Single Girl Rant Slant
July 24, 2007
Posted by brandy in disappointment, friends, life lesson, men, single girl stories.
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I read this lovely ditty the other day and it got me thinking. As many of you may know, I’m single. This fact shocks my mother in way that doesn’t upset me, but just fans the flame of flattery. She’s amazed, but not worried, knowing that it’s all about timing. Still, this doesn’t stop her from asking the big questions: How is it possible that I have not been snatched up by some thoughtful and tanned doctor with kind eyes and a warm heart? Have I not shown a man all the things I can cook on a barbeque? Have I yet to wow someone with my endless knowledge of the Montreal Canadians hockey team? Can no man see my awesome dance moves that suggest a bucketful of confidence and innate sense of rhythm?
Apparently not.
Although my mom’s shock makes me giggle, it’s entirely different coming from a friend. A friend who is happily coupled and can’t understand how you can be happily uncoupled. I suppose it comes from a good place when you hear “we should find you a guy”, but I admit, that such phrases from coupled people make me want to look for an oven and pull a Plath. It’s the “we” in it that bothers me. As though finding someone for me is such a difficult task that it requires a partner- similar to lifting a car, or washing an elephant.
I sometimes get the feeling while out with coupled friends, that they are looking for ‘opportunities’ for me to meet ‘the one’. Scanning crowds and starting conversations with guys who look friendly, in hopes that ‘we’ can find the guy for me. What I think people forget sometimes is, sometimes a single girl is single and not looking. Sometimes I just want to go out, looking great and smelling fantastic and spend the entire evening playing name that tune without striking up a conversation about ‘what I do for a living’ and if I ‘come here often’.
Sometimes I think people forget that partnering up to find someone a boyfriend when they aren’t looking isn’t exciting- it’s exhausting.
(And in completely unrelated news, how excited am I to see THIS? I’ve stated here (#62 to be exact) that Bottle Rocket is the greatest movie of all time, so I think this one might turn out to be the second greatest movie of all time.)
well said, though I too am shocked you haven’t been snatched up yet
also? a Habs’ fan are you? yet another reason you’re cool in my books, love
Kathryn- When I grew up, it was Habs all the way! I don’t follow them as much as I used to, but when I do here that they are winning, I get excited. With that said, I still cheer for the Leafs too, so my dad and brother have a hard time classifying me as a ‘true Habs fan’.
Uh, you have mastery of the BBQ and are still single? Ok, I don’t want to join your mom here, but that is surprising!
Okay… you know my stance… but forget ‘we’ and start finding ‘me’ (well not me but you) and when you find ‘me’ than its okay for ‘we’… come here so we can be single together and frolick in the town square… ummm… i was thinking of my last ‘oops’… do you think that is still off limits… ahh… maybe i am getting desperate… lol
MC- I know. It blows my mind too.
T- Dude, never go back there. Never. If it happens once it’s a regret- more than once, then I’m going to beat you with my new shoes. As for a visit, I’m working on it….
Maybe the guys just can’t smell the BBQ smoke or something. Try to get up wind of them.
I hear yah… I won’t but for some reason do find it funny…
Hmm, couples trying to hook up their single friends gets old really fast. It’s on par with the “when are you going to have kids?” question asked of all married childless adults. Fun times. Can you tell them to buzz off or something?
You are bloody fantastic. I wish I had just one ounce of your confidence, your attitude is so refreshing.
Sorry I don’t comment more, but I always find something thoughtful worth reading here when I stop by x
How about having a boyfriend for eight years and defending yourself not only to countless “Why are you not getting married?” (What I would like to say: my dream ring and dream wedding are not affordable. To anyone. What I say: Marriage is useless), but also to “Where are my grandchildren?” and friendly hip-taps with “When is it your turn?”.
For coupled friends looking for a guy for you: I think it’s because they get a chance to flirt without the feeling that they are cheating. After all, they’re only looking for you, right?
“Have I yet to wow someone with my endless knowledge of the Montreal Canadians hockey team? ”
Having grown up a Canadiens fan myself, I can understand her surprise at this not doing the trick.
I’ve only been set up twice in my life. Both with friendly, gorgeous women. And one of them was even quite sweet. But, I blew both dates by spending the entire evening being annoyed that anyone thought that I needed help meeting someone.
i hear you miss brandylu, and i know the scene well. or it’s when family members ask, “so, are you seeing anyone?”…. “how’s the dating scene?”… that gets old as well.
I’m shocked that I’m single some days - hello! I’m like effing Martha Stewart here!
When my friends pull the “let’s find you someone!!” it bugs me because they make it sound so casual, something I could do while running other errands.
If only it was that simple!
More about this BBQ, please.
That is on my “list”, too. It bothers me that people say it as if they’re saying “let’s go to the Man Store and getcha’ some, eh?”
I imagine that would be endlessly frustrating. Now I worry that I have done this to some of my single friends. For me atleast, the mindset is simply that you are in a relationship and you are really, really happy. Then you have this friend and you look at her, and you think “Man, she is AMAZING. She is more amazing than me by far.” And so, you get confused. You wonder how she isn’t with someone who makes her as happy as you are, as happy as you think everyone you love ought to be, when she is SO AMAZING. So you make comments or try to find someone for her, because you cannot fathom that anyone could resist her.
Now, thanks to your post, I see the other side. I totally see (having taken a step or two away from the whole thing) how you could be happy and single. You’re beautiful and confident, as are my single friends, and so happy just to be out having a good time.
I feel a little badly now. I promise, for your sake and that of the single girls I adore, to be a little more fair in my thinking. There’s no reason everyone should be (or want to be) just like me.
In fact, when I put it that way, I am ashamed at myself! I had the best of intentions, but ew!
Thanks for the eye-opening!
I do tire of hearing “why are you still single?” from incredulous friends and family. There isn’t anything wrong with being single. In fact, there are some definite perks! And when the RIGHT guy comes along, it will happen but until then I can look cute or have fun because I like to- not because I am trying to win someone over.
I refuse ever to use the “we” unless it is along the lines of we had sex - then it seems acceptable to refer to a 2 person deal. But other than that I refuse - I was a single girl for a long while, it blows to hear that crap.
Girl. I hear this one. I also get it from all four of my grandparents, and it doesn’t bother me from the older generation. It KILLS me to hear it from married/serious-relationship-status friends.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr
This post was well written!
And something to use… my friend Jon has a great response to “we” statements: “Never say “we” unless you have a tapeworm”.
I love that!
MC- Maybe I should just coat myself in a thin layer of barbeque sauce before leaving the house? Maybe that might attract Mr. Right, more quickly than my witty banter and sweet shoes.
T- I thought you would find joy in my pain. You are an evil friend..
Egan- I’m thinking ‘buzz off’ might be the phrase of the day.
Wondy- No worries at all! Glad you stopped by and it sounds like you’ve been really busy!!
Katrin- Geez, that would be tough too. Wow. I’m glad I have that to look forward to once I do start dating a man of quality. Seriously, I’m sure that if it was 8 + dating the same guy, a few people around me would just throw their hands up in the air. Tired of all the singleness and then dating without marriage. Good for you for doing what you want.
Peter- I understand that, and I’m glad I’m not alone thinking that knowing a lot about one hockey team should be like a free pass into someones heart. I mean, it’s MONTREAL!
brookem- Yeah I hear you. Perhaps I should show up next time and say “No man anymore, but I’m pregnant”. Then see what the crowds say. You know, spice up the conversation some…
Bre- Oh girl you make me laugh. You DO remind me of Martha in some ways. I checked out your shared google reader and really liked the toothbrush holder idea by the way…. As for finding a man as easy as running errands- I think coupled people sometimes forget that it took them a while to find someone too.
Aaron- I can bake a cake on one. 15 years of cooking meals for 10 for 3 months on a barbeque can turn anyone into an expert I suppose…
justrun- Ohhh lol that one was so bad it made me giggle…
Heather- Ohh thanks for trying to see it from the single girls side. And you know, when I read your comment, it made me understand a bit better why a friend would say what she said. It does make sense that you want your friends to be happy, and especially if they are amazing- want other people to know about it too. Your friends are lucky to have someone like you!
sizzlesays- That’s exactly it! Do you want to call a few people for me and pass the word on?
Anne- Yeah agreed! Sex seems like it’s a safe ‘we’ activity. Maybe I should remind a few people what ISN’T a two person activity…
Abbersnail- Ahh really? That must make it even harder. My grandparents are pretty cool. My grandpa has been dating a woman for like, 5 years and has no plans on re-marrying, so he’s easy to please. Although, he does think that I should go back to school and become a brain surgeon.
Desiree- Lol, I’m totally going to steal that!
While the ability to engage in witty banter has to be the utmost important quality in a person, especially one of the opposite sex (sorry I don’t know much about shoes, please don’t hate me), how could a man resist a woman smelling of BBQ sauce, seriously, especially if she was witty to boot? My mind is now spinning at the thought of it. Do you think Tina Fey might wear BBQ…..nah, I can’t even go there
MC- I bet she does. The really expensive BBQ sauce…
I can’t even think about the implications of that right now…
May I suggest Cattleman’s? Yes, it doesn’t exactly sound feminine, but it just might work. Also, use dry peachwood for that sweet smokey flavor. Mr. Costner will be yours before the end of the day. Be warned (or perhaps I should say be prepared), I might ask you to ask him to reenact a few scenes from JFK for me…
One of my best friends was like this for years. I was her “project,” and she needed to find me a man. She never once actually succeeded in getting me even a single date, so I think she was slightly shocked and very relieved when I managed to find a boyfriend on my own and on my own terms.
When you want a boyfriend, if you want your friends’ wingman power, you will ask for it. And you know, you really must come up with a great answer for that “why aren’t you coupled yet?” I’m a fan of, “I haven’t found anyone worthy of my affection and attention.”
Shall we print up “buzz off” t-shirts? I had no idea there were so many Hab fans out there. C’est cool!
MC- Cattleman’s?? For Tina Fey?? She needs something more classy MC. At least dump it into a crystal bottle and give it a new name. Eau de Beef, or something similarly hot.
Sarah- I love the phrase ‘wingman power’. It sounds like something a superhero would yell. As for the appropriate comeback, I will work on it and let you know. But i’m pretty fond of yours.
egan- Yes, buzz off t-shirts are a must. As for the Habs fans…. I think after a few bad years (not last year though, we ALMOST made it) we’ve gone into hiding a bit. Throw up a smoke signal and have someone sing Frere Jacques and we come out and eat some poutine.
How about Charcoal Passion? It’ll be in a pretty glass container and I won’t even put the image of bull horns on it. I’ll get you a free trial sample!
First off Habs suck (ducking so you don’t hit me). Sorry I’m a true blue Leafs fan. And yes I am aware that they suck too and will continue to suck for many years to come.
Brandy this is why I make sure that I warn my friends before heading out that they best not even think about setting me up with someone. It works wonders. Give them a heads up (or a feisty glare) and that will put them in their place about trying to set you up.
And besides you don’t need help … you’re a fabulous girl (my attempt at sucking up to make up for the Habs comment).
I already offered to marry brookem to support her through her triathlons, but I would love to marry you also. You can cook on the BBQ? As in dinner foods? I really suck at that, so if you ever decide that you want a spouse, I hear polygamy is legal on the internet. I don’t think you should have to defend being sinle, just as I don’t think married people should have to defend not having kids! Every person is different and as long as they are happy with what they are choosing, why should it matter to other people?
Preach it sister…
Ditto! Single and NOT looking!!
I was talking to a (married) friend the other day about my upcoming move, and her first comment was “Well maybe you’ll meet the one there.” Another friend often hopes (out loud) that I’ll meet someone at every function I attend. It’s hard to understand why they’re more concerned about my single status than me, but then again maybe they don’t love being alone as much as I do? Regardless it’s sort of sad that they cannot imagine joy and a life outside of marriage; it kind of makes me wonder why they got married.
MC- Charcoal Passion?? I’m sold. Perhaps you should get a free bag of coals with purchase? Ahh Tina has NO IDEA how lucky she is to have us…
Airam- Ahh a leaf’s fan!! I said it in a previous comment, that I know I’m supposed to hate the leafs and anything related to them, but I just don’t have it in me. As for your friends, I’m glad that you can lay down the law. Perhaps I should try that.
Tor- Ohhh what a sweet deal! Besides the fact that I watch Rescue 911, I can cook for your family. And you can be there to give the stink eye to people who make being single equivilant to being a child beater.
LeiselB- Thanks!
Michelle- Ahhh that should be a t-shirt. Egan, are you keeping track of these?
Ally- Yeah… I know what you mean. I hate to say it since I love, love, love a good wedding but I’ve been to a few in the last couple of years where everyone is just waiting for the divorce. It’s not that either of the people are bad, or have horrible addictions, you can just tell that they are together because they don’t want to be alone. And that, to me, is far sadder than being single.
As a single girl myself, I must say that it’s not so bad. Most of the time, I enjoy being single. Ok, there are those mornings when I wish I was waking up next to someone. But for the most part, I’m okay with it. I may be very late in the love and marriage game, but that’s fine with me as long as I am happy. There are things I know I need to work on within myself before I settle down. Better to be alone and happy and paired off with the wrong guy or at the wrong time and be miserable.
Yes, a free bag of coals is much better than the free lighter fluid I was thinking about. I learned first hand on the 4th of July just how fun, I mean dangerous, that stuff can be!
Yes, Tina is lucky! Perhaps this could be your magic key, too
We all know you’re just waiting for Harry to get out of Hogwarts.
Noted!
I do not find joy in your pain… i find humour in the fact that i am thinking of ‘oops’… i feel your pain… i am just in denial…
Well said!
Beth- Well said!
Lefty- Oh, if you only KNEW all the jokes I made…
egan- Good work partner
t- Sure, sure.. that’s what you said. I think I’m going to call you. I feel like I have a lot to say right now on a lot of different topics…
Ruby- thanks!
Hey Tori! I’m already marrying Brandy. Back off!! She doesn’t need to find a guy. Totally kidding…kind of….
Ok Brandydear…I love this post of yours. You are one of those girls that I truly admire. You have your head square on your shoulders and you don’t think that you have to have someone to be truly happy. And there is nothing - NOTHING wrong with that. I recently told Airam some of the same things. It’s all about what you want and what makes you happy. And I said a couple of other things, but I can’t think of them now, but they totally go along with what you write about here. So, yeah…you understand it and that’s what’s important. But it is a pain in the ass when others don’t. LIke Egan said…it’s like the “when are you getting married” question once you are in a relationship and then that morphs into the “when are you gonna pop out some kids” once you tie the knot. Why does it matter??? Why is everyone so intent on everyone being exactly the same?
Amanda-polygamy is legal on the internet. We can share her, right?
I totally agree with all the stuff about people just continuing to add things that you “should” do once you get married. When are you having kids, then when are you having your next kid (that starts pretty soon after the first kid is born, by the way), then when you finally have three and find out you are pregnant by surprise, people tell you “don’t you already have enough kids?” Seriously. Apparently there are rules to how a person “should” do things, and everyone feels it is ok to judge. Yuck!
I suppose we can totally share her! If she doesn’t mind, of course!
If someone said that to me about the “don’t you have enough kids?” I’d probably slap ‘em.
Amnada- Oh Amanda, thanks for your kind words. And you really know how to boost an ego, I feel better already. As for ‘what is everyone so intent on everyone being the same’… I have no idea but it frustrates me too. I suspect if I had to make a guess, people like to think that they are ‘on track’ with their life. If everyone is doing the same thing, it’s easy to measure where they are- how they are fitting in to the norm. Which is ridiculous (I’ve only begin to realize this ridiculousness this year), since who says we are even in the same race?
Tori- You and Amanda warm my heart. Now. Where can we register? As for everything else, in a weird way it does make me feel better to know that it doesn’t end- the constant questioning. It makes me feel that single to not-single isn’t the only hurdle. But on the other hand, it blows my mind that I have the rest of my damn life to worry about what other people think, if I chose to let it.
Amanda- Ohhh you make me laugh…