can wait until I’m a seasoned….something, I start thinking maybe it’d be a good after-my-mba thing.
But I’m sure Teacher Brandy is far better than I could ever be.
And I agree. Why isn’t printer/copier/fax machine maintenance taught to us all? I do have to admit when I finally make the damn thing work I feel a sort of smug satisfaction in my open/close/turn off/turn on/ slam the drawers approach. I doubt I’d be as pleased with myself if I just did what the instruction booklet said….
aww I know just what you mean…I’ve been teaching these 25 high school kids for a semester now, afterschool in math and science. Yes, they are high schoolers so I thought I would get no gratefulness/gratitude in return but these are inner city school kids and on my last day, they wrote me a poem on how I was one of the few people in their life that actually cared. Coming from high school kids, that made me bawl like a little baby (I waited till I got to the parking lot) And I kept thinking..how theres a good possibility I will never see those kids again and I have no idea what they are going to make of their lives and I so wish I could. Someone REALLY needs to write an instruction booklet on attachment and saying goodbye
that is so sweet. ah my heart. what a rewarding career you’ve found yourself.
I know exactly what you mean. As often as I complain about some of the ridiculous things my students say and do, I care about them. It’s the best feeling in the world when, long after their semester is over, they see me in the hall and come up to me to give me hugs and introduce me to their friends.
Somehow that Jedi line works only for boys under the age of ten.
My mom was a teacher. First-third grade Special Ed to be exact. And since she lived in the same district where she taught, it wasn’t uncommon for her to bump into her students when they were in high school, bussing tables at Outback or ringing up groceries at Acme. She always loved finding out where they ended up. And without fail, they loved seeing her. So know that as hard of a time as you’ll have letting go of the students, they’ll probably never let go of you.
littlespoon- Yeah… I have two months left and I’m so nervous. I just don’t want to cry in front of 8 year olds.
POTU- Isn’t that great?! Coming from a true Star Wars fan, I have to say I was touched.
Jessica- IF you want to be a teacher, do it! Trust me though, everyday is not a day filled with rainbows and happiness for me. Sometimes at the end of the day I wonder if I taught them anything, what the point of ‘me’ was that day… but I figure as long as I try, the good days out weigh the bad in the long run.
Renee- I always wondered if teachers thought about me after the school year was done. Now I can say with absolute certainty- the answer is yes. It’s a good feeling when you are the student realizing that you are thought of- but as the teacher always wondering what happened… well, that feeling is a bit more sad.
ablogofherown- You would be a fabulous teacher! As for the smug satisfaction, I’m not sure if there is a better feeling in the world than kicking the photocopier machine and having it suddenly work.
creatingdiva- Yep, that’s exactly it. I just wish good things for all of them.
libby- Rewarding, yes. But scary. I have no idea what I’m going to do this summer- or next year!
Dingo- Isn’t that such a nice feeling??
Paige Jennifer- That was exactly what I needed to hear.
It breaks my heart every spring when I have to say goodbye to my kids. Teaching special ed. means I’m lucky enough to have my kids for 2-3 years…but this also makes saying goodbye that much harder!
And I hate the damn copy machine. Hate.
I can so relate to this although I’ve never been told I’d make a good Jedi. I need to work on that. It’s hard to say goodbye. I cried like a fuckin baby the first few times, but when I knew that I was staying at my school, I told my kids that we didn’t need to say goodbye because we’d see eachother again very soon, and I think knowing that helped ME more than it helped them. You don’t realize how attached you become until it just hits you one day. You’re such a great teacher. I would love to team teach with you. That would be so awesome.
Erin- I know! Copy machines are the worst. Can’t they invent one that doesn’t jam? I mean, we created hypercolor shirts for crying out loud.
EM- I was going to email you about this and asked you how you dealt with it. I think I’m going to take it hard because I know I won’t be at the school next year. And if if by some fluke I did end up at the school- half my kids are going to be attending a new school that’s just finishing being built. As for team teaching with you… that would be awesome!!
EM- I remember you saying you wanted a grade switch- did you end up getting it?
“Jedi Brandy” – I like it!
Seriously? You’ve gotta be an awesome teacher, because you’ve got some pretty awesome kids. And Jedi? That’s the highest compliment you can get! But for real, “goodbye” is the hardest part in dealing with children. Ever. It doesn’t get easy, cuz you gotta do it over again the next year
Encouraging, huh?
Wow…this brought tears to my eyes. Brandy, if more teachers were like you, then…well…this world would be a better place methinks. And you know what? You would be an awesome Jedi.
Oh, and I would have totally signed up for a class on how to write on a chalkboard (or whiteboard or flipchart) in a straight line. I always slant up.
That is so awesome Brandy – it is so clear that you really were meant to be a teacher!
Cool! Brandy the Jedi. What color would your light saber be?
As for writing in a straight line on the chalk board.. well, after over 10 years practice, I still can’t do it. Luckily college students don’t care about that sort of thing.
it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever done, saying goodbye to the 12 students i had for two years. i cried. and now i say goodbye to a new crop every semester, and some times i’m glad and other times i’m quite sad, but every time it reminds me that i need to learn that lesson. i’m not good at letting go, so every semester offers me an opportunity to tie up my efforts with a metaphorical mental bow and send it off with my good wishes and hopes into the past, where it belongs.
and it also means that there’s a new beginning waiting for me. and i quite like new beginnings. to quote semisonic (and, according to google, seneca?!?): “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
doesn’t make it any easier, though, and i don’t think anyone can really teach you how to do it. oh how i wish they could.
I did get the grade change! Grade 1 to grade 8! Can you say “shitting my pants a little?!”
There’s a new school being built? Have you applied for a teaching position there? A new school is always promising in terms of full time employment …
Yes! They should have taught us what to give to Teacher’s Aides. I find that so hard.
And saying goodbye – it isn’t too hard when you’re the preK teacher and still get to see the little ones for 3 more years in the building.
geekhiker- IT does have a nice ring to it doesn’t?!
poodlegoose- lol, yes, that really was encouraging. I like to think that it gets easier everytime. But this my first time saying goodbye so I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a mess.
SM- I always slant down. My poor class is going to have serious neck problems. And thank you for your nice words. I definitely suck somedays at being a teacher (those are the days we watch a movie) but I try and I suppose that counts for something.
Anne- Or a Jedi.
CB- Definitely… blue. Blue is the good guy color right? Damn. I will have to ask my class tomorrow.
drbolte- So well said. I definitely think you are right- the experience is just a reminder of the lessons that I need to learn. Sigh.
EM- Wow! That’s such a huge jump! I’m so pumped for you. Completely different experience but pretty awesome opportunity. Won’t it be a great feeling not to worry about your class peeing their pants?!
Cathy- I’m glad I’m not alone with the T.A stuff. Sometimes I just feel like I have nothing for them to do- which sounds ridiculous.
I have so much respect for teachers. What a huge impact ya’ll have on us regular people.
I think they should adjust high school curriculum to include “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Man, would my high school and college years have been easier if I’d read that book at 14!
Mel- That’s a genius idea. I mean, even just a cool class on relationships would be invaluable. And you know, something that I would probably need to take. Oi.
Yeah now I need to go from worrying about them peeing their pants to worrying about them keeping out of eachother’s pants! Oy, the hormones!
Thanks again for sharing these really touching events from your life.
It’s Educators like you that I hope my children will some day have the honor of being students under your wing.
You’re awesome and I will also hurt for you when you have to say ‘goodbye’ to them before the summer.
Make sure you wear waterproof mascara the last day of school. When I taught Kindergarten, I always cried no matter how I prepared myself not to!
This is just so frickin’ cool. I’m so happy for you.
I actually said to a friend tonight over dinner that I don’t think I have enough room in my heart for all the kids whose lives I’ll impact over my teaching career.
I’ve still got students running up to me in the hallway for bear hugs and to grasp onto my hand and tell me stories and how much they miss me and I haven’t spent any substantial time with them in over a year.
Plus, this year’s group of fifth graders, who want to know all about me, who give me daily ratings on my outfits (today it was a 9.5), and who are just so darn cute, funny, etc., etc.
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
I’m really enjoying your teaching posts!
I felt exactly like this last year (first year teaching) and I knw I’m going to feel like this at the end of June again this year (already starting to feel it)… *sigh*
What a sweet post, it brought a smile to my face.
And you would make a GREAT jedi.