And yet I’m shocked that I’ve turned to sleeping pills February 17, 2008
Posted by brandy in I should be sleeping, and now you might know everything, are you there God? It's me- ripping off Judy Blume, boy band mania!, confession of the day, famous people make for good gossip, i am slowly going crazy, i may write about the west wing forever, it makes sense to me, men, politics, teaching, the J.O.B..trackback
Here’s a pretty accurate run-down of what goes through my head as soon as it hits my pillow…
Dear (yes, I start out with “Dear”- is that weird?) Higher Power, or you know, controller of the Universe,
I wonder if other people call you “Higher Power” when they talk to you before going to sleep. I’m sorry, everyone calls you something different but I like Higher Power. It sounds like a name of an early 90’s boy band that didn’t quite reach Backstreet Boys status. Probably because their outfits matched a little too closely (Higher Power, not Backstreet Boys. Although, Backstreet Boys had matching outfits too. Hmm. Actually, they seemed more ‘coordinated’ less ‘matchy’- I think. I never had pictures of them up in my room, but my friend Robyn did and all I remember is Howie wearing a lot of fringe and it scaring the shit out of me. “Higher Power” looked a lot more friendly. Wait, I mean- I just imagine “Higher Power looking more friendly. I’m acting like “Higher Power” was actually a band, but they weren’t right? And if they were, I’m pretty sure you know all about them already. Because as Controller of the Universe, what don’t you know about?).
Anyway.
So thanks for the job. I don’t know how much you had to do with it and how much I had to do with it, but even it if was a 50/50 deal- I’m glad things worked out. I didn’t realize it was going to be so much work. Do you know that there’s an outbreak of pin-worms in the school? Of course you do. I bet you laughed when you decided that was going to happen. And when you decided that Paris Hilton should make movies. By the way, can you stop that now?
Speaking of celebrities, wait- should I be using my time to talk about celebrities? Shouldn’t I be talking to you about my future? Or Darfur? Or asking how my dead cocker spaniel Muffin is doing (hopefully well- remember she likes peanut butter smeared on her dog food sometimes. I know, it’s messy as hell to do but she loves it. And she’s dead so maybe cut her a break and give it to her sometimes okay?) Oh hell, that can wait- speaking of celebrities, I bet lots of people talk to you about Britney Spears and pray for her. I do too. But I’m not going to do that tonight. Because although I feel bad that she’s shown her moneyslot to the universe, sometimes I think it’s important to remember that there’s a few billion other people out there who need a little shout out too. And with the odds as they are, I’m guessing that today was the worst day on Earth for someone on this planet, so I’m going to be wishing good thoughts for them, okay? Send them some good cheer direct from me. Because my day wasn’t a 5 star event- it wasn’t the worst day either. And for that, I’m thankful.
Can I ask you something? Do you ever get tired of people asking you for stuff? For miracles? For jobs and boyfriends and safe travels and clean bills of health? For winning lottery tickets, shoe sales and victories in war? Do you ever want to just close up shop and spend a few weeks drinking pina coladas on the beach? Because I would. Honestly. I’ve only been a full-time teacher for two weeks and already I’m kind of tired of all the dependency issues that come with an army of children. I can’t imagine what that’s like to know 5 billion people are counting on you (I’m skimming off a billion, you know, for the atheists) daily. And then when you don’t give them exactly what they want, or when they want it- they get nasty and shout at you in Latin. (Well, not most people, but did you see that episode of The West Wing where the President loses it on you in the Church? And busts out the Latin so he could be more insulting? That’s why he did it you know, spoke Latin. Aaron Sorkin said it was because he could get away with saying a lot more dirty stuff than if he spoke in English. If you haven’t caught that episode, check it out. It’s a favourite).
Anyway, I just wanted to say good job. I don’t really need anything. Actually, there’s a trench coat that I tried on the other day. I didn’t like it at first- it felt like… well, too trench coat-ish when I put it on, but now I’m wishing I would have bought it. Can you save my size for me until I get back to the store?. Oh, OBAMA, you know what I feel about that. Please, please, please let that one work out. Okay see? I’m doing it. I’m falling into that trap where I ask for things, sorry. How about this- just stick to the plan you have for me and I will stick to the plan I have for me, and fingers crossed our plans are similar. And if they aren’t, and I find myself insanely angry at you because there’s another worm outbreak at school, or I have to hide in a store because you’ve decided to transport one of my least favourite people in the shoe section- I will try not to curse at you in Latin. Okay, I don’t know Latin, but I will try not to curse at you, or think of you with the regard I save for Ann Coulter either. Speaking of- help Ann okay? Or help me understand what the hell she’s thinking because seriously, I do not understand her. At all.
That’s it. Oh, and well done on the Super Bowl. That was a surprise. Speaking of, can Tom Brady and I cross paths at some point? And you know, fall in love so fast and deep that he writes a song about me and how he sees his future in my eyes? Oh damn. Asking for stuff again. Okay, cross out all the things I’ve asked for. Just keep it up.
brandy
(p.s. But if you could save me that trench coat that would be swell. Kthanx bye!)
I feel bad asking God for stuff. I mean he’s already given me so much … the Earth … the moon … the Sun … chocolate … I just don’t want to be selfish.
Pinworms, mice … potato, potahto.
You might want to ask your higher power dude to push Giselle (or whatever her name is) off a cliff. Then your chances with Tom Brady will drastically improve. Ha!
haha- i like that you asked for the whole obama thing to work out. i’m with you on that one!
This is the sweetest thing I’ve read all week
Nice how you managed to almost curse in the last paragraph. It’s fine to ask for the coat, I think. I always ask for all the people I know to be happy, safe and healthy. So I guess the coat will go through!
Congrats on the job!!! … I’m off to google pinworms = new vocabulary!
I say Higher Power too. I actually used to say HP but when I would speak of the “HP” too many people thought I was talking about a printer!
Brandy, this is going to sound corny, but your last couple of posts? I just read them with a huge smile on my face. They make me absurdly happy!
P.S I love, love, love that episode. Especially the end at the press conference?
(Oh and here’s the link for anyone who (gasp) has no idea what you’re talking about!
)
Very amusing…. and I love love love that episode of the West Wing, especially the press conference at the end, so much so I just had to watch it again.
Fucking Ann Coulter. The end.
EM- I almost forgot to tell you- I dorked out at the inservice and actually really enjoyed myself. It was on math and I was all into it. No magazine reading OR Jack Shepard daydreaming. But… there’s always the one next week to think about. And does anyone ever say potahto?
Nilsa- I try to use my power for good not evil, but I do admit, this Victoria Supermodel does pose a bit of a problem with her gorgeous hair and legs that are the length of a swimming pool.
R.Xo- Thanks! This is a ‘good day’ conversation. When my days are absolutely miserable the conversation goes something like this “dear higher power, I’m too angry to talk. Let’s try again tomorrow”
Katrin- Oh thanks! Fingers crossed about the coat. And honestly- don’t google pinworms. You may have nightmares.
Vanessa- See, HP makes me automatically think HARRY POTTER!. Wow. Somedays I feel like I’m 12 years old.
Hope- Aww thanks! And also a big thank you for putting the link in there. I just watched it again. And got goosebumps. Oh Martin Sheen- how is it possible that you are even RELATED to Charlie??
James- Now that I’m reading these comments, I’ve pulled season two off the shelf. Time for some watching!
Renee- See, you have a way of saying things in a way I wish I could.
I’m catching up… (finally)… and Oh! I remember why I love you so much…
This (as well as the several I caught up on) were fantastic posts and I wish I’d been “on time” for each and every one.
P.S.Congrats on the job!
Petitionary prayers get on my nerves, too. Mr. Higher Power, Esq. probably has a lot on his mind. You know, keeping the planets revolving and all that.
I just saw that Bartlett clip at the press ponference — what a hands-in-pockets rockstar.
The new job sounds tough, but you are tougher! Congrats on the job!!
This was also a hilarious post, I don’t think my prayers are nearly as interesting.
Dude, definitely keep praying about the Obama thing!
I love it, I probably sound pretty similar when I’m praying.
Oddly enough, I have convo’s like this too. And you will be happy to know that after a year of wondering who I should vote for I’m slowly starting to lean towards Obama. And I think the entire nation agress with me in syaing we’d like Obama over McCain any day! B/c you know that’s how that’s going to end.
Aw, Muffin. I had a cocker spaniel who liked peanut butter smeared on her dog food, too. Her name was Holly & she ended up having heart worms. Saddness. I hope they can both get their food together, because I’ll bet their friends up there in doggy heaven.
poodlegoose.wordpress.com.
Wow you night time thoughts sound like mine…
I slept for a total of 1 hour and 47 minutes last night…give or take a minute…
I could not stop thinking about stuff…..I wasn`t talking or directing my thoughts at anyone in partiicular but still had so much going through my brain. I even tried EFT to help make me sleep but it didn`t work…I thought about what I would make for dinner this week, whether we had enough vegtables to last the week. What would happen if my partner started speaking English…would I forget all my japanese? How much will a ticket back to Australia in May cost…will Shun and I be ok apart for six weeks. It went on and on and on until 5:15am and then my mum called at 7 to wish me a happy birthday… and the phone woke me up
I studied Latin for two years. Only thing I remember isn’t really a sentence.
Semper Ubi Sub Ubi
Always Where Under Where
But to curse in Latin? Now *that* would be awesome!
I like that scene from West Wing. I’ve never seen the show, but I saw the video that Hope posted, and it looked good. Maybe I should look into that…
I love the expression money slot.
How much do I love that you referenced an episode of The West Wing? And the whole tangent about the boy band? Love it, too.
Anyway, this was a good post. I totally watched Bruce Almighty last night (it’s a movie that, for some reason, I can’t turn once I start watching it) and this kind of reminded me of that. If God gives you his job some day, blog about it. OK? Sweet.
Fabulous. Don’t you love the way we have these crazy tangents? I do it all of the time.
i like how you refer to it as Higher Power. I usually just say universe….as though I’m speaking to anything and everything that’s out there.
also? i’m with you on the obama thing. come on (insert deity here)
I don’t think I said it before so congratulations on the full time gig!
Also, I think Higher Power has definite boy band potential.
I always told people if I had any musical talent whatsoever I’d try to find 2 other girls and we could punk ourselves out and have streaked hair and call ourselves “Bad Luck”. Our tag line could be “Bad Luck comes in threes.”
I thought it was a fantastic idea. No one else seemed to get it.
I guess I don’t have a future in musical promotion.
This is without a doubt one of the most entertaining things I’ve read in quite some time. I totally lurve your streams of consciousness.
Oh, and the Obama thing? I’m praying for that one too. Every night.
asking the big man upstairs about celebrities.. THAT is why I heart you!
Martin Sheen spouting Latin – I get weak in the knees just thinking about it …
Mmmm… when I ask God/dess for stuff… it isn’t anything specific. It’s more; ok You… there’s a reason for this, because obviously there is something I ought to know about this/that/the other. And the beauty of karma and the universe it is we often get what we NEED and not exactly what we want.. but it all works out in the end
woman you never cease to entertain and crack me up. seriously.
oh and howie with the fringe? scared the living hell out of me too.
There is so nothing wrong with asking for clothes and some electoral action in the same breath.
“Speaking of- help Ann okay? Or help me understand what the hell she’s thinking because seriously, I do not understand her. At all.”
I agree wholeheartedly. That lady has issues.
I really like this blog…
Ha, I love it. Minus the Superbowl part! Brandylu- for a girl who swoons so much over RI, how can you be pleased with the Superbowl results?! Really?!
See, I have this theory that God is really just a really long stream of consciousness essay comprised of the world just sayin’ “hey God, whats up?”
Oh ya, congrats on the job!
I’m not sure, do we really want Tom Brady writing songs? Seriously?
Nice post.
Sue- Oh thank you for your congratulations. It’s been pretty exciting so far.
Eyeingtenure- “hands-in-pockets rockstar” might just be my new favourite term.
Miriam D- Oh thank you. I will remember your comment the next time someone starts tattling. WHICH THEY DO ALL THE TIME.
Mllealexis- Yep, it’s funny… I was much more ‘I’d be happy with either Obama or Hillary winning’, and as the contest progresses, I find myself continually being turned off Hillary. I will not be one of the people who is overjoyed if she wins. Sure, I want a Democrat to win, but I’m surprised at how much I’m wanting OBAMA to OBAMA her.
littlespoon- Fingers crossed. I think Texas will give a good indication of who ends up on the ballot against McCain. And I’m pumped that you are thinking Obama- what has you leaning that way?
poodlegoose- Aww. I like thinking that too!
Lulu- Dear God, that sounds like a night! Between you and I, I think we are poster children for insomniacs everywhere. Hopefully you are finding sleep a little easier now. And I hope you had a happy birthday too!
Diane Mandy- You studied Latin for two years? I am so impressed! And wouldn’t cursing in Latin just be a wonderful skill to have? Oh man, I think I need to do some research….
qu33nbee- DO IT!
Anne- Me too. I actually deleted it and was going to go with something a little more PC, but moneyslot just seemed like it worked.
Armie- You know, I think if God did give his job for a day, I probably would blog about it. And you know, forget about doing all the stuff that the Big G is supposed to be doing. I think I would be a very bad substitute God.
Clearlykels- I love knowing I’m not alone.
Ashley- I like the idea of calling it ‘universe’. The idea of just putting out all the thoughts into the world for whoever, for whatever is something that appeals to me.
Ablogofherown- Okay, I have to tell you- your comment made me really excited. I think the Bad Luck plus tagline is fantastic. I can play tambourine, can I join?!
cdp- Oh God. I mean, I’m so scared he’s not going to win. I’m past the point of being okay about him losing. I swear. If he loses, I’m going to have to shut down the blog because every post will be ” today I cried. Then I ate spaghetti straight from a tin. Then I cried. Why God, why?!”.
Julie Q- And here I thought it was because of my deep insights regarding SATC.
Kathryn- I KNOW. DEAR GOD I LOVE HIM.
Carrie- I’m going to be re-reading your comment again. Especially on the days that I don’t get exactly what I want. I think it will calm me down.
McGee- Yeah, why was he always wearing the worst clothes? Seriously. That guy was always getting ripped off in the clothing department. I imagine the rest of them (Especially Nick) would go through everything and give Howie the cast offs. Poor thing.
Justrun- Thank goodness. Or else I would be in serious trouble.
Amber T.- Agreed. And it’s not that I don’t agree with her on a lot of her issues (I don’t, but that’s besides the point), I mostly struggle with just understanding why she has to be so MEAN about it all. (And that last sentence clearly illustrates why I’m not a politician)
brookem- I know, I know.But my love for RI is mysterious and hard to explain, it defies football or logic.
Dustin- I like your theory. And thanks!!
geekhiker- I do. Especially if he’s singing them to me. And he’s nude.
I feel like asking for clothes and votes is a healthy balance of interests – that’s what makes our 20s great, no?
This is exactly why I’m an atheist.
Bre- Absolutely.
egan- But… I sort of enjoy the long winded chats. I suppose that’s why I’m not.