I lived a lifetime in 7 days January 20, 2008
Posted by brandy in I should be sleeping, I'm a lady. I'm a tramp., blogs, family, happiness, i like cupcakes more than gluten, lists, music, people i like, politics, secrets, teaching, vague is vogue, when it doesn't go my way, youth.trackback
Oh my stars, what a week it’s been. I’ve slept less, cried more and laughed harder in the last seven days than I think I ever have. I could fill you all in with longest post ever with thoughts so deep we all would need to wear rubber boots, but honestly? My brain is hurting and I need sleep. So instead, let’s do this prison rules style. Bring on the bullets!
- There are two kinds of calls you can get at 1am- 1) A call from someone telling you that they love you and they miss you and they want to come over and
hook upwatch a movie with you. Or 2) A call telling you that someone you love is hurt. Last Monday I got the second call. My brother was in a car accident. He will be okay but honestly? That call? Ripped. My. Heart. Out. If there’s anything scarier than a 1am call like that, I don’t want to know about it.
- Talking about politics with a flight attendant can result in getting dirty looks and no refills of ginger ale. I don’t like Mitt Romney. Is that reason enough to make me suffer with a parched throat?! I think not.
- People think I’m funny? I’ve been nominated for Funniest Blog over at 2osomething bloggers. Now normally I would be like, PUT DOWN YOUR COFFEE CUP AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL GOOD THINGS- VOTE FOR ME! I LOVE WINNING STUFF, but in this case- my competition is far funnier than me. Honestly. That’s not even me being modest (I think I used up all my ‘modesty’ in this photo). They are all funny gals, so go vote! And if you nominated me? Thank you.
- Sleeping 7 hours in 3 days has awful results. Like, I misread the clock when teaching grade 2’s and have them get out their lunch kits an hour early. And then I have to tell them ‘Whoops! Everyone finish that bite in your mouth and then put your kits away. We still have an hour before lunch time”. And then their lips start quivering because all of a sudden they are all STARVING and I’m a MEAN STRANGER and their REAL teacher wouldn’t make this mistake. I tell you, taking a lunch kit away from a 7 year old should be some sort of Olympic event. Because honestly? There are skillz involved in such a task.
- The day that you wear a black bra (still damp from washing) underneath a white tank top will be the one time that airline security insists that you take off your sweater. And for the record, there’s no way I can make a wet, black bra under my thin white tank top look demure.
- I can stay up 27 hours straight before Red Bull begins to taste like battery acid.
- Valentine’s Day cards are more fun to make when you have an abundance of pictures featuring naked men.
- There are times no words fit the situation. No clever line, no sage advice, no comment you’ve secretly ripped off from Dr. Phil and branded as your own. And the only thing you can do is to sit on a cold bathroom floor and hand someone else kleenex.
- No one should have to explain the term “pork sword” to a parent. (Sidenote: How awesome is Juno??! I love movies that live up to the hype).
- The only thing better than a vanilla cupcake? A vanilla cupcake with coconut frosting. And a beer.
- I wish someone would have told me, seeing someone else’s heart break…. breaks your own.
Okay that’s it. Here’s a song that I’ve been listening to on repeat. It makes me want to slow dance with Jason Bateman. (I put up one with lyrics so you can sing along at your computer. Let’s not act like I’m the only person who does this okay?)
Holy Crap woman! I seriously hope the next week is a little easier on you!
I would not mind singing along if I weren’t afraid of shattering the nearby window. Truly I won’t take that risk.:)
Sometimes bullets are just the best route to take with such a week. I’m sorry to hear about your brother my friend! I hope he’s doing alright- I can only imagine how much that call must have flipped you out. I’m scared of any calls past 12:30am. Good or bad. I just get nervous.
I don’t like Mitt either. Blegh. And imagine how shitass it was to have him here in Mass before the current Gov.
Oh, congrats on the nomination!
oh my god I hope everything with your bro is okay.
Juno is awesome, awesome, awesome! I never in a million years thought Jason Bateman would make a ‘cool comeback’.
Aww! I wanna see Juno! Everyone that I know that’s watched it has loved it, and aww!! And, I thought Red Bull already tasted like battery acid.
I’m glad to hear that your brother is ok! That must’ve been extremely scary … I always fear that middleofthenight phone call.
I had to explain “Superman that ho” to my mother.
Awkward.
ok i find it hilarious that the flight attendant would not serve you over politics!! haha.
and comments ripped of dr phil as your own?? totally done that.
I think that my new favorite phrase is now ‘prison style…bring on the bullets.’ Seriously, you are too funny!
I’m sorry to hear about your brother’s accident – I hope that he has a speedy and easy recovery.
I haven’t seen Juno yet…but I keep hearing how great it is from EVERYONE! I am really going to have to break down and see it before it’s gone from the theaters.
And watching someone’s heart break does break your own. But being the one to break someone’s heart? There are no words to describe how much that sucks.
Speaking of awkward, I have played Rude Scrabble with my mother…
… and speaking from experience, I know that Broken Heart feels just a bit less crap because you were there to watch and support.
juno= awesome
cupcakes and anything coconut= delish
beer= yum
hahaha prison rule style- bring on the bullets. CLASSIC. and so funny!
hope your brother is ok
Vanessa- Thanks! I suspect this week WILL be better.
Gany- So you are that good of a singer??
brookem- That’s so it- late night calls just make me nervous. As for everything else.. bah, I’m just going to email you.
Mez- I know! I think Jason Bateman is the new Patrick Dempsey.
Qu33nbee- See, I used to think Red Bull tasted awful. Then, I started to REALLY like it. Too much. Then I cut it totally out of my life. Then last week I started up again…
Airam- He will be. Last week was just… a bad week for him. Thanks for your good wishes though!
Renee- I don’t know what that means either! Oh man. I feel so out of the loop.
libby- Yeah it was so… stupid. And I think it only started because airport waiting lounge only was playing CNN, so I had it on the brain when boarding.
Maggie- Juno IS so great. Honestly. You know how you watch a movie and there’s one or two lines that are really funny and stick out? This movie has so many that I lost count. Watch it! As for the one to break the heart… yeah that’s tough too. I think what I’m currently struggling with is just knowing that I have no control over how sad someone else is. I hate feeling so helpless.
Zosia- I once wrote ‘orgasms’ while playing with my mom. It was a bit awkward but seriously? I’m not giving up a bingo and 50 extra points!
Sizzle- See, I should have got you to write this post. You would have nailed everything I needed to say in less than 10 words!
AP- Aww thanks! He will be okay. He just needs to take his medicine and listen to all the sage advice his older sister gives him.
That’s quite a week. I’m thinking good thoughts for your brother. I made the black bra mistake once. I don’t like to talk about it…
Well you sound like super woman to me!
How weird, just as I’m doing a post about how right-down-the-middle average my week was. Glad to hear your brother is okay. I don’t know how you can stand the Red Bull, though, it always tastes like battery acid to me.
Hope this week is quieter for ya!
Cupcakses and beer? Not only are you funny. You are genius.
Congrats on the nomination. I think it is well deserved!! Black bra and white tank?? Murphy was punishing you for that one.
okay girl – I love you. This is fact.
But Jason Bateman is mine! Hands off!
I am so sorry about your brother, Brnady, and Ihope that he is recovering well – my heart is with you….Congrats on the nomination that you FULLY DESERVE!! There are indeed many times no words fit a specific situation and all you can do is sit nad listen – sometimes it’s what they need the most….I love that song and the lyrics – and Jason Bateman?? I can go for that too!
Those 1am phone calls are the worst. I’m sorry about your brother.
You are totally as funny if not funnier than those other blogs. You deserve the nomination and of course the win. I’m the eternal cheerleader
I hope things are going well with your brother. My brother went through something similar a few months ago, so I know exactly what you mean about the 1am phone call. *hugs*
And, dude – you’re totally funny! I’d vote for you. In fact, maybe I will!
Sleep. that is what you need. Lots of sleep with magic sleeping pills.
Good luck with that.
so glad to hear your brother’s going to be ok. i couldn’t imagine getting that call.
and congrats on the nomination! you TOTALLY deserve it
What a crazy week you had! I think anytime the phone rings that late it makes my heart jump out of my chest. I’m sorry to hea rthat your brother had an accident but I’m glad he’s gonna be ok.
Congrats on the nomination!
I am so sorry about your brother! I hope he is healing quickly and feeling better already!
As for the flight attendant, I really think that is terribly unprofessional… Besides, no one likes Romney, do they?
Wow – you really did have quite a week. Hope this one is exciting and full of good things!
I hope your brother is ok, thats sooo scary. I could not imagine getting that call.
That vanilla cupcake with the coconut frosting sounded so delish and then you added the beer and i was like eww gross. (ha yes i cannot picture one without the other, i have issues)
congrats on your nomination!
ooooh.. new music!!!
so sorry to hear about your brother, though. that would’ve felt a little like my gut being wrenched out of my body through my eye balls.
gah. just thinking about it is making me cringe. I’m really glad he’s doing okay though.
i’m so, so glad to hear your brother will be okay, brandy. phone calls late at night where caller id says “mom” or “home” … are so, so hard. heartwrenchingly hard. makes you beg for the calls from “milosh hookup” or “berwin HOTTIE” instead that you normally silence quickly because you are in bed with your boyfriend. ok. just me?
i sing at my work computer always. because apparently i forget that i’m not in some concrete bubble where no one will hear me but in an OPEN SPACE in a PROFESSIONAL SETTING. can’t wait to sing your song. i will let you know what kinds of reactions i get.
Hope you are doing well Miss Brandy – get some sleep, drink some non-red bull flavored drinks, and eat a (hell eat 2) cupcakes – gluten and all!
I’m so glad your brother is okay. Late night phone calls are so scary.
I voted for you because you’re my favorite!
I really want to make Valentine’s Day cards this year. I hope I have enough time to do so!
Glad that your brother ok miss brandy – middle of night phone calls, so not right. As for nasty flight attendants & Mitt Romney – so could do without the two of them. Loved Juno & Jason Bateman!! Here’s to this week being a better week.
Whoa, that is an intense week. I feel exhasted from just reading and trying to imagine everything.
jesus mary & joseph your week was INTENSE to say the least. (know what else is intense? camping! haha. get it IN-TENTS=INTENSE. lame sorry. had to do it.)
and juno = love times infinity!! seriously!!!!
well THAT was certainly a week (was this your super-hero brother of Stampede rescue fame??)
and after reading that I want to sit in a dark room getting all emo with that song (damn you!) playing all the while stuffing my fat little face with coconut cupcakes chased by champagne
oy, I need to get out more!!
I hope your brother is okay, and on a totally different subject. I’m so glad someone out there has a crush on Jason Bateman (he was my favorite character in The Breakup– even though he was only in it for about 5 minutes!) Good luck with the dundies (aka Bloggie awards!) haha sounds like you are in the “its nice just to be nominated club like i am!!”
I’m sorry this has been such a tough week for you. But I’m glad to hear your brother is going to be okay.
I’m hoping your brother is alright!
I’m hoping that you’ll get a nice peaceful week after the crazy one you just had!
I’m glad to hear your brother is okay! Late night calls are usually never good…unless its drunk friends calling to say they love and miss you =)
Love the song by the way, who sings it?
I would totally vote for you as funniest blog! You always make me laugh with your witty comments!
Congrats on the nominations. And best wishes to your brother…
Love that song! Who sings it? I’m so happy you’re brother is ok – what a scary call to get!
Get some sleep lady and congrats on the nomination! You ARE funny!
Oh…that 1 am type of phone call is the WORST! Even worse than a desperate ex girlfriend calling your boyfriend
Glad your brother is OK
btw, you have my vote!
Much as it sounds like a crazy week, would it really have been that bad to just let the kids eat their lunch one hour early? That may’ve been easier than making them put it away only to take it out again an hour later…..
I hope I NEVER have to get that 1am phonecall. As for having the right thing to say, staying silent and distributing kleenex at just the right time can be just what is required.
Hope everything is on the improve now.
Voice over:
As she gazed around the room she felt a cozy sense of familiarity, “yes she thought, this is the place” and with that decision she kicked off her shoes, indulged in a flavored martini and sipped away while reading “The Secret”. She laughed, she cried, she felt a complete range of emotions in just seven days…a well lived week!
Brandy is a Geico customer
There are times that just knowing there’s someone there with you, passing over a fresh Kleenex, is enough. That’s the fire that forges real friendships.
It sounds like you really DID live a lifetime in just 7 days! I’m glad everything is okay though… And you deserve the hell out of that nomination because you are definitely a funny lady
I love this post. You have such great ideas re. naked valentine’s that I may have to copy you!
MC- I’m sure you don’t.
Kenzie- Oh thanks!! I don’t feel like one at all, but I’m still happy you said it!
geekhiker- I think… Red Bull is an acquired taste. I definitely didn’t like it when I first started drinking it. Fingers crossed this week IS more relaxing!!
Chelsea Talks Smack- I think when I get married cupcakes and beer are going to play an integral role. Actually, any future party is going to have many cupcakes and beer. It just makes sense.
Diane Mandy- I definitely think so too. Wet black bra and white tank is far more Maxium than I am. Oh well. I think the guy behind me enjoyed it.
Tiff- Man! Anytime I call dibs on a man, I find out someone else already has him. Hmm. Maybe I should stop picking celebrities??
PE- I’m glad you like the song too- it just makes me feel good. As does Jason Bateman!
littlespoon- Thank you for your good wishes. My brother is definitely feeling better already. It’s amazing what a lot of sleep can do!
Rye- Yikes! That stuff is so scary. Hopefully you’re brother is okay.
Clearlykels- I find that scotch and earplugs work better than sleeping pills. But at this point? I’m willing to try anything.
Michelle- Thank you!!:)
Pam- Oh thank you for your congrats and for your well wishes for my brother. Last night I forced him to watch the debate with me. He may know more about politics now, but I think he was hoping he was unconscious for part of it.
YSP- Thank you for your good wishes. As for being unprofessional… I’m with you. Besides, it’s not even as though myself or the lady were American. It was just a clash of opinions. Oh well.
Ashley- Oh beer. See, I always was thinking beer was gross but then I went to university. And had student loans. And discovered that drinking beer was just more economical. And then, after a few pitchers I developed a love for it. That has stuck. And now? I love it.
Deutlich- Oh thanks for your kind words. It was definitely scary though. I always forget that the people I love just aren’t immune to danger.
Damsel- You make me laugh. I think the most bizarre call I get on a repeated basis is from a guy I made out with TWO years ago who leaves me text messages like “miss ur laf. call me so we can tlk bout wht’s going on”. Which, of course, get deleted. Because a) we made out ONE time b)He’s crazy and c) I can’t respect a man who spells talk like ‘tlk’.- it’s ONE MORE LETTER! Add the A!
Anne- I ate another cupcake today. I felt like, since you advocated it, it pretty much meant that I should. And it was delicious. So thanks.
Jamie- It will be tough with what your school schedule looks like, but you should definitely try to squeeze some card time in. They are so much fun to make!!
Semichrmd- Yeah!! I’m definitely with you on the ‘wanting a better week’. As for the flight attendant.. it was just WEIRD. I think I would have been less amused if my mind hadn’t been so worried about my brother. But upon reflection, the whole episode just makes me giggle. And shake my head. Mitt Romney. Hello?! I’m not even American and yet my political views have consequences. Bizarre!
silverneurotic- I did manage to watch Juno during all of that, so there was some good stuff going on. If you haven’t seen it- go!
PCBH- Hey, if that was a lame joke, then I’m lame because I giggled. And Juno is brilliant. I can’t wait for it to come to DVD.
Kathryn- It was my superhero brother! I only have the one sibling, but I have to say, I’m impressed with your memory. As for the song, eep! I’m sorry it makes you want to get all sad and wear stripes. Wait, is it stripes or polka dots that emo’s wear? I actually hear that song and want to go driving with my windows rolled down.
Julie Q- Yeah, he was genius in that part. I like that he looks like he’s older. I mean, not Sean Connery old, but he doesn’t look like he’s 14 (Zac, I speak to you). He looks like… a man. I’m swooning right now.
Jess- Aww thank you. He’s definitely going to be okay but man, that was so scary!
Bre- Thank you Miss Bre for your thoughts. I’m definitely planning on having a more relaxing week!
Amber- Starrfadu is the band. And it’s also known as the song from the kleenex commercial. As for the compliment, thank you. It’s nice to know that people enjoy my brand of crazy.
Miriam- Thank you so much!
DG- Starrfadu sings it. Isn’t it great?! And thanks for the compliment.
Appletini- Ha! Those calls from ex girlfriends to your boyfriend would be just as frustrating though.
Wolfshowl- Sadly it would have. With half the class having ordered their lunch from the canteen, and 2 kids in the class having to take their meds w/ food at a certain time, it would have been more of a headache. Plus, the turkeys had just had snack 20 minutes ago.
Jacinta- Thank you for saying that. And can I just say, whoever invented kleenex with lotion in it = fantastic??
Evans- I hope you have a job where your creative talents are utilized.
SWF42- I hope so. Because that’s all I got right now.
NcoleAntoinette- Oh thanks my friend. You definitely deserve yours as well.
Nilsa- Oh yes, the naked Valentine’s Day cards are a hoot. Honestly. I think I may try to scan a few so you can see the genius.
Ahhh, I see the dilemma then. Haha, I love that you called the kids turkeys. That made my….well, not my day, but my hour certainly.
Psst… tooting my own horn– I totally nominated you. Shhh.
Sorry about your brother. 1 am phone calls like that kind of take your breath away in the most miserable way possible. You feel so very alone in that moment.
Oh Redbull = battery acid. That’s probably why I wake up with a pounding heart after a night of vodka-Redbulls.