Light on the Mercy June 26, 2007
Posted by brandy in top 10, wasting time.trackback
What I think about when I’m bored at work…
Top 10 Reasons Why I Should Rule The World
1. There are huge spin offs that come with ruling the world. A gigantic amount of riches, the best health care money can buy, good looking men (who are funny, layer and understand why flo is important), a ton of material possessions and as much international travel I want. You have to be a deeply superficial person to fully want all of these and be willing to do anything to get them. Thankfully, I’m the kind of person who would steal from the elderly to expense my wine tasting adventures in Europe.
2. I like giving instructions in a loud voice, enjoy it when people chant my name and I feel better addressing large masses of people.
3. I can be paranoid. History has shown that the greatest leaders are the ones who’ve been a titch out of reality. That’s totally me. If you’re paranoid, chances are you’re going to get rid of any possible successor before they get their tires in ‘overtaking’ motion. Paranoia is key to staying in power, and I’ve got that in spades.
4. I’ve been educated- just enough. If I had my masters I would be too smart to rule, if I couldn’t write my name, I wouldn’t’ t be trusted by the masses. Alexander the Great had Aristotle- I had Mr. Mitchell- grade 8 computer teacher. It all evens out.
5. Dictators are usually seen as individuals who hold infinite wisdom. Although, as we all know from my lack of computer/mechanical/common sense skills I do not possess infinite wisdom (even after schooling with Mr. Mitchell), I have something better. The genius to say “Now” instead of “Um…” when I have nothing to say which makes it always seem like I’m on the brink of some intellectual breakthrough. Also, my ability to end each sentence in a question which makes me sound far more wise than what I actually am. Now…. don’t you agree?
6. World leaders write memoirs. It’s a nice way to settle scores without killing people. I’ve already started mine, so be careful.
7. Dressing the part. First of all, let me say that I wear hats quite often. What a coincidence that Attila the hun, Castro and Napoleon were also hat wearers. (I was going to add Caesar but I’m not sure if a crown of gold feathery things actually qualifies as a hat). I also enjoy wearing brocade and am a big fan of donning medals. All pluses for me and world domination.
8. I think I could stage a wicked coup. I really have nothing to add on this one, or even have any sort of evidence to point to the fact, it just seems really logical that I would stage a great one. Heavy on the surprise, light on the mercy!
9. I’ve founded a faith. Dictators usually don’t follow other religions but tweak things so that they end up the center of all prayer. Image is a big part of being the leader of the world, and I’ve thought this one through. It’s called ‘brandyism’ and follows a pretty lax list of 10 or so rules.. or lets say …..commandments… for everyone to follow. Nice general ideas that mix historical values with pop culture such as ’honor thy neighbour, lend them some sugar!’.
10. I’ve killed a duck. Many young dictators have shown interest in killing animals. Drowning kittens, pulling the wings off a butterfly etc. When I first started driving, I was going down a country road and I thought this mom duck was going to start to fly so I didn’t slow down… I hit her directly with my truck and killed her while all her little ducklings watched. I cried for 2 hours.
Hmm, now that I’ve painted myself as an animal killing lunatic, I can end this.
OK, you pretty much sealed the deal with that last item. I believe you will stand completely unopposed now. Fear is a major power for dictators or dictatoresses. You will Obama the land with your rule — in an Obamaly way, of course!
The coup sounds like fun, but I think you should throw a pre-coup BBQ or bowling party. You know, just to rally the troops!!
MC- Yeah, I think my love of brocade will ensure that I OBAMA any opponent who seeks to take my throne. Whoa. That sounded pretty evil. Even for me. As for the pre-coup bowling idea, I’m down. Especially if it’s 10 pin glow in the dark. That should show the masses my ‘fun’ side…
Yes, it’s official. You will be dictatoring the world very, very soon! Can I head up your Ministry of Silly Walks or Slightly Off Handed Children’s Infotainment?? I promise not to Alec Baldwin anyone else in your cabinet…
MC- I had already pegged you as a Minister of Office High Jinxes and World Peace, but if you think you can handle more…
BRANDY! BRANDY! BRANDY! (I’m just trying to chant your name in a loud voice… give you a taste of the power you seek. Like it? Want more?) BRANDY!! BRANDY!! BRANDY!!
Office Hijinx and World Peace? Interesting combination. Thank you for the appointment. Can I stand on the balcony with you when you address your minions??
#11: silkscreening!
#11 (or #12 after Egan’s) You’re already creating the language of your regime… See ‘Taking “OBAMAing” to the Streets’ post.
You make me laugh!! To me that’s a good enough reason for you to rule the world!
I’m going to support you in this just so long as you promise me some really fabulous shoes OR John Cusack
(Also - I cannot believe you killed a duck! I might have to go cry for two hours!!)
i love what you think about when you’re bored at work. i also love that you wear hats often. and have brandyisms.
can I be in your court? pretty pretty please??
I want to wear hats often, too
After that duck incident, you’re well qualified.
Wow!
There are a lot of duck killers around here!
http://tawcan.blogspot.com/2007/06/so-sorry.html
Is there an election coming up for “Ruler of the World”? I haven’t seen it on the news, so I am not sure who else is running. But, I think you would be pretty good at it, so it looks like you have my vote!
[...] all your blogs, printed off some stuff, flashed a delivery boy and spent some time deliberating why I should rule the world, and I tell you, this is the reason I found myself doing some serious hip shaking in the back [...]
I think Eva Peron wore hats too - but she did not rule the world per se. Still though you are totally a shoo in. Just please be benevelant enough to me!
Oh! I feel you on the duck! I hit a bunny recently. It had no babies, but I still cried, because I just hit it’s thumper legs, and it dragged itself away, and I knew that a hawk or a fox or something else predatory would find the bunny I hit, eat it, and I would be responsible for it being eaten alive.
Okay! My mood sue is lifted!
Be prepared for me to be calling you and asking you for favors when you rule the world. Of the top of my head, would you please ban spandex leggings, hold a worldwide shoe sale where you can buy Manolos and such for next to nothing, and decree that Justin Timberlake seranade me at least once a week? Thanks!
BRANDY! BRANDY! ALL HAIL BRANDY! Now, when you become Ruler of The World And All OTher Things, may I make a small request? Please hire me as your assistant so I can travel internationally, proof your memoir, make sure you’re dressed to the nines and all that other good stuff you need a sidekick for? Thanks.
Clearly I need to start planning.
MC- Sure. And you can translate my speech into an ‘interpetive dance’ for the people to ‘feel’ while I’m speaking. Because I want my speeches to be memorable. Hope you have a good selection of dancers tights.
egan- Exactly! And you can be in charge of creating the uniforms for my fashion police army that will rule the streets. Don’t panic, I will still help with the saying, you just got to make the shirts. Deal?
CableGirl- Seriously! I hadn’t even thought of that. Ohh, see?? See?? This ruling the world thing is just in my genes.
Airam- Thanks for the support! You will get free stuff (including free smiles) when I’m leader because of your nice words!
Bre- Oh John Cusack!! I remember one of the first comments you ever left on my blog was declaring you knew more about him than I did. And for that my friend, I will give you John AND nice shoes. Wow. I’m GIVING people to people. Isn’t this a throwback to… well, not a good time in history? Although, I’m sure John would go with you willingly, so then it just makes me more of a matchmaker.
brookem- Thanks brookem! Something tells me my boss would think this less than a great quality, but every girl needs to have a dream, right?
Kathryn- Of course you can! Do you have a specific job in mind that you would like, or do you want to just wear a nice hat and gossip with me while we watch sporting events? Either is fine with me!
thethinker- I know. I wish it hadn’t of come to that, but it has. And i’m trying to make the best out of that horrible situation. I plan on making the duck my official mascot for everything.
Aaron-Geez! Ducks better start hiding!
AM-Hmm, no election no. Part of becoming ruler of the world is you need to take it by surprise, or else everyone is going to think they can do the job. Thankfully none of you have stepped up to challenge me but have instead asked for jobs when I get MY job. I like that about you guys.
Miss Kate- I KNOW! It’s so sad. I hold Disney partly responsible for my guilt. After growing up watching all those movies like Fox & the Hound, 101 Dalmations, Lady and The Tramp, I’ve come to believe taht animals are far more interesting than people with far more complex personalities. Hmm. So now it sounds like I’m saying I would have rather run over a person. Actually, certain people i might have wanted to more than the duck for sure. But again, that’s another post for another day….
Beth- Will do Beth. Because seriously, I’m down with the leggings ban too. And JT can serenade you. Man, I wish you were all coming to the concert with me in August! Whoooooo hooo!
Ruby- Absolutely! You sound like you have a great sense of style, and if anything, I want to be known as a ruler with a pulse on what’s hot in fashion. You’ve got the job!
justrun- Exactly. But… I think I may have a job for you in my cabinet.
I may need to be a little more ambitious with my thinking. You can rule the world though because I have no desire to be in control of more things. I’ll chant your name…and loudly too.
I love that you enjoy people chanting your name. Funny girl.
And yeah, me too. 
Can we pinky swear on this t-shirt deal of ours? Deal!
Tights? Uh, I got shorts, lots of shorts. But I can mock the River Dance really well! Believe me, it’ll be memorable!!
tori- Funny, one of my friends told me the same thing- she doesn’t have any ambition to be in charge of anything else that might go wrong. So, you are defintely not alone!
desiree- Glad you feel the same way. So… do you want to be second in command?
egan- Yes, I suppose we better. I always find pinky swearing makes things official- and taken MUCH more seriously.
MC- See, now knowing that makes me want to actually try for world domination. Methinks it would be worth it just to see this dance of yours.
It’s part of my happy dance routine. We all need a happy dance, even world dominators…or jedis.
can i be your master at arms???? ( i didn’t actually KILL the rabbit - it bounced off and hopped away - but i do think i killed the bird)
I’d only vote for you to rule the world if you resurrected your Blossom hat.
I love, love that you jumped in that puddle. I love that you can walk until your jaw unclenches. I hate that your job did not work out the way you want it to…. Next time, I’ll jump in the puddle too.
I pretty much can’t stop laughing right now to say anything witty at this post. Other than I love it and I need to steal your “now” instead of “um” thing.
MC- I think I need to look into this!
question girl- Of course you can!
Kefla- Seriously?? Mine was hideous. But if it means your vote, I’ll dig it out!
Clearly kels- Hmm, I think you wanted this in the other post, but I appreciate your kind words!
Amanda- DO IT! It totally works. Saying “Now” instead of ‘um’ has rescued me so many times! Glad you are back- I missed you.
that last one made me laugh really hard…not that’s it’s funny - i would have cried too - but I don’t know. I’ve been in a funk, and the weirdest things make me laugh at the moment. Overall I love it, you SHOULD rule the world. People would definitely have better dressed feet ^_^
Crown of laurels actually. Does a “definite wisdom” pass as megalomania? If not, you’ve got to work on it.