I’m skipping writing a post about Christmas. I will say that CASHMERE was involved (and apparently, CASHMERE has been added to the list of words that must be capitalized along with BUCK HUNTER and OBAMA!) and although I found myself at times frustrated and quite sad- overall it was good. And I can say that it was good because I learned something. And as long as you learned something, it’s got to be classified as a ‘good’ experience. At least that’s what my grandfather told me on the phone. But I’m not sure he can be trusted, he has a sweet love affair with vodka during the holidays. Actually, he’s Ukrainian so he pretty much has a sweet love affair with vodka any time of the year. Now you know where the love of the drink comes from.

I’m house sitting right now. I adore this place. It’s in the country, and although the house is surrounded by trees and deer- the inside is hooked up with flat screen tvs, a fireplace, a hot tub and hard wood floors that my bare feet love. One of my favourite parts about the place is it’s bath tub. It’s so large you could float an ocean liner in it. I’ve taken to having a late night bath accompanied by a glass of wine. I considered listening to some jazz while doing this but that just felt too over the top. If I listened to jazz while in the bath drinking wine, I think I would have to start calling people ‘Bugsy’ and wear a lot of red lipstick. Instead, I lay in the bath reading old copies of Hello! magazine and searching for the celebrity with the best hair.

After I get out, I’ve taken to smearing body lotion all over. This is an important to share for three reasons:
1. It relates directly to the title of this post
2. It relates directly to my New Years resolution plan (more on this in an upcoming post)
3. I think more people should be putting body lotion on in the winter. Skin gets dry and it’s important to moisturize and I wanted to raise awareness of this serious issue.

So the lotion gets put on and while I wait for it to really ’set in’ I usually stand naked deciding on pajamas (and now I think we’ve reached that point in our relationship where you know everything about me), because I think one of the grossest feelings in the world is putting on a robe (or pajamas) while lotion is still on your skin. Tonight I was standing there deciding on which pair of flannel pajamas to put on (and yet I’m shocked that I am single), when the doorbell rang.

I wasn’t expecting anyone so I considered not answering it. But then that illogical part of my brain took over (’what if someone died?’, ‘what if you won the lottery and there’s a camera crew outside waiting to give you 4 million dollars?’, ‘ what if it’s a cute guy who’s lost and wants to come give you a massage while tries to orientate himself?), I grabbed a robe, tied it loosely around me (because I didn’t want it touching my still lotioned up skin) and went to the door.

It was a cute guy (illogical part of my brain= 1, logical part= 0), who owned a snow shovelling company asking if I needed his services. I explained that I was just housesitting, but if he had a business card I would pass it along to the people who lived here when they returned. He took out his card and went to pass it to me, but a wind (or the evil side of God, or the karmic consequence of cheating on an old boyfriend) caused it to fall to the ground. I picked it up and kept talking, thinking that the elevator glance (you know, looking at me all the way up and down) he was giving me had to do with his appreciation of my quick wit and charming banter.

Suddenly I looked down noticed that my robe was wide open. WIDE OPEN. Leaning down to pick up the card undid the already loose loop I had done up because HEAVEN FORBID that my skin touch the robe. And instead of interrupting me while I chattered about snowfall, he just looked at the goods. Bastard.

There was an awkward moment, and by ‘awkward’ I mean that I’m pretty sure a part of my soul died right there on the front step. I politely went back inside and laid on the floor, letting the lotion stick to my robe.

Sigh.

I suppose it could have been worse. There could have been a camera crew.