Inspired by eBay June 26, 2007
Posted by brandy in love or something like it, men, relationships, soapbox, this is what happens when you listen to a sad song.trackback
I was browsing eBay today (my new favorite addiction hobby) when it became clear that there is literally nothing that a person in today’s world can’t have. From a copy of Marvin Gaye’s death certificate, to signed photos of Japanese basketball players, to cashmere pullovers for your terrier, there is nothing that you can’t find, purchase and have shipped to your home in 3-4 working days. It’s amazing. A website totally devoted to giving us everything that we never knew we wanted. A lovely concept that got me thinking. Ebay is there to give us what we want, but when it comes to real life, to love- where there are no listings, or ‘buyer beware’ comments, are we ever really happy with what we get?
Nice guys are not enough of a challenge, and the challenging guys are never appropriate enough to introduce to your family (and they usually ride motorcycles which I find scary). Guys who call you are needy, guys who never call are frustrating. Guys who volunteer to help you fix your desk have an ulterior motive and the guys who don’t volunteer, don’t care enough about you to be invited over in the first place.
I have a friend dating an urbanite wishing he was just a little more countrified. A man who knows which hair gel stands up the best in the summer heat but squeals in horror at the thought of driving a stick shift. I have a friend contemplating dating a farmer wishing he was just a little more academic. He is a member of the United Farmers of Alberta, not the University of Alberta. He can tell her what oil to put in her car, but thinks brushetta is a type of weapon found in the Middle East. A friend dating an older man just wishing she could shave 10 years off his age, so she could introduce him to her family. And eat dinner at 7pm, instead of 4.
Single girls wishing for single men, girls with men wishing for a different men, broken up girls wishing to get back together with the men that broke up with them, and every once in a while a happily coupled girl admits that she just wishes for the excitement brought on upon first dating a new man. With everyone wishing for something (and occasionally someone) else, I sometimes worry that when it somes to red hot romance, people are always finding that the grass is greener in the relationship they aren’t in.
I’d like to think not. My situation (being a young, single, female) naturally prompts me to be fueled with the kind of naïve optimism that I will ignore when I’m 30, shake my head at when I‘m 40 and will wish for again when I‘m 50. (Okay, so maybe the fact that I watched a Nicholas Sparks movie this weekend also has something to do with my current hopeful nature). I just like to think that when it’s the right person, you know. Or maybe you don’t know, but you know enough to stop searching and take a real chance on something that appears to be what you’ve been looking for. They may still be closer to your dads age than yours, or drive a tractor, or write you bad poetry in horrible rhyming couplets, but the good outweighs the bad. There are millions of people who could be your potentially perfect partner and I like to think that when you find that one perfect-for-you-person, you stop comparing and are just ridiculously happy with what you have.
Call me a fool, call me naive, call me the girl who just thinks this because she’s single, but I really do believe that the grass will always look greener if you are always looking elsewhere and expecting it to be.
Brandy, you are completely right…people have a horrible time realizing how good they have it, and it extends beyond relationships. Everyone wants someone else’s job, or house, or car or something. I guess we just have a natural tendency to gloss over the bad parts of things we don’t have, and dwell on them for the things we have.
That said, I like my life a lot, and I don’t wanna trade places with anyone…it fits me just right!
Once upon a time I was blindly in love. That didn’t go so well for me! Now I’m wishing for the kind of love that allows me to see and cherish flaws, differences, and downsides.
I think that being young and single and optimistic is a good thing. And if it isn’t… well then we’re both screwed!
Word. I think that people expect their significant others to be perfect and don’t stop to remember that they’re not perfect themselves! Sometimes I just want to shake these people and yell “You’re so lucky! You have someone great who loves you! Shut your face and just appreciate them!” But I guess most people are always going to be keeping an eye out for something “better”, which is sad, because then they miss out on what’s right in front of them!
P.S. - sometimes I like to pretend I’m a little ghetto and throw out stuff like “word” … yo.
That is really deep! I appreciate such open and honest writing and could take 300 words to tell you why…but it reminds me, I have to go check my auctions ending at ebay…
Silly farmer. Bruschetta is from ITALY!
Ah, I think I’m a couple years older than you and yet, I am still sweetly and blindly naieve as well. When it comes down to it, I may or may not be right but it’s a lot easier, happier and more peaceful to be a believer.
Quoting from Chris Cornell (an odd choice, to be sure), “The grass is always greener where the dogs are shitting.”
It isn’t always better to have what you think you want instead of what you have already.
I think part of it is also that you have no idea - in that someone else or something you wish for may seem wonderful as an outsider looking in - but you really don’t know the nitty gritty details. Chances are it is not the perfection you are looking for - because nothing is perfect. But that what you have likely can be very good - you just need to recognize it and importantly appreciate it.
But like Bre said you cannot be blind to imperfections or ideas that are not good for you. While I think you know when it is right - it does not mean the world stops spinning on its axis and that all is right with society!
AM- I totally understand what you are saying. And seriously, liking your life so much that you wouldn’t want to trade places with anyone, isn’t that a great feeling??
Bre- That make sense. And seriously, my fingers are crossed for you and me. If I am screwed, I take comfort I’m in good company.
bastet3- I know! I see that all the time. Forcing perfection on someone else when they themselves aren’t perfect. So frustrating!
MC- I have to start buying from eBay. My friend would buy her groceries on their if she could. Wait, can you buy groceries on Ebay? I need to check that out…
mike- Do you want to tell him that because he’s CONVINCED he’s right.
justrun- Exactly! I’m glad you feel similar…
CableGirl- Quoting Chris Cornell makes you my favourite person of the day.
Anne- I agree with you and Bre. I just get frustrated when the ‘imperfections’ are not life threatening and yet people seem to find fault with them just because they aren’t in tune with what their “ideal” was. And I WISH you would come talk to some of these college girls who I hear all the time who seem to think that unless they stay with the guy they are with, not only will the world stop spinning, it will completely collapse and destroy all of mankind.
“….the grass will always look greener if you are always looking elsewhere and expecting it to be…”
Love that one.
So many times we look at someone else and think everything’s so perfect for them - we don’t notice there’s someone else thinking the same thing about us.
I don’t think you can..spoilage perhaps
I’m just looking to bid on a newer and funner job! Funner doesn’t sound right. Is it? Teach me!!
i agree actually. although i think we underestimate the leap that is required to get to that headspace. but at some stage, one has to take a conscious decision to *stand still* and just embrace the life that is happening *right now*. Because the new challenge or new option isn’t really any better; it’s just different.
SWF41- Thanks. Me too. And I will try to keep it in mind when I think Jen (as in Aniston) has a better life than me.
aRbit- Ohh I love thinking like that. It makes me wonder though, who the hell thinks I have it altogether??
MC- Perhaps… ‘more fun’?
HippieChyck- That makes sense, and I love how you worded that!!
I think you nailed it here Brandy. You will just know when you’ve met the right person. You have to be open minded enough to know it won’t happen the first, second, or maybe not even the third time you meet/hang out with that person. However, there will be a point when they do something for you which completely overwhelmes you. For me it was when my wife couldn’t help but laugh at me when I tried to flip the swing on her refridgerator door. I felt like shit for ruining their door and she laughed it off told me I was a swell dude. Those may not have been her exact words, but it was a golden moment. The fact she found it funny when I was completely embarrassed sealed the deal.
I really like your positive outlook on this post.
It’s easy to envy a relationship or a person you know nothing about. But what people forget/ have to learn the hard way perhaps, is that every relationship has its flaws; its ups and downs. And everyone has their less than desirable traits. But love is about accepting and appreciating the whole person–and learning to be patient and tolerant of their quirks too. Hopefully, that love and respect and acceptance is mutual.
On a related note, I was at the boyfriend’s family reunion a couple weeks ago, which coincided with a wedding anniversary- a 50th if you can believe it- within his family. At the dinner, the husband raised his glass to his glowing wife, saying to all of us that, for him, it wasn’t so much about marrying someone he could live with, but marrying the one he couldn’t live without.
Excellent post B… really insightful and so true. I’m pretty happy to say that at just shy of forty, I HAVE found that one perfect-for-me-person, I’ve stopped comparing (unless it’s to acknowledge that I now have better) and I’m ridiculously happy with what I have and I thank God every day for it.
I watch my single friends go through every scenario you layed out here and I wish I could shake this great post into them so they get it.
More fun? That’s boring! But if you say it’s correct, who am I to argue
I have met the right person, and he was pretty muh everything that I had on my “NO” list - problem is, now I compare all new prospects to HIM and well, as you kow from reading, they just don’t measure up
I really enjoyed this post… probably because I’ve walked away from certain men thinking others would be better and am thankful my younger self knew what I really needed for the long haul.
YOU hit it dead on in saying people think the “grass is greener in the relationship they aren’t in”. You are a smart, eloquent one Brandy!
brandylu. i very much enjoyed this one. sounds very carrie bradshaw-esque, and of course i loved that. i too love the positive outlook you take on it all. it’s encouraging, and inspiring, truly.
before I met my boyfriend, I dumped boys for the following reasons (although they never knew these were the real reasons)
*one had curly hair
*one had uneven nostrils
*one was so nice that I thought he would spontaneously combust into evil one day
Now, Wine Guy has none of these exact problems, but he does have a few that, in my more fickle years, would have gotten him dumped “with a quickness.” I DID just know there was something about him.
egan- She laughed after you ruined her fridge door? Oh, she is a special woman indeed Egan! Makes me like her even more.
nic- 50th?! Wow. That’s crazy. That’s double the ENITRE TIME I’VE BEEN ON THE PLANET. And yes, when I’m in awe of something, I need capitals. Sweet words in his toast though. Fingers crossed I get that lucky!
Jasmine- Good for you! I’m happy you found what you were looking for. Now fellow leo, refresh my memory, when exactly is your b-day?
MC- Spoken like a true Jedi
Kathryn- That’s the frustrating part, isn’t? The not measuring up. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if after time the people I thought were ’so fantastic’ have become more of an idol and less of an actual person. Sorta like JFK. But that’s another topic for another post…
desiree- Oh thanks! Can I put you as a reference for my latest batch of teaching jobs??
brookem- Thanks brookem!
Sarah-Uneven nostrils? Oh the poor fellow! Glad that you’ve evolved and can now appreciate WG even more!
Yes, that was the first part of it. I think she thought my determination to fix her fridge door was sexy and the fact I was sweaty as hell. Not quite a man in uniform, but close.
Ebay is wonderfully addicting! I’ve made hundreds of can’t-live-without-it Ebay purchases.
egan- Well at least… you attempted a great feat. Right?
Lucky Pink- I haven’t purchased yet. I’m afraid of commitment so instead I…browse.
I think that people who are always thinking “the grass is greener on the other side” either are making really bad choices in their partners or are not happy enough with themselves to be happy.
Stay optimistic! It’s a gift
“Or maybe you don’t know, but you know enough to stop searching and take a real chance on something that appears to be what you’ve been looking for.”
I like this and I have many reasons why, but I don’t feel like explaining them.
You never know. One day I was in a BMW dude stage, the next a tractor stage. I ended up with the tractor. The funny thing is he is the one that had the fancy piece of paper hanging on the wall. and ps…I DO think his tractor’s sexy.
ahhh yesssss… the grass is always greener - that is, except during a heat wave and its is scorched brown…..
you are so wise for one so young
appletini- Hmm, I don’t know. I think you can be extremely happy with the person you are with, with yourself and your relationship but still have the curiosity to want to see what is going on with other people. I think the people who ACT on that feeling, or use it to determine their lives defintely need to relook at what they are doing, but I think it’s human nature to be curious.
t- I thought you would
shoparound- Oh I love a man who can drive a tractor! And I agree, they can be quite sexy.
question girl- Thanks! And about the grass.. dude, I agree!