Holy duck June 13, 2007
Posted by brandy in Jennifer is awesome, blogs, confession of the day, question of the day, the world according to me, what the hell.trackback
So, a while back the lovely, talented and vivacious Bre interviewed me. One of the questions she asked was ‘what about blogging appeals to you?’, I waxed on and on but published my answer feeling like I didn’t quite capture what I wanted to say.
Then yesterday I was reading up on one of the greatest mom bloggers ever (seriously, she drinks Guiness, how can she not be cool? Oh, and can I say she drinks Guiness after giving birth to a cute baby? With the cutest baby name?) and clicked a rubber duck on her sidebar and entered what I will call “the fray”.
Motherhood uncensored wrote a post about how she went shopping with her 3 month old son and almost 3 year old daughter at the Gap. It wasn’t until she left the store and had packed her sleeping children into the car that she noticed a $6.95 duck had fallen into her stroller. She made the call not to wake her children up to return the (unpaid for) item to the Gap and instead drove home with the duck.
This dear readers, has caused quite a commotion. In the comments the words ”karma” and “judging” popped up along with the term “stealing is stealing”. Some people were quite upset that she didn’t return the duck, because keeping it set a bad example- for her sleeping children. Some people were upset that people would expect her to wake up her sleeping children. Some people just sounded upset and I’m not sure what they were upset about.
Now. I don’t have children of my own, but I’ve come to learn that waking sleeping toddlers (and babies), is right on par with waking a hungry bear after you’ve coated yourself in a thick layer of golden honey. It’s just something you don’t do. And she didn’t, and I have to say, I wouldn’t have either. (A stand. Taking one feels so good sometimes)
A commenter made a good point to all those who mentioned the bad karma that comes with ’stealing’ by saying that karma is about “intent” and she didn’t go into the store ‘intending’ to steal it so it’s not the same as if she went into a store on a mission to steal rubber bath toys (and yes, keep your dirty thoughts to yourself). Some commenters suggested she call the store, some suggested she donate extra goodwill items to ‘even things out’, some suggested taking the duck with her the next time she’s at the store and offering to give it back.
Here’s my question, what would you do? When do you decide it’s okay (if ever) to keep something you ‘found’ after shopping? I’m currently planning a party on Friday for the kids in my class and I came home to put 5 cent candies in a bag and realized that I had miscounted, I had 6 extra candies. That’s 30 cents. Do I call 7-11 and tell them? And if you don’t think I should call, hasn’t this whole idea of ”accidental stealing” become less about the law and more about what you can do and still sleep at night? Because if I don’t call for an own up for owing 30 cents but I am supposed to call for $7, do I call when I find a $3.01 item in my cart I didn’t pay for? What about one that’s $1? How do you make that call?
I was going to tie this all back nicely to my original point about what part of blogging appeals to me. I was going to tell you how I appreciate reading about different points of view, hearing articulate people share stories in ways I envy, in feeling like I can really get to understand someone through their writing and learning more about them than some of the people I see everyday. I was going to say pretty things and wrap them up in clever analogies and bows. I was going to say and do all of that. Instead, after weighing heavily on this ducking issue. I will say this:
I’ve got to say what may not be the most popular but is the most honest- If a $7 duck accidentally found it’s way into my cart after shopping, and I had two sleeping children to consider unbuckling and hauling back into the store- I would keep the duck. Perhaps I will feel differently when I actually have some of my own DNA sleeping in a carseat and I know I’m responsible for their moral upbringing, or maybe not. Either way, I hope I’d find some great pants on sale at the Gap.
Personally, if it were me and I had two mini-Rubys shopping with me I wouldn’t even have noticed the duck b/c I’d have been so stressed with two mini people! Let them sleep, its a duck! And quite frankly, we’ve overpaid many times for things at the GAP. GAP owed her a duck or five! If somehow a Tiffany’s necklace had found its way in, rather than the duck, that would have to go back…
Ruby- Can I just say that I love that you said ‘mini Rubys’? So cute. And I hate to admit it, but I think I would be less likely to return something to the Gap than to say, a mom and pop store that wasn’t charging me $84 for a pair of dress pants.
I would never, EVER, have risked child-waking over a duck. What would I have done instead? Left it in the car with the intention of returning it the next time I find myself at the store. I have had this happen to friends with children before, and the store people are usually, if anything, rather amused and extremely appreciative that you bothered. Honestly, though, it would probably remain in my car until such time that it was too old and dirty to BE returned, at which point I’d just forget it.
As for karma, don’t be ridiculous. She did not STEAL. Stealing, in my mind, implies intent. It was an honest mistake. It wasn’t a car or something, it was a DUCK.
Wow, people will certainly get emotional about someone else’s choice. Now maybe if were a live duck and she decided to run over it in her car, now then I could see a little emotion being necessary.
Yummy Sushi Pajamas- Yeah, I’m in the same boat as you. The karma comment kind of annoyed me because really, if karma is going to start getting you for unintentional things, we are all screwed.
justrun- Remind me to tell you about the time I killed a duck. No really. It happened.
geeze! i just went to her blog and cannot believe some of the comments she’s getting about this! did she even ask people’s opinions from the getgo? man. i’m totally with you brandylu. i would keep the kids snoozing, keep the duck, maybe return it sometime, but not make this whole big thing about “stealing” and “karma” and all that jazz. it’s out of control! if they were say, 8 and 11? that would perhaps be a different story. but they are just tiny little bugs! COME ON.
brookem- Agreed. I mean, does a 3 month old baby really know what stealing is? Will this child be scarred forever? I don’t think so. I don’t think a 3 month old even understands it has a face. I’m down with returning it at a later date and teaching my 3 year old why I’m taking it back, but seriously? People need to relax. And perhaps have a drink.
I would have kept the duck. I mean, the checkout girl at the craft store forgot to scan my $30 craft box and I didn’t notice until I was already home, so I kept it. If I had caught it at the store I would have said something and had her ring it up, but I was already home so I wasn’t going to drive back again for their mistake. So I think that if you’re the kind of person that would have fixed it under normal circumstances, then you’re ok. But I definately don’t blame her for not going back and I don’t think it’ll mess up her karma at all, because I think that in the grand scheme of things there are much more important matters than a $7 duck.
I got little twins here and I’ll put this as succinctly as possible:
IF YOU’VE FOUND A WAY TO GET YOUR KIDS TO SLEEP, NEVER, EVER, EVER WAKE THEM.
That’s really all I have to say about the issue. By the way, did you need a toy duck from the Gap? I’ve got like 7 of them. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Seriously….I’m kidding.
I agree that stealing and karma has to do with intent. She didn’t mean to do it. I definitley would not risk waking up babies to return it. I doubt a three year old child would even realize that his mommy hadn’t paid for the duck so I don’t think the child’s morality had been compromised.
Maybe this is actually karma for the Gap. You overcharge a couple dollars here and a couple dollars there and then as retribution, you wind up with a missing duck and you are out $7.
I had tiny DNA once, and like Michael I wouldn’t wake her up for ANYTHING not even if all the freakin’ Teletubbies would have arrived at my house for an autograph party. She didn’t deliberately steal it and wasn’t standing at the check-out eyeing the duck snickering KNOWING they missed it.
And the candy? My class moms usually send enough for me to have a bag anyway whether I want it or not…..SOO the extra pieces aren’t sending you to teacher jail. If it’s not the last day of school…save them..BRIBERY works wonders. Kids will walk on water for a Skittle. uhm or so I’ve heard.
I don’t have kids, but it sounds like it would be a big mistake to wake them. Why not just return the duck Later? There’s usually an alternative…
I agree with your assessment of Karma. It’s more about the intent rather than the action itself. I wonder what Karma will bring to all those commenters on her blog? Personally, I would keep the duck. Even if I wanted to do the “right thing” and return it to clear any guilt I might have felt (which probably wouldn’t exist), I would end up putting the thing in a bag in my car and forgetting to stop at the store to return it. Seriously…I think there is something that I was supposed to return to a hardware store 5 months ago in my trunk. So, yeah, at least get some use out of the damn duck!
On your appeal of blogging. You said how I also feel about it wonderfully. And I love it that you went off on a tangent instead of a whole post about that. For that is another thing I love about blogging – the style of each individual blogger.
The way I see it is that if the GAP had forgotten to put the duck I paid for in my bag, I would have marched back in to that store (as soon as my children were safely either a) awake of their own accord and able to come back with me or b) asleep under the watchful eye of someone trusted, say, their father or grandma or somebody. I would been upset that the duck I Paid For wasn’t in the bag.
A stolen duck (albeit accidentally)? Well, same thing. Except I wouldn’t have marched right back. It would have stayed right in my car until I remembered to take it back. It’s not MY money, you know?
I would probably just call the store when I got home and let them know what happened. Then I’d return it on my next trip.
No biggie. I certainly wouldn’t wake my infants, though.
I’m so glad to hear all the “keep the duck” comments.
Here’s my stand. I think stealing is wrong, I don’t think we should teach our children that stealing is alright. However, this duck issue is twofold. She didn’t even realize she had the stupid duck until later AND it was not a duck of high monetary value. So therefore, it’s a moot point, keep the duck!
Now, had a diamond ring fallen into the stroller or if one of the children had naughtily stolen the duck, then I feel it in those situations, it’s best to return the item with an apology.
I’m with everyone else…return the duck when you have a chance.
Why would you EVER wake up sleeping children?? Priorities people!
(This from someone who has no children).
You know what? I’d refrain from saying what i will do. My theory is this. I am not in that person’s situation. I don’t really know what it is like. So, it is best that the decision is left to that moment.
Ah, yes. I ditto what you said about blog… It is a whole different world out here… And it is a great way of getting to know people… I love it…
That incident was obviously an accident – she didn’t intend to steal the rubber duckie and if the cashier at The Gap failed to notice then really it is unfair to blame the mother!
What would I do? Get my children home safe and sound, that’s what I would do. And the next day call up my mother to watch my children, therefore finding some extra time to do mommy things. Then I’d return to the Gap with the receipt and duckie (depending on if my children in the meantime had not adopted it for their own) and explained the situation, hoping against hope that the cashier would understand and not call mall security.
And yes – blogging is such a great way to get to know people: it’s funny how much I’ve missed you guys while I was away, even though there were (exorbantly priced) internet cafes everywhere you go!
interesting. just monday i was in a department store basement bargain section trying in vain to hunt down a clerk on duty to pay for some wrapping paper. i even offered to pay at their side postal booth. to no avail. so i walked out. with the wrapping paper. i wasn’t feeling any bad karma about it (i’d already spent *tonnes* on other products of the same brand earlier in the day, so i figured they got their profit from me)
…but now that the issue has popped up uninvited on the blogosphere, i must pause and wonder if the universe isn’t tracking me down…
I wouldn’t wake the children. In fact, even if they were awake, I wouldn’t go back if I’d made it to the parking lot. I’d bring the duck back the next time I was at that shopping center anyway, and I’d explain what happened.
My mom’s rule of thumb is pretty good for deciding whether to go back or not when you’ve been tall-changed: if you would have gone back for the same amount of short-change, go back for the tall, otherwise forget it. So if you wouldn’t have complained about being 30c under, you don’t have to go back for 30c over–but if you would go back for $7 under, you go back for $7 over.
My mom just had the very same debate over discovering, while already several kilometres away, that a cashier had given her ten dollars extra back in change.
I agree with everyone above that karma does depend on intent.
Besides, the Gap isn’t exactly the haven of good karma, given some of their manufacturing policies.
sweet mother of God – it’s a $7.00 duck that fell in the stroller not the bloody Hope Diamond that she spent years crafting a heist over
if none of those stupid store alarms went off (can you imagine the kid-waking capability of that??) then whatever. Return it or not, maybe give it to charity, whatever
the term “let sleeping dogs (or in this case, babies) lie”? it’s there for a reason
Ok that was really long…but I think she should return the duck at her leisure but in the next week or so. Or return and pay for it. And for good measure, why not call up the Gap and let them know? They may tell her to keep it, and regardless it is the right thing to do.
Umm… yeah. This has certainly happened to me, and I have to confess to being a total and complete hypocrite. It seems to happen to me when I’m at the grocery store and I have the baby’s carseat in the cart. I have had things roll under the carseat–thing’s I’d intended to buy, but they hid when it was time for check-out, so I got to the car and only then discovered them. And here’s how I handle it. If the kids don’t notice it, I stick it into a bag with other stuff. If they DO notice it, then we all make the grand trek back inside. Because, as I said, I’m a total hypocrite. And by the way, never once has the “stolen” item totaled more than a dollar.
I think what she did was fine, by the way. Sleeping babies are a miraculous thing…. and should never EVER be disturbed!!!
karmafuckingshmarma ! ! The rules of Karma and what comes around goes around only count when the deed is INTENTIONAL. She didn’t steal the fricken duck on purpose and it’s $6 bucks for God sake. And speaking of God, HE’LL be the one to judge your friend in the end and all those sanctimonious shits out there should just worry about what He’s got in store for them.
Good post today B, but it got me all fired up, I fricken’ hate people like that.
Michael C- When I have kids, will you write a parenting book for me and put the important parts in capitals? Please?
Beth- I agree completely! And yes, I hate to say it, but knowing the Gap totally overcharges sort of makes me feel like I wouldn’t have to RUSH back to the store to correct the mistake. I would do it eventually, (hopefully), but I don’t think missing $7 is going to break the Gap empire.
shoparound- Good to know! The kids I’m with right now are totally the same way. The chance of earning a sticker throws them into a fit of frenzy to the point where some actually start foaming at the mouth. I wish this stage never ended…
Sally- In so few words you just summed up what it took me an entire post to say. Thanks!
Amanda- Oh thanks! I wanted to say so many nice things but the duck issue just wouldn’t leave my brain and I have to admit, I was so curious about what you guys would think of it. Glad to see that a lot of us are on the same page (or if we aren’t, we at least can disagree calmly without damning anyone to hell for eternity)
Sarah- I think that’s a good point. Thinking about what if you got screwed over by the Gap instead of the other way around. If you wouldn’t freak out about not getting your duck, why freak out about getting theirs? (And yes, these are some of the most absurd sentences I’ve ever typed..)
SWF41- Yeah, the calling idea just makes a lot more sense to me too…
Jennifer- Welll…. if you ever find a diamond ring in a stroller and the store tells you to keep it, you can give it to me if you want, instead of you know, keeping it for yourself. I’m just saying….
Princess of the Universe- Wow, most bloggers here are agreeing that waking sleeping children to return the duck immediately isn’t necessary. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
bungi- that’s a nice, diplomatic answer!! It’s something I should try sometime, because I find I can get really carried away when thinking about certain situations. Realizing that everything is different in the exact moment might prevent me from breathing into a paper bag.
Carrie- I agree with you 100%. And l am going to finish replying to these comments and stalk your blog because I’m dying to hear about your trip!
finn- Oh you make me laugh. The hope diamond- brilliant!
HippieChyck- That’s a bold move. I hate it when I can’t find salespeople to help me!
Swistle- I LOVE that idea that your mom has! It makes perfect sense to me, and allows me to keep the candies for their goodie bags (okay, truth time- during todays prep I actually ate a few so I coudn’t return them even if I wanted.)
Princess Pointful- you raise a good point about the Gap! (and yes I said ‘point’ so it would go with your name. Sometimes I’m nerdy like that…)
ally- Yeah, I think all of those ideas are good. Even offering to return the duck seems like a nice gesture. I can’t think of a shop who would actually say “yes ma’am, please bring that duck back asap!”, but the gesture would be nice and for those of you worried about teaching your kids morals, it would be a great opporunity
Brillig- Hey, that sounds like a good idea to me!
jasmine- That’s all right, I was a bit ‘fired up’ when I read it only because I don’t mind differing opinions, I just don’t like it when differing opinions results in someone going to hell for a choice they made.
Brandy, YES I WILL.
FACT: Using all caps is generally understood as the writer is using a louder tone than normal…
Michael C- Good to know. FACT- Bears are not found in Australia.
FACT: For some reason, I seem to type harder when I am writing in all caps.
‘Brandy, she’s so dandy, so much better than your favorite piece of candy…’ That’s all I got so far…
I wonder if some of the people who commented on that blog are parents. I’m not a parent but I have many nieces and nephews (not to mention a class of 6 year olds so it’s like I’m a mommy to them) and I know when not to disturb the peace. My brothers and their wives will WAIT for as long as it takes for their kids to wake up before going somewhere … even if it means they are fashionably late.
Michael C- That’s beautiful so far. I can’t wait for the whole thing to be completed. I suspect you’ve got a masterpiece on your hands…
Airam- I’m not sure, it seemed like an even mix of parents, non-parents. I’m not surprised that it was the people with parents who were most vocal (either way), I guess having babies makes you more passionate about right or wrong in some instances?
Well, no pressure there…but I’ve already had to dip into the thesaurus.
Do you have a relative named Andy or Randy by any chance?
If there’s one thing that sucks about becoming a parent, it’s that everyone feels the need to tell you how to parent. Highly highly annoying. That’s all I have to say for now. Great topic Brandy.
Michael C- Sadly no. I WISH I knew someone named Randy. I think I would enjoy that.
egan- Soooo… I should hold off on sending that email I was just finishing up about all the tips I had for you, the soon-to-be-dad? Because really, I think my advice (as a girl without children) might come in reeeally handy. Let me know.
Crap, the song just got harder! Maybe I can just send money or something??
Send it if you want. Actually I do believe people without kids can give advice on parenthood. I need to figure out how to articulate this point though. I will expect your email to arrive in seven hours.
I can see that its a difficult one, because if you can’t take it back right away then you just look like a crazy person taking it back later.
I was recently out with someone and we’d been wandering around a large department store. She’d picked up a box of eyelash dye while we were waiting for a consultant on a beauty counter to be free to speak to us (Prescriptives was obviously popular that day!) and after 15 minutes, we decided to go somewhere else and come back. By the time we were out of the store, she pointed out that she’d still got the box of dye.
Had it been me, I’d have taken it back. She didn’t and I kind of wrestled with it for a while – even considering writing to the store with a cheque to pay for it myself!
I think karma is as much to do with your actions as your intentions, and while she may not meant to have stolen anything, she perpetuated the theft by not returning the item right away. I wouldn’t get angry or start a fight over it because its not my place to make a decision like that for an adult, but I definitely disagreed with what she did.
Michael C- Absolutely not! I’m waiting for the song!
egan- I understand what you are saying, and I agree. Sometimes people without kids can give good advice, I shall begin my email immediately.
Beth- Yes, that’s defintely a tough situation. Did your friend know that you disagreed with her?
I think I would have gone home and called the store and let them know what happened, and that I would be in later that day to return the damn duck…whenever my kids awoke or I could locate another adult to sit with the kids while I ran back to the store.