What keeps you July 23, 2007
Posted by brandy in confession of the day, family, learning, people i like, the devils worker bees, thinking.trackback
I look back at my life and am amazed at what I remember, or more accurately, what I don’t. I can’t tell you what I said at my grandmothers funeral, why I thought I should date him, or how old I was when I got my first kiss. I can’t tell you what was the last thing my dad and I argued about, what my winning public speech topic was, or when I stopped believing in Santa Clause.
It bothered me at first- realizing how much of my past is gone and not able to be collected. Like pieces lost to a puzzle that you can’t help but try and rebuild. But I’ve realized that I can’t choose my memories. A memory isn’t something you decide to keep- it decides to keep you. It’s impossible to go through life creating a list of only the memories you wish to keep and the ones you want to forget. While many are washed away by time, some refuse to go- some stick to your insides like superglue, and play in your mind like a high definition movie. Sometimes it’s a memory that holds great value- a wedding day, first day of school, the day you get fired. And sometimes a memory sticks with you for no reason- your highest score at Super Mario brothers, the middle name of your best friend in the third grade, the day you skipped class and spent the afternoon smelling lilacs in the park.
I may not remember what I said at my grandmothers funeral, but I will always remember how she always bit her lip when she was close to winning at cards. The reasons for dating the guy may always be hazy, but the soft sigh he made while sleeping is etched into my brain and will stay there forever. I don’t know old I was when I stopped believing in Santa Clause, but I know how old I was when I started believing in myself.
So it’s a trade-off. The memories we want to keep aren’t always the ones that stay, and sometimes what we wish to forget stays with us forever. But if time is the true test of what remains with me and what falls away, I am okay with that. I may not remember everything, I may forget and lose track of what I want to remember, but what memories keep me- will be worth it.
This is one of the most beautiful blog posts I have ever read. How true it is to say that the memories we keep with us will be worth it. I can’t remember my uncles funeral, but I can remember the way he used to make my laugh by immitating a parrot.
What a beautiful post! I often think about that too. It’s odd how we can’t remember many details of our lives, and how it can feel like our life is kind of just slipping away.
But the memories that we do remember make us who we are today… and I LOVE that!
The funny thing about memories is that sometimes they creep up on you and surprise you when you least expect it and when you thought you’d forgotten it forever. It could be a particular scent that brought you back or a song … or how someone said a specific word … or combed their hair. It could be anything. And then *poof* … you’re back to a time you haven’t thought of in maybe years.
for better or worse, i am the opposite – i am the girl who REMEMBERS EVERYTHING – especially the things i would love to forget… i can hold a grudge for decades, because i can’t forget
Rosanna- glad I’m not alone in the forgetting the funeral part. I talked to my mom about this and she had a good point- it’s far better to remember their life (or a part of them that made them unique) than to remember their death.
appletini- Ditto! I’ve started doing more crossword puzzles because the idea of getting Alzheimers frightens me.
Airam- Oh isn’t that exactly it??! I’m pretty sure I will forever associate Matchbox 20 to being in grade 10 and misunderstood.
question girl- Yikes, I will try not to make you angry. Seriously though, I suspect there are pros/cons to each side. But really decades? I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast today!!
Oh goodness, I love this post. One of the best things I have read in a while. I was thinking just this morning how funny certain little things about a specific person stand out to me, you know, the memory of them. I may not remember a conversation, but I may remember the sweetness of how they loved eating the dinner I made, or a look they gave me when we said goodbye, or their last three words to me upon parting after a visit three years ago, when I cant remember the week long visit.
Awesome post!
My memory is funny. I have snippets here and there — impressions and frozen droplets of time, but most often the bigger picture is gone. MuNKi will remember going on a trip and what we did, and what came after that, and all I’ll have is a few sharp memory snapshots of the way the sky looked one morning, or how the potato with green chile sauce tasted, or the way the water was so blue against the red and white rocks.
I loved the bit about the way your grandmother would bite her lip when she was close to winning at cards.
Beautifully written and so true for me, too. As someone who has the reputation of remembering strange or useless things, I’ve learned to appreciate it. It’s those kinds of things that bring you back to or allow you to appreciate moments that would have otherwise just passed by.
As the other 8 above me – I enjoyed this. I think it is spot on – that you don’t chose your memories. Random ones stick to you and can resurface at random times. But that is life, specifically that is your life. All the nitty gritty details of it, all there for the taking to recall and enjoy and gringe and laugh and smile. None of them deserve to be discarded.
That was an awesome post. Memories are pretty random. I’m always interested to hear my close friends talk about what they remember about when we were growing up together as oppsed to what memories stick out in my mind. So different most are but some are the same. The same goes with my husband (who, by the way, can’t remember where he puts his keys and wallet on a daily basis) remembers the most random moments.
Seriously, this post was too beautiful to even try to make a joke! Well done Brandy!!!!
Since when is Santa not real? How the hell did I miss that one??
This is a really beautiful post. I love it. Thanks for sharing something so personal, and yet so universal.
[...] I may not remember everything, I may forget and lose track of what I want to remember, but what memo… [...]
How true. They are worth it. Beautiful, Brandy!!!
true dat’ girlfriend. i’ve written lately about how some memories just have their way of creeping in at perhaps, not the best time. you don’t necessarily want to remember certain things, it just happens. and then there are those times when you are just in the thick of something oh so right or special, that you make a mental pause and tell yourself “i must remember this moment.”
oh, this also reminded me of a quote that i have on my facebook profile (can not everything, somehow?, be tied to facebook?!)
“We don’t chose the memories that stay with you all your life. You think you do, but they choose you, then they hold on tight.”— it’s by this GORGEOUS (layered) singer, jim bianco.
Lovely thoughts Brandy and well written.
Sometimes my memories are clear bits of events or what people have said etc. Other memories are more feelings and belong with a time, place, and/or person.
I don’t remember a lot of the past either. Details that my relative/friends/classmates seem to remember really well… I just consider myself a person living so much in the present (or dreaming about the future) that i can’t be bothered with the past…
steppingoverthejunk- Ahh I think about that too. And then I wonder, if I remember such random things about someone else, what do they remember about me???
Candace- Ahh, we are so much the same! I can block out whole trips but then just remember the way the food tasted on the last day. There are DAYS that I’ve forgotten about while I was in Europe but I’m pretty sure I will always remember how the bread in France would literally melt in your mouth. As for my grams, yeah she was a pretty horrible card player. She wouldn’t have lasted two seconds in a poker tournament- her tell was just too obvious!
justrun- Exactly. I’ve given up feeling bad that I don’t remember the BIG moments but just enjoy the fact that I remember my grade 4 teacher always wore red keds on Friday.
Anne- Exactly! And I love that your comment was more articulate than most of my post. You are a brilliant writer friend…
pam- I love to do that too! I have a friend who I always tell I remember meeting her when she wore this really cool superman t-shirt. She swears that she never wore one, or owned one, which sort of freaks me out, because who the hell did I meet wearing the superman t-shirt that I thought was so cool?? Ahh, when memories converge, that’s when the problems start I guess.
MC- Ahh I knew there would be a joke in there somewhere!! As for Santa… he’s totally real. I just needed some material for the post and made it up. Forgive me?
Heather- Thanks for reading and commenting!
Amanda- Oh thanks. I’m hoping the intitial reaction I have to the last HP book is one that stays with me forever
brookem- Wow! That does fit perfectly to this post. And yes, I do agree, everything can be tied to facebook. So sad, so true!! And I agree, that if you make the effort to remember something, it does stay with you longer. I remember the beautiful post you wrote about that and thought of it as I was writing this one.
The Exception- Exactly! I just wish I could chose what was a clear bit and what was a feeling bit. There are defintely a few romantic moments I wish I could remember clearer!
Bungi- Glad to read that I’m not the only one with a memory that skips over big details and settles nicely into the small moments that no one else can recall!
thank you, but the same is true for you.
Beautful, beautiful, beautiful. There are so many things I can’t remember, but I just remember the feeling. Sometimes, I wish I had a pensieve in order to remember!
Anne- thanks dude!
Beth- Ahh a pensieve!! That would solve A LOT of problems I think. Seriously, do you think JK created that because she had the same problem as us? It makes me wonder, what would I deem ‘worthy’ of saving and what would I not want to keep…
Oh whew, I can breath again!!! Ok, now I can get back to work! I have been so distracted after reading your post this morning. Thanks for putting me at ease Brandy.
That was gorgeous. Loved it.
I loved this post…very poigniant and so true..
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
I’m not surprised by that at all!
Also, just in case it shows up in your dashboard, I “shared” this post via my google reader.
This was beautiful. I feel the same way about memories, and it sometimes drives me crazy when I can’t remember things. But for the most part, I’ve been known as the memory bank in my family. I remember things that happened when I was three, sometimes two years old. I’ll tell my parents and they can’t believe I’ll remember certain things about them that happened years ago and without any photographs to refer to that special occasion or incident. I just have a fear of forgetting any special moment in life..
MC- Sorry the thought of no Santa caused you to not be able to take work seriously there for awhile. I KNOW how seriously you take it otherwise. Oh, pull any pranks on Female Co-worker lately??
Peter- Thanks!
Princess Extraordinaire- Thanks for stopping by. And you get a bow from me for spelling poigniant correctly. My spellcheck isn’t working and I’ve noticed my tendency to shy away from the ‘big words’ until it’s fixed!
Bre- Ohhh google reader can share?? I need to look into this.
Michelle- I WISH I was like that! Actually, I remember a few from being really little- a time in the sandbox with my mom and brother, my first day of kindergarten and the day I got a PONY for my BIRTHDAY! As for worrying that you are going to forget- me too- maybe that’s why we blog?
very interesting…makes me try to recall my own memories to figure out what I still remember and what I have forgotten.
Another great post. I am the same. I have travelled quite extensively and often find specific memories of places and people are blurred. There are however moments of clarity when memories are sharp … when something triggers a connection to the past.
Prior to my grandmothers funeral a few years ago, we collected my great aunt from her home. From the moment we arrived the smell of the home was so much like that of my Grandmothers (the cooking, the perfume, the flowers in the vase) that it felt as if she was there waiting to greet us.
It’s ok Brandy. Although I have NEVER really SEEN Santa. Now I’m wondering…
Yes, I take work seriously, as seriously as I take stabbing things into my ocular cavities and extracting my own teeth with rusty pliers from my grandfather’s garage. I did kinda put some staples in Female Coworker’s stapler upside down and she just asked a few minutes ago who messed up her stapler. I am not making this up and yes, I told her no one messed with it
Brandy, that was an awesome post. It makes me think that my forgetting is not about senility, but because there are just some memories that will stick and some that won’t.
Great post Brandy! I don’t feel so alone with my weird memories. I’d rather remember the good times, and dump the bad ones into a garbage can. But alas, a person, place, or object can take one back to the old days in a heartbeat.
By the way, I think you’ll like this blog…http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/ Enjoy!
Beautifully said!
U’re just getting better and better at bringing out the amazing in the mundane things of life! so true, that memories choose you…
Loved the post. I’m fascinated by what our minds choose to remember (or choose to let us remember)… whether it be scents, sights, feelings, tastes, sounds, any of it. I think it is interesting how we can’t remember something that seemed so important at the time (first kiss, last kiss, things said), but instead remember the smaller (probably more important) things. Great topic and great writing.
this really got me thinking – thanks love!
silverneurotic- I’ve started doing that. It’s been a great conversation starter with friends and family lately. It would appear that I forget quite a bit. Like… entire holidays. I’m starting to think I may have some sort of early version Alzheimers with my inability to remember stuff!
Jacinta- That was nice that you were able to remember her by smell. I’ve been reading a bit about memories lately and they say that sense of smell is the one most likely to trigger a memory. As for the travelling and then forgetting- isn’t that frustrating?? I find that when I spend so much money to go somewhere I want to REMEMBER it ALL. Although, when I attempt this, it turns into sensory overload, and I turn to the drink. Okay, who am I kidding, when I travel I like to experience the local drinks anyway…
MC- Have I told you lately how sorry I feel for Female Co-worker???!
angelcjr- Dude, if you are going senile, then I’m right there with you.
Egg- Ohhh a gluten free blog??? Awesome! Thanks for thinking of me and sending it this way and for your nice comment. Dont’ worry you are NOT alone in your weird memories!
semichrmd- Thank you
Sill Searching- Oh thanks!!! I’m glad you agree about the memories choosing us bit.
OC- Yeah, I find it really interesting too. And I agree, what we chose to remember, the smaller things that stick with us, are probably more important in the long run.
Kathryn- You are welcome. I hope “hagrid” leave you alone!
This post is just plain beautiful! I love it! I always remember the most random things and forget things that you would think would be important. Every once in a while something will make me remember a thing that I never would have thought about or remembered without it.
In regards to travelling and memories, if you ever get to Belgium – go to Brugge and sample the banana beer. Yes that’s right BANANA BEER! Magic stuff. It has to be on tap, forget the bottled version, it just isn’t the same. You may not remember much after a night on that, but it is a taste sensation!
Don’t feel sorry for her. I FEAR her…she does NOT fear me
Love it!
I think it is a little odd that you wrote about memories when I wrote about them in my journal last night… a concept of wanting to remember what you can’t without even knowing it… I think it is great… we are thinking a like again.
Tori- I know what you mean. Sometimes one memory can set off a chain reaction to a bunch of stuff you’ve forgotten. That happens everytime I look in an old yearbook!
Jacinta- Ohhh I’m allergic to beer but would definitely sacrifice a painful body for the taste of a banana beer. Because apparently, I learned nothing from the Stampede corndog/beer consuming/mini donut eating fiasco
MC- I suppose it makes me feel better knowing that you are scared of her. But honestly, I can’t imagine how she must feel- always having to be on her toes…. whoa. Am I starting to feel sympathy towards her?? Man. I remember a time when I was just annoyed that she wasn’t getting you back. I can’t decide if this new feeling of sympathy is progress or not…
Miss Fabulous- Whooo that is odd. And a bit strange. Ohhh Amanda has new stuff up on her Harry Potter blog. You should check it out.
Bran, I fear that my Jedi master is slowly turning against me. Are you preaching peace, tolerance and acceptance of Female Coworker? Ok, I can dig it. Ummm, can people still say dig it and be taken seriously??
Hey Brandy just did!!! You are posting like crazy I can’t keep up!
MC- I know. Sometimes I shock myself with my good nature. It won’t stay forever though, don’t worry….
T- I know. It would appear that I’ve had a lot to say recently…. although I’m feeling like I don’t have anything to say now. So maybe I’m done for the week.
Whew! Ok, I feel better. I might be able to get some sleep now
I believe that I am done.. for the week… unless you can think of a great topic…
This was absolutely lovely, and so true. Thanks for sharing! (And sorry for my lack of commentary as of late… bah to busy-ness!)
MC- Oh you make me laugh…
T- Hmm… I will think on it. And I’m still working on the email on how to change headers. It’s taking a while because, well… I sort of forgot how I did it.
abbersnail- No worries, I can totally understand. Thanks for the nice comment!
You do the same Bran, you do the same. Can you tell I’m at work now??
How beautiful! And true!
WG and I were talking about these very things just the other day. He remembers NONE of the so called “major” points of childhood like when he stopped the SC believing, etc. We figured out that a large part of it has to do with the people around you who remind you of those steps in your life. If your parents/family, etc. don’t share memories, don’t tell you what happened when you were seven and accidentally drank from your mom’s rum and diet coke at a New Year’s Eve party, well, then you might not remember it either. There are memories that keep us and memories that our family and friends won’t let go, either.