The one where I say things you already know February 7, 2008
Posted by brandy in Gore makes green sexy, and now you might know everything, cnn makes my heart beat fast, confession of the day, famous people make for good gossip, find the great TWSS line!, i complain because I care, i should be a P.S.A., i'm the sum of my failures and my achivements, it makes sense to me, learning, politics, school, self improvement, the Blitz, the J.O.B., this tag is for you Arm!, who needs a self help book?, work, you're skimming this one, youth.trackback
Tuesday morning I found myself surrounded by young politicos, as eager as I was to discuss all the political happenings in a country none of us live in. I was subbing and had been invited to visit an old teacher during my prep to listen to his class talk about Super Tuesday. (I suspect he could smell the Wolf Blitzer on me and deduced the dark circles under my eyes were related to late nights watching my love on the telly). The discussion was lively and I have to admit, I learned just as much in that 42 minutes than I did during a particularly ugly CNN binge on Monday. There was one moment however, that really struck a chord with me.
While discussing the difference between proportional and all or nothing delegate allocation, a frustrated girl raised her hand in the class and asked something so many people I know have asked lately “Why does it have to be so hard?”.
The teacher asked her to explain and she clarified that she didn’t understand why picking a leader had to be so complicated, so difficult, such a taxing process. She said she understood that people needed to take time to pick the right leader but that it just seemed so… hard.
Mr. S looked at her and then surveyed the class and said ” Sometimes, when you do it right- it should be hard”. He talked of how we live in a society where we hear ‘it was so easy’, ‘it just fell into place’, ‘everything worked out perfectly’ and how we’ve become accustomed to easy days and effortless achievements. Of getting our way without breaking a sweat, without lifting a finger. He talked of how sometimes, our most important achievements do not come easily, through simple words and spontaneous acts. Some achievements cannot be accomplished without strain- without backbreaking commitment. Sometimes we must struggle. Not because we don’t know an easier way but because there ISN’T an easier way.
Then he wrote on the board “Struggle does not mean failure” and 26 grade 6 students wrote it down so quietly, the only noise was a symphony of pencils scratching paper.
I realize none of what I’m writing may be soul shaking news to you. But, I’ve been thinking about this for the last day and it’s brought me comfort. You see, I DID get a job, the day of my interview. A sudden vacancy left an opening for a teacher needed immediately and the principal gave me that job rather than the one I had thought I was applying for. I’m happy- it’s the same grade (two!) as the one I had wanted, but this one left me no time to prepare. My first day was today. And I was left without any plans. For three months.
I wish I could tell you I was immediately overjoyed, but I wasn’t. I was suddenly… overwhelmed. Like, “I had been tied to weights and thrown off a boat” sort of overwhelmed. Like, “Tara Reid at a free bar” sort of overwhelmed. Because as much as I like to be the carefree hipster teacher, I need plans. I need structure and routine and lessons organized. And last night despite my best efforts, it was impossible for me to plan for three months. It was impossible for me to plan for three weeks. I planned for the day.
So I did what I instinctively do in such situations of distress- I blow some balloons and throw a pity party. I invited plenty of tears and three margaritas. Because I felt like, as silly as it sounds- that I should have been able to get everything ready last night. And because I didn’t, I suddenly questioned everything. The kind of questioning you do only when you feel genuinely scared, “What am I doing?”, “Is this the job I really want?”, and the ever present- “Where could I get a fake passport and a one-way ticket to Majorca?”.
I’m still a little overwhelmed, but I’m realizing that if I would have planned THREE MONTHS in one night, chances are- it wouldn’t be any good. Because human beings aren’t supposed to work like that. No one can plan that much in one night. So I will plan as much as I can, but do it in steps. It’s going to be challenging, and I know I will fail on a million tasks- but a million others I will get right. I will struggle. But I will also laugh when one of my new students talks to me about his serious new job- babysitting the family cat and making sure it goes to bed on time.
One last note, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who sent me good luck wishes. It sounds so cliche, but I don’t think I can properly express how fantastic it felt to see all of you leave a note of good luck. Such events make me want to hunt down Al Gore and kiss him properly on the lips for inventing the internet.
(Also- E.b’s world is in the running for FREE DIAMOND earrings! Please go here and vote for her!)
Wow. I’ve had a few meltdowns over the last few weeks because of that very feeling - why does it have to be so hard? I think I just need to re-read this post a few more times to soak in the truth that sometimes struggle is necessary, and just part of life.
Thanks, Brandy.
If there’s one thing I’ve definitely learned from dating a teacher, lesson planning is a bitch. I think you can still kick ass and make your second graders adore you. And on the bright side, they are younger, so less likely to know if you’re a bit slow to get the planning done.
Just take it one day at a time. I think that’s really all we ever can do anymore.
I found myself in a similar situation, teaching a college classroom of adult learners. Oh.my.goodness. And just as distracted spunk said above, you really do have to take it one day at a time. What I always tell new instructors is that you’re standing at the front of the room because you already know more than your students (in most cases), so everything will already be okay. They’ll be in awe of you whether you’ve planned one day or one month, just the same. Congrats and cheers!
Thank you, Brandy for this post. Today, I thought nothing could make me feel better. But that one line, “Sometimes it should be hard, when you do it right.” It just lifted me up.
As DS said, sometimes all we can do is take it one day at a time. Congrats on the job!
I’m glad you got the job…maybe not the one you applied for…but sometimes these kind of surprises turn out for the best
You’re a fantastical* teacher!! Those second graders don’t know yet just how darn lucky they are!
congrats on your job.
in my opinion, meltdowns and feelings of being overwhelmed should always be accompanied by margaritas! Plural.
But if you can get a one way ticket to Majorca? GO! And stuff me in your bag.
Congrats on the job
Meltdowns are par for the course. You’ll get back into the rhythm. It’ll just take time. Good luck.
Yay for the new job, as stressful as it may be..eek.
Congratulations! I bet once you give yourself a chance, you will feel less overwhelmed.
” Sometimes, when you do it right- it should be hard”. Is not only a very insprirational thought that is good to keep in mind in all things in life, but also a TWSS, don’t you think?
you planned on getting 3 months of lesson plans done in one night?! don’t beat yourself up brandy - only super human teacher could pull that off
and congrats on the new job!
Congrats on the new job… sorry it came with such frustration! I know you’ll be fine in the end though. Take your time, and remember that there is nothing wrong with the occasional tears and margaritas kind of night.
Well, I’m glad you got a job, even if it wasn’t the one you originally hoped for.
And, WOW at the tags. You are the best tagger ever!
Congrats on the new job! You will rock as a grade two teacher.
congrats on the job… 2nd graders are my fave too. and like previously noted, even without the plans, your kids will love you. it’s ok to have a meltdown, but now remember why you’re a teacher in the first place, and get going. i think you’ll do awesome
hope you had a great day with your students can’t wait to hear all of your silly, adorable stories.
I was going to ask about the job over e-mail but didn’t want to press it and then I get here and see you HAVE THE JOB!!!! And you gave me some awesome press.
Congrats!
Congratulations!
I know what you mean about being overwhelmed. I have been known to miss the forest for the trees…
I’ve gotten into this habit to where I always read your post in my Google reader first. Then I come here to see the tags and comment. I’m so glad that I do that. Because I get so happy at your post and am excited to come comment but then I read the tags and start giggling uncontrollably. You crack me up beyond all belief (and I think that may be the 20th time I’ve said those exact words to you).
Ok, now that that’s out of the way, to my actual comment. It’s a 2-parter. 1 - I’m so happy that you got a job and it’s OK to be overwhelmed rather than excited…I know all too well the “what am I doing?” and “Is this the job I really want?” and even the passport questions. I think it goes with new job territory. 2 - That teacher sounds cool and the “when you do it right - it should be hard” Totally TWSS.
I love that mantra: Struggle Does Not Mean Failure. I think we could all use it in our daily lives as we encounter challenges, both big and small. Thanks for the reminder … and in return, I’ll help remind you to take things one step at a time (when you need it in the future). Have a great weekend!
Congrats on the job! That’s really great.
As for meltdowns, just before Christmas, I had a semi-meltdown in a grocery store trying to figure out what I was going to make as a dessert for a party I was going to that night. Seriously. At one point, I even said, out loud (for I don’t care so much about talking to myself and looking like a freak in public), “why is this so hard; this shouldn’t be so hard.”
The difference is, of course, that the shopping really shouldn’t have been so hard and I’m just a neurotic mess. But the things that are important in life, jobs and elections, should be hard sometimes, or else people might just take them for granted.
Very insightful post, and I wish you the best of luck in your new job. Sometimes, those unexpected opportunities in life end up being exactly the ones we need.
If your love is Wolf Blitzer, you would have loved the NBA game I went to last month. They had an spot of him on the Jumbotron, fake announcing information about the team. It was a big plug for CNN, obviously, but it was very cute.
Congratulations! I believe you got this job because it was even better suited for you than the one you actually applied for!
Congrats on the job! You are going to do great!
So what I really want to know is how is this job going to impact your blog? People are dropping like Tara Reid’s top after 2 drinks in this blogosphere! Bunch of quitters! If only Heidi Fleiss could be so committed! Seriously- good for you and the job…don’t think about leaving us…
Congrats! You deserved good fortune and I’m glad to see you got it!
Ooo! New job! I’m so happy you got it (although not at all surprised), even though it’s causing you some stress right now. But isn’t that how new things and transitions always are? stressful? You’ll figure it out, probably really soon considering your high level of awesome.
I was stressing out hardcore about work yesterday until I read something hilarious in one of my favorite blogs, Lemon Gloria. A friend had helped her put her work stress into perspective by saying “What’s with all the stress? It’s not the fucking hunt for Osama bin Laden.”
Hope that mantra helps…
oh baby bear, congrats! (did i just call you baby bear? mmmyes.)
that is so insane that you had to start right away though! the overwhelming-ness (madeupword what?) you felt? let’s say i felt just a tinge of it for you while reading this. my best friend - and a guy i dated for a while - teaches AP U.S. History (history! politics!) at a high school in Chicago and seeing all the work that went into the planning everyday really, really made my understand how much work goes into quality teaching. which i know that you do. and, please? no, really, please. can i come visit you? in your classroom? and see you teach. my heart may never be still again.
now politics. let me just say one quick thing about wolf blitzer. did you ever see the video that ran around the internet of his coverage of hurricane katrina? his comment about how everyone is just “SO poor, and SO black” while they’re showing people clinging onto trees and cars are getting engulfed with water? everytime i see him now, i just think of that and crylaugh. my friends and i ran away with that comment for a long time. like we’d be at the bar. and one of us would say. i can’t get a guy. and another one would say. “it’s because you’re SO poor. and SO white.” or sometimes “you’re SO ugly. and SO drunk”. because we’re nice like that.
weekend! margeritas? i want one now.
Congrats… but I know how you feel onthe overwhelmed. Last night I had a meltdown myself. Self-induced, no less, by the playlist on my iPod. Sometimes you just need a good cry. And even if your eyes are a bit puffy in the morning, you will feel much better.
OMG! Congrats on the job!
I would’ve been with you had I been forced to plan for three months. I would have just fallen to the floor and cried. And then I would have planned for the day and hoped that somehow, someway, we’d make it through. I’m sure that you’ll get everything under control and by the end of the next couple of weeks, it’ll all be old hat.
You’ll be supremely awesome. I’m sure.
oh, and are you just so sad about ddwards? what are we to do? and i don’t know whom to vote for in my primary (texas, march 4th). i feel like i’m RICH! with the ability to feel comfortable in a vote for either clinton or obama - but then i feel like i should vote AGAINST mccain since i absolutely cannot stand him. but that leaves hukakbee and really? i wouldn’t be able to swallow a vote for huckabee - even as a vote against mccain. so we’re back to square one. what would YOU do? help!
Congratulations!!! This is awesome.
Also - it can be serious business trying to get a cat to go to bed on time.
Congrats! I don’t even usually use the exclamation point, either. That means something.
http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com
Congratulations on the new job!!! My mum’s advice whenever I complained about anything being difficult was always, “Well, hard things aren’t easy.” Frustrating, but oh-so-true.
Well done you x
yay!
Woot! Brandyliciousness, I’m SO, so SOOOOO happy for you! Congratulations my dear, you deserve it!
And as for the not feeling as excited as you thought you would, I get that. And it’s okay, sometimes it just takes a while for everything to sink in too.
Um, and oh- let’s talk Speidi soon, please.
xo
I love that - Struggle does not mean Failure - its so Alchamist. Did you get a chance to read it, by the way?
PS: where’s my invite to the pity party? I can make wicked cocktails!
I was going to email you about the interview on Monday… and here now I don’t get to. Okay, I was really going to email today but then I told myself to back off and not freak my internet friends out anymore. So congratulations, and take care during the overwhelmed time. Honestly, I think you’re going to do great.
Congrats … and rest assured, you *will* do just fine. From teacher to teacher, let me tell you I know the stress of planning. Remember the big idea behind all of this - you’re putting so much pressure on yourself because you want to do what’s best for the kids. But you can’t be perfect - none of us are! You will do a good job. You know you will. Now, go out there, buy yourself some fancy new school supplies and it will all be okay. (:
Ok, strangely enough my mother and I had almsot this exact converastion today , minus the teacher thing, subsitutue th musician. gypsy thing, nonetheless, the same convesation. I was ridiuclously stressed, i havent been sleeping AT ALL. Literally. She said often the things that you love, even if youre on the right path come with a certain amount o struggle, jus to remuind you o fyour love. Or to keep you in a place that is grateful for you position. Whatever the reason, I understand. but truthfully, we can always be more prepared. more oganized, more confident ETC. but sometimes we just have to BEGIN.
and congrats by the way
Congratulations Brandy!! Yeah for you!! The principal was obviously very impressed with you.
I’m glad you’re realizing that struggle doesn’t mean you’re not successful and awesome. I’ve never heard of anyone having three months of lesson plans (unless they’ve taught the grade before and the books/curriculum hasn’t changed), and I was always just glad if I had a week planned out in advance. Isn’t it crazy how we create expectations for ourselves?
Anyway, these second graders are fortunate to have you. Enjoy!
I totally sympathise with Lorelei Leigh, I once had a meltdown because I didn’t know what washing powder to choose! I stood in the aisle for ages, completely frozen with indecision.
And I really love that idea of struggle and effort being a good thing. I think we have been seduced as a society to expect everything to be easy, and sometimes the rewards from struggle are worth it all. You certainly appreciate something more if you have struggled to obtain it.
Yay for your job!
Wow. I hate definitely had my share of pity parties. And I totally would have done the same in that situation. Probably. But it is good news, so congrats, and hang in there. Things work out.
Okay, so, the most important thing I got out of all of this is CONGRATULATIONS!! I know it’s scary to go out there and have a job start WAY before you were ready, but it’s also awesome that you got a job teaching the grade you wanted! Hurray!
And you know what, I read a quote recently that I think fits the other things you were saying: “That’s life. It hurts, it’s dirty, and it feels very, very good.”
I’m catching up on your ongoings today..wow! I am so happy you landed a new position. Congrats, really.
congratulations! i’m so happy for you! it’s overwhelming when you start any new teaching position and suddenly you’re in charge of your own plans and your own students! shew! but i’m sure you’ll be amazing. this is what you KNOW you want to do. moment of doubt or not.
Woo hoo!! Congrats on getting a job! As stressful as it has been to get thrown into this, I have NO doubt you’ll step up to the plate and kick major ass. Good luck!!
Well, there’s the answer to my question! LOL Congratulations on the new job. I understand the overwhelming (my Mom was a teacher (4th grade) for many years after all), so I can tell you: you’re going to be just fine. Why? Because kids, unlike a lot of adults, don’t really have a clue when you’re totally faking it.