Here I Am. March 5, 2008
Posted by brandy in Bill Schneider wears a lot of funny hats, I should be sleeping, I've fallen into a funk and I can't get up, Slyvia Path has nothing on me, celiacs, confession of the day, disappointment, don't hate me for this, heaven, i complain because I care, i hate it when i blog about blogging, i know too much about magnets, i love fragment sentences, is it weird this makes me cry?, lists, politics, pretty hair makes me happier, school, secrets, seriously, swimming in a sea of self pity, the J.O.B., the george, today i am not funny, when i say it anyway, when it doesn't go my way, who needs a self help book?, work.trackback
I never wanted to be that blogger who has a google reader number that’s closer to a thousand than zero, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the daughter who would avoid her fathers calls, but here I am.
I never wanted to be a teacher who uses stickers as bribes when she’s at the end of her rope and thinking of tying a noose, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the person who started off every sentence ” I’m so exhausted I can’t…”, but here I am.
I never wanted to be person who went to work with unmatched socks because she hasn’t done laundry since mid-February, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the teacher who closed her door at recess, turned off the lights and had a mini cry because she’s feeling so overwhelmed, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the celiac’s sufferer who would be so tired she would eat bun for dinner rather than make something that didn’t make her sick, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the Canadian citizen who didn’t vote, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the blonde who just asked her Telus operator what the difference was between her P.I.N and her personal identification number, but here I am.
I never wanted to be that teacher who wished one student wouldn’t come to school because the day is so much easier when he’s not there, yet here I am.
I never wanted to be that person who felt like they were failing at life because as much as they worked, as late as they stayed up, as early as they set their alarm- they just couldn’t get everything done, but here I am.
I never wanted to be that person who got insanely excited at the idea of seeing wax figures in person, but here I am.
I never wanted to be the girl who almost cried while getting her taxes done when she learned that because of a jerk employer, she’s getting a 1/5th of what she got last year as a tax return, but here I am.
I never wanted to be a blogger who wrote entire posts that were self indulgent complaints, yet here I am.
I’m in a bit of a report card induced mania right now. Regular commenting and fascinating postings relating to drinking games and the contents of my closet to return shortly.
And for the record, I really did ask the Telus woman what the difference was between a PIN and a personal identification number, because my brain can only hold so much information, and apparently common sense was the first to go. Right now, it’s filled with intelligence regarding magnets, bugs, contractions and all works by Robert Munsch. I couldn’t cram even one new fact into my head if someone bribed me with an unseen episode of The Hills and/or the promise of world peace.
Oh and Hillary? Sigh. I can’t even muster the words to discuss what happened. The only thing that would improve my outlook on life right now is a nap.
Or seven minutes in heaven with George Clooney.
I hope it gets better! i’m sure you just have to get over a few hurdles before life starts being amazing again
I love this post. Gritty honesty. And that PIN segment gave me a smile. So, instead of fretting over Hillary, why not smile about the insanities of life. Or, at a minimum, close your door during recess and have a good little cry.
Cheer up, Brandy! Once the report cards are over with you can take a step back, relax and enjoy the fact that Obama is still going to win
Don’t worry about Hillary, we will persevere. And as for everything else? Spring is on the horizon, it is all due to get better.
Things sure do change with age and experience, huh? I never wanted to be many of those things either — and yet…
littlespoon- I suspect you are right.
Nilsa- Will do. And I can’t believe the PIN episode. Oy.
AM- True. Egan and I talked last night and according to my lovely friend (and CNN contributer- part of the best political team on television) John King- even if Hillary wins EVERYTHING else by a 65-35 margin, she still won’t have enough delegates. That helps.
Dutchess- Spring! Oh Spring! I think you said the magic word.
Bre- Ahh, you find yourself in a boat that looks similar to mine sometimes? That makes me feel better!
Isn’t common sense always the first thing to go? I always thought that I just lost mine since it probably took up the least amount of room in my head, but maybe it actually works that way for everyone and once they have other things to think about it just sort of ‘falls out’.
Do you get spring break at your school? That would at least give you a chance to catch up on your sleep!
Cheer up! Here’s hoping you do get seven minutes with George.
I hear that report cards can do this to a teacher. I loved this post. It really goes to show how things change and real life gets in the way.
7 in heaven with George would fix anything.
ps. I am a hearty supporter of quick recess cries.
Oh boy. We all are one of those people once in a while. I hope you feel better soon, report cards will pass by and as the years trickle away, they will soon no longer affect your laundry or your cravings for buns. And Mr. Clooney? I can hear the angels sing…
Hang in there! Things will get better!
A lot of things are just circumstantial and will blow over. We do crazy things when we’re pushed to exhaustion! Hang in there.
You’re going to shit when you check your email tonight and you’re inundated with pictures of me with: Wax George Clooney, Wax Jessica Simpson, Wax The Rock, Wax Oprah (that one looks wicked wax), and Wax Julia Roberts.
Cheer up lady! I heart you.
I never thought I’d be the girl passed out at 9:30PM. I’ll email you pictures of my puppy if you want. You have to smile when you see her silly little face and chubby belly haha
Ha Brookem! I sent her some me with Wax Clooney, too!
I know the feeling, seriously (as do all the other commentors
) but one thought… i know i get this way but DONT take it too much ot heart - we can be very hard on ourselves.
Hang in there, take a deep breath and put on your favorite dance toon so that you can smile.
Things will be looking up soon!
Stupid Hillary. Gah.
I know what you mean. I never wanted to be the girl that didn’t care about the house being clean, and yet…
Hang in there.
Indulge away. I love the complete honesty. Oh, and Texas and Ohio are dead to me after last night. Dead.
This was so well written and touching. I relate so much to just looking at yourself and realizing you have habits and qualities you never wanted. I hope things get better for you and you feel happier ASAP! *hugs*
Doesn’t life really stink sometimes? Remember when we were little we couldn’t WAIT to become an adult? Yeah. I take it back. Hope things start looking up for you, just think keeping George Clooney thoughts.
we all have our moments! yesterday, i was SURE antipasto salad had pasta in it! common sense is always the first thing to go for me
hmmm… George. And no worries, you’re only human, ya know? Good luck w/everything
I think all teachers go through those things. I always find it incredible one child can make all the difference.
This is a great post.
I’ve never wanted to be a lot of things…but here I am just living.
Sometimes it is all you can do, but it makes everything worth it.
I never wanted to be the 29th person to leave a comment…
but here i am.
I still clearly remember many of my own PIN type moments…you are SO far from alone in that. I’ve said I’d “never” or I’d “always” oh so many times. I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned about growing up is that those statements tend to lose their meaning as you grow to learn more about the world.
I never thought I’d be able to start so many sentences with “I used to be so . . .” or “I never used to . . .”
Alas, here we are. Chin up.
And Hillary? Can’t discuss. Good luck with George.
What my email said.
*hug*
If I was able in any way to communicate with George I’d give him your number first.
I can’t remember the last time I did laundry. I’m so exhausted. My Google Reader is out of control. I’m drowning. I relate to this post.
I hope everything gets better soon hun.
xoxo
Heh. Congratulations, you’re imperfectly normal, just like the rest of us. Wouldn’t have you any other way.
Hope things are cheerier soon!
only 7 minutes?!?!?! Now THAT is where you don’t want to be.
Start the brain-dumping baby…The Hills returns March 24th…a solid 4 weeks before the next “stand-in -a-circle-and-shoot” democratic primary!
Ah celiac. My dad lost all this weight in his forties and my mother, fearful he’d whither away, pumped him up with platefuls of pasta. Poor guy had celiac and the food was making it worse. Anyway, two things:
(1) There is a great Philly bakery called Mr. Ritts (www.mrritts.com) that makes gluten free stuff that us regular intestinal tract folks think is pretty rocking. The best part? They ship.
(2) There is a current scientific study that is testing a pill that momentarily makes them able to digest the gluten. And it’s having super duper results.
I bet it felt good just to put all that out there. I hope, anyway. And I also hope that things improve for you soon. Good luck making it through report card season.
Egads…want another thing to keep you from doing important things…look for the new Heidi Montag video w/Britney vocals…such scandal around old BS material fused (stapled? glued?) w/HM-illegally…and the song sucks, too! You’ll love it! Appropriately titled, “damaged”
Indulge yourself, its your blog. Write what you want, write what makes you feel better. I hope things look up for you soon. Are there any dishes or frozen dinners even you could have on hand for those too tired to cook nights?
Oh my I hope things get a million times better for you! I’m sorry. I feel you on the laundry though….
Sometimes all I can do is cry and nap too. *hug*
Ah sweetie, I’ve been there too. *hugs*
Aw. There is NO shame in a good cry and a nap… the nap following the cry, I find, is the best kind of sleep.
I, too, am stressed to the point of crying over how many dishes I have to do. Things will lighten up, I promise, and then it will feel horribly anticlimactic. And you will be able to do things like wander aimlessly in the sunshine again.
dude, stickers are a perfectly viable bribe and I don’t know where I’d be without my little mini nervous breakdowns at recess!
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