Pirates and Whores October 17, 2007
Posted by brandy in advice, holidays, oh look! i have opinions., pirates, soapbox, the world according to me, tip of the day, what the hell.trackback
I’m in the process of responding to all your awesome comments (Whoo! Trudeau!), but while I’m doing that I thought it important to share with you all my thoughts on Halloween (because I know that’s what you do, sit around wondering ‘what ARE brandy’s views on Halloween? I wish I knew, perhaps then I could sleep at night’). Please note the sarcasm, I’ve been this annoying all day. Anyway, I was going to write a NEW post, but realized the one I wrote last year is still EXACTLY what I want to say. Still. I do not mess with things I already love, so here it is. And please know that if you disagree with me, that’s fine but we will no longer be able to be friends and I will want the other half of the BFF necklace back.
Dear Everyone who is planning on dressing up for Halloween this year,
Let me preface this by saying I love Halloween. I do. I think it’s my theater background, but the idea of searching for the perfect costume leaves me feeling drunk with happiness. I purposely accidentally kept the keys to the costume department of my old job and plan on spending a lovely Saturday searching for my perfect costume.
The last couple of years I’ve been a Ninja Turtle (complete with nun chucks), paper bag princess, Ashley Olsen (Trout was Mary-Kate), a member of the three little pigs (my house was the house of straw) and part of a band of pirates- complete with stuffed parrot on my shoulder who was affectionately named Vladimir.
I take Halloween seriously.
So it’s with much love and respect that I come to you all with this plea: Can we all bypass going out this year dressed in our bras and calling it a costume? My heart sinks when I enter a room and find myself surrounded by groups of girls dressed in nothing more than a bra and panties, with the truly ‘creative’ girls adding wings. Adding wings when you are 97% naked doesn’t turn your outfit into something. Really. I promise. It just makes you the girl in your bra wearing wings.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that Halloween is about expression. It’s about taking chances, finding something that sets you apart, taking a risk. And for some of you, maybe ‘taking a risk’ implies leaving your pants at home (and for some of you sadly, it does not). But I want you to know, that when it’s your third Halloween wearing the plastic bra and fishnets, you are no longer taking a risk. If you truly believe that Halloween is about expression, take a real risk and put more clothes on. Be something (or someone) unexpected. Because going out dressed like a member of *”ho train” doesn’t show me that you’ve put any thought into your costume. In fact, it just makes me think that your house burnt down, you have no friends to lend you clothes and you’ve showed up almost naked hoping someone will give you a shirt to put on.
And if I run into you while you stand there in your push up bra and and fishnets and ask you what you are (because I will do that- seeing the panic in your eyes and you try to think of what to call yourself is one of my Halloween highlights), at least have something prepared- calling yourself a whore in a roomful of similarly dressed girls isn’t original. Call yourself a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue girl. Then you will at least have admiration, but not my respect.
I save that for the group of girls who dress up like garden peas with bruised eyes and call themselves “The Black-Eyed Peas”.
I told you I take Halloween seriously.
A spirited plea,
brandy
* I had a very good friend dress up as a member of Satan’s ho train one year. It made me reconsider our friend status. I’m as serious as a heart attack.
OMG
Oh heck yeah, that is not even cute. And, ummm, generally quite gross because there are SO many women that don’t know how to choose the right bra anyway but then to display that by putting nothing over it, ICK.
I heart you so flippin’ much Brandy! This post. Awesome. You rule. I had this same rant a few weeks ago when we went costume shopping. I about spit my water out at your “Adding wings when you are 97% naked doesn’t turn your outfit into something.” line.
Anyway, I take Halloween and dressing up for this holiday very seriously as well. Either do it or don’t, but don’t be lame. This also goes for the people who just put on their pj’s and some pigtails. This is not a costume and I find joy in asking the “what are you?” question and seeing their look of panic as they try to find an answer. I”m mean like that. Just keepin’ it real, yo!
And, I am so jealous that you kept the keys to that costume department. Can I come play in there with you? Do you realize how many items of my wardrobe come from my High school’s costume room? A lot.
agreed on the winged/bra’d getup. what’s really special is how it seems every costume has a “slut” version. like police officer chick costumes, or “fire girls,” which so tastefully adhere to a girls danger zone. seems for so many it’s either slut size, or XXXXL.
cool.
I agree.
One year my hubby and I were Jack & Jill. He had bandages wrapped around his head and I feigned a broken arm. A bucket of water, freckles, overalls– we were set. And it was pretty much awesome.
ok don’t be mad but i may be guilty of this. but only once! i was a mermaid last year and my top was basically a bra. don’t hate me!
oh and yes, the betty (rubble) costume is for halloween. im just amused that i get to carry around a club, and have black hair for a day.
yeah seriously put some clothes on!
Ahhhh!! I am so happy for this post!
This is why I won’t even consider going to a bar on Halloween… I don’t want to see 101 reasons to wear your underwear in public. My cousin once saw a girl wearing nothing but body paint at a club on Halloween. It ain’t the Playboy mansion, sweetie!
My tactic is often to take something generally sluttified and make it dead- e.g., dead cheerleader. Much funner.
Side note- I was actually thinking of being the Paper Bag Princess this year (I swear I’ve had the idea, on my own, for longer than the 5 minutes since I read this post). Did you get a leaf bag from a hardware store? And was there some serious tearing? (I mean ripping, not crying)
armalicious- I thought you would appreciate this.
justrun- People wearing the wrong bra. That could be a whole other rant for me on another day. I just want the entire world to get sized. It will change your world! I promise.
armalicious- I’m with you- either BE something, or be nothing. No middle ground. I once had a roommate who pretty much just left her house in jeans and a shirt and a pair of wings. My other roommate and I (who had spent the day building our ninja turtle shells) just about had a seizure in frustration. Oh, and come visit me anytime and we can hit up the costume department. I’m looking to sneak in this weekend and borrow a bumble bee costume.
brookem- Yes, the word ‘naughty’ seems to be added into the front of every profession. I don’t to sound lame, but there’s way you can be sexy without being naked. I had a friend who dressed up like a cute construction worker (she was fully clothed) and went as a ’stud finder’. I liked that. So did the guys.
Emery Jo- Jack and Jill?! That’s fantastic idea! I love those ideas that come out of nowhere, don’t require a ton of work (any costume involving chicken wire is out for me) and is recognizable. Sounds like a great costume.
Michelle- Oh Michelle, I wouldn’t get mad at you! Because by knowing what you were (ie. Mermaid) you are already wayyyy ahead of the curve. My pet peeve is people who just go out in their bra and have no idea what they are.
brookem- Black hair would be fun, so would the club. I’ve been tossing around ideas, and I’m thinking I’m going to dress up as a bee and wear a crown and label myself Queen Bee. We shall see though… I may try and figure out how to update my pirate costume, I love being a pirate.
Sizzle- Exactly!
Princess Pointful- See, I refuse to not participate in Halloween because other people refuse to wear clothes, or have an idea for a costume, but I can understand your frustration. As for the paper bag princess costume, it was really easy. I actually took a ratty old shift dress I had, then hot glued paper grocery bags to it, until the dress was completely covered and looked like paper. I put a bit of dirt on my cheeks and added a crooked crown. There was no tearing, but I didn’t have to worry about it since the paper was glued to the shift dress. Good luck!
Hmm…this is so strange because I was just having a conversation here at work with a couple of my colleagues, and they were talking about the work Halloween party and former costumes they’d worn and all of that. The one girl, who is really very sweet and I love her to death, was describing all of her costumes from the past couple of years, and they were all naughty versions of something, and I was really quite surprised.
Then my boss summed it up (in a not-uncomplimentary kind of a way): Halloween is the one day you can get away with dressing like a slut without people actually thinking you are one. I just sort of stood there, outwardly listening but inwardly judging. Wish I had said what you said in your post instead.
I have been trying to sell my roommate on body paint for a couple years now. However, I think that is a lot easier for me than it is for her and her big boobs…still, I think it would be fun. Cold. But fun:-)
And yet I say to Lorelei Leigh…is there a complimentary way for your boss to use the word slut while summarising something you’ve said about yourself? perhaps you didn’t need to offer any feedback verbally…your boss really said it all.
I was frightened by the amount of “ho” wear at the Halloween store last night when I went to buy a wig. I am very excited, though, about my blue wig. I will be a martian (fully clothed in silver, thank you very much). I thought I could be Smurfette before, sadly, remembering that she is BLONDE with BLUE skin not BLUE-HAIRED with BLONDE skin. Sigh.
I still remember the girls who dressed up as “ho’s from different area codes.” Now shaking my head to rid it of this Halloween atrocity…
LOLs, brandy you are my HERO.
Maybe i’ll go as Paula Dean…(that’ll make me wear more clothes)…and carry around a tray of half-eaten cupcakes…I think that’d be fun and tasty!
This totally made me laugh. Being that I have attended a law school Halloween bash for the last three years, I know the winged bra women of which you speak. And I am not a fan.
Also, Ninja Turtle? You hereby have my admiration AND my respect.
The Boyfriend and I were thinking of being Spartans but then we realized no one would no who we’re supposed to be. (Our activities will be limited to staying home and giving candy to kids.) I’m going to him with a Ninja Turtle proposal tonight. I hope you don’t mind if I steal your idea!
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! Never, never ever ever, NEVER encourage women to put on MORE clothes. In fact, I say ditch the clothes altogether and go as Eve or Lady Godiva.
Shame on you, brandy.
I really really want to hand this out to all the women in my buildings who are already planning their Masquerade Ball costumes….
…also, since I am going as Miss Scarlet (from Clue!!! ) you don’t have to worry about me, promise!
Funny, most of the people who dress up as ho’s around here are guys.
What if I dressed up in my bra and underwear and said I was Britney Spears? Would that be ok?
Lorelei Leigh- Hmm. Well… at least your boss said what he/she was thinking in a pretty… clear way. And I do understand that point of view- that it’s the one day of the year you can dress up like a slut, but I just wonder, why would someone want that to be their costume? I’m honestly just really curious about this.
AM- Body paint? Interesting lady, let me know how it goes!! We used a lot of that in the theatre, I found that adding a bit of vaseline to it ensures that it actually comes off at the end of the night.
HC- Slut has never been a favourite word of mine. I prefer whore. My friends and I have had this conversation a million times. To me, a slut conjures the image of some girl who got tagged teamed in highschool and enjoys the idea of sleeping with the entire football team. A whore… makes me think of an older woman, a real fireball who runs a bar on the wrong side of the tracks. The slut seems mean, the whore seems fun. I have no idea why I think any of this, but I do.
Sarah- It’s funny, I had to do a double take thinking about Smurfs. I forgot that girl Smurf had blonde hair. Man. I haven’t seen that show forever. And can I just say that I think Gargamel (I know I’m spelling that wrong) is possibly the best villain name ever??
Joanne- Thanks lady!!
Evans- Good idea. I suspect you will be the most popular person at the party, because really, who doesn’t like a man dressed as a woman who is carrying cupcakes?!
cdp- Spartans would be fun just to yell “WE ARE SPARTA!” repeatedly, but I know what you mean about wanting something that people understand right away. If the Turtle costume flies with the boyfriend, let me know and I can send you a picture so you can see what us turtles looked like.
Lefty- I was expecting a man to not appreciate this post. How about this, YOU go as Lady Godiva, and then I will recommend that ladies everywhere follow suit. Good?
Bre- Ahh the characters from Clue! I wanted to do that this year, but it sort of got vetoed. I’m quite jealous of you actually. TEll me, are you going to be carrying a candlestick??
silverneurotic- See, for some reason, I’m more okay with that.
Airam- Are you carrying a Starbucks cup and are wearing shades? Even at night? Especially when it’s night? Then I give you two thumbs up.
If Airam goes as Britney, can I go as Kid Rock? together we could announce ourselves as Dumb as a box of Rocks!
Sophomore year of high school: I went as David Letterman with my own top ten list. A new kid in every class wanted to be my Paul Shaffer…
Yes, I call Halloween the holiday where every female seems to see how little clothing she can get away with. Pathetic.
So one year I was deliberating last minute about what to dress up as (because I hate all of the dressing up crap; hate spending the time, money, and energy to come up with something) and a law school classmate offered to bring me a sailor costume. I was relieved, but when she showed up the next day she seemed to be carrying a hooker-sailor outfit. The top was a bra-like thing, and the pants were super low waisted and fitted. Sure I’m not sailor expert, but I cannot imagine that get-up on a boat. Well unless I’m the entertainment. Anyway–excellent post as always; you’re right on target.
You and I are on very different sides of this issue.
I assume that these women, nay trail blazers, are simply making a statement that people spend too much time thinking about fashion.
And I, for one, commend them.
Oh Halloween is absolutely positively my favorite holiday. I love dressing up. Last year (8 1/2 months preggo) I was a nun, the year before that a full on pirate, the year before that the laundry monster (included having many mis matched socks sewn to me), before that…. an OD’d raver (fully clothed but with fake blood coming out o my nose)… the list goes on.
People who don’t dress for Halloween are losers.
I do not like to dress up. And now I am invited to go to a party where you have to dress up, or you will be put into a garbage bag. The theme is “Fairy (as in the dishwashing soap) and Mr. Clean”. All I could think off was wearing a patterned apron and a head scarf made of dishtowel. But my boyfriend wants to make “an entrance”, so this afternoon we’ll be creating our own costumes. Aaaarrgh!
I also believe that “ho” is not a real costume. Maybe it’s a secret wish?
Evans- Good plan. I think you need someone to be Tommy Lee so you can stage a fight. I would do it myself, but I don’t have enough tattoos and I’m not nearly as angry as I would need to be to pull it off successfully.
MC- This just proves why I like you.
Ally- Yes, see… that’s what i don’t understand. What would be wrong with actually just being a real sailor? Not a sexy sailor, not a naughty sailor… when did all have to get sexified? Wow. I’m starting to sound like I’m really old. But I’m serious. Real sailors don’t wear hip huggers.
Peter- I suspected that you would be against this sort of talk. Well, if it’s any condolence, I’m pretty sure that my one post isn’t going to change the mind of millions of Canadians/Americans. There will still be plenty of girls dressed up as whores for you this Halloween. Maybe you and Lefty should have a party?
CableGirl- Ahh pirate! I think everyone should dress up as a pirate once for Halloween. It’s so easy and how much fun it is to talk like one for an entire night?? Sounds like you’ve had some good costumes.
Katrin- I have friends who don’t like to dress up, and I understand it. Dressing up for Halloween is not for everyone. I do think however, that if you DO dress up, you should just go for it. Good luck with making your costume with the boyfriend, I’m sure it will turn out great!
HippieChyck – That’s the thing. When my boss made that comment, I wouldn’t say he was being complimentary, but he wasn’t exactly using it as an insult either. I think he even thought it was kind of a good thing, that Halloween is this day of the year when even the straight-laced, prim and proper, goodie two shoes people can let their inner slut out by dressing in a skimpy outfit and calling it a costume. Much like Mardi Gras is an excuse to party before Lent.
brandy – I totally concur with you on the slut/whore distinction. As I went to type my earlier comment, I hestitated to even type the word slut, but since that is the one that was used, I went ahead with it. And I have no idea why that would appeal to anyone anyway. I just always thought I didn’t get it because I don’t much like dressing up – I’m one of the losers who doesn’t like Halloween
– so I’m glad to see that a lot of other Halloween lovers out there feel the same way, and that is isn’t just me.
Great post!
Yeah, great post. It’s good to see there are dedicated folks like yourself committed to making Halloween a fun day. Way to call out the skanky whores. Can we ban witch costumes too?
Oh, j’ai reçu un colis de toi aujourd’hui. Merci mon amie!
I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for putting it out there! Aren’t there ENOUGH real-life whores in the world? (well, I live in L.A., so maybe I see more than my fair share)
Your blog is a riot! I’ll definitely be back for more! (I found you on the buzz)
I agree a million percent – even though I hate Halloween (I was mugged for my Unicef money when I was a kid)
the non-dressing in a bra, etc. and calling it a costume? nope, sorry, don’t buy it
and rope all of those ridiculous pimp & ho parties in too while you’re at it – objectification of women much? not to mention endorsing a trade that is quite possibly among the worst in our society??
and don’t even get me started on the whole stripping as excercise idea – um, sorry, but I absolutely do not think that this in any way shape or fom is a positive thing for the image of women
ok, getting off my soapbox now …
HAHAHA! That was funny. Well said!
Amen, sister. I always wonder what the everyday whores dress up like for halloween…conservative businesspeople?
Ooo – we don’t celebrate Haloween here (or we do, but it’s not the same). I love seeing the photos of the costumes – but do people truly wear bras as a costume? I would go as Alice in Wonderland. Is that the idea? Or does it have to be scary?
I love halloween, I usually dress up my dogs but promised them I wouldn’t do it this year, I’ve been a whore on halloween – I enjoyed it!
Lorelei Leigh- I’m totally with you. One of my best buds dressed up as a turtle (because yes, when we were turtles we went as a group of four AND splinter) but I don’t think I ever remember her dressing up before/after. Some people just aren’t costume people, and that’s completely fine. It gives people like me more choice when I go to buy my costume!
Sue- Thanks!
egan- You said skanky. You make me laugh. And you are welcome.
Jenna- Ahh, I think there are all types everywhere!! Thanks for stopping by. I think you are one of my first visitors from the buzz.
Kathryn- Did you see Bill Cosby on Oprah the other day? He talked about the whole idea of pimps, and the song ‘it’s hard out here for a pimp’ and how such antics really negatively affect women, especially black women and the entire black community. He was being weird and wearing sunglasses the whole interview, but that bit of his interview stuck with me.
The Diva’s Thoughts- Thanks!! Spread the word!
em- lol,… that made me giggle. Well put.
Rosanna- Some people honestly do wear their bras as their costume, and it doesn’t have to be scary. Alice in Wonderland would be great- ohh it would be so fun to go as a group! Who wouldn’t love to be the Mad Hatter??? Or the Queen!! Oh I’m so excited about this.
B- It’s funny, but I do love a dog in costume. As for the whore, if you liked it- good on you. But if you are a whore, 5 years in a row, then I might have to chat with you about expanding your horizons!
Really great stuff and the card was wicked good. I mean “tight”. Now if I can just read your handwriting to send a proper Thank You note. You rock!
this gave me a much needed chuckle. thx
I agree completely! What is even worse, though, is that my 9 year old daughter is having a hard time finding a costume that isn’t super slutty! She is in a play right now (I think I mentioned this before) so I think she has decided to use that costume instead of buying something too revealing. I used to make all my kids costumes, which was fun, but now they are older and want store bought stuff, and it seems there is just nothing for girls to wear that is age appropriate!
I never understood the whole Halloween hooker mentality. I get that it’s the only chance to wear no clothes and not get arrested, but I don’t understand the absolute need that some chicks have to walk around in no clothes. I mean, isn’t it awkward? I would feel so self concious I’d want to hide the whole time. That’s why I always do fully clothed costumes like a doctor or Cleopatra, or Buffy the vampire slayer.
Eep! Greatest idea ever! I was all worried about finding a huge paper bag! Thank you
I just made a post on the ridiculous slutty costumes of Halloween I came across looking for Harry Potter costumes.
I couldn’t agree more.
Here here!!!!!!!!
egan- I rock? I know.
afuntanilla- You’re welcome! thanks for stopping by.
Tori- See? That frustrates me. We wonder why kids today are acting how they do, how can they not grow up before their time when they can’t even find a non-slutty halloween costume? I need to have a nap before I go on a rant!
bastet3- Yeah, I’m with you. I would be continually worried I would flash my Britney in some of those super short skirts. Better off being something that you won’t stress over all night!
Princess Pointful- Good luck!!
Jamie- As long as you didn’t find slutty harry potter costumes, I will breathe easy.
Carrie- Glad you agree.
Couldn’t agree more. My older sister and I faced a huge dilemma when looking for outfits for Tink’s birthday – finding a costume that was cute but didn’t put our knickers on show to the world! My boyfriend was trying to get me to go as a banana!
Halloween isn’t a big deal over here so lucky for me I won’t have these problems next weekend. Good luck finding the perfect outfit that will put the ho train to shame! x
Chica- I’m working on the perfect costume, but it’s not going so well. Fingers crossed for a miracle!
First let me start off by saying that I love the fact that you named your parrot Vladimir! Second, I agree with the whole Halloween business! Although I may not take it as seriously, I’ll admit I have been tempted to throw pig’s blood at those girls you speak of.
You would absolutely go blind if you saw the sight in Isla Vista on a Halloween weekend.
I see those scantily clad girls and think of how freezing they must be. Then I see how totally shitfaced drunk they are and realize they are feeling NOTHING.
I teach at a high school -last year we had to send a girl home to change because her Halloween costume was a coconut bra and a grass skirt WITH JUST A THONG UNDER IT. I suspect she’s one of your “bra/fishnet girls” in training….
True.
All I can say for certain costumes is that SOME are pretty cute, and the ones I mean are the ones that are a dress with a short skirt on them…so not just a bra. And I just think being in Florida, it’s more practical because it’s still hot out…
It sucks though, ’cause they’re EVERYWHERE here and I haven’t figured out a costume yet and the tiny dresses are starting to look appealing…maybe I need an intervention.
ok, I’m gonna be the bad guy here…. but from a male perspective I kinda like going to the bar on Halloween and seeing girls dressed like whores… I am pretty sure that doesn’t make me a bad person… however I will admit that it really isn’t a costume, it is more of an excuse to dress like a whore and not have people thinking to much about it… I will say that I like seeing the creative costumes… last year I got a chuckle when I saw this one girl dressed as a pregnant Nun…. I’m not sure if I’m going to hell for laughing at it but man was it funny!
Hi,
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This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows..
Cheers,
I don’t get why some girls think because it’s halloween it gives them an excuse to dress up as a hoochie mama. I hate it. Maybe that’s why I’m not really a fan of the holiday.
I completely, completely agree. Although if I refused to be friends with the ‘ho train’ group, I would have no more friends.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m too dorky or awkward, but I really can’t pull off the ’super skanky Halloween costume’. I suck at it. I get giggly and it doesn’t work. So, I typically stick to something quite costumey.
I’m a big fan of the inflatable costumes and my favorite costume EVER was being a sumo wrestler. It was inflatable. It was so fun. There are pictures of it on my blog somewhere.
This year’s Halloween costume may be one of the best, and most enjoyable, I’ve ever done. I am SO excited!!!
AMEN. I think that Halloween = please boy! look at my tight ass & boobs falling out of my lacy bra and fall in love with me! Sad, sad, sad.
My friend & I are going as Salt & Pepper shakers, complete with silver spray-painted chef’s hats as the top shaker part.
My friend A. is going as a working Franzia box…yay creativity, yay free wine!
I will be an atrsonaut this year … and not a slutty one. My best Halloween costume? The year my sister and I wore red jumpsuits and dyed our hair blue and created a “Thing One” and “Thing Two” costume. It was the best Halloween yet!!
Leah – http://www.fiveblondes.com
Oh and one more thing – I agree about hte slutty costumes, I won’t judge but I just find it annoying. The NonSociety girls and desparate for costume ideas … they will be ANTHING and then make it slutty. I find that so annoying! I would enjoy a funny, witty costume moreso than a babydoll set. Although, I had a guy friend who dressed a little slutty one year … he showed up wearing only jeans. When asked what he was he replied “Premature Ejaculation.” (He came in his pants)
totally with you on that one. posted about it as well.
I’m going as a *Sexy* Waste Management Worker. Either that, or a *Sexy* Rental Car Attendant. I haven’t decided yet.
Don’t hate me. Please.
xoxo
from your lips to … well you know the rest
and don’t get me strated on the whole “PImp & Ho” thing – I mena seriosuly?? what’s glamorous or cool and prostitution??
my best costume ever: 5 friends and I went as a 6-pack of Moose Head – celephane wrapped around us and everything – we won first prize
I laughed out loud when I read this as I have seen too many (and I use this term loosely) WOMEN dressed as skanks and that’s just, well, wrong. Great post!
I’m with wolly. I wish girls would wear just bra and panties to the bar all the time. I’d be an alcoholic by the end of the month.
^^ Great Point.
AMEN!
You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/10/five-star-friday-edition-29.html
The last time I took halloween seriously, my wife (then girlfriend) and I dressed up as a priest and a pregnant nun. I say leave the costuming to the kids and let them run around and get high on sugar. I agree with a previous post who said that the slutty outfits are just so that they can get away with dressing that way for one day out of the year and not have their reputation ruined.
this is my NUMBER ONE pet peeve about halloween. amen, sistah!
[...] Karma curb stomped my “know-it-all” self. Remember when I ranted about slutty costumes on Halloween? Yeah. This year, my Halloween plans fell through and I spent [...]