Always and Never September 29, 2007
Posted by brandy in a possible regret, confession of the day, friends, i should be a P.S.A., learning, lists, men, secrets, self improvement, the world according to me.trackback
We grow up with always. We are always going to love our parents. We are always going to be best friends with Lisa Klein- the only girl in the fourth grade who knows you still like playing with barbies. We are always going to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult- especially when it’s difficult. We are always going to look both ways when we cross the street, when we fall in love. We are always going to say our prayers. We are always going to try our best. Always.
We grow up with never. We are never going to get old, move out, or yell at the dog. We are never going to like mushrooms, or books without pictures or early bedtimes. We are never going to cheat. We are never going to understand our parents. We are never going to be anything but a teacher, a nurse, an astronaut. We are never going to pay taxes. We are never going to smoke, or drink, or make a bad decision. We are never going to stop believing in what we can’t see, in people we trust. Never.
We grow up with extremes. We live in a simple world, where our beliefs, goals and ideals are outlined clearly in black and white. Then, we get older and suddenly it becomes wise to see every shade of grey. Suddenly our world is filled with words like ‘options’ and ‘adapting’. Suddenly being open to anything, understanding every option, seeing it from every angle is what’s important and ‘black or white’ mentality is immature.
But can I tell you a secret? Sometimes I like black and white. I like sentences that contain always and never. I crave the feeling I get when I put all my eggs in one basket. When I make a statement that’s heavy with absolute, crammed with certainty. Is it foolish, or unwise? Maybe. But I’ve never pretended to be anything else. So in the spirit of foolish absolutes, in loving the feeling that comes with a declaration of certainty, I present to you my list of always and nevers and nothing in between. Because sometimes it’s better to say it and be wrong in the future than to never say it and never be wrong.
1. I will always believe that it’s better to be kind than right. I will also always believe that this is much easier to believe when I secretly know I’m wrong.
2. I will never enjoy watching baseball on television.
3. I will always know that she will know what to say when I’m close to hyperventilating and worried about my lack of job boyfriend new fall shoes patience.
4. I will always volunteer to help bake when I’m secure in the knowledge it will be me licking the spoon.
5. I will never date a man who is indifferent to his mom, excessively spits in public or subscribes to “Barely Legal”.
6. I will always feel better when I wear mascara. (And I will always feel a tiny bit superficial when I say that, but it’s true.)
7. I will never be a girl who can cry and look pretty. I will never be able to be that girl who has tears streaming silently down her face while her lip trembles just enough to show just how much she is feeling. Instead, I will always be that girl who makes strange noises while doing the ugly cry, that involves mucous and blotchy skin and a face that becomes so distorted it looks like I’m morphing into another human being.
8. I will always run through my memories of him when I’m most lonely, will always wonder ‘what if?’, and I will always find strange comfort in knowing I will never get an answer.
9. I will never be a gracious loser when competing in any game against my brother.
10. I will always giggle when someone says the word ‘balls’. (In other words, I will always act like a 12 year old boy)
Does it really bring you comfort to not have the answer to ‘what if?’ How?
HC- Yes, it actually does. Don’t get me wrong, there are a million questiosn I have, a thousand ‘what if’s’ that go through my head that drive me nuts and leave me sleepless, but this particular one, not knowing brings me more relief than knowing ever could. Perhaps because not having an answer lets me create the one I would want, and that’s easier to live with than knowing the truth? I’m not sure if that makes sense, but it works for me.
I too am afflicted with number 10. It makes watching sports very difficult for me.
I will ‘always’ look forward to reading your blog!
wonderful post lady. and i remember how much i loved reading the “under my skin” post a while back (thanks for linking to that again, because surprisingly (or not?), it came at an appropriate time for me today).
My best friend and I played Barbies up till grade 8 … shhh!
Beautiful post on HIM……I think that it is healthy and wise to think in all colors, when appropriate and necessary. The problem is that many people have difficulty differentiating when to use black, white or shades of grey
Yes, you are right. Sometimes black and white is the only way to see the world. Sometimes it is not - but the grey is really too grown-up and plain boring. Black and whites helps to see more clearly and understand things better. You can more easily detect the outlines of blurry thoughts. Good one!
I’d always rather be happy then right….
Excellent post. I hate how people are so afraid to speak in absolutes anymore and how we qualify any statement that borders on being an absolute with “for me” or “Well this isn’t true for others,” etc.
And I don’t cry cute either….I get snotty and red. It’s just not a good look…but it doesn’t stop me from crying sometimes.
You are totally right. When we start to see complexity in the world and recognize all the grays, black and white can be a comfort. And it isn’t a bad thing.
Very nice. Some things must be definite as we get older. It means you stand for something.
Good luck in your j-o-b searching, m’dear. There ought be no rashes in general, muchless in something you have to do every day.
Great post as always Brandy. Can you think of anyone who looks good when they cry?
Hope you had a lovely weekend.
This post is more proof that you are awesome. How I understand this feeling extreme. I miss the days when I could say I would always or never do something and mean it.
As for the licking of the spoon…continue to always be secure in that knowledge. This is the way I look at it: the cake is going to be cooking in 400 degree oven…germs die when exposed to extreme heat. That being said, I never lick the spoon when I bake…………………. .
You will always be wonderful.
You will never be short on love.
I will always love your blog, for the sheer originality and brilliance of your words.
great post! personally loved #8 - very real, heartfelt, and completely relateable (if that’s even a word!)
and i will ALWAYS laugh at the word balls as well. it never gets old
Such a great post chickiepoo! I feel I should introduce you to a guy I went to school with, his name was Balls. Really.
Ok fine, not really, but it was Ballsomething and for short everyone called him Balls.
I don’t anyone can be the girl that looks pretty whlie crying. Who would want to be?
I feel you on #7! Though, you know, I think that works to my advantage…I’m not just a cute, barely weeping, angelic little girl when I cry…I’m a sobbing mess, and that makes the boyfriend want to MAKE. IT. STOP. So the cry-fests end with a productive conversation…
Sometimes it’s scary to learn that I’ve changed my mind on many of the “nevers” and a few of the “always” in my life. Even scarier is when I learn that everybody else does it, too…
At what number of public spits does it become excessive?
I am right there with you on number 7 and 10. I spent hours over the weekend making boy jokes with my 3 year old and 7 year old. Way too much fun for someone who is supposed to be the responsibile adult in the house!
Love this! #6 - I am totally with you. My morning is not complete if I don’t have my Lancome Definicils. What kind of world would it be if we didn’t have mascara? I mean come on! As far as being a sobbing fool and trying to look cute? Darlin…..it’s not happening for any of us - you are not alone!
There are some things that you really should know for sure.
You are pretty much the best listmaker ever!
Wonderful! Simple… like black, complex… like grey, and pure… like white. Well done friend!
#12 made me chuckle. Sarah always giggles whenver I use phrases such as “I’m sweating my balls off.”
Some things in life can’t be absolutes. But for those that can, stick to your guns.
Ohhh yeah. Leaving the comments for a few days is always a great idea. I have no excuses, no hospital visits. Just a new love for Season 6. I’m telling you people, it’s out of control.
MC- Thanks MC, I always love a compliment.
brookem- It’s one of my favourites too… and it came at an appropriate time for you?? Hmm, my mind reels at the possibilities of what’s going on with you!
‘liya- Your secret is safe with me.
appletini- True, although I feel that most people I know are more afraid of absolutes than they are of grey.
Katrin- I agree! Sometimes grey is boring. Black and white is sometimes the way to go. In opinions and in cute fall coats.
Princess Extraordinaire- Next time I feel like arguing, I’m going to call you.
Ally- “snotty and red” pretty much describes me perfectly when crying. As for the ’some people…’ etc, talk, that drives me nuts. Will Bailey gets mad at Kate (the head of security) during the fifth season of the west wing for doing that. It’s one of my favourite scenes.
Cheryl- Exactly!! I’m glad you agree!
justrun- Thanks for the vote of support lady. I have another interview on Thursday for a job I’m really excited about. Fingers crossed that it works out.
Clare- Scarlett O’Hara, or any other female lead in a movie pre-1970.
armalicious- Ahh, I love that you have a whole justification for licking the spoon. I just read this bit the other day that talked about how people are all about the ‘5 second rule’ when it comes for germs, and how scientists figured out you can wait 10 seconds. And yes, they did a study on this. The thing is, if a cake spoon sat on the kitchen floor for 12 seconds, I would still probably lick it. Actually, if it was there for a few hours, I would still lick it. I’m no saint.
Airam- Ahh, I heart you. And that was something I needed to hear today. Really.
Rosanna- Thanks!! I will never get tired of sweet compliments.
Michelle- Ohh, I’m glad. It’s funny, in situations like that… you always think you are the only one who feels that way, who has ever screwed something up. It’s a nice confirmation to know that others can relate. Hmm… okay that makes it sound like I like knowing that other people screw up. But that’s… well, whatever. You know what I mean.
Ruby- Wow. Balls? Seriously?? Even if it was just shortened, I’m sure that I would love to hang out with him. Maybe hanging out with him and constantly saying balls would… lessen my giggly nature to the word??
toshspice- Movie stars?
Sarah- I know what you mean. Although, I’m sure that people try to get my tears to stop less because of they want to stop my pain, and more because they dislike the strange noises that I find coming out of my throat.
Peter- More than one. And if there’s any sort of …. hucking, or snorting involved before spitting, I’m out the door.
tori- I’m glad I’m not alone in giggling over the word ‘balls’. And I’m glad you have such talks with your kids, I imagine they are a riot!
semichrmd- Lanacome?? Ahh, I’ve complained to Ally about lanacome before. I’m strictly a loreal girl. I want to love maybelline, but I just don’t. I do not understand the worlds love affair with the pink and green bottle.
Princess Pointful- Ahh, I’m a whore for lists. They make it look like you are being productive when you aren’t always. But I love the compliment!
t- Thanks friend. What were you talking about with the honesty stuff on msn??
Aaron- I’m all about sticking to my guns when it’s possible. And really… you say ’sweating my balls off’?? Charming Aaron, charming!
I shall never like mushrooms and I shall alway pay taxes.
Oh me and the crying thing - it’s a terrible and frightening look too. Seriously scarey. I once stepped into a family photo at an airport - me tear stained and distorted - as the family proudly posed for one last time as a group! I hate to think of the resulting pic. That alone was worth the invention of the delete button on a digital camera!
black and white can be VERY reassuring - it’s in those shady grey areas that things get sketchy
also? I too will never be one of those girls who looks good when she creis; after, hell yes! as my eyes are usually a gorgroeus shade of green and I get all flushed, but during? nope, NEVER
Great list. Thanks for being honest! I don’t look good when I cry. The tears flow like a waterfall, nose runs like a faucet…helps to release the pain.
I agree - sometimes we have to let go of the what if’s. They hold us back and they keep us stuck.
ha, im reading your comments, and responding to you here, and soon i will email you back. yeah, JUST WAIT until you see spencer this week. what a flipping douchebox he is. unfreakinbelievable.
I love this post! I ALWAYS use always/never. I like extremes. I say love/hate too often, as well.
I LOVE THIS SPAGHETTI!
Really?
YES! Well, it’s alright.
I’m new to your blog, but loving it! Adding you to my reader right now!
I love this post. LOVE it! It’s funny, just recently I’ve been thinking about how I am frustrated at the lack of black and white in this world. You completely read my mind with this post.
Your Him post was very good. I haven’t read that before. That has to be a tough predicament.
Barely Legal, you make me laugh Brandy. You will always bring joy to many bloggers with your posts.
Clearlykels- Mushrooms grew on me. Wait, that sentence made me giggle… ahh I’m tired. Anyway, what I mean is that I grew to like mushrooms. Perhaps this is because I have a friend who makes these excellent stuffed mushrooms filled with hopes and dreams. Actually, she says it’s just red peppers and spices, but it tastes like hope and dreams.
Jacinta- Airport photos are the worst. I don’t think I’ve ever been in an airport photo where I didn’t look like I was extremely depressed or attempting to climb Everest with all my luggage and sweaters (airplanes are cold!)
Kathryn- Ahh I know what you mean, my eyes look nice after crying too. I guess there is the upside. I relate it to the fact on the nights I forget to take off my mascara, the next day I have the greatest smokey eye. Which of course, is inappropriate for daytime, but still. I like knowing it’s possible.
Egg- Well I love knowing that there are fellow ugly criers out there. It’s funny, when I’m really upset and crying, thinking of how ridiculous I look always makes me cry more (I told you it was silly), but now I will feel a bit better knowing you all don’t do the movie star -my-lips-don’t-tremble-when-i-cry cry.
sturdy girl- Exactly! Sometimes an ‘always’ or ‘never’ does a lot more for a girl than a ‘maybe’.
brookem- Oh man, I love the hate for Spencer the… douchebox. Is douchebox a new Brookem word or am I out of the loop?? Oh, and I will be emailing you after you email me, Egan, are you reading this?
Lisa- Welcome! I’m an extreme user too, although a friend pointed out that I say that I love stuff more than I tell people I love them. Not in a materialistic way, but in a ‘ I love that color of blue” or ” I love that song”.. it’s funny how easy it is to say that but it’s harder to look at someone and tell them you love them sometimes.
undercover celebrity- Great minds think alike I suppose, since I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated too!
egan- Hmm.. Barely Legal makes you laugh? Ohhh how many porn stories I could share. Ugh. That sound weird, but I’m too lazy to change it.