Just push delete May 30, 2007
Posted by brandy in a possible regret, confession of the day, learning, love or something like it, men, relationships, self improvement, the devils worker bees, thinking.trackback
As someone who battles with her computer on almost a daily basis (okay that’s a stretch, but I just don’t really understand it a lot of the time) there is one function that a computer has that I have always respected. That function my friends, is delete.
My computer deletes without feeling, without debate. It asks me only once if I am sure, and then it does the job. It doesn’t ask me “Do you think you will regret deleting this file?”, “are you sure this isn’t a mistake?” or “Isn’t this the best copy you’ve made, shouldn’t you keep it?”, my computer coolly and objectively deletes with one swift swipe of the enter key. There are no tears, long conversations anazlying the matter, or sleepless nights. My computer just deletes and moves on.
Other than the time I accidentally deleted my entire hard drive (oh what a life I lead!), I’ve never been really good at deleting anything. I still have my first baby tooth, my class president crown from grade two and my one and only Spice girl CD. I have kept matchbooks with numbers I would never call, pictures of people I don’t remember and every napkin I’ve ever scratched an ingenious thought on (most of these thoughts occur at 2am when I’m drunk on genius and tequila) . Deleting possessions, removing them from my cluttered life has never been my strong suit.
People are even worse.
The ability to delete has become one of interest only recently. I had always accepted that I was unable to delete, to remove, to erase people in my life. I mean, if I can’t discard the president’s crown from grade 2 (I totally rocked the competition though), how could I possibly find the boldness to delete a person? Like I said, I had accepted this fate until a funny thing happened…
Within one week I have witnessed to examples of exactly how to delete. Two of my loveliest friends, each in a different way were able to find their delete button and discard the emotions, attachments and questions that were clinging to a person in their life. The people they had attached these trappings to were people that they cared about, lusted after, even (despite what they would sometimes admit) loved. For years, (notice the italics) each of them had kept these people around, unwilling to delete them, unable to do anything else. Why did they delete? They found themselves in a position where their lives were better for it. I don’t mean to be one-dimensional, but we entertain people in our lives who make our lives better, once someone fails to do that, or prevents you from making your own life better, you should start eyeing the delete button. That is not to say that once you hit ‘delete’ and decide to move on that you will forget about the person, (most are afterall a little more memorable then a paper crown), it’s just that you will erase their file and gain some free storage to create something new. You will remember what you wrote, you just won’t have a copy to hold on to.
Do I have people that I should delete? Absolutely. People who are long since gone who I allow to influence my descisions, to affect my mood and cause me to question things that can no longer be answered? Yes. Have I deleted these people? No. But I’m going to. Today. Because a girl can drive herself crazy trying to hold on to something that she doesn’t really have. And after a few sleepless nights, I’ve realized I’m better than staring at my failed relationships computer screen and wondering what to do next. So for now, I will push the delete button, take a deep breath and reboot.
It’s going to be an interesting summer.
Then again, it’s so easy for that damn computer because it doesn’t have feelings.
Quite a challenge. I’ve also never been good at deleting people. Hope it works out for you.
Good luck deleting the past! There have been a lot of things I didn’t want to delete but accidentally did…and now I can’t find them. Where I put my cell phone is one of those things…
The “undo” (CTRL + Z) action is a rather nifty operation on a computer too.
Lefty- So what you are telling me is… I should stop having feelings?
paige- Thanks! I will keep you posted.
Michael C- Your cell phone is probably hiding in the same spot all my socks go. And my hair elastics.
egan- undo?! Man. I just started wrapping my brain around delete. If I can figure out a way to ‘undo’ a few people, whoa! Things might change dramatically around here…
I’ve found that once I notice a certain level of toxicity in a person or relationship, deleting is much easier. But it’s not always easy to delete. So sometimes I go for a purge–with stuff, not people.
I deleted a whole bunch of people in one clean sweep. It was hard and years later I still think of them but I know it was for the best for me. They were holding me back.
I think that as you get older you become less forgiving of people and if they don’t treat you the way you should be treated. That’s how it happened with me at least. I just started to tolerate things that upset me a lot less. Good luck!
i’ve just done some spring cleaning of my own and deleted several so-called “friends” from my life. i feel so much lighter!
My roommates and I just had a long discussion last night about why it’s so hard to break-up with people in our lives even when they’re totally dragging us down. We decided it was our hippie parents fault with all the “love” and “acceptance” talk they crammed down our throats as children.
I plan to raise my child according to the “Donald Trump Guide to Parenting.”
[My child at age 10]“I’m sorry Johnny, you’re fired. Pack up your Legos and vacate.“
what about backspace? and ive done the edit/cut… which, doesnt always work because you can paste it somewhere else, which ive done. delete is better. i need some deleting too.
i quite enjoyed this, and as you can imagine- rings very true for me right now.
Cheryl- I agree. I hate that I have until I’m almost choking on bad feelings before I get the nerve to do it! Something to work on I suppose…
Airam- I know what you mean, age does seem to make it easier. Which makes me frustrated because it’s when you are young, and have all the time/resources/opportunities to do what you want that you should have the guts to delete the people you need to. Ahh, well. Everything works out for the best right?
kate- good for you!
Dustin- lol! Your poor child, but seriously, if the kid is bringing you down, it just makes sense.
brookem- I thought you might be able relate to this!!
I own ALL the Spice girls albums- please don’t make me delete them!
When are you going to put up a Tom Wolfe quote?
You go Brandy!!!!
You should surround yourself with people that are glad to be with you (in happiness and in sadness) and get rid of the people that bring nothing but harm into your life… But then again, easier said then done
Good luck with the deleting….
I have trouble deleting as well…it’s strange. I’m fine with not contacting a person at all, yet the thought of deleted their existance (such as their telephone number out of my cell phone) just scares me to death…when I attempt to do it…I get all freaked out like…”well, perhaps it’s not all lost and one day I will want to call them again”.
I think this is the reason why my phone contract it up, yet I still haven’t bought a new cell phone.
There are two specific people I should delete… I’m just stuck in the “what if” stages of letting them go….
great post!
delete is a powerful tool – I have used it recently, purged some friends – very healthy
now if only had the gutts to delete HIM
You raise very good points brandy (as usual) – technology is void of emotions, those same emotions that make us human… which is why, I guess, we find it so hard to be as technical and precise with our deletions.
Amen to deleting. I sometimes miss the people I deleted, but I more or less miss them for what was back when, not what would be right now.
I have this motto – “just because someone hands you poop doesn’t mean you have to hold the poop… you can drop the poop” – and sometimes, if you repeatedly get too much poop, you can press delete.
hmm. i feel i have been on this journey of late as well.
Brilliant post! I would love to have the feelings of a computer when it came to this but I always feel guilty!! And so I continue to suffer at times. You have done a great thing! It’s the whole “some people come in for a season” story.
It helps to clear the air. I was quite the junk collector (with things+people). It’s healing…
“You will remember what you wrote, you just won’t have a copy to hold on to.” – Brilliant!
“…we entertain people in our lives who make our lives better, once someone fails to do that, or prevents you from making your own life better, you should start eyeing the delete button.” – I don’t agree entirely…
Yes, I have pressed the delete in the past and it has definitely lifted the cloud of misery this particular person carried with her.
I just wish the ‘help’ button was a little more responsive and the control key was a bit more useful in moments of frustration! Ah well.
This actually seems to be a really regular topic these days with my bloggie friends. I’ve come to the conclusion that there should be a way to break-up with friends– but I’m too scared to try it. So I keep up half-assed friendships with people with whom I have little in common.