I’ll even pull out the brass knuckles March 30, 2008
Posted by brandy in I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, blogs, ego boost, friends, hello universe? I love you, it makes sense to me, learning, men, people i like, seriously, so sappy it hurts, something I won't forget, thanks for the heads up Ally!, the Ex files, the devils worker bees, the world according to me, these are the things that happen to me, thinking.trackback
I once got dumped over dinner and was so upset that I left my wallet at the table when I stormed out. My cheap, yet resourceful table companion who had just moments before broke my heart into a tiny grains of it’s former self- used my bank card to pay for dinner. Because I may pick soulless, callous men to break my heart, but I will make sure they will always know how to get a free dinner.
But that’s not what this post is about.
A few weeks after that event, I went out with friends to wash away my self pity with cheap pitchers of glorious honey colored ale. The three of us sat laughing in a crowded pub having one of those life changing discussions that can only come when you are young and believe that your words alone can change the world. Our cheeks were flushed with laughter and beer when I noticed some of the Ex’s friends had come in and were sitting close. We exchanged awkward hellos and quick head nods. The night progressed.
I’m not sure how it happened, but eventually a bridge was made between our two tables and someone brought up the Ex, in flattering terms. I swallowed a thousand stinging rebuttals and slid out a scoff. The conversation elevated. I can’t be sure who mentioned the fact that he used my bank card to pay for dinner (but I AM sure this was not said in flattering terms), but suddenly above the pub’s music,- the symphony of laughter, of glasses being put down too hard the table, of cell phones ringing, the door creaking open, the vroom of cars passing by, of the swish of the waitresses skirts as they hustled to the next table and the boom of university guys ordering another round, I heard from the mouth of one of his friends:
“Well, you were a stupid bitch if he knew your pin number.”
I suppose it would be a cliche to tell you that such words felt like a slap against my cheek, but such words would also be true. My eyes watered with shock and my face stung with embarrassment. I felt eyes looking at me and found no words would articulate my thoughts. Suddenly my stomach was near my ankles. I wanted to go.
But that’s not what this post is about.
My normally non-confrontational friends leaped into action. There was finger pointing. And hands thrown in the air. There were words said at high decibels, sentences that I could only think of but could not find my voice to say. I sat there and watched as they pummeled these guys for their insensitivity and lack of consideration. For their cruel words said when they were not needed, and certainly not wanted. I was shocked at how strong my friends were- but I was more shocked at just how much comfort I found in their actions. I wish I would have said more, did more but I always find that it’s 17.9 million times easier to stick up for someone else than for myself.
This incident has been replaying in my mind for the last few days. I had written the post about the copycat and then tried to let it go. It unsettled me more than I could say. When writing is something you do that helps you understand who you are- having someone copy your words feels like they are copying your DNA. It’s as though someone is passing off your diary as your own- and getting credit for it.
But then? Then, I read your comments. And emails. And facebook emails. And 20SB emails. And text messages. And instant messages. And twitter comments. (Twitter, why can’t I quit you?) And it reminded me that although blogging is an individual activity- we each chose what we want to write about, we chose what we share and what we don’t, it IS a community. It’s the idea that at the end of the day when there is someone who is unraveled by the state of his/her world, either by nasty commenters or copycats or sick family members or losing a job or a pet, or feeling lost or not wanting to be found- that there are people who will rally for you. Who will say the things you cannot say, who will support you when you are struggling to support yourself.
So thanks. For doing that for me. And if a group of unruly and thoughtless men ever say something to you in a crowded pub when I’m there? Know that I’ve got your back. Then, and any other time it’s needed.
That’s what this post is about.
I like your I love blogging post.
And I like your blog… wherever I read it. ha.
And seriously? He paid for it with your card? Honestly, now.
It’s true- it’s so much easier to jump to the defense of your friends, than it is to defend yourself. I can’t believe that guy would say something so ignorant.
And does it make me a bad person to know that the person who plagiarized so many others has closed down her blog?
xo
Well put. Goooo bloggers!
Oh, and if I was one of your friends, I don’t think those guys would have had baby-makin’ organs by the end of the night. The ‘bitch’ thrown in there would have made me absolutely insane.
Likewise, Brandy. I’m there for ya and it’s a comfort to know that so many other of my amazing blog sisters would do the same.
I love how you write! =)
Have a great week!
I am so glad that people rose to your defense, both then and now. Yes, it is easier to do that than to stick up for yourself. But it still takes courage and an unyielding loyalty to a friend. I am so glad they made you feel better. Now, I seem to be behind…who’s copy catting ass do I need to kick?
Every time I read your blog I am reminded of why I love it so much! I am the same way, and always find ways to defend others before I can defend myself. It’s good to know that there are people around who can step in and back you up when you can’t say anything for yourself. If I had been in the bar with you, I for sure would’ve said some obnoxious and inappropriate things. I’m happy you had such great friends with you!
poodlegoose- I swear to you. He paid with my bank card. But honestly, that’s just the beginning of the worst break up story ever…
POTU- No way does that make you a bad person. In some ways I wish it was still up- it was great proof that crazy does exist. Also, I’m glad other people can relate to the notion that it’s easier to stand up for others than themselves. It’s funny, I’m much better at it now but still- if someone would have made a comment like that about my friend I would have went 9 shades of crazy- yet when it was said to ME, I was mute.
Megan- Your comment made me laugh. It was the whole comment that sort of threw me, some people can be such … jerks.
Gretch-a-sketch- It really is a nice feeling isn’t??
Amber- Thanks!! You too!
tpgoddess0103- Ahh, sadly her blog has been deleted. I like to think that it was blogger that deleted it, but with all the attention she was getting, she might have done it herself. Either way, it’s good that it’s gone but it’s nice to have proof of how crazy some people are.
tiedgogetherwithasmile- Thanks! It definitely is nice to know that you have people around who will get Whitney Houston style crazy when necessary.
ugh. i read about that plagiarizer on CDP. that’s low low low. and totally lame. also, your ex and his friends were total pricks. miss you much, and sorry i’ve been awol lately!
All true. People are people whether on-line or in the so-called real world. Jerks are jerks. Nice folk are nice folk. Friends are friends. It’s one of the things that often makes the net, for all its flaws, such an interesting piece of technology: it reflects who we are as humans.
It’s good to know when someone has your back – it’s like you can face anything. Well, you CAN face anything.
As for this ex – what a dick, seriously. I mean, it’s just not all that human of him! oh dear.
even though that’s the second time i’ve heard that story it STILL shocks me. ugh. and i know this wasn’t the point of your post, but since when do they ask for pin #s at a restaurant? they probably didn’t even think twice to check the name on the card before they swiped it. his friends were just hesitant to admit that was a low blow.
anyway, i would have your back too brandy. asshole friends of the ex or copycat bloggers. and everything in between.
Um. I loved absolutely everything about this post. You’ll come to love that wonderfully terribly break-up story, especially since you have such amazing friends. With people like that, you have nowhere to go but up.
Of course we’ve got your back, and your front and middle too. You’re wonderful and this post is fantastic .
I want to hug you right now.
This post is amazing, it felt like I was sitting there, in the pub with you all. I would’ve kicked those guys’ butt. I would’ve kicked that copycat’s butt, if I hadn’t been too late to see her blog. Oh well, we all know you’re the best.
love you love this post. Want to retroactively punch that guy in the nuts for using your card. SERIOUSLY.
Very awesome post, friend. And I can’t believe what a douche bag that guy was paying for his dinner with your money!! And as I think about it…what that dude said at the bar about him knowing your pin? Didn’t it just get used as a credit card? Or do you have to use your pin to use it as such? Either way ~ what an asshole and I’m glad your friends jumped in to put that dude in his place.
As for the rest of the post…we got your back. Definitely. Your writing is much too special to be stolen. YOU are much to special to have your writing stolen.
I feel like standing up and cheering for you. I loved this post, I love that you have such amazing friends, because seriously you are an amazing girl.
Damnit brandy, you make me cry at work with all your talk of community!
But it’s a good cry
libby- Never apologize for going missing. Seriously. I do it all the time.And if you DO go missing, going missing so you can go to a wedding and rock it out in an awesome dress is totally worth it.
geekhiker- For some reason your comment reminds me of a great voice over for a mac commercial. Can’t you just see Justin Long the mac guy saying that??
mez- I love that you called him a dick. I think I need to call more people that.
Michelle- In Canada you have to use a pin to use a bank card. I think you Americans use bank cards like credit cards maybe? Oh we live on the same continent, why must our countries be so different sometimes?!
Benjamin- Don’t worry, I already love the story. It’s just such a good piece of history that has so many ridiculous points it’s fantastic in conversations. Or as blog fodder.
YSP- Oh no, I feel like my ego is just going to grow by posting this. I hope people know that heapfuls of compliments were not my intent!!
Dutchess of Kickball- I would settle for you bringing me a hot chocolate to work. I kid.
Katrin- Thanks lady! That made my day!
Tiff- I love the idea of retroactively punching people. It makes me wonder who I would sock it to..
Sicilian Mama- I owe you an email! And I figured out that your comments were going to spam so now they should always be working. Hooray! Also, the bank card situation. In Canada- you need a pin to use the bank card. I think you guys call it a chequing card in the States? It’s definitely called something different because when I was in Vegas and talked about using my bank card to pay for something people looked at me like I was speaking Latin. Or saying I was going to vote Republican.
Semichrmd- Aww thanks! Geez! What a nice thing to say. Today is going to be a good day.
Shannon- Eep! Sorry for that. I hope you have a good day at work!
Girl, I can’t BELIEVE his douchebag friends called you a bitch in defense of his douchebag actions. And really, their making excuses for him just kinda makes him look even more douchbaggy, like his own friends *know* he can’t be trusted.
My heart hurts for you every time I think about the Chelsea thing. Your blog is supposed to be your safe place, your own little corner of the world that you have control over. I know we don’t really completely control anything on the internet, but its easy to feel comfortable in our own place, and its so violating to have someone steal your thoughts. Its like someone breaking into your brain, and you’d think people would have sense enough to not do that, regardless of whether its on the ‘Net or not. You are handling it well though!
Maybe Chelsea and Mr. Douchebag Bank Card are made for each other?
Men like this give lesbianism a good name.
And I agree – friends are the bestest.
I just want to give you a real life hug. Not because of pity, but out of honor of finding one of the best blogs out there and being a part of it.
You are one cool chica.
What a total doubchebox that guy is. Thank goodness for good girlfriend’s to get our backs when we’re caught utterly speechless. And um, am I the only one who doesn’t believe that he would need to have your PIN to pay the bill?
And you’re so right about the blogging community and the support that we can get from this outlet. I’m so glad that you had the outpour of support for that damn blogger who copy-catted you.
In the midst of an email to you now…
*BIG SMILE*
Yes, well it looks like karma came around and gave that girl a good kick in the ass. As of this morning (the only time I checked), her blog has been removed. NICE JOB!
It’s amazing that this is such a wonderful community. It’s something that I never expected but have come to cherish.
We got your back!
I can’t even imagine how it felt to read your own words on someone else’s blog. So upsetting. I’m glad you are rising above her plagiarism. Your writing is fantastic.
And that guy? Really? Wow. There are really no words to describe him or his friends.
Oh man, I love this post. You are so good.
I’ve been out of the loop on you for a little while and didn’t know about the plagiarizer. Yuck. I’m glad you’ve got some good back up. We all need a little back up now and then. If I was in that bar I’d have your back fo sho. I might even throw blows. You never know… it all depends on the beer.
i love this post! now being pretty new to this whole blogging thing, i’m starting to realize what a community this whole blogosphere is, and i love it. : )
ps. that dude needed kicked in the balls, total douchebag. thank god for friends
Oh, dear. I don’t fall into either the Mac or PC camps (I’ve gotten them both to crash at the least-opportune moments, so, you know, *shrug*) but those commercials annoy the hell outta me. Actually, come to think of it, I think the more mellow, less smug PC guy would say it…
And, as I didn’t mention it before: the guy who used your card? Completely and utterly without class.
Any chance I could coerce you (and many others) into joining my book club?
http://www.thefloatingbookclub.blogspot.com
(yes, I’ll be writing again very soon…. very, very soon!)
It feels so good to be able to come here and write about all the things that are bothering you, but then knowing that you have people here who will comment and make you feel so much better. I love it!
i love your friends.
used your bankcard to pay for dinner??
that’s just so wrong
what a fabulous post – that really what freinds (real or of the inte-web variety) are for, no?
There is no justice like internet justice.
A little late to the party, but I’m still reeling from the “used my bank card to pay for dinner” and then what his friends said about him knowing your pin. Seriously though, beautiful memory pairing with your previous post. This has got be one the best things I’ve read in a very long time.
You are the coolest ever.
I’m still reeling from the first paragraph… And THEN to have someone blaming you for thier dishonesty because you TRUSTED them is just plain offensive. As for your real friends, the ones that jumped to your defence they are friends to hold close.
I think it was probably more powerful that you didn’t get involved and that they spoke on you behalf… it speaks volumes of their love for you.
I LOVE this post!
Good friends are the best, and it is so true..when you can’t find the words yourself, your best friends always have your back!
This, like all your posts, is beautiful. And also, did you see that the copycat blog has been removed?
Defending oneself is like drinking. It’s a whole lot more fun with friends.
Best friends are the best feeling. Even when you can speak up for yourself, when your own words slice the air like scimitars and slash out the tongues of the antagonists, there is nothing sweeter than the resounding chorus of supportive friends.
Too bad all my friends are online
) But I will drink a beer with you from here!
I’m struggling to stay focused on the point of this post….I totally agree. It’s awesome how a virtual community of strangers can encourage, inspire, and love each other. I’m glad to know you dear Brandy!
Happy Tuesday!
Wow. If I were you I would have reported it to my credit card company, and let them press charges against the prick. Though his friends defending it is almost worse, in a way. However, I can’t picture being friends with someone who would do that so I suppose this is really an intellectual experiment at this point.