Great Expectations May 21, 2007
Posted by brandy in adventure, advice, happiness, learning, self improvement, shoes, soapbox, the world according to me.trackback
“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though chequered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.” -Teddy Roosevelt (who I imagine was as cuddly as well, a teddy bear)
Lately I’ve heard a lot of talk about expectations. We’ve built the idea of them up into something so fabulous that the inevitable has happened – an ‘anti-expectation’ movement has started. It’s underground, growing and the person next to you has probably been recruited. (Beware!) People are finding it easier and easier to expect nothing. To make no claim to their wishes, no need to state their hopes- to refuse to verbalize what they want. In work, in relationships, with friends… when did expecting something become the unexpected course of action?
The term ” I don’t expect…” has become a staple in our verbal diet. As in “I don’t expect him to call”, ” I don’t expect anyone to understand”, ” I can’t expect you to help..”. These tiny little sentences are cropping up like weeds and it’s ruining the view. I completely understand why we do this, God knows I’ve done it. It’s easier. It’s safer. It makes everyone feel a little bit ’smarter’. If you never say you expect something, no one will know when you are are disappointed. You can feel smug knowing that you never “put it out there”, there is no record of what you wanted, no way for anyone to know that you’ve been let down.
Which is a horrible idea.
Maybe it’s naive but I do expect things, and I want to expect things. I expect to get the job, that the guy to call, the relationship to work out. I choose to live my life believing that great acts will happen. It’s expecting people to be fabulous that makes me fabulous. Maybe the job will go to someone else, the guy will be a jerk (or worse- married), or the relationship won’t work out, but I know I will feel better for deciding it was worth it to hope for something great, and to say it out loud. Is it scary? Absolutely. But the alternative of saying nothing and living in “the grey twilight” is far more frightening. (And I suspect “grey twilight” residents do not wear pretty shoes, which makes it even scarier.)
Whether you say it to yourself while applying your glossy mascara, mouth opened (naturally), to a group of close friends over martinis that taste like rainbows, or to your mom at 11pm on the phone while you try to sort socks- admit that you expect big things because I’ve discovered, life is much more interesting when you do.
Besides, what is the point of pursuing anything if you are expecting nothing from it?
not to detract from your message – which was a great one – but this was adorably well written.
What a great post and yes extremely well written!
The only things that I expect to happen are the things that I can somewhat control. I expect to get the job because I’ve put myself out there. I expect the guy to call because I’ve made it impossible for him to forget all about me.
I think that the only people who don’t “expect” anything out of life are the ones who are passively living it.
I think by saying “I don’t expect…” before anything we’d like to happen its a false front. Its a way of saying “I know it isn’t going to happen, so I want you to know I know, that way you won’t feel bad for me and I won’t appear weak.”
I think its good to let things flow, but at least make sure the river is leading you somewhere near where you want to be – or as you said, whats the point!
A-frickin-MEN, sister!
I find that I say “I don’t expect” on the outside, to other people, but inside I fully expect things – like that he will call, I will get the job, I will succeed, that people will come, I wll fall in love, etc.
and I echo the above statements – VERY well written
I confess, I’m one of those people- and you’re right, it is a defense mechanism. And I absolutley agree- it is a kind of laziness and/or an act of coawrdice.
You’ve inspired me to begin expecting great and fabulous things!
Hey! I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you in a while. Turns out I never changed my feed reader.
sigh.
I rock. Great to read you again!
I’ve definately gotten myself into this kind of “unexpectant” funk now and then, and it’s not fun. I’ll have to work on expecting and working towards what I want and not just hoping for it!
Anne- Oh thanks. And I like that this is called my ‘message’. If only I had more business suits and a headquarters, I would run for office.
Airam- I agree, not choosing to expect, or want anything out of life doesn’t really seem like living…
Beth- Well said, and I totally understand what you mean about using the “I don’t expect”… as a ‘front’.
abbersnail- Oh welcome back! Glad that you found me….
Kathryn- I know what you mean. I say “I don’t expect..” usually when it’s the things I EXPECT the most. (which makes them the ones most scary to say out loud, which just keeps the awful circle going…)
Princess of the Universe- Expecting great things just in time for summer sounds like a great idea!
bastet3- I totally agree. The ‘unexpectant’ funk is not fun at all. And if I fall into it again, I will be telling you all about it so you can pull me out. Or you know, at least remind me to re-read my own words.
I think when you say you don’t expect such and such to happen, it is only your defense mechanism…. you don’t want to be dissapointed so you say that x will not happen.
expecting is good. it’s a measure, something for us to strive for.
[...] Posted by finn644 under relationships The lovely and talented Brandy wrote a most timely piece today and, as is so often the case right now, I got to thinking about the direction or [...]
Have I told you lately that you’re completely fabulous?
Cause you are.
But I expect that you know this well enough already
Really good post! I did one on expectations and I realise that I sometimes try not to expect something I really want because I think that that’s how I’ll get it. But secretly I do expect it! It’s a battle in the mind! I’m trying to understand that whatever happens is for the best no matter if our expectations are met or not!
I myself am kind of trying to shy away from expectations. Life is a nice surprise sometimes. And if I don’t have too many expectations, I also won’t find myself saying “I don’t expect…” cause there isn’t something to contrast it too. Unless we’re talking totally impossible. Like I don’t expect to see pigs flying when I look out the window.
YOU GO SISTER!!! I think your’e right….we are in similar moods this week
I expect you’ll be back to using Blogger any day now.
Nice post! I think I over-expect things and then when they don’t happen the way I want them to, I get down =( lol
“I choose to live my life believing that great acts will happen.” – I love this post and the sentiment behind it. Thanks, I needed that! x
Self fullfilling prophecies aren’t they? If you tell yourself you don’t expect such-and-such then you won’t get it…because you don’t put yourself out there, don’t work hard enough, don’t take the chance etc… You’re right, great acts will happen. Life is not meant to be lived in grey twilight.
well it is a message…at least i think you have a point. right? right?
Very thoughtful post. I expected all these comments and expected that I would be in the masses agreeing that it was great!
I have great expectations for myself and my daughter. I do not express my expectations for or of others simply because I often expect more than they are willing or able to give. I truly work to keep my expectation realistic when it comes to others.
But for me and mine – the sky is the limit!
You are totally right…but I find that the guys/jobs I don’t expect to get are the ones which don’t fit.
I think people implicitly know when and when not to expect things.
Trixie- i completely agree. It IS a measure, and I like being able to use it as a tool. Hope you didn’t spend any more time in deep, scary water!
Bre- You win my favourite comment of the day. Because, really, can someone ever get tired of being told they are fabulous? Absolutely not!
Anju- I’m still working on believing that things are for the best when I don’t get what I want. I’m still in the ‘what?! that’s ridiculous! my life is ruined because this didn’t happen!” sort of way. I suspect such evolution occurs in baby steps…
Cheryl- That makes sense, and I understand what you are saying.
appletini- Fingers crossed we both stay like this!
Aaron- You know, despite all the trash talk, I do miss blogger sometimes. Especially the orange background when you are composing something. And you think I’m joking, but I’m serious!
nutzonaroll- lol, I do that too! Only with the lottery though. I start thinking of how I’m going to spend it and then feel geniunely distraught when I don’t win.
Chica- Yeah,i t’s nice to write something positive early in the week. I think I might start saving my rants for Friday…
Ruby- Exactly!
Anne- Agreed! I DO have a point. And if I ever run for office, I will thank you in my speech.
The Exception- Thanks! And I agree, it’s better to expect more from yourself than it is from someone else.
Kefla- See, I wish that was true for me/the people I know. I find that the people I know (myself included sometimes) don’t talk about expecting the things that we want the most.
I love this post, Brandy! You are so, very right. We should expect things, it is hard to do this, though, when so often others let us down.
My favorite Teddy Roosevelt quote:-) I used that one a couple weeks ago!
I loves this post:-)
yes, once again hear hear. and a nice pick me up after the weekend where i was introduced to a girl who peered into my face with concern because she’d read my blog and knew all my recent hopes and wanted to see if i felt bashful about it. bashful – bah. maybe for a minute. but i’m in favour of magical thinking. put it out there for sure! the more the universe (or random strangers i suppose) know about what you want, the more likely you are to get it i say.
cheers
Awesome post. Well said indeed.
Thanks for visiting my blog! I’ll definitely be back to yours
I didn’t expect THIS post!
(Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!)
MMhm – what a lovely post. Well written and very poignant (??). Everybody’s already said what I wanted to say, but it’s always nice to have another comment on how fabulous you are so here we go!
You’re completely right – it is like expecting nothing is the new normal. I mean, it is one thing to live in some sort of ‘reality’, but who’s to say that the reality you chose to live in is void of great hopes and dreams? To rise out of mediocrity (sorry I don’t have my contacts in so I apogolize for the autrocious spelling!!) we must not be afraid to fall…
This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you for writing.
Bravo!!! I needed to read this today. Seriously it couldn’t have come at a better time. I had a moment of frustration. I was thinking how I shouldn’t expect doormat treatments from others. Especially from a teenager! No not mine–I don’t have kids (relief!). I was thinking that maybe I’m being too sensitive for the outbursts. HA! It’s not wrong to expect decent manners.
Whats the point of pursuing something we already know is going to conclude in failure?
To prove ourselves right when the world comes crashing down around us (so to say), and then turn around to find it right where it should be?
Expectations are the reason we go to restaurants with flashy names and expect quality cuisine, or date women [people] we think will save us from ourselves.
Life seems to always be expectedly unexpected, as far as I can tell, and I’m a naive 23 year old 6 foot 3 boy toy and sexual play thing for women [girls] who think looks are the end all of blessedness. I do have a brain.
Cheers to intelligent thought
[...] because life lesson (and hours of annoying introspection) have possibly taught us otherwise as Brainy Jane suspects: The term ” I don’t expect…” has become a staple in our verbal diet. As in “I don’t [...]
i just realized, i never commented on this one! and look at me, im way down the bottom and most has been said. but i too, did, very much enjoy this “message” (hehe!). i totally agree with the points you made. like you said, why do anything in life, if you dont expect anything (good or bad?) out of it? not to be all philisophical too, but the law of attraction does say, if you put out good vibes to the universe, you will get good vibes back in return. so, like ruby said too, thinking “i dont expect him to call” will, well, make events around us work out so that he wont call. because you dont think it will happen, and hell, why should it? i wouldnt want to call me if i had that attitude!
okay and now ive gone off on a man tangent. again.
[...] This magic girl recently rocked the boat that is my little world with a blog post which opened with the above quote. Don’t let anyone tell you that random link surfing through blog comments is not productive! She wrote about how it has become common in our culture to not expect things…or at least to not say that we expect things. The comments are great as well. I think she is right. What is the point of putting effort into anything if you don’t expect to get anything out of it? [...]
[...] This is one of those “I really, really want this and if I don’t get it I might fall into a depression so dark and deep that it will make my case of the Januaries look like an orgy of sparkly bubblegum happiness” moments of my life. I am actually afraid of what will happen if I don’t get it. Oh what? I can hear some whispering.. what’s that you say? Something about “expectations”? And… “possible disappointment”? Bollocks! I admit, I have very high expectations. I want this. And I would rather run full on into something expecting to get it rather than hedge my bets and not assume the best. I’m a girl who likes to expect great things. [...]