In other words January 10, 2008
Posted by brandy in i like scotch & table dancing, it's almost like a meme, love or something like it, men, secrets, teaching, who needs a self help book?, work.trackback
What I said: “It’s complicated.”
What I meant: “We slept together.”
What I said: “I’m sorry, I have plans.”
What I meant: ” I would rather chew off my arm and fashion it as a bloody hat to wear to the Kentucky Derby rather than spend another evening watching you stroke your goatee while you lecture me on all the politics behind the ‘hoax’ that is global warming.”
What I said: “I just want a trim”
What I meant: “Getting my haircut requires me to partake in a few drinks and anti-anxiety pill beforehand. There’s a good chance I will cry after you cut my hair. This is not a reflection on you and your masterful cutting abilities- but due to a neurotic side that rivals Woody Allen’s and the fact that it takes 12 years for my hair to grow one inch. Tread gently with those scissors, and pass me a drink kleenex beforehand will you?”
What I said: “Well…. I’m happy if you are happy.”
What I meant: “I think this is a mistake.”
What I said: “Well, how do YOU think you would figure out this math problem?”
What I meant: “Well sweet child- I have something to share. After four years of university, three practicums, two years of subbing, I honestly have no idea how to figure out this question. I’m not even sure it’s written in English, none of this looks familiar. Honestly. I think this might be in Latin. So skip it. Or look on paper of the kid beside you. And pray to all that is holy and good that your regular teacher is smarter than me.”
What I said: “It was a late night”
What I meant: “I got home just as Good Morning America started. I can still taste gin in my mouth. Do not make a noise above a whisper, do not turn on any lights and don’t mention food. Doing any of this will cause me to cry alligator tears and curse the Gods that make me love gin with an almost unrivaled fervor. “
What I said: “I miss you.”
What I meant: “I love you.”
What I said: “No thank you, I don’t want a piece of cake.”
What I meant: “I want the WHOLE cake!”
What I said: “I’m fine with it. We’re all adults.”
What I meant: “I really hate that I still have to see you regularly, and I hate seeing you with your rich-as-hell girlfriend. I’m a child, and I want to be selfish.”
LOVE the first one–such a girl thing to say, I think.
And “I’m happy if you’re happy” = mistake is right on too. You’re so smart Brandy! Happy Friday!
ok the math one? made my day.
believe me when i say that means a lot right now.
What I said: “Well…. I’m happy if you are happy.”
What I meant: “I think this is a mistake.”
- Been there done that.
Would I be adding to my nerd points if I told you I was almost salivating at the thought of that math problem?!
What I wrote: Brandy, your writing is always so good & creative.
What I meant: I so wish my writing were as good and honest as yours.
What I said – sure, sounds great, whatever you all decide.
What I meant – I’m sorry, I thought I smelled melting cheese and possibly BBQ smoke and have not been paying attention.
What I said – no I wasn’t blogging at work yesterday when I missed the deadline for that report.
What I meant – yes, I was blogging at work yesterday when I missed the deadline for that report.
I really liked this post, Brandy. No, that’s what I really meant.
Airam- I just saw a recipe for an inside out German chocolate cake that I thought of when reading your comment. I think I might just have to make it and screw gluten.
abbersnail- The “I really hate that I have to see you regularly” is one that I can definitely relate to. It’s scary the things we think and do not say sometimes, yes?
Ally- Thanks lady! Yeah, thinking someone is wrong about something personal is always impossible to say. So I say that instead. And cross my fingers everyone stays content.
libby- I’m glad!
aRbit- Absolutely not, although I bow to your eagerness in regards to math. When I get to a school and find that I’m teaching math all day, it’s all I can do to stop myself from weeping.
geekhiker- Aww thanks! Have a good weekend!
MC- Blogging at work? I thought you cut that out?
What I said: I’m just tired.
What I meant: I’m fucking tired because you and your boyfriend were talking at full volume at 1am and not only woke me up but prevented me from going back to sleep.
This was fun. I’m new to your blog but really enjoy it and feel like I can relate to quite a bit of it!
What a fantastic post… funny, touching, sweet. I especially loved the bit about math. I’d be in just the same situation.
I love this. It’s like the section in Cosmo “What he’s really saying.”
What I said: I shouldn’t eat that.
What I meant: Tell me immediately how sexy I am and that I can eat anything I f*cking want.
What I said: You know how to find me if you need me.
What I meant: I hope that you don’t need me, because you hurt my feelings and I am not very inclined to do anything other than run in the other direction at the sound of your voice.
You are the master of words – seriously!
What I said: You are awesome.
What I meant: You are awesome. And cool.
I loved this– I might have to copy.
This is a great post. My dad once advised me to cheat on a math test if possible because it was “the only way to pass,” so I completely feel your pain there
What I said: “I miss you.”
What I meant: “I love you.”
-I can totally relate. Sometimes as women it’s so hard to let our true feelings be known & we end up dancing around what we really want to say.
What I said: I love you & I support you no matter what you decide.
What I meant: You don’t deserve him, your too good for him & he is going to break your heart just like he always does – but like always I will be there to pick you up.
Haha, I’m with Geekhiker! I’m so glad I found your blog, and it’s awesome, and I *heart* you!
What I said: I’d love to!
What I meant: Do I HAVE to?
You are so funny.
My ten year old brother asked me for help doing long division with decimals. It took me, my engineer boyfriend, two calculators, and a fifth grade math book to figure out the proper way to do it.
Am I smarter than a fifth grader?
NO!
lol
You would make an interesting milliner!
Also, hilare.
love it!
This is an extremely handy translation guide. You and I speak a lot of the same language, it seems.
The haircut one is exactly the same for me. I have been going to the same girl since before my 7 year olds were born. I finally trust her enough to let her do anything but a trim on me. My hair also grows so damn slow. What is up with that? Why does my husband’s hair get to grow fast?
As for the math one, my almost 10 year old FINALLY is on to me that when I say “how do you think you would approach that problem” when she needs help that it is code for “I have no freakin idea how to do this so please help me out a little so I don’t have to read your entire math book to figure it out”.
Ok, man am I happy I chose today to read your latest post… I feel I can help all your blogger friends and add a couple on your behalf:
Brandy says: “Thats an interesting way to think of it, I wouldn’t have thought of that”
What Brandy meant: “Why the hell do you think that. You are wrong.”
Brandy says: “Hey, come down and drink with us for a while.” (to boy in balcony above)
What Brandy meant: “Hey there weird guy above, please come down and drink our beer while I go to sleep to leave you with my good friend who I will pretend I don’t see giving me the death stare.”
In response to a question:
Brandy says: “Ummm-hmmmm” all the while nodding her head vigourously and opening her eyes wide.
What Brandy meant: “NO, I would absolutely hate that, but instead of saying that I will say this and if we proceed I will likely just no-show.”
and finally, what Brandy says: “Patrick Swayze is creepy.”
What Brandy really means: “I heart Patrick Swayze and want to be with him forever, I am just too sacred to admit it.”
Okay Darci, I love when you enter the blogging world and share my deepest secrets about 80’s icons with everyone. Just kidding. But seriously? Can I get SOME credit for at least trying to pretend that I wanted to go to the water park? I can’t help it if I can’t fake excitement. And I don’t get white-hot angry when people disagree with me. Actually, sometimes I do. But there are certain topics that I struggle with, that I am aware of. Also, the guy with the beer and the balcony? We have such mixed stories on how that night went. I thought you really had a connection with him. Ahh, I’m laughing so hard right now…”
What I said: Oh, good for you!
What I meant: STFU I am trying to work!!!!
What I REALLY meant: STFU I am trying to read blogs!!!!
What I said: [I said nothing, I just shook my finger at the driver next to me.]
What I meant to say: You mother fucking idiot. Who the hell do you think you are for [driving slow in the fast lane / trying to cut me off when there is half a car length between me and the next car / swerving into my lane while talking on your phone / looking at me the wrong way]?!?
Hi. It’s been awhile. I’ve been very busy and have been trying to really focus on work rather than blogs. But I can’t resist this post (btw…I read your entire post on politics! I didn’t just click “read” in google reader. I read it all and love, love, love that you are so passionate about it. This year, I have been more active in knowing the candidates platforms and following what’s been going on. This is a huh-uge change for me for I usually don’t give a crap).
Anyway, this cracks me up and the “I have plans” and the math one really resonate with me. Man I flippin’ hate math.
Oh…and Valerie’s comment is cracking me up. Because I seriously used to do that every single day with my co-worker. She would only want to talk to me when I was reading/writing blogs. But in her defense, at that time, I pretty much did that all. Day. Long. So….I guess that might explain that.
Oh I HEAR you with the teaching part… doing casual supply work at the moment, i’m teaching Year 5 and 6, when I’ve only ever taught YEAR 3 and below.. I’m like oh yes, that long division looks right.. *crosses fingers*
awww cutness miss brandy!
what i said: “i’m tired. i am going to bed.”
what i meant: “i feel totally disconnected from you and i hate it.”
what i said: “i’m so happy that you found someone again! you two look so great together!”
what i meant: “what a fuckin’ ho. why would you choose HER?!”
love this post. you are awesome. happy weekend!
Lo que dije: “Cute.”
Lo que significaba: I wish hadn’t been eating chicken while reading the bloody arm-hat visual you so wonderfully wrote.
The hair one is the story of my life. I need to have a few drinks and someone probably has to go with me so I actually WALK IN the salon.
What I said: “Let’s see how it goes.”
What I meant: “Nothing’s really going to change, if I have anything to say about it. Because you in my life anymore? A REALLY bad plan.”
I love this post. It’s so true. Most especially the “I miss you=I love you” section.
Blog gold.
GREAT GREAT post. and in the ultimate of blog flattery i may have to steal the idea in the near future. with credit of course.
what i said: “i love having your arms around me again”
what i meant: “i still love you”
What I said: “Oh yes, here i am, busy working. Sorry, what did you want? I’m too busy doing all these things to notice you entered my office.”
What I mean: “Oh crap, you almost caught me reading blogs instead of working. Whatever, I’ve been working my ass off for the first 7 hours of the day, just give me the last hour!!”
Loved. The. Post.
What Egan said: “I miss you”
What Egan means: “you complete me in a way that can’t be explained over the internet. I can tell you’re an extra great person based on the outpouring of responses to this post. Oh, and yes… when I do love you. Canada, here I come! What, I can’t co-habitate with you because I’m married and have a daughter?
What Egan said: “blogging rules”
What Egan meant: “reading stuff people post online feels really pervy at times, but it’s damn fun…. and what Valerie and Armie said.”
what I said: “I am totally fine with that”
what I meant: “Are you insane???”
fabulous post
i adored this post…and can’t believe i haven’t come across your blog before. quite excited for some weekend archive reading
happy weekend! xoxo, bb
Math one is the truest thing ever. My #1 fear as a someday parent.
OOOO…I’ve definitely sad all of these things and meant pretty much the same thing you said.
Loved this post.
What I said: Whatever. As if I let such petty crap bother me.
What I meant: Besides when I hyperventilate into my pillow, I’m totally fine.
Wow – so true. Every single one of them!
Posts like this just remind me why I heart you oh so much.
Loved this! I’m nodding all the way down to the I miss you = I love you and then, out loud, I go “aww!” Because it’s so true. Every single one.
One of mine:
What I say: I don’t care what we do
What I mean: I don’t care what we do. Pick something already, and I’ll be fine with it. Just don’t make me make all the decisions!
Oh I say the last one all the time. Although I’m starting to think he knows what I really mean by it….
I (heart) your writing and the way you think. Great post!
That was a fantastic post. Loved it. Thank you.
Loved the post! If I can add my own…
what I said was: I’ll just have a bite
what I meant was: YOU’LL only be GETTING a bite!
what I said: “No, it’s ok. Don’t worry about it.”
what I meant: “You fucking retard – how can you be so stupid? Who the hell passed you in grade 1? Seriously!”
Again – wickedly awesome posts Miss. brandy
not knowing the answer of a elementary school question? yeah I’m pretty sure thats why I could never be a teacher!!! B/c I would totally bullshit about 95% of the answers I’d give to those poor poor children
Mad respect to teachers!
what he said: i guarantee a peace treaty in the middle east by year’s end
what he meant: i have no fucking clue how to get out of my own mess, you think i can fix yours?
what I said: “loved this post”
what I meant: Exactly that “loved this post”
Not Carrie Bradshaw- Ahh yes. I hate people who talk when I sleep. This is why I’m the biggest fan of earplugs. I think I could go longer without water than without earplugs. Seriously.
YSP- Ahh thanks! I feel better knowing that someone else would be stumped too!
littlespoon- Thanks!!
Nicole- HA! I love that. And I definitely can relate to it.
Maggie- I think this is the one that I can relate to the most right now. I so, so get this. Sigh.
justrun- Aww thanks! I look forward to reading your version.
Sparkel- That’s funny. My mom told me a story of how she would wear skirts to math and write the answers on her legs and lift her skirt on up during a test. It’s nice to know where I get my math skills from.
Semichrmd- It’s impossible to say the right thing when you don’t agree with a friends choice isn’t? I’m glad we have both found the words to say when we can’t say the words we want to though…
Rye- Oh thank you so much! What a nice thing to say.
Suebob- I love that. I actually pulled that one out today…
kitliz- I know! Elementary school math is definitely more complicated now. Also, the strategies that they are getting taught to find the answers are so different from what I grew up with. My fingers are crossed I never get offered a math teaching position. I would be so screwed.
Lisa- Thanks for stopping by!!
kristin- Thank you!
Jess- I think I should print this out and give it to a few people. I’m thinking it might save a few disagreements in the future… (Also? Glad to know someone can relate to this!)
Tori- You have a trusted hair guru? Color me jealous. I haven’t had one in a few years. I keep bouncing around to different people, no one is my favourite. As for the math, your daughter is lucky that she has you at least trying to help her- sometimes that makes all the difference!
Darci- Hey dork. Thanks for your handy translation guide.
Valerie- Ha! That one made me laugh out loud…
Nilsa- I think driving is the one area where I really, REALLY hold back what I want to say. I have this daydream of stopping a car and just being really honest about their driving. I just want to know what goes through some people’s heads when they are on the road.
Armie- Hey lady! I’m just going to email you instead of giving you the worlds longest comment…
alyndabear- Yeah, I do a lot of that. “Oh yes, that looks like you are on the right track”. Or, if I’m really not sure, I will be like “Are you SURE that’s right? Maybe you should check your work”. And then I have them switch with a partner. Ahh, sometimes I’m hopeless.
Ammanners- Thanks!
Sizzle- Aww that’s one of the worst feelings ever.
McGee- Ha! I’ve been there.
Emma- Eep! Sorry!!
Jamie- IF we lived closer, we could be co-dependent and walk each other so we were guaranteed regular haircuts.
Carrie- Hey lady! I totally get yours. Sometimes it’s just so much easier to say what people want to hear rather than what you really want to say.
Michelle- Awww cute! And like justrun, I look forward to reading your version.
Miriam D- Ha. I think you and Valerie should work in the same office.
egan- You should work for Hallmark.
Kathryn- Yeah. I’ve decided that saying ‘are you insane?’ never really leads to anywhere good. Hence the code of ‘I’m totally fine with that’. I get this.
bloggingbarbie- Welcome! Thanks for stopping by!
Dustin- I know, mine too. Let’s start scouting out smart commenters who like math problems so they can deal with future children’s math questions, okay?
Chelsea Talks Smack- Good! I’m glad someone else has gin in their mouth early in the morning.
PP- hyperventilate in your pillow? I’ve done that. Sometimes a good scream into the pillow works wonders for me too.
Katrin- Well I love that other people can relate to these!
Paige Jennifer- Thank you!
OC- Ugh. Indecisiveness drives me insane sometimes.
Wolfshowl- Whoo that’s exciting!!
Diane Mandy- Aww thanks. What a great comment.
~Angela~- Thanks for stopping by!
Vanessa- Ha. I’ve had that conversation. Usually it involves food I shouldn’t be eating…
Carrie- Thanks Miss Carrie!
Julie Q- Ha. I love that I’m a teacher and I don’t get math. Actually, I’m making it sound worse than it is. I don’t go and tell the kids that 2 +4= 11 or anything. I just hedge my bets when I don’t know the answer and hope for the best. And I leave long notes for the homeroom teacher apologizing.
Evans- Yeah. I agree 100% with you on that one.
Ana- Oh thank you!
Oh my! What a great post!
And that is completely what I mean when I say I want a trim too! Damn hairdressers, always getting it wrong!
What I said: Let me check my schedule. I may be really busy with work.
What I meant: Let me figure out if the cute young boy I’ve been shacking up with is going to be too much trouble, or if I need to make him jealous by letting another guy buy me dinner/drinks. But don’t expect anything beyond polite conversation.
And I may have to do a list of my own… don’t worry, I’ll give you credit!
Absolutely LOVE it! Like I haven’t said ‘It’s complicated’ so many times before, meaning either a. ‘I got wasted and couldn’t remember his name’ or b. ‘We slept together, and we absolutely shouldn’t have’
You are all brilliance my dear.
how many times can i tell you that i am kind of obsessed with you?
apparently i’m adding one more time.
loved this post. (as per yooj) alligator tears. sigh. that was me last friday. i don’t even bother to say such things like “i’m never going to do this again!” because hi. shenanigans. i know myself better.
and who, brandy, WHO – you stroke your goatee while you lecture me on all the politics behind the ‘hoax’ that is global warming – is this guy?? i may kick him?
This.is.awesome.
Fabulousness.
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