Just say yes to James Taylor February 26, 2008
Posted by brandy in I definitely didn't answer your question., Q & A, a possible regret, and now you might know everything, can you tell I've been reading NO FEAR t-shirts?, confession of the day, happiness, i love fragment sentences, i should be a P.S.A., i'm the sum of my failures and my achivements, it makes sense to me, it's always easier to say it than do it, life lesson, self improvement, seriously, so sappy it hurts, thinking, this is what happens when you listen to a sad song, vague is vogue, what i found when i went looking, when i say it anyway.trackback
Remember when I asked for questions to answer? I’m answering. Slowly. Because I’m lazy I don’t want to cause the internet to explode my answering them all at once. I get great joy of going through and reading them (finding out later that they’ve entered my subconscious and have given me ideas of posts that I thought were originally my own- Maggie, I’m thinking of you and your question about what I would like to ‘unknow‘, which I thought was my own brilliant idea. How wrong I was.).
Today’s question is from AP. I really enjoyed this question because it’s one that I would ask and it appeals to the side of me that likes to review all my beautiful failures that have led me to my life as school marm and martini guzzler.
- “If there was one moment/situation in your life you could change- what would it be and why?*** AND you cannot say “there’s nothing I regret or would change”. There is always one moment/situation we had wished would’ve turned out differently.
“
I love this because I’m in the lowly ranks who really do believe in regrets. So to pick just one for me, would be impossible. It would be like trying to chose a favourite hair follicle. Or just one man to have sex with from LOST. There’s just too many to chose from. I- of course, believe in learning from the regrets of my past but I’m happier having had made them than not. I’m happier having fallen, having got my hands dirty. I’m happier knowing that I did the ugly cry at 3am over a guy who wasn’t worth it, and of letting go of the guy who was. Of failing the test, saying goodbye when I wanted to stay, of choosing the “cool crowd” over my own crowd. I’m happier having screwed up on the job, said the comment about sexual education to the dean of my university on graduation day, passed up an outdoor James Taylor concert in Rome. I’m better for listening to bad advice, letting a friendship woven through the years fall apart in my hands, of giving up on my father.
All these errors in judgment, these mistakes- some calculated by my misguided brain, others the result of spontaneous rage or feelings of jealously, have changed me. Of course, each of them break my fucking heart but they make me better. I will never let take my stable parent for granted. I will never wear a scrunchie as part of ‘formal wear’. I will never again say no to James Taylor.
I’ve quibbled over this notion with friends- and we’ve maintained the peace by deciding that what I call a ‘regret’ others may call a ‘lesson learned’. And then I call them a moron. Just kidding. Seriously. Don’t send me hate mail for that, I don’t have time to answer it right now.
My point is that my regrets line the pockets of my soul. My collection of failures are as unique as my fingerprint. I own each of them. They are apart of what makes me me and yet I can still say that I would go back and change each of them. I would love to have aced the interview, took a chance on the guy, not dabbled in chugging sambuca. But I can’t change what happened, so I live with it. I sit with each regret and wonder ‘what if?’. I run it through my memory, re-living each error- keeping it fresh, so I can make sure I don’t make the same mistakes again. I do this because I’m better for remembering my mistakes, my regrets- I’d much rather make a new mistake, than repeat an old one. I do this because organizing my failures in dusty corners of my brain doesn’t cause my pain, or leave me sad. I do this because it emboldens me to make better choices, to try harder, to be better. I do this because I own my regrets. They don’t own me.
Although, I don’t usually regret things, I do play the ‘what if’ game way too much for it to be healthy. But yes, keeping them fresh in order not to make the same mistake sounds better than the way I do it.
Another inspiring post! Sometimes, I feel like you’re my personal life coach!
Right on with this on. We really do learn from our mistakes and therefore shouldn’t be afraid of making them. Your relationship with your father intrigues me.
Great Post. I love it.
I have a few things I would change as well!
I question myself all of the time on my actions and thoughts, sometimes it would be sooo nice to rewind time!
I don’t believe in regrets. I see every past choice as something that contributed to who I am today. I like me well enough, so why waste time the time regretting.
Uh oh… what was this comment about sex ed you couldn’t pass up? And saying no to James Taylor in Rome? I’d say that could be a regret, even though I don’t hold too too things in my life as regrets.
I’m glad, though, that you can own your regrets. Many people who have them can’t, or won’t. You’re such a stronger person for doing so.
So well said. I personally don’t believe in regrets, everything that has happened to me through my life has made me who I am today, and I like who I am today. I would never change anything from my past because I could end up in a totally different state of being and it could be so much worse.
Hope- Aww thanks! But seriously, don’t use me as a life coach. I can barely dress myself in the morning. Lately I’ve started reading O magazine ( I know, I know) and have been following the words of Martha Beck- an actual life coach. She’s a genius.
egan- My relationship with my father is as mysterious as a riddle wrapped in an enigma.
Ashley- Oh yes, rewind time? I would love that.
Diane Mandy- Fair point.
poodlegoose- Oh dear. It’s a long story but pretty much, the second you got your diploma you had to shake hands with the dean and he asked everyone the same question ‘ what do you want to teach?’, and for some reason, this question flummoxed me to the point that I was rambling. And somewhere in the ramble I said ‘at the end of the day, I would be happy teaching anything but sexual education. I don’t want to be a sexual education teacher, okay?” And then there was a brief moment of horror and then I was asked to step aside.
Dutchess- But couldn’t you say that things might be so much better too?
Yay!!!!! I completely forgot I asked this! I just think it’s an interesting question. It sounds so simple, but I think it holds alot of meaning as to what we get out of life. I, myself, believe in regrets. There’s just moments in my life that I’ve continued to deal with from time to time because of their outcome. (darn boys and that thing called love!) But I agree to owning your regrets/mistakes. They really do teach you things in life and help you to not make them again. So, for as much as I wish some things could’ve turned out differently, I really dont think I’d take anything back.
Thanks for answering my question!!!!!!! Fabulous post! oh and O magazine? I read it.
Oprah rocks. and Dr Phil? He’s ok sometimes too. 
Have a great Taco Tuesday. ha.
James Taylor???? In Rome????? Oh man, talk about a chart topping regret. But I know what you’re saying.
It’s like when I passed up going to see Sound Garden perform live because it was the same night as the winter formal dance and my girlfriend at the time drew a line in the sand. Did I mention Sound Garden broke up after that performance? Ya, did I mention the girlfriend broke up with me for my best friend 2 days later (ah 15 yr. old love).
In the end it makes us who we are though (and gives us great stories).
I’m sorry…James Taylor in Rome? Two things to never pass up right there in that one sentence
Scrunchie! Nice.
And I’m with you on this owning idea. Yes, damn right I would change some stuff. But, you know, I didn’t and I still manage to find a way to be happy. I, too, once said no to James Taylor. But only once.
I tell my kids all the time that mistakes are good. It means you have taken a chance and learned something.
I love James Taylor though and can’t understand why anyone would pass that up.
Um, you mean that scrunchies aren’t an integral part of formal wear? Oh dear…maybe I have more regrets than I thought….
While I agree with the majority of people and say that my failures made me who I am, blah blah blah, I still think that people who say “I wouldn’t change anything” are crazy. Just because you learned something from the experience doesn’t mean that you are wrong by altering it slightly. Seriously, if you were to go back in time and be faced with option one (where you get exactly what you want) or option two (what you currently consider a fate worse than death but will work out best in the long run), I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t pick option one. Because learning experience or not, no one elects to hurt.
So I agree with you – while I acknowledge and learn from things, that doesn’t mean that if given the chance, there are at least a few things that I would do differently. Starting with some of my fashion choices…
I loved this line “They are apart of what makes me me and yet I can still say that I would go back and change each of them” … such truth spoken. And I like this question idea… I look forward to getting to know you so much better through your answers!
I love your contrasting of regrets with lessons learned. You are hilarious. I don’t often have regrets because I do believe that experiences shape people, but that doesn’t mean I’m entirely regret-free. I don’t think anyone could be.
I’m really interested in Maggie’s comment back to you. I’m curious why she thinks people that truly wouldn’t change a thing in their life are crazy. That seems narrow. Granted I wished certain things didn’t happen in my life, but I can honestly say I’ve learned great lessons from them.
Sure I wish I would have won grade school treasurer in sixth grade (grade six if you’re Canadian), but the losing taught how to handle defeat at such an early age. The defeat was stunning, but kept me humble and taught me a lot about public speaking.
Alright enough from me for now. I’ve been sort of cranky in my comments on your blog. My bad.
“…my regrets line the pockets of my soul”
That is beautiful.
And skipping JT is definitely something to regret… because he is *awesome*! Just sayin’…
Well what a mature way to think of things! I can learn something from you!
NO FEAR t-shirts?!? Ah, I heart you so flippin’ much!
Anyway…this is a great post. I, too, believe that our past mistakes makes us who we are. But that doesn’t mean I wish I didn’t make said mistakes! I’m always doing a “what if”…it’s kind of how I roll.
I think I would have a few more regrets if there weren’t so many of those test tube shots involved…. I’ve repeatedly said “If I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.”
However, regrets are the experiences with which we teach. Whether it’s to advise my friend that it’s probably not a good idea to dump her serious boyfriend strictly because his mother-in-law is pure WT, or if it’s to help my siblings get through their teenage years with our parents, or merely reminding a drinking buddy “beer before liquor, never been sicker, liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” it all helps get our point across. And help our fellow neighbor in this crazy, crazy world.
There’s something to be said for guilt.
Brandy, what a stunning post. I love how you talked about wanting to change the job interview, yet how it’s taught you a lesson – that you’d rather make new mistakes, rather than repeat old ones.
I feel exactly the same way.
PS: This post warmed my little heart xo
Nice post, very thoughtful. My problem, I find, is not so much regrets about my past. I have them, to be sure, as everyone does. But on a day to day basis, they don’t weigh upon me all that much.
My problem, I find, is my apparent inability to change my life in the ways I want to right now…
so I get home last night and what do you think is in my mailbox? a fabulous Christmas card – yippee!! made my week, thanks!
“I own my regrets. They don’t own me”
This was my favorite line, possibly ever. While I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, there are not many things I would take back. Alright, that’s a lie – maybe a few. But for the most part, as cheesy as it sounds all my bad choices whether it be men (God knows there’s been a lot) or fashion mistakes have shaped me into the person I am today. What’s life if you can’t make mistakes and learn from them?
People who say they don’t have regrets are like women who say they’ve never faked an orgasm. Talking out their ass.
We all have regrets. That we don’t dwell on them or that we make the best of the what happens next doesn’t negate the regret.
“. . . I own my regrets. They don’t own me.” ^5.
Yeah, I definitely don’t believe in regrets… I’ve come to learn the things that I regret the most are the things I didn’t do– like giving that guy my number and so on.
AP- Yep, I definitely agree- sounds simple in theory but not so much when you actually start thinking about it, or having to write about it…
Dustin- I KNOW. I was like, 2 hours away from Rome at the time and couldn’t bring myself to do all the work of GETTING ON A TRAIN. Sometimes I hate myself. As for missing the Sound Garden concert- it further proves my theory that no one should make any choices at 15. You should just do what someone older, and cooler tells you to do. Think about the coolest person you knew at 15- I’m pretty sure they would have told you to go to the concert. And if anyone tells you to jump off a bridge- do it.
littlespoon- I know. I STILL kick myself.
justrun- You said no to James before too? Man, I feel like I’m in good company now.
Tori- This further proves why I think you deserve some sort of ’superhero’ mom award.
Maggie- Yep, I completely know what you are saying. I think it’s very easy to say “I wouldn’t change a single thing”, but I think a lot of us WOULD change something if we could.
a life uncommon- IT’s funny, that was the one line I really thought about taking out. It sounds wrong to say that- that I would love to change things, even knowing that they make me, me- but it’s the truth. I guess I like to wager that the best parts of me would still come out in the wash.
Jess- Agreed. “Regret-free” just isn’t an idea that works for me I guess.
egan- Dear Bill Clinton, you are fantastic.
Froggy- How is it that I can say that I’ve actually seen JT, but missed James Taylor? Something is wrong with this picture…
brookem- Not nearly as much as I can learn from you. I just re-watched the hills trailer. She-Pratt in Laurens’ class? WTF?
Sicilian Mama- yep, if I was given a nickel anytime I started a thought with ‘what if…’ I would be so filthy rich even my toliet paper would be made from gold.
Get Trished- Well said. And can I just say, I wish I was drinking with you sometimes… I can never seem to remember that little saying.
eyeingtenure- Exactly. Sometimes I think guilt gets a bad rap. Sometimes, feeling guilty makes sense. It shows growth.
Rosanna- Aww thanks! I suppose I feel that way about mistakes because I HATE how it feels to realize I’m making the same one again. I’d much rather do new mistakes everyday. It’s far more interesting.
geekhiker- Ditto. When you figure out how to solve that one, let me know okay??
Kathryn- Can we just say… ‘better late than never’??
Semichrmd- Exactly. I just wish the idea of saying you believe in regrets didn’t make people think that you wish you were different, or want to change yourself. Or that you failed. To me saying that you wished you would have made a different choice is one of the most healthy things a person can do.
SWF42- Ha! I loved your comment, you made me laugh out loud. You said what I was thinking in a much more straightforward way.
Clearlykels- Me too. Or skipping out on a concert because I’m lazy. That’s such a great lesson though if you think about it- (I know it sounds cliche), but realizing that you only regret what you don’t do… I don’t know. I like how freeing that sounds.
Nicely done Brandy.
Great sentiment in the last few lines
Also, hello, men from Lost, I am so with you on that one! I am not ashamed to say I have actually sat there marvelling at how they could get so many completely different looking men in one show who all oozed such sex appeal. *sigh*