The one where I hide behind a bin of discount sneakers September 17, 2007
Posted by brandy in confession of the day, i may write about the west wing forever, i should be a P.S.A., jumping off bridges, learning, self improvement, single girl stories, teaching, thinking, work.trackback
This past weekend was fantastic. I spent a rainy Sunday afternoon drinking tea and playing Scrabble in Starbucks (because yes, you can play Scrabble in Starbucks as long as you spend a ridiculous amount of money on peppermint tea, or as they call it at Starbucks, refresher tea). Saturday I went to the track and lost some money on the ponies. I wish I could tell you I was kidding, but I’m not and it was fantastic (the going to the track part, not the losing money part). And Saturday night I stumbled across an inexpensive line of clothing in a grocery store I never visit and left with things I never planned on getting. Yes, that’s right, I bought clothes from a grocery store.
I was supposed to spend my Saturday night out, but a sudden urge to find Season 6 of the West Wing, had me scouring every store in town, resisting the urge to slap young faced clerks who smirked when I said what I was looking for. Because watching The West Wing isn’t cool with the young crowd here. I suppose if I said I was looking for a special edition of “Chasing Amy” or “Clerks” they would have bowed to me and offered me their pocket protector as gifts of eternal love, but that’s another rant for another day.
So there I was, Saturday night, wandering a large grocery store (with an extensive DVD department, that had every season of Twin Peaks but NOT ONE single of The West Wing), when I stumbled across racks and racks of clothes. Cute clothes. Cheap clothes. I did one of those dances where I jump in a circle while clapping, and went to town trying stuff on.
It was when I was trying to decide if I wanted the tweed jacket with soft patches on the elbow or the brocade blazer that would look perfect with jeans, that I saw her. A girl I went to highschool with, a friend actually. We had never been best friends but we were close enough that she knew my middle name and locker combination and I knew her deepest secret that involved a guy from the football team getting familar with her and third base. I wanted to say hi but ran through what I knew about her now (known mostly from our shared friend, facebook)- she had two children, she had just got married, she loved her job, and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t have that conversation. I just… couldn’t.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to hear about her life. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to learn how she met her husband, see pictures of her girls, sigh with happiness when she described her wedding dress. It wasn’t that at all, in fact, I would have loved to hear those things. The problem was, I didn’t want to tell her what was new with me, or more accurately, everything that wasn’t new with me. I didn’t want to tell her that I don’t have kids, or a job that I love and I’m not married, or even dating someone who wants to come DVD shopping on a Saturday night. And it wasn’t just that I didn’t want to tell her that, it was that I didn’t want to witness the reaction that comes with such a confession. It’s the pity glance, the pat on the shoulder, the assurance that I will one day find the perfect guy, to have the perfect kids with, who I will love more than my soon to find perfect job. So, I did the only reasonable thing left to do-
I hid.
I hid behind a display of $9 sneakers for children and considered what the hell I was doing. I had a life that I didn’t want to tell anyone about. Not that it was awful, but that it had somehow strayed so far from what I originally planned, from what I still wanted, that in my mind, it wasn’t worth sharing. I waited until I thought she left, got up, paid for my purchases (brocade blazer included) and left the store deciding that I need to make some changes.
I applied for a job. Not a teaching job, but a job. In a different city. That needs me to start immediately. I had the phone interview today and will know by tomorrow if I got it. And if I did get it, I’m taking it. I want to be a teacher, but my life will not be over if I’m not. However, any life that I DO have, may be over if I ever find myself again hiding behind plastic shoes rather than discuss what I’m doing. My goal is happiness, and I’m learning I may not have to be a teacher immediately to be happy.
So I went shopping on a Saturday night and left with things I never planned on getting. A *brocade blazer, and the realization that a good life doesn’t have to be what you originally planned out, but if you find yourself hiding behind bins of plastic sneakers rather than discussing what you are doing, it’s time for a new plan.
* My blazer was $39, but when I looked at my receipt I realized that I was charged $7 for it. It got labelled as a “polo t-shirt” instead of a “fall blazer”. I’m not even kidding. I called Trout and shrieked when I found out I was so happy. It would appear that my lucky clothing streak continues…..
Oh Brandy. This post makes me smile immensely. And I think I spelled immensely wrong, but I don’t care. This is great stuff. Cheap clothes, DVD’s, avoiding people from school, and coming to the realization that sometimes things don’t happen as planned and that it’s not a death sentence when that happens. All those things are awesome and I am so happy that you had this ephiphany (again…I think I spelled something wrong…my head hurts, so gimme a break here…).
I will be thinking of you!!! Good luck with the job! You are my hero!
How was I first? That never happens!
I totally understand the look you get when asking for things that stereotypically you shouldn’t be asking for. I get the same look when I go to Best Buy and ask for Webb Pierce CD’s. And I don’t expect you to know who I’m talking about, but that’s OK. MC might…he better anyway.
You know what? Sometimes happiness can be found in the most random places - say in another city, in another profession. Or behind children’s shoes. The biggest thing is you just don’t know. But it is AWESOME that you are trying it out. Because I know it will all work out. Perhaps because you have shit-tastic luck with clothing. That is uncanny. So I have faith in you. Also can you come here and shop for me - in exchange I will bake. How bout that?
oh i think miss ammanners is onto something with her offer of baking in liu (is that how you spell “liu?” it looks wicked funky) of shopping for her. i can so relate to the friend from high school scare. we already discussed this new job opoortunity a bit, and i think you got the right idea. you just never know what’s around the corner, and perhaps this is all happening because it’s meant to be and will be exactly what you need. best of luck to you my friend; i hope they call you soon!
and fantastic deals you found in a food store no less. im impressed.
I have absolutely had that happen to me. I can tolerate my very best friends’ life of wedded, babied bliss, but not acquaintances. It just makes me wonder what wrong decision I made at some point along the way…
Ugh, I am on the whole happy and single and successful, but sometimes the white picket fence myth kind of hypnotizes me.
Seriously - I also never go to that store, but find myself lurking there often b/c of the fabulous clothing selection. I’ve tried on - and re-tried on that brocade blazer so many times, I can’t count.
Good luck with the job - not so that you have something to tell people, but because you want that job.
It seems like you gained much more from that shopping trip than you had planned and I’m not even talking about that awesome deal on the clothes! You have nothing to have been ashamed of, but I love that you recognized that feeling and are taking action to make yourself more proud of yourself. That is awesome, and only proves that you were already worth it before you decided to make changes. That doesn’t make sense when I read it back, but what I mean is that you are awesome, and trying to make changes to make yourself happier only makes you more awesome in my opinion.
I’ve had the urge to hide as well recently…unfortunately I’ve not had a rack of children’s shoes handy. I think its great you’re trying new things and new places, good luck sweetness, my fingers are crossed for you!
I love it! A blazer for $7!! That is a sure sign from the gods that everything is going to be alright. More than alright, fantastic
You just wait girlie, your life is going to be turned around in a split second and you won’t even know what hit you! in a good way 
Ok. Fine. Go get a job before we ever play scrabble together. Be that way.
You really do love Scrabble. Refresh tea is wicked good, I’m having a cup of it right now. And what do you really have against Twin Peaks? That show was the bomb yo!
Kudos on your cheap clothing lucky streak.
P.S. good luck with job thing.
Many things to say. Some of which may have been said by others, but I am supposed to be working, so I don’t have time to scan the other comments.
First - Joe Fresh is where it’s at. One of my colleagues has worn a new ensemble every day for at least a month, and not yet broken the bank, based on Joe’s offerings. Nice job.
Second - I don’t think you need to wear a pocket protector to enjoy boy Chasing Amy and the West Wing. Although I have to say that my Chasing Amy-enjoyment days may have now given over to my West Wing-enjoyment days, but they both have a wee place in my heart.
Et Finalement - good on you with the job application!!! I was just thinking the other day that if I actually knew you, I might suggest a change of scenery. You go, do something else for a year or two, then get back to either applying for a teaching position or doing a masters, then going back to teaching…at a higher pay! Good luck!
And if it turns out tomorrow’s job is not for you - at least you’ll have opened a new window on potential opportunities and ideas, and you will perhaps enjoy a new lease on life.
Cheers,
that’s one helluva shopping trip! you had an epiphany- how awesome. yay for taking bold steps towards happiness.
and $7 for the blazer?! double bonus!
I am still hiding, too many times to count. But that store also has great home stuff, cheap too. Nice blazer and as you continue on your streak of good luck, I imagine the job will come through!
First of all, this post is absolutely amazing. Second, sometimes it’s a good thing that life doesn’t take you to where you always thought it would. I was “supposed” to be a high school Lit teacher, and look at me know - completely different place, but so in love with my job that I’m completely goofy with it. It’s hard not to have the answers to the “so, are you seeing anyone new?” questions when I get asked them - I shrink away from them, too! But I’ve finally crawled out of the “everything is wrong” place and into one where at least most of it is good - and so will you.
You know, I’m betting that happiness will come in the same random way the realization did. You made me happy just by sharing it, and if you know how to share it than you know how to do it. Or something equally as profound (I am still hopped up on cold medicine, so please excuse).
Also, seriously, come shopping with me!
Tell me hoooowwww do u manage to always get undercharged?!! Damn!! Lucky girl! :)))
Hmmm… I agree, its happened to me once… I didnt want to meet one of my school friends because I knew she had this awesome consulting job paying her loads of money while I was slogging my butt out for a pittance! I hid behind the icecream stall in the middle of the mall!
Getting undercharged or not charged at all is pretty fantastic!
Good luck on the job interview, as Sheryl Crow sings “A change can do you good”. Hiding behind shopping racks?? Hysterical! I can totally relate to not wanting to deal w/the whole high school friends things. Don’t get me wrong, I have some great girlfriends from high school that I am still friends with but some people - I could care less about. Sometimes a girls gotta do what girls gotta do!!!!
Brandy, this post perked me up. Your outlook on life makes is fantastic. Good luck with making your future.
And the price break on the blazer makes me giddy for you!
ohhh … fun! i’m intrigued. wishing you lots of good karma…
I’ve been there…well not hiding behind a sneaker rack, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I feel your pain. I am also sending lucky vibes on the job. And remember, whatever is supposed to happen, will happen.
armalicious- First of all, congrats on being first! And can I just say that I loved that you classified ‘hiding from schoolmates’ as awesome? Suddenly I don’t feel bad about doing it at all. Okay, I didn’t really feel bad about doing it before, but I thought me saying that would make your day. As for Webb, I would love to know who he is, but I don’t. I will ask MC about it though, I suspect he has a musical knowledge more impressive than most.
ammanners- Dude, I want you to know that I really, really considered moving to Florida right now just for the promise of some of your baking/cooking. Seriously. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks, I’m not sure there is anything nicer than to hear that someone has faith in you.
brookem- I think there is an e in it… lieu? I don’t know. Anyway, thank you for your nice comment and thanks for listening today while I got really… rambly. My email is taking a bit longer than expected… prepare for one tomorrow. Oh, and do I have some juicy stuff to share!
POTU- I’m glad you get it. Sometimes it’s just not fun to hear about the greatness that is everyone else’s life. Here’s hoping we both become those people that other people want to hide from. Wait, that doesn’t sound how I meant… well, hopefully you know what I mean.
Teri- Ahhh I love that you know what one I’m talking about!! I wasn’t sure if I would like it, on the hanger it didn’t really do it for me, but I was wearing dark jeans and cute black boots and it just really looks great with it. Perfect for so many events!! (Man, I should work in the promotion section of that place)
Tori- Ahhh thank you so much lady. Wow. Next time someone asks me why I like to write here, I will let them read some of my comments. You guys are so damn nice!!
Ruby- thank you for the fingers crossed. Next time you feel the urge to hide, might I suggest running? It’s always my back up plan when I see someone I don’t want to. Sure, it makes me look completely insane, but sometimes it’s worth it.
Michelle- I love the optimism!! Thanks for the great words and encouragement!
the patient- Is that… pouting? In a comment? Oh my, I’m defintely going to have to beat you at Scrabble now for that.
egan- Can we still be friends if I admit that I have never watched Twin Peaks? I’m pretty sure Sizzle and Armalicious were close to slapping me with the silent treatment when I admitted I just watched Footloose for the first time this summer (and the movie was so good, if they would have disowned me I would have understood). I’m just hoping that you show the same restraint that they showed me. And seriously, is it really good, or just good?
HippieChyck- Ahh I was waiting for a Chasing Amy fan to get me for that line, which is fair, I deserve it. I have a love/hate history with that movie for very complicated reasons, (most of which have nothing to do with the movie if I’m being completely honest!). Anyway, I’m glad you called me on it. As for Joe, I’m just so shocked that I didn’t know it existed. I feel like, I found Disneyland in my backyard. Thank you for your words about the job, my fingers are crossed!
sizzle- Bold steps towards happiness. I like that line. And I’m trying. As for the blazer, yeah, it was a good find. And to think I almost didn’t get it.
Nicole- Ahh, I KNOW what you mean about the home stuff! They had the cutest vases in there that totally looked like pottery barn but at the third of the price!
Bre- I loved this comment and knowing that it’s something you can relate to. It’s a nice feeling when you hear from people who aren’t doing what they intended to be doing, and find themselves happier than they could ever expect to be. Congrats on finding your perfect job!!
justrun- I get what you are saying, don’t worry. And thank you for your kind words. I hope you feel better soon and if we lived closer, we would defintely go shopping!
Still Searching- Seriously, if I knew how or why I keep getting undercharged I would tell you guys, really. I almost didn’t even mention this latest one because I was pretty sure that no one would believe one girl would be so lucky. But I swear, it happened. And I swear it was just as magical as you can imagine it!
Semicharmed- Ahh the hiding. I’m glad someone found the humor in it!
And I’m glad I’m not alone in just not wanting to deal with highschool…
Jennifer- It made me giddy too! And my outlook on life isn’t always this positive, I promise. But I try…
Brrr- Thank you so much lady!!
Cheryl- Thank you, and I am trying to keep that in mind!
Okay, I know I just responded to all your comments but I just wanted to say again how much I appreciate all your nice words on this issue. Seriously. They defintely counteract any Annie emails!!
I hide in toilets, go into the wrong shop and window shop vigorously to avoid contact with the past. The thing with people from school is that they only remember the girl who was a nerd at english, did school plays and read lots of books. They don’t know the girl that backpacked Europe or pashed 3 boys in one night or made massive life changing decisions.
Good luck with the job, no chance it’s in Oz????
I’m happy for you! Both the blazer thing and the realization thing… At least you knew what you wanted to be. I didn’t know what i wanted to be and i still don’t know what i want to be in the future… But hey, what the heck. Life goes on…
OK, first I was sad reading this and then I got really happy! I hope you get that job and I hope that job leads to the guy who will go DVD shopping with you on a Saturday night. I think that’s a great quality to begin looking for in someone!
I bought a hawaiian shirt at a grocery store once. It shrank too much when I washed it.
I’m curious — where do you try on clothes in a grocery store??
And aren’t you the least bit worried that your cheap-clothing-luck might come back to bite you? Sooner or later, I’d feel guilty for buying items that were tagged wrong.
Don’t avoid old friends because you’re embarassed of your current situation. You never know, it could be one of these old friends that gets you the next best thing in your life. Seriously. And if she IS your friend, then she’ll keep an eye out for you. That’s what friends do.
we’re going to lay the smack down on annie if it happens again. dont make me get the hose (what movie is that from?, come on, i dare you)..
here’s something- ive never seen footloose either. i know, im out of control.
cant wait for juicy details of your life. lord knows i could use some excitement.
Of course hiding from schoolmates is awesome…it’s kind of a rite of passage, isn’t it? I was in Wal-Mart a few weeks ago (no, no shame in admitting this…
and ran into an old classmate, but I was in the cleaning aisle and there is no where to hide. I had to talk to her, but it turned out to not be so bad.
Oh, and I was going to say something about Scrabble at Starbucks in my first comment & forgot because I was too busy telling you how awesome you are (because you are, you know). My friends and I spent an entire month having Scrabble competitions whilst at our local Starbucks. Some of the customers looked at us weird, but the baristas didn’t care as long as we kept getting our drinks.
And…Brookem!!! No Footloose?!?!?!???? You. Must. Rent. Copy. STAT!! You might approve of Kevin Bacon’s hair in the movie…..just sayin’
I hope you get the job. You and I are both at an age, where life plans don’t really work and (I believe) are counterproductive. Once you change your surroundings you might see another avenue open up - different perspectives can bring enlightenment that was not forseen. All is in motion we should just drift along.
I have hid from people I used to know PLENTY of times. It seems so silly, but when they are people you don’t even know what you could talk about it and I honestly don’t want to be bothered with that whole “what’s new” small talk. I haven’t seen/talked to you in 5 years…. it’s not going to change now.
although, being 6ft tall doesn’t leave you many places to hide.
The preacher has spoken!
I’m sure the West Wing was gone because all the cool people beat you to it.
I hide all the time. Have I mentioned I hate people? Well, not hate exactly…
Good luck with the new job and the clothing thing? Wow. Why can’t things like that happen to ME?
I think the key to conversations like this (and I have had many) is to emphasize what you DO have. Like, when I run into people from college who have fabulous careers, I don’t say, “Oh, hi! I never used my college education, as it turned out! And I didn’t get any good jobs! And I don’t wear awesome clothes! And I don’t have a vacation home on the beach! And I don’t have a this-year car!” I say what I DO have, and I say it in a happy tone of voice. You could say, all excited, that you just applied for a new job! and you’re really hoping it works out because it seems like a great one! and if you get it you’ll be MOVING! and you and a friend recently did x and y! and it was SOOO fun! and you’re repainting your place!
Or whatever. If you say it in a happy tone, it sounds like you’re content. Then if she asked about husband/kids, you’d say “not yet!” in a happy tone, like it was probably right around the corner. And she’d come away feeling like maybe she settled too early, and like maybe the grass was greener. I mean, you probably didn’t want to CHEESE her–but no need to cheese yourself, either.
I don’t mean “it sounds like you’re content” as if you’re lying. I meant like you demonstrate it. As opposed to making it sound as if you’re NOT content, which is what gets those painful pity pats.
Even though I’m never content with what I’ve got, I sometimes think that contentment can be dangerous (at least, I tell myself that to make myself feel better for not being content.) I think contentment can easily lead to complacency, and then you never strive for anything new or better. I wish you bestest luck on the job application, and if it doesn’t go through, don’t lose that sense of adventure that made you apply in the first place.
Even though I feel as if I’m a much more confident person than I was in high school, running into siome people like that from my past totally makes me want to hide too. I can so relate. In fact, I sometimes even hide from people I know now. I think it is the whole small-talk thing requirement that bothers me when I really just want to be left alone.
Oh , and how lucky have you been with your shopping trips!! I really like those jackets.
check your facebook messages B, I left you one there.
I’ll pout if I want to.
great story. and super cute blazer!
hope you get the job!!
I think it’s fine that you hid. I hide too. Sometimes I don’t want to have to explain myself or tell people with a smile that my life is the way it is because I choose it to be so. If they can’t figure that out then too bad for them. And not everyone is meant to have the baby/husband by the time they’re in their mid to late twenties. Perhaps she traded the career or the education she really wanted to have the husband and kids. I know you said she loved her job but was it the job she envisioned herself in? You never really know. Sometimes life is a toss up. I’m happy to hear that you’re looking at the bright side of things. Would love to hear an update on the job situation …
I love how we’re reminded in such random ways to get off our butts and do something about what we do and don’t like. And one thing I’ve learned is that the more I let go of my expectations for my life and just rejoice in the blessings I do have, the happier I am. And again, congratulations on your new job. Very proud of you!
Oh yeah, ignoring a fellow high school student isn’t bad at all. What Airam said basically. I know I’ve done the same thing and many times it’s not because I don’t like them, it’s just because I’m not in the mood for a chit chat.
Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect guy.
To begin with, it’s a guy, so that ruins it right there.
Ames- Yes, I think that’s what bothers me about highschool people. Everyone seems very much… classified and I don’t know if a person can ever really escape the label they’ve been given. Obviously we change, and grow and surprise ourselves with what we can do, but if the people who label you (for good or bad) never witness it, how are they supposed to know you changed? Ahh highschool. How I am gla d you are over.
Bungi- Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your laid back attitude and thus, laid back comments?? Because I do!!
MC- Yes, a man who will DVD shop on a Saturday night is now on my list of man requirements. And before I get the email or comment, or comment and email that tells me that I shouldn’t look for a ‘certain’ type of guy because it’s just limiting myself from any other possibilities, I will say that I understand what you are saying, but sometimes I like limiting myself. For example, I never want to date someone addicted to cocaine.
Aaron- There is dressing rooms actually. And a desk/cashier etc, for just clothes, so it’s not like I’m holding a carton of eggs while trying to slip into a dress while no one is looking. As for feeling guilty, I’ve thought about it. My best bud and I had a chat about this, she thinking that maybe I was being ‘tested’, to see if I would return things that I got on the cheap (in this case, I have to say- my tag DID say $39, the error was human in what she punched in… and yes, for some reason that makes a difference in my mind). Anyway, so, the thought that got put out was that I was tested. And honestly, that didn’t feel right. Because I don’t think any God, or whoever is upstairs would test me by giving me cheap clothes. It’s like, testing Britney Spears by giving her free drinks. I like to think I’m being rewarded. I go through my closet twice a year and donate to the womans shelter, so I feel it’s good karma, not bad.
brookem- Ahhhh!! I hate it when I don’t know movie quotes. I suppose I could google it, but that feels like cheating, so I will have to admit that I don’t know. As for footloose, watch it. It’s so insanely good that I can’t believe I lived without seeing it. Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement, but see it anyway, then we can talk about the Bacon’s dancing moves. Suh-weet!!
Armalicious- Okay, I’m going to cite you and your Starbucks experience the next time a person acts like I just flashed the Pope when I say that we play in Starbucks. People act like I’m insane. As for the footloose recommendation, I agree. It is pretty great.
Katrin- Seriously lady, that was some wise stuff you just threw down! I love that you feel at this stage in our lives life plans are counterproductive. That’s such a revolutionary thought for me, one that I think I may adopt!!
DCChick1- Exactly. I mean, sometimes I run into someone and I haven’t seen them in ages and I WANT to catch up with them, but sometimes I see people and I just think ‘there’s a reason we haven’t talked in 4 years, why would I change things now?’.
egan- I may take you up on the offer still.
sue- Ahhh I loved this. The idea that there is no more West Wing DVD’s around because everyone else snatched them up, is an idea that I like. A lot.
Swistle- I got what you were saying lady, so don’t worry!
And I think you are right- emphasizing what you DO have is always the best way to go. I think I need to work on thinking about that more often, so when it’s flight or fight time, I don’t find myself hiding because my brain hasn’t kicked into gear to remind myself that I’m pretty freaking fabulous.
wolf- What a great view. I think very similar to you in that respect. I know a lot of people who are ‘content’, but I don’t know if they would describe themselves as ‘excited’ about their life.
pam- Exactly. I think there should be some sort of arm signal we can all give each other when we don’t want to talk. Like just throw your left hand in the air and keep walking- noone is allowed to take it personally, or have hurt feelings. Sometimes a girl just doesn’t feel like talking.
Jasmine- I will be replying tonight. Thank you so much for the link!!
the patient- For how much longer?
Michelle- Thanks lady!!
Airam- Ahhh, that was the perfect comment! It’s funny, I try and train my brain to think like that automatically ‘that everyone may not have what they appear to have, or at a cost you don’t know about’…. but sadly it’s an area I’m horrible at and always forget to think that way. This was a nice reminder.
Ally- Thanks Ally! I actually thought of you when I started freaking out about trying something new- you’ve moved and it sounds like you are doing fantastic. I’m hoping to follow in your footsteps!
egan- Well, then it’s settled. I’m going to stop feeling bad about my urge to hide sometimes.
Lefty- I need you on speed dial.
I’ve heard rumours of lovely things hiding in Superstore racks… but I thought it was too good to be true. You’ve proven me wrong… especially given the fact that you have been very face to face with elements of this clothing line (and, I’m assuming, share a close bond given their assistance in hiding you when it was most needed).
Inspiration does come in the strangest places, doesn’t it? Good for you for seizing upon it!!!
Oh brandy - I want to hear about your life! And I agree - Superstore clothes are surprisingly awesome.
PP- It’s not a myth! The clothes are cute!
Carrie- Thank you Miss Carrie, your comment came at a good time.